when i was a kid i felt like this was the most amazing time to be alive, i guess everyone felt like that in ages past also, but for us now it's as though we're at the pinnacle of everything that has come before and it's true, but we are also further down the path to the end of how things are and have been, closer to the stresses built up into this natural world, this damaged planet, the great extinction that is underway makes that clear and our way of life is clearly on it's last legs. We have to change. All around us, the systems that we are most affected by, the governments, political system, the powers that be, who are trying harder and harder to maintain a strangle hold on things, trying to create order out of chaos when that is impossible unless it happens organically, with all their attempts that are being made to take away our freedoms, our human rights, our sovereignty as individuals using the threat of things that have less impact on us than the illnesses that are caused by the very products we are sold by that system, the habits they've managed to get us sold on, like over eating because our food lacks proper nutrition, like being addicted to prescription drugs that kill millions of people, the dis-ease that is so rife because we are lazy, depressed by our lives, maintaining the status quo, making the rich richer so that they can live comfortably while the large majority don't have enough to eat, live on less than a dollar a day and austerity is used as an excuse for even more of us to require food banks, even more die because they have to choose between heating their home and eating that day, even more inequality.
The result is that quite sensibly given all the shit we've put up with, a lot of us have had enough and are being drawn to ways to resolve these issues, for ourselves, for our families, for the entire human species, for the animal kingdom and for the planet as a whole. It's like a terrible situation where we are being backed into a corner so that we come out fighting for our very lives, for our survival, so that we can thrive, together, in communities again, like before we were summoned to the towns to start this whole process after living with less and less freedom ever since farming began, ever since we stopped being the freedom loving nomads that we were, in ancient history and the people i know that are the happiest, who are the most whole, who survive and thrive are those who have rejected the last several thousand years and gone back to living on and with the land, with nature, thanks for your shining example. Let us hope that whatever the technological advancements, whatever direction some of humanity chooses to travel in, that those who decide to go the route less travelled, who go back to and forward with nature, are the ones who will be the natural successors to the idiots that we allow to be in charge right now. This is the most exciting time to be alive that is for sure :) x <3 all power to you all
Thursday 29 January 2015
Monday 26 January 2015
confessions
"big bruvver 'ouse you are live on reality channel so please don't swear"
Ok then feck arse it's late or early so here goes with my confessions.
I can't sleep because tomorrow I've got to go and train to be a good little robot security guard, to get suited and booted and wear shirts and ties again and that, like when someone doesn't speak from the heart makes me sad and feel as though i'm wasting even more of a wasted life on things that don't speak to me or make my withered heart sing, to pay off the debts of yet another mistaken unawakened year or two or several and just like that song i wish i could turn out the light without all these great thoughts coming into my mind, but they do, and i can't until i've writ large my feelings cos they're surely more important than all that nonsense double speak and blue sky thinking leading me into more of the same in a world that can't take any more of the same, fluorescent lighting above my head, instead of the sun, won't anyone tell me how to escape the monkey on this ungrateful great apes back? I've lied, and gossiped and stolen and cheated before and that's what makes it so difficult to accept that i could be loved for who i am, who i wish to be, to be free and live the life i can feel calling me, so i know why I missed the signs, the faces, the places i could have been but i won't let that hold me back now, from trying to connect and positively affect the lives of others if i can, maybe that's a better plan, a way forward not going back, hearing the guidance that i need, don't we all bleed the same blood, memories coming flood-ing through my cortex, knowing there's a vortex out there that can take me where, I wish to be and so i'm gonna flee when i can, become not a fan or some rubbish in the attic of life but something more, find a foreign shore in this tragic land, get my bare feet in the sand, with nothing planned but learning from the people that know, about foraging, herbs, the living earth, the ways of old that need to come back, helping those in a state of lack, healing myself and others when i can, working harder than ever before to leave, this battered matrix behind as it dissolves to show it's crimes, leave the rhymes maybe but not the times that call me out, make me wanna shout and scream we're doing things wrong, come on, people there's more to life than this, so that's it, for now x
Ok then feck arse it's late or early so here goes with my confessions.
