a beacon of hope

"No. You see children know such a lot now, they soon don't believe in fairies, and every time a child says, 'I don't believe in fairies,' there is a fairy somewhere that falls down dead."

In my heart and rarely spoken of was always the belief in more, that we should be, could be more than we are, more to life than this... So i embarked on a journey to find out the truth and now i'm more confused than ever, and facing my own self loathing find it's just that, as much as i took onboard all the horrible things people said about me and ran with them... It was just that, my own self loathing, my own desire not to disappoint myself by trying, by ever entertaining the belief that i deserved better.

I strove to find a source of information that I could trust

now i'm just hanging on for dear life whilst balance, or normal service, is restored and the tidal wave of emotions that i hadn't felt because I was meant to be strong for others washes over me along with all the lies

It ain't easy but it feels right and now when i'm with those in my life

who most honestly represent what i feel to be true

that's the only time i feel like myself

I was thinking, dreaming, envisioning a way for me to contribute

had all these plans to try to create an intentional community

close to home so i could be close to home out of some frankly selfish desire for things to stay the same, for me not to have to say goodbye to an old life

truth be told, that'll never work and so i'm looking for like minded souls
have found some i believe, and losing my need for perfection
it seems like i will have to cast off and leave home
to be a part of something, be bold, go
walk out with some debts to repay
be useful, transcend, work hard
i hope it's the right choice
i could never decide
was a dreamer
now i know
the truth
and it's
love
x