Mycelial Network / Fun Fungus Feeling - Probability - Murder Murder Murder-

Mycelial Network by Ansel Cummings

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So at the weekend it was me that happened to the things i did...

I felt as though I was a part of a huge mycelial network

It took me back to an episode of the x-files

Mulder and Scully had been pulled underground and were slowly being eaten by a huge fungus.

In fact one of the current contestants in the category of largest living organism on the planet is a huge fungal network in America, it spans several kilometers in Oregon I believe, although I'm getting far less hung up on details these days, and I'm not sure that that's a bad thing, cos I'm really not convinced that any of this is REAL.  Not in any real sense, or any meaningful way.  Every time they woke up to what was happening to them, the fungus was really still digesting them underground, even though they were both convinced they had escaped and were back living their normal lives.  The reality they thought they were living in, was just another fake dream, so real that they couldn't tell the difference.

I could feel the rest of the network out there, or in here, or whatever...

I was just a part of it, a tiny fibre in a giant micelial network

A mushroom poking up and out of the ground

The fruiting body of a giant organism

So is that the truth I've been searching for all this time?

Someone told me that we are aliens,

that struck a chord, I always used to think I was

That I'd been placed with my parents

Growing up in a human family

Or that they weren't mine at all really

Just the people who were bringing me up

More pieces of the puzzle coming together

Finding out more a little at a time, adding them up

Continuing to see a little more every time I venture out

Into the giant morass of experiences available to us when we try...

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What are the chances?

I keep seeing things in the press or wherever, saying that if you eat this or that it will increase your chances of a premature death by 100%...  The problem with that is, instead of telling us the actual risks, if the chance is 1 in a billion or a million, that changes to 2 in a million.  They are scare mongering and rather than tell us the actual probability of something happening they are presenting the information in a way that makes us think FUCK! I'd better stop / start eating / drinking not eating / drinking / doing whatever it is that they say.

It's all a load of bollocks, eat and drink healthily and have fun the rest of the time, take exercise regularly, you will feel better and whatever is going to happen to you will happen anyway.

We are really bad at recognising the probability of things anyway, mainly cos we're not all mathematicians

I'm certainly not, I failed maths three times, I got D, then D, then D, at least I'm consistent I spose

Let's all stop worrying about things so much, most of them don't apply to us anyway.

We're all gradually getting healthier, I don't want to live longer if it's in pain

We're getting to the point that our brains are giving out not our bodies

Like formula one, we're finding the tyres are the weak point

So let's all do the right things, and make sure not to

end up dementia victims, cos of the things we eat

the things we're not doing anymore in our life

like taking care of ourselves, reducing stress

having something to do, not hanging in there

not living in a home, just being a nuisance

dying a slow death without quality of life

get busy living not busy dying, allright?

I don't know where this is going

I think we've turned a corner

The pendulum has swung

now it's coming back

from one extreme

to the other

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Murder Murder Murder

This world has ruined the lives of many people, they have gone on to ruin and damage and destroy the lives of many more.
Pass it on, pass it on, pass it on.  STOP!  We need to be the ones who say I will not join them, I will not beat them.

I will make a difference and from now on things will change!

I think the news should report things on a need to know basis.  Do I need to know about a murder somewhere in my own country, involving someone I don't know, and someone else I don't know?

Why do I have to hear about things that have nothing whatsoever to do with me, that are shocking yes, but newsworthy?  Why am I not hearing about all the amazing things going on in this country, and indeed the world, that do interest me, and ultimately affect me?  I feel sorry for the family of the victim of a murder, they deserve to be able to grieve in peace, not have reporters from every news agency following them around and digging up whatever they can find about the perpetrators, asking why?  The answer is whatever the result of the courtcase suggests surely and in that case, the court will decide and the relevant people will know.

I have people around me who say things like "I find it interesting" or "I'd like to know why"

Jog on then, read your true crime books, delve deeply into why murderers murder

Read murder mystery novels, keep on plowing through news reports and papers

Things happen, people die, far less than they used to, cos we're becoming less violent

We don't need to protect ourselves from predators, in most nations, not animals anyway

There are bad people, there are litterers, thieves, all sorts of miscreants, shitting themselves

Pissing themselves, people who go out to hurt others, generally my life has been very safe

I've been hurt most by people close to me, friends who abused me, abused my trust

I don't think a stranger has ever done anything to me that I can remember now

So do I need to know the finer details of things that happen to others?