I can't sleep because tomorrow I've got to go and train to be a good little robot security guard, to get suited and booted and wear shirts and ties again and that, like when someone doesn't speak from the heart makes me sad and feel as though i'm wasting even more of a wasted life on things that don't speak to me or make my withered heart sing, to pay off the debts of yet another mistaken unawakened year or two or several and just like that song i wish i could turn out the light without all these great thoughts coming into my mind, but they do, and i can't until i've writ large my feelings cos they're surely more important than all that nonsense double speak and blue sky thinking leading me into more of the same in a world that can't take any more of the same, fluorescent lighting above my head, instead of the sun, won't anyone tell me how to escape the monkey on this ungrateful great apes back? I've lied, and gossiped and stolen and cheated before and that's what makes it so difficult to accept that i could be loved for who i am, who i wish to be, to be free and live the life i can feel calling me, so i know why I missed the signs, the faces, the places i could have been but i won't let that hold me back now, from trying to connect and positively affect the lives of others if i can, maybe that's a better plan, a way forward not going back, hearing the guidance that i need, don't we all bleed the same blood, memories coming flood-ing through my cortex, knowing there's a vortex out there that can take me where, I wish to be and so i'm gonna flee when i can, become not a fan or some rubbish in the attic of life but something more, find a foreign shore in this tragic land, get my bare feet in the sand, with nothing planned but learning from the people that know, about foraging, herbs, the living earth, the ways of old that need to come back, helping those in a state of lack, healing myself and others when i can, working harder than ever before to leave, this battered matrix behind as it dissolves to show it's crimes, leave the rhymes maybe but not the times that call me out, make me wanna shout and scream we're doing things wrong, come on, people there's more to life than this, so that's it, for now x
Saturday 24 January 2015
reasons to be cheerful ONE! TWO! THREE!
MAJOR LESSON 1 allowing flow coming from source wherever it needs to go
MAJOR LESSON 2 gratitude allows space to open up, to allow for this flow
MAJOR LESSON 3 asking if we can, if we should, if it is in highest good
MAJOR LESSON 2 gratitude allows space to open up, to allow for this flow
MAJOR LESSON 3 asking if we can, if we should, if it is in highest good
prestidigitation - hector and the search for happiness
it's such a fuck to become so concious of your impact, your selfishness, all your faults and mistakes, to take on what you'd put on others, to realise where you've gone wrong, how much you've missed out on but I wouldn't have it any other way because i've gotten back in touch with the voice i once knew that told me what not to do and my hope is that one day it will start explaining what i ought to be doing instead because I've never known, been able to understand, or have a plan apart from going with someone else's flow cos I never knew which way, where to go because they all look the same from my point of view unless I could feel a difference and that's hard when you're so numb because emotions, feelings are too much to take, too much impact so that it feels just like a quake, a pulse, a tremor in the forces that we feel around, inside us, that guide us, that try to find us and going forward rather than back, with so much that we lack, when we've hurt or damaged others, sisters and brothers I swear to you this life is more than living and dying, it's about trying, learning, flying into the future with your hyperspace towels, with someone's hand in ours if you can find them, i discredit my opinions cos before i could never bind them and from here on in it's still a hard road ahead chances are the direction im being lead makes for the most difficult of all choices that i've ever had to take because im flying on and by the seat of my pants, fuck here i go again on my own, walking down the only road i've ever known, to face happiness because that's surely the only possible destination in the very end, wouldn't it make more sense for us all just to be there now, in bliss, no desperation, none of this, yearning, trying, no relying on anything, just letting go and feeling, no! Being! Without any idle speculation, more mental masturbation, no prestidigitation. No more tricks, no games, no fake illusions, just the truth, true magic, true love... Well that would be so fucking lush just this shadow to expose to shine a light on hoping that will mean it's finally gone, to leave me feeling more deserving of love.
