Wednesday 21 November 2012

I believe in You I believe in Me and you know I believe in Love

I had the words to a song pop into my head, usually I'll be thinking about something, how to express a feeling and my mind will dredge up a song, or a phrase or similar situation which describes it pretty perfectly.

In this case, instead of writing it down which is what you need to do, I need to do, before it's forgotten, I didn't and it was lost, then I spent ages trying to get it back again, and this is important.

Instead of creating a problem, "I can't think of that song lyric"...  My self talk has become positive.

Instead of making things harder, instead of creating a self fulfilling prophesy with a bad result, I turn that around.  Instead of thinking, "I can't remember it" I think "I can remember it"...

Even if I'm lying to myself, eventually it works.

To give an example of what I mean, I would relax, thinking that I've got a little bit of it on the tip of my tongue, it's close, I can almost remember what it was...

Even if I can't, instead of getting down, or frustrated, I just keep calm and let my mind do its magic.

I get a little hint, feel it coming closer again, keep on letting things work themselves out.

It's back.  I'm overjoyed, I can go write my blog entry now on how to do this.

Another way to jog your memory, or let things work themselves out is to forget it completely.

Stop worrying that you can't remember it, change the subject, go do something else.

Let go of your frustration, let go of your attachment to the result, let go...

I use the example of nature filmakers, who having gone on long journeys far afield to get footage of a particular animal, find that on the last day, when they still haven't managed to capture what they hoped for, they give up, they assume it wont happen, and in that final day, hour, minute...  When they've let go of their attachment to a particular outcome...  As if by magic, they get what they desired so badly.

That's what we must do, have the hope inside, but not so keenly and so defininitely that it scuppers our chances...

Have a dream, and fill it with the love and colour and sound and everything you wish for.

Don't hold on too tightly cos it has a habit of wanting to escape.

Or to never being found in the first place.

Let it go.

Love
Jon
x

Friday 9 November 2012

Group

A group dynamic means that all sorts of people behave in certain ways, and are unable or unwilling to change their habits and behaviours because they don't want to step out of line, don't want to appear different...

THAT'S ALMOST EVERYONE ON THE PLANET THEN!

Being a bit harsh saying that thought, really I am.

You see there are millions of people who don't toe the line, not in their hearts.

In their minds, maybe they do, their fight or flight response, their amygdalas, the bit in their head that says, we're under threat, we need money, to eat to live.  We need to buy stuff to make us happy, which is a lie.

No-one got happier because they had things they didn't have before.

We were all happier without mobile phones, and all the trappings.

Trappings of modern life, trapped with it.

Unable or unwilling to break out.

I keep trying to, get drawn back in, to conform, to feel normal.

Watch t.v. but the programs are crap, ruined by demographics, advertising within, inbetween the parts.

None of it is any good at all, the morals have gone out of our lives.

I'm told it's perfectly acceptable to sleep with someone on a second date.

What happened to having feelings for someone, getting to know someone?

Is this whole place just a massive orgy waiting to kick off?

Over sexed apes the lot...  No thought processes.

Just rampant desire unchained.

Grow up.  Think.  Feel.

Find a way to live right.

Be the difference.

It's lonely.

I want out, going to get out, I DON'T WANT CRAP I DON'T NEED FOR CHRISTMAS!

I keep saying, I've said in the past, don't buy me things, I don't want anything.

And so I get stuff I haven't even opened, shampoo when I don't have any hair.

Crap I can't use, it makes you feel good to be a little robot, and purchase stuff.

We've lost our way and it's only getting worse and it's making me hurt so bad...

And so I try to find ways to get out of my head and into my heart, reconnect...

To nature.  Breath, feel, intuit, because this life is killing me bit by bit by bit.

Every time I wake up there are moments when I wish I was still asleep.

Could drop off and never wake up again, but that's still my own hurts.

Regaining lots of aspects of psychosocial development, growing up.

I don't like this version of me, the chained to the t.v. guy was ok.

He went to work, he didn't enjoy it, he just numbed himself.

With drink and drugs for years, he hid away from pain.

From the pain the world is feeling, the planet.

Life is dying, the oceans, the landmasses.

Waters and air polluted, a sickness.

Spreading to the virginal spaces.

Into the tribal places.

We're killing.

Us all.

Daft thing is that there are too many people, the rich will try to protect themselves.

Buy an island, a bunker, a massive estate with provisions aplenty.

We all feel the fragility, we're all on a war footing.

No wonder everyone is just fucking.

Like it's going out of fashion.

The blitz is under way.

Again, only quietly.

You see it has to be.

That we contain ourselves.

Don't shout in public.

Don't upset them.

Let them eat themselves into a calorific stupor.

Don't get me wrong I'm connected, I'm doing it too, eating too much, I'm putting on weight.

I'm doing all sorts of things, sleep walking through life, desperation all over my face.

Can't sit down, finding things to do, going into my winter fuck this placeness.

Written in every cell is the desire for this whole thing to implode.

So that we can be free, I'll just continue trying.

Only I worry my efforts fall on deaf ears.

Or that maybe I'm making things worse.

Wouldn't you prefer ignorance?

Carry on regardless.

The status quo.

There's too much temptation, I could find out the end of something that only just came out, spoliers everywhere, the ease with which I could ruin everything for myself, the ease with which I can eat myself into an early grave, the difficulty to start, keep good habits, so fucking easy to just live the way we're told to.

I always thought that the ebb and flow was natural, the highs and lows were a rhythm ongoing.

That my friends were suffering as was I, and maybe they are, in time.

All connected, I am trying to make amends, reconnect.

Work out this place, the stuff that happened.

When I was a child I was enveloped.

By a shadow in my room.

I choked, and let go.

I was freed.

I spoke to my grandparents.

I smelled roses.

I was in so much pain at one point that I asked for a reprieve, I asked whoever was out there.

Give me a chance to pay off my debts, and I soon forgot, I went back to my habits.

I turned my back on the ways in which I could turn things around.

I'm a lazy person, I work hard when I need to.

Then I relax and want an easy life.

I wonder how bad things are.

Out there, outside this lab.

This labyrinth, this maze,

you see I feel that's what it is.

We're the mice and rats, the subjects.

It's all such an irony wherever we're from.

I've learn't so much that it's all so confused.

I used to think I had a clue, now I don't really.

I'm not sure I want to know anymore, the answers.

Just want it over and done with, for everyone to get a break.

Sort out this mess once and for all.  Without pain and death, maybe no life.

Would exist, without destruction, no creation, without those, nothing to speak of.

No word, for the beginning...

Doesn't make any sense to me, gobbledegook, the lot of it, what I think, what I write, what I say.

And I'm back to having very little but wise arsed, witty replies, I don't start many chats.

Have very little that I believe that I can say, I don't want to scare people.

Folk tales, impressions, the past the future, the present all colliding,

that's what I think is happening, into a mishmash of shitstorms.

We've bombed people to death for too long.

They used an island that was nuked in the new James Bond film and said it was deserted when the bad guy put out a message that there had been an industrial accident, all they had to do was warn the folks, danger was coming and they bugged out.  I think it was in very bad taste that they did that, although it did look eerily fucked up, the island, all rusty and chernobyl-like, people push bikes, childrens toys, people lives, abandoned, no bodies left...

It's a cliche, we're a cliche, we've gotten to the end, everything is melding and morphing into a pastiche.

A collage, a college for the damned, everything had to go right for the present to be created from the disastrous mess that was the second world war, so many things that could have gone the other way didn't.

The odds against astronomical, and in the space that remains, a world we're supposed to celebrate.

Commiserate soon about the fallen, who died to leave us a chance, a tiny fraction of one.

To make the future of this world, the freedom of this world continue.

Every day we need a miracle for life to carry on.

We need some kind of magical intervention.

We have to be our own saviours.

Stand up and be counted.

Do the right thing.

Love one another.

Despite, in spite of,

Everything that tells us,

To lust after things and each other.

To numb ourselves, grow old disgracefully,

Make ourselves ill by trying to be something we're not.

Turn ourselves into sheer robots, fake filled models, forgeries.

Each of us unique, capable of so much, feeling so little, so tired.

We don't sleep, it's accelerating, I want this over for good or for bad.

I'm impatient for something to happen, it can't go on like this,

I wish us all the best, finally disciplining myself.

Finally opening up, it's not easy.

I never wanted to love,

cos it hurts so bad,

but it cures.

Sunday 4 November 2012

I'm a traditionalist

Naturally speaking, we don't need t.v. dvds, gadgets, games, all the trappings of the modern world, our culture is lots of trash packaged nicely and sold to us, almost forced down our throats, from an earlier and earlier age, kids put down in front of the box, now it's story time children...

So I've grown up with a whole raft of cultural references, spent so much time talking about things that never happened except in the imaginations of the script writers and then in the lives of the actors playing the parts.  Soaps, dramas, this crap that crap, so many stories.

The throughlines, the story arcs, the plot devices.

Our lives are almost meaningless, and so I've taken time out before, gotten closer and closer to rejecting that way of living and finally stopped watching the goggle box at all, and then I tell people, I don't watch t.v.

I don't drink tea or coffee.

I don't take pills.

And the look on their faces, the sound of the incredulity in their voices, the way that they don't accept it.

The next day I say the same things, they didn't listen, they didn't hear, they didn't believe it.

Gets very frustrating, but that's all anyone seems to want to talk about, that and the weather.

Or gossip or speculation, all very empty.

On the fringes there are folks.

They don't live like that.

Or is it me who is dreaming?

You see some people make things for each other, that take time, and thought.

Presents that mean something, that takes up lots of time and effort.

You need to know the people you are giving them to.

Know what they need, what they would like.

But then all anyone wants these days is stuff, things, gadgets, toys, games, not a life.

Not time spent in friendship, making food not consuming it, we consume everything.

We consume the air that we breath without thinking about it, I do though.

I find myself noticing that I'm holding my breath, my stomach hurts.

What is it that affects the circadian rythyms?

You see often times I spend lots of energy on working things out, and the stress of modern life gets in the way, of our bodies working properly, everyone needs a hundred different medications, creams, pills, preparations, only they're not prepared they're fabricated.

We're all about the cure not the health.

After the fact, we take stuff to make us better, we don't service the initial issue.

We don't take into account that our lives makes us sick, we treat the sickness,

and this is why everyone is mentally ill, physically ill, generally not well or happy.

And then we try to escape our unhappiness through drugs and drink.

We put on a brave face, when I see the truth behind the mask.

People open up to me, each other when they feel like they can.

Admit how much they're hurting, how many problems they face.

It comes or should arrive as no surprise that we're all hurting deeply.

We've all been made to suffer,this life is going in the wrong direction.

Who leads us?  The least worthy, those who actually desire power is who.

Those who desire power are those who can be corrupted by it, look how quickly they age.

Take a man in his prime, and make him a leading minister or president, check his hair a year later.

It's gone grey, because of the things he's been told, he knows how serious the problems are that we face.

They don't pull any punches, the people in the know, they share a problem only it ain't halved, it's doubled.

Instead of making it clear how dire the situation is so that we can come to realise it, they lie, they cheat.

They carry on as if nothing is wrong, because to be honest, is to open yourself up to blame.

S'why there's paedos high up in our government, why there are dare I say it evil people.

They're in charge in some cases of our highest offices, in the forces, the courts,

they're the ones with the power to get away with the most heinous things.

Don't doubt that it goes on, because we are beginning to see how bad,

just how nasty and disgusting the world really is in their eyes.

It's hard to even accept the things that go on go on.

It's sickening, makes me scared for the people I know.

Scared for the little ones, the powerless, the kids.

Scared for us all, because it seems like something above and beyond our limits,

Above our capability to do anything about it, but there are people,

willing to stand up, willing to be counted, to make a noise.

To put their heads above the parapet, get it shot off.

One is an M.P. with terrific courage, thanks Tom.

These days get weirder and nastier and darker.

Yet the light of truth shines through, on on on.

Coming on, the days when the shadows,

are gone forever, we will evolve.

Grow, change, I cling to this.

I hope, I need to, must.

I will, would rather die.

Than see this world,

continue in that vein.

The vain ones.

They are weak.

I've been weak too.

We all have, scared, terrified.

They keep us so, want us frightened.

But underlying all this is a purity of purpose,

and the more we are put under pressure the more,

diamonds are created, the more gems, the more crystaline,

our intentions, the more people will stand up to be counted.

One day this world will be different, and I for one expect it to be good.

We will heal the wounds, open ourselves up, reach out to one another.

We will stop looking back and forgive where we need to, move on.

This world will finally be the place it once was again, concious.

A place of peace, a place of sanity, of unity, of love.

Only if we all take our places at the table.

When we all stand up for what is right.

When the people are finally free.

Because we're not right now.

We are slaves to a system.

We are all paying for it.

Building it, so what?

What will it be?

Let us see.

Love
Jon
x

I am a ruthless hippy leftist type, who would never hurt a fly, or a worm, makes gardening a lengthy process, I have to take such care with every fork full of soil, every time I tread on the ground, I take care.

I'm a dreamer that intends to see this place as the paradise it should be, not because of some violence, but because all of us will need to work together, learn to get along, see other peoples side of things.

We need to grow up, and leave this place to a team of willing helpers, a clean up crew, we need to evolve to a point where we are capable of living in harmony with each other and the environment and stop.

Stop littering, open up about our needs and desires, lose them, attachments to things don't serve us, we need to serve each other, in truth we should all be providing a service, based on our passions, our love.

Giving to each other the things that we are good at, not for profit, but for sustainability of purpose, for the method is our madness, we can't abide the differences between us, we need to celebrate them.

Thin end of the wedge - Have yourself a merry little tuesday

The thin end of the wedge

Yes it's a thin end indeed, a few people, sitting atop their ivory towers, looking down on everyone else.

Many with a deep seated fear, growing inside them, aching to get out, as they see how desperate times are.

I have a funny feeling that all sorts of much harder times are on their way, it's probably nothing but I get a hint that austerity, dropping the budgets of all sorts of services, letting prisoners out, there's a tendency to look at the way that governments around the world have handled the financial / economic crisis and say:-

"What they've done is allowed businesses to get away with fraud and banks to get away with murder"...

You see when they (dislike they / them / all of those ;) say that the big banks are too big to let fail, it's too risky to let them go under, what they are really saying is...  We can't afford to see what happens when we do the right thing...  Every chart at the U.N. all the computer models, everything that they are unwilling to admit, suggests that there are some really seriously hard times ahead.

Whether it's the weather.
The economic situation.
Terrorism, whatever...

The people, you and I, the normal folks, it's us that THEY really have to worry about.

There's so many of us you see and so few of THEM...

And when the shit hits the fan what will THEY do?

They'll use terror legislation against us,

and can you blame THEM?

After all, it's a survival technique, they want to live just like we do.

And underlying all their lying, is the fact that if and when shit hits the fan, cos it always has in the past.

THEY are going to be seriously in it up to THEIR necks, unless they make it better now.

But my instinct is to say that by making things worse for everyone else,
by looking forward and making austerity the way through and out,
of our current problems and the ones in line for the next years,
what THEY are doing is ensuring, insuring THEMSELVES,
against US... Yet the silly thing is that WE'RE all ONE.

There is no THEM and US, only US.

We are all humans, all people,
no matter the nationality,
the colour, the sex.

We are all ONE PEOPLE, ONE PLANET.

And this is the message that is overwhelmingly loudly and clearly coming forth.

We all know it, that is the we that wants to change this world for the better,

the mighty we, the mass we, the great numbers, the silent majority.

Say what you will, but a change is coming, is currently here.

Like an electric shock, the static will be moved,

the hairs on your neck are rising,

emotions running high,

tears close.

Love
Jon
x

P.S.  Have yourself a merry little tuesday,
               Let your heart be light.

I'm off to walk to parliament on monday evening, in a peaceful public way.
Re-meme-ber, Re-meme-ber, the 5th of November, we are all ONE! PEOPLE!