No not really, and it's not a lack of compassion, I hurt when I hear it

At the weekend I met friends of a young woman who is no longer with us

They were grieving, and yes they were asking why, but the hurt was obvious

I felt their pain and tried my best, feeling deeply for them, to ease their suffering

That isn't what happens in the news, it's sensationalism for the sake of selling papers

Or filling our t.v. time with the pain of people we will never know, will never meet

I'm trying to see why we should care, I know I have on occasion been touched

Watching coverage of the aftermath of the Haiti earthquake I was emotional

It connected with me, so I won't say that all news is bad or unecessary

Just wondering if the main headlines were the good things going on

Wouldn't we all have more to talk about and work towards?

Instead of going over the things we can't do anything about?

You see in the past we were running scared all the time

Lots of animals wanted to kill us, had reason to fear

Had reason to expect the worst, live with stress

Not now, yes there are possibilitie, in future

We may get struck by a comet and die

All of us,or a mega volcano whatever

In the meantime there's little point

In worrying over something

We can't do anything

About at all

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I heard my friend, telling me about telling someone else about her life

She was retelling all the sad stories, listing the tragedies, the pain

Then at the end, she realised just how lucky she's been

Putting her life into context, knowing she's alive

Has suffered yes, but ultimately triumphed

Do it, put your life into context

Find that suddenly it looks good

Can go forward, knowing it happened

Now you can forget it, have it as your anchor

Giving you the strength to move on, move past it

Go out there into the world with a renewed enthusiam

Things aren't that bad, rewrite your own story

Look at it in truth and see it as it is

Things aren't so bad, reach out

Let others know, fill them in

Smile it might never happen

If it does, keep going

Shit happens

Love
Jon
x

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You talk a lot but you dont say much - Kick the bucket - Action replay

You talk a lot but you dont say much

I hear, I say a lot of things.   Words pour out, descriptions of my worldview, I disagree based on my own internal viewpoint, on what I feel is right, when asked a question information pours into my mind.  Ask away, I can only give it out as it comes to me.  The problem is that I am full of fear, less so these days.  I will keep on working towards the day when it is gone, keep pushing myself and if I can only learn to do so, keep pushing you all too.  I have to temper what I tell you, have to make sure I feel like it's going to help you, check to see if I think you can accept hearing what you need to hear from me, will you resent me?

I tell you what you need to hear, then you chuck it back in my face, I give you a compliment and at the same time I tell you the truth of who you are.  You have to accept one to take the other.  You listen, it goes in one ear and hangs around inside whilst you ask yourself, is he right? Is that true?  All the while you deny it, you try your best not to accept what you already know, and in the end if I was right I don't tell you so.  You know it, I know it, it's merely a case now that you can work with your new information, without the problem of having to work out who was right or wrong, WHAT is right or wrong is the most important thing.

I don't want praise, although it feels so nice, I don't want a medal, or a certificate, or a fortune.

I'm doing what I believe to be the right thing, cos it's all I know how to do.

So when you talk and I get bored it's cos I know you are making it up.

Or repeating one of your favourite stories, even though it's fiction.

I do my best not to interrupt  but I often know where it's going.

I will try harder to shut the fuck up and let you talk.

As I'm not always right, but hold my hand up.

I'm sorry and I apologise if I need to.

Making mistakes and learning.

Try to listen to yourself.

Listen to others.

Hear more.

Talk less.

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Kick the bucket

So there are many sayings...  I like them, the older the better, some kind of hidden wisdom from ages past.

Kicking the bucket means to die
A gypsies' kiss is slang for a piss

Someone told me that when two gypsies were married they would piss in a bucket.  I don't know how much truth there is in that, but I thought today, what if they were linked?  Perhaps if there were rituals, natural ways of opening up to each other, or showing others how much you were connected...  maybe the bucket if kicked, meant someone killed you for getting piss on them?  Why does kicking the bucket mean that you have died?  I'm going to research both of these things.