Tuesday 20 January 2015
the idea
the idea of something scares me
much more so than the real thing
the reason i quit television 'news'
you see it gives you a fear feeling
it's creates anxiety, an adrenaline
rush, that's addictive like a ride at
an amusement park only more so
we're all on that rollercoaster as it
takes it toll on us, making us into
fearful people who take less risks
settle into lives that make us sick
so that we don't realise or fight for
what we know is right for, us all x
much more so than the real thing
the reason i quit television 'news'
you see it gives you a fear feeling
it's creates anxiety, an adrenaline
rush, that's addictive like a ride at
an amusement park only more so
we're all on that rollercoaster as it
takes it toll on us, making us into
fearful people who take less risks
settle into lives that make us sick
so that we don't realise or fight for
what we know is right for, us all x
Sunday 18 January 2015
life giving - giving life - life giving
some of you have someone special that you love,
when i say this i mean that you are hand in glove
so close that you have got an extraordinary bond
in fact, what could be said as, far more than fond
To you i pass on something, i learnt before today
a connection so strong, can be better this ol'way
place your hands close, don't yet let them touch
the truth that lies within your eyes matters much
It's plain to see and feel, how time can take it toll
so take a long lingering look, into your lovers soul
your words may go unspoken, connecting like this
you can make yours a gift, given, such a pure bliss
Here's the final thing to do, to honour such a pairing
as you kiss, let your breath become as one, sharing
share one breath, you breathe out, as they breathe in
they breathe out as you breathe in, as simple as living.
when i say this i mean that you are hand in glove
so close that you have got an extraordinary bond
in fact, what could be said as, far more than fond
To you i pass on something, i learnt before today
a connection so strong, can be better this ol'way
place your hands close, don't yet let them touch
the truth that lies within your eyes matters much
It's plain to see and feel, how time can take it toll
so take a long lingering look, into your lovers soul
your words may go unspoken, connecting like this
you can make yours a gift, given, such a pure bliss
Here's the final thing to do, to honour such a pairing
as you kiss, let your breath become as one, sharing
share one breath, you breathe out, as they breathe in
they breathe out as you breathe in, as simple as living.
Saturday 17 January 2015
headache
got a headache? tension headache? like to feel fresh and clear? take
both index fingers, place them behind your ears, resting against your
ear lobes, they will naturally find their own comfortable position, then
press in and up as if trying to reach the centre of your head, there
may be some discomfort as you do, but persevere as you will gradually
find you can hear less and less, until... You gradually let go, slowly
letting your fingers release and any pain too x
prevailing conditions
chronic conditions are like a bad habit, or a story without a happy
ending, like a diagnosis or prognosis, if we're told something and we
believe it, it's much more likely to come true, so if you have chronic
pain, or a condition that you've been told won't go away, or heal,
sometimes you just need to pretend that it can get better a little day
by day, and experiment, you've nothing to lose and everything to gain x as hard as it is to entertain that it can improve, if you don't it never will so why not try it?
Friday 16 January 2015
dot matrix com puters
you're familiar with computers, so why not accept that we have one in
our heads, that we can use in just the same way? See in your minds eye,
the desktop within your head, see the programs there, minimized and
running, close them as you wish, so you can click the x on baccie buzz,
weed high or pissed as a fart to become straight in that moment, only to
run them again when you're ready. the effects are learnt & stored
like those programs on your laptop xxxxx we're supposed to download them
for trial use and run our own versions after that
Thursday 15 January 2015
is it really so naive, to be one that believes?
is it really so naive, to be one who believes
in something greater than we can see or
that this whole world, could be remade
by finding within the part that is brave
if every one of us, just takes a look
inside our hearts, facing our fears
our doubts, our bitter loneliness
and by shedding all our tears
reconnect to what we lost
or was taken from us
our true heritage
a connection
to a higher
spirit of
love
x
in something greater than we can see or
that this whole world, could be remade
by finding within the part that is brave
if every one of us, just takes a look
inside our hearts, facing our fears
our doubts, our bitter loneliness
and by shedding all our tears
reconnect to what we lost
or was taken from us
our true heritage
a connection
to a higher
spirit of
love
x
Monday 12 January 2015
hobbits and orcs
i've been on so many unexpected journeys over the last several years and found so many great people and experiences on the way from here to there and back again only to discover how much darkness there is in the world but also so much light finding out how to be and live and where i'd like to go from here on in my life. We're the hobbits in many respects and the goblins and orcs are the establishment, those around us who keep things the way they are
This time in the world as always is like a crucible for all of us
An opportunity for each of us to learn and grow and love
To create instead of continuing to destroy the planet
Healing from the inside out and carrying that into
the world as we all go on our own journeys x
This time in the world as always is like a crucible for all of us
An opportunity for each of us to learn and grow and love
To create instead of continuing to destroy the planet
Healing from the inside out and carrying that into
the world as we all go on our own journeys x
Sunday 11 January 2015
flippery bug
buggery flip i had this whole thing inside me where i felt as though i
could explain the truth of the world in a few words, but the feeling is
so exquisite and fleeting i can't seem to express it the way i would
wish to, maybe that's the point but in watching The Book of Life seemed
to be the culmination of so much internal speculation, in the end i can
only say that whatever the end of this journey i am sure that all i can
do is love, whatever is thrown at me, whatever i face for now and
forever, all i can do is love, a trip turned sour I said "I want
everyone else to be happy" all i can do is love, when the devil
threatened and tempted me with the utmost pain and pleasure I refused to
denounce love and instead sent it out so whatever the weather ALL I CAN
DO IS LOVE let that be our reality from now on please dear hearts the
world over all we can do is love if we wish to be free
cry cry cry
why do people being filmed apologise for emotional honesty or for breaking down?
because our emotions are the signals we don't believe we should honestly express
that's wrong which is why i've been known to cry in public to show that it's ok xxxxx
because our emotions are the signals we don't believe we should honestly express
that's wrong which is why i've been known to cry in public to show that it's ok xxxxx
Friday 9 January 2015
war goes around comes around
i am not french, but i love the language and the country, but i don't
live there and yes it's sad that people have died, but people die every
day in similar and very varied circumstances, so why must it be
'newsworthy'? Why must we hear the ongoing uncovering of the truth of
why it happened, who the perpetrators are? Who is served by the so
called news telling us this shit and obsessing over it? Who tells us
the news? The people reading it or the people writing it, who tells
them what to write, what not to write? Who frames the debate, who
manages our opinions? Who creates the terrorists? The people who cause
terror create freedom fighters, the israelis, our governments, i don't
support what terrorists do if it's murder but who goes around murdering
innocent people? Up to 3 Million in Iraq justified because 3000 died in
New York? Both sides are complicit in keeping this sickening business
going round and round, what goes around? War! It's vile
The french, german and british and american companies that sell weapons? Like the tear gas used in israel, the missiles that the company i used to work for designed the silicone chips for? We make this shit and sell it worldwide... This whole fucked up world is a continuation of a power struggle, a struggle to maintain a strangle hold on resources and pass them up to the richest people in it... Im Out
The french, german and british and american companies that sell weapons? Like the tear gas used in israel, the missiles that the company i used to work for designed the silicone chips for? We make this shit and sell it worldwide... This whole fucked up world is a continuation of a power struggle, a struggle to maintain a strangle hold on resources and pass them up to the richest people in it... Im Out
Thursday 8 January 2015
name their pain
you know the type, the sort of person, who comes to you, wanting you to
take on their worries and troubles, wants to make you feel bad because
they do, wants to insult you, treat you badly, wants you to get angry,
upset, don't let them turn you, don't let them get you to pass it on,
turn the other cheek, name their pain, make it obvious that you are
happy, don't ever let them win, name their pain, they will move on to
someone else, but you won't join them, or beat them, just naming what
they are doing means they will have to feel whatever it is they would
like you
Wednesday 7 January 2015
losing our religion
i think we lost our way, to find the way back
it takes for each of us, with our own free will
to choose to have faith, so lonely being god
that we ought not to be, go through the past
to fight for the future, open the present then
and realise the truth, for it shall set us free
it takes for each of us, with our own free will
to choose to have faith, so lonely being god
that we ought not to be, go through the past
to fight for the future, open the present then
and realise the truth, for it shall set us free
the fourth wall
in theatre the fourth wall is the one between the players and the
audience so if all
the world is a stage then what for us is the fourth wall? Time maybe the answer,
because for us, there exists only a remembered past and an imaginary future.
If that is the case then how do we, the actors in this production, break free?
Well by refusing to be bound by the limitations of time, by becoming more.
How do we do that then? By living in the moment, continuously, always.
Forever experiencing the life that exists in the present, in experiences.
Those can be good or bad, but in the literal sense they are neither.
They just are, like thoughts are ghosts, some imaginary artefacts
Thoughts come and go, much more easily when we let them.
Don't judge them, or each other, see them for what they are.
Fleeting, like clouds travelling past on the breeze, a wind.
A cosmic windup, the laughter that never ends, a feeling.
An emotion, something to be felt, expressed, endured.
And on we go, living within what Newton would have
us believe is a machine, a universe of possibility
something wonderful and terrible by design...
I like to see it more as a loving experiment
Akin to a living historical period drama
A way for each of us to experience
what it means to live and love
to have an expiry date
a real best before
not use by
date
x
the world is a stage then what for us is the fourth wall? Time maybe the answer,
because for us, there exists only a remembered past and an imaginary future.
If that is the case then how do we, the actors in this production, break free?
Well by refusing to be bound by the limitations of time, by becoming more.
How do we do that then? By living in the moment, continuously, always.
Forever experiencing the life that exists in the present, in experiences.
Those can be good or bad, but in the literal sense they are neither.
They just are, like thoughts are ghosts, some imaginary artefacts
Thoughts come and go, much more easily when we let them.
Don't judge them, or each other, see them for what they are.
Fleeting, like clouds travelling past on the breeze, a wind.
A cosmic windup, the laughter that never ends, a feeling.
An emotion, something to be felt, expressed, endured.
And on we go, living within what Newton would have
us believe is a machine, a universe of possibility
something wonderful and terrible by design...
I like to see it more as a loving experiment
Akin to a living historical period drama
A way for each of us to experience
what it means to live and love
to have an expiry date
a real best before
not use by
date
x
Saturday 3 January 2015
story time, sharing time, no longer despairing time
ok story time folks, sharing time, end of despairing time touch wood :) x <3
the last three years have been filled with fun, love and extraordinary things for me, the most amazing being, being god from the beginning to the end of time, then during an 8 hour plus period of declothing derobing trying to shag a female friend who was looking after me in the kosmicare tent, coming down to earth to be a demi god, giving a discourse (from my point of view) on impermanence of experience, in that i would smile, the people around me would smile, then i would wag my finger and go no no no it doesn't last, nothing lasts forever, and pretend frowning, then smiling again, going through the motions of emotions, finally realising i was just me in a lot of pain from so much violent movement over so many hours of almost dehydrated gyrations spitting out water i was given, i had to rest there for another 8 hours or so before i could even move to drag my arse to my tent, and hide from people as i was disassociated and couldn't handle talking to folks including a lovely woman who gave me food and drink so that i could eat something that new day, having gone dancing in the tribe tent at waveform from midday to waking in the night at some point, as soon as i could i left the festival once i could make it to my car.
From there the real come down happened, although at first I was a shaman, saw energy being laid down as a loving barbed wire fence of sorts, like a forcefield of positive intention at a festival i went to at out to grass and helped to setup, in the weeks that followed i was outspoken, argumentative, forthright and generally a pain in the ass to those close to me, in the end i realised they might be right, i might have a problem, over the next year to 2012 i became quite a little crazy and so scared i sought help but downplayed the symptoms to avoid any drugs or real assistance, or as i saw it, obvious hospitalisation. Then again in 2014 i got suicidal in spring and summer, over those years, i saw my throat being cut like a mental image of me doing it, or my wrists, my sleep was bad at times and this year i sought help again, got to the end of my tether and luckily for me the appointment for an assesment took so long, by the time it came around i was already getting better because I had found the breaking point, let go, given in, and it began to fade like the tide going out, i was offered anti psychotics, but also in this period i was able during 2013 and again to a certain extent now able to do energy healing, so wrapped up together were both the crazy man and the healer man.
Now I'm feeling much better, although the last few weeks, brought a night that was one of the worst of my life, unable to connect, humouring people, seeing myself so clearly, removing projections from others, i'm the grumpy git, im the miserable person not those others i thought were, although they are a little ;) and then the night after that, one of the best weekends of my life so far in wales at the solstice party, so swings and roundabouts, balancing between carrying on as abnormal ;) and working through the issues, but doing so with the love of others, those close to me supporting me in being out of work, so now i owe them big time, and those at parties, always with the hugs i love, to give and receive. The milk of human kindness flowing again, feeling it, having wonderful experiences to confirm my suspicions that although i went to hell, although i saw the devil in me, there was a god too, to be found and honoured, to be accepted, both sides and choose one.
I haven't massaged in a while because my shoulders packed in and the tendons and muscles are weak so my hands cramp up quite quickly, but certainly doing good work on myself if not others yet so far, and not being in the right place to offer, quite so much, but also seeing who i was offering and who i was not seeing as the right candidates to such loving expression of physical healing, feeling like and being told that i needed to work on my own energy, receive some from others for once.
Was given, or had taken a lot of pain by a beautiful soul i wish to connect with to learn more, confirming over and over the truth of the reality of evil and good, of dark and light, after an experience around march when i came off sleeping pills without weaning as i dont take over the counter drugs very often if at all, i couldn't sleep that night and my conciousness was interrupted and intruded upon by my shadow who said, "you are going to hell anyway, so why dont you just do bad things then?"
Obviously as before, when i have faced my shadow projected onto others, I said no thanks, whatever you wish to tempt me with to threaten me with, I will never renounce love, so go on kill me, do what you will and since then it's gone away and never returned. Some looping thoughts, a problem with listening to music, like an earworm only much more distressing, i couldnt listen to my favourite artists for fear of their songs playing over and over, really psychologically painful and stressful, but music is something i take in waves, listening to loads then none sometimes, so psytrance with it's regular beats was ok, more of a noise than a melody or words to be captured by my brain as it atttempted to make some pattern recognition, tried to find something to repeat, like thoughts, unwarranted ones. I would wake and think of a song and it would play over and over, or a bit of it, like jerusalem... WTF is that about, we will build jerusalem (the most divisive place on earth as the seat of the three abrahamic religions) in englands green and pleasant land? NO FUCKING THANKS, so at times the songs chosen by my subconcious seemed like a message. From the darker side of my being, or whatever you wish to call it. We don't want money changers here, or temples full of the people who got the romans to kill jesus neither, there is a zionist plot to be sure to try to take over the world. Maybe, im not a conspiracy theorist, but i trust my gut, my instincts, what feels right or wrong so I know that there are elements like israel in america and here, not jews as such but like i said zionists, those that corrupt doctrine, prophesy.
I'm not that goddy really, or obsessed with this kind of thing actually, but i know i don't like the elements of society that make it worse like the bankers, politicians.
So here i am again, happy as can be, unable to be disciplined enough to do things the easy way little by little, i had to have the short sharp shock treatment, the hard road for me because i always left things to the last minute, so they were desperate.
We shall see what the future holds, i have to find the courage to follow my heart, to use my gifts, of conversation around spiritual matters