The difficulty is that I am now finding much more truth to come from within.  What I can read in books, what I see out there, what I can learn from others, I'm taking it all with a pinch of salt, (why a pinch of salt?)...

Oh great more things to look up.  The truth is a mixture of others versions of reality.

Others written records, opinions, feelings on the matter we call life.

Not sure I trust other people enough to tell the truth.

They lie so readily, to protect themselves.

I like to tell the truth, it's easier.

I can't tell it all, but mostly.

I had to learn to lie...

I don't like it.

It hurts me.

Hurts you.

Hurts us.

All.

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Action Replay

When you get home after a long day, and retell the stories of things that happened to you, you are actually reliving those times.  Athletes rehearse their events mentally, Formula 1 drivers go through the perfect lap in their minds, we all practise what we are going to say to someone or what we should have said, we spend lots of our precious time actually IN the past or the future and it's all wasted.  Actually it isn't ALL wasted ;)

If you've had a bad time of it, don't relive it, you're going through the emotions and the motions, you are really doing yourself a disservice.  If you workout what you should have said, say it, otherwise what's the point of coming up with the perfect comeback? ;)  What needed to be said, needs to be said.

We all do this or at least we've all done it, I prefer to live in the moment as that is the only time we truly have.  Now, not then, not when, NOW. NOW NOW NOW NOW..  It's my new mantra.  I still suffer from the temptation to dream about things having gone differently, because I'm such a coward, but courage comes when I realise what I'm doing and say oi mush stop it.  It's a procedure, a plan of action, a way of dealing with the world that I find such a scary assed maelstrom.

I'm just at a different stage of a process, learning to listen to my gut feelings, my hearts instincts and do less thinking rationally.  We're all on the path, if we could only accept that.  I was really disheartened (dis-heart-ened) all my life that I felt different and wanted to be normal, now I know it's only going to go one way for me in the future, I have to accept my place in this zigsaw that we call life, I have to move past the accepted habits and societal influences and just be myself to the best of my ability, otherwise I will wake up one day and go FUCK!  What a dick!  Either that or death will come for me at the appointed time, on or around the date of my expected departure, give or take a few years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes or moments, depending on the choices I make for the rest of my life and I'll say hey there, it's time right?

For me there is a change taking over the world, an evolution of behaviour, morals are coming back, all sorts of fucked up things are being revealed, as truth becomes the norm and lies become the old way of doing things.  We've covered up a lot of stuff, others have made it their goal to behave in ways that are frankly sick-making and wrong.  As far as I can see, we're on a positive curve of self improvement, that may have lasted the entire lifespan of the universe for many of us, going from nothing to something to everything.

Let's make our glimpse of the picture the most expansive that we can.  I want to know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but.  I've asked to see the puzzle explained.  I've been told I will see a corner revealed and then the others and more and new parts and still more, and then finally see what's going on really.  I've been told I will reach nirvana and as I believe that everything is a self fulfilling prophesy, what we say or think or do, makes some things more likely, others impossible and yet others totally likely.

So working towards what I want to achieve in this existence is my priority, there's lots of side quests in this adventure, I'm lonely again, before I couldn't feel it, I couldn't feel much of anything, I was closed off, shut down, had built extensive walls up around me, to close myself off, to keep myself safe, to prevent mistakes, to prevent love, to prevent losing myself to someone else, to stop what I saw as the dangerous liasons that most of us call life.  I've lived so many times, I've seen so many things, I am in the flow, I am on course.

I'm starting to regain my powers, but I'm so lazy, previous visits have made me very shy, very cautious, I've been killed a lot, been put to death, been subjugated, been made to feel like I was in the wrong, that I was somehow given to understand the wrong message.  I don't know where I'm going, I just follow my instincts.

I have no hard and fast plan, just a desire to keep going wherever the wind blows, this wind of change.

The end result?  I don't have a clue, ok I have a clue, but even that is shrouded in mystery.

Will I trust enough?  Can I recover my lost memory?  Will we all?

All I know for certain is love is the key.

Loving, sending it out, feels safe.

I'm scared still, loving is new.

Who will be there?

Just me?  You?

Let's see.

Love
Jon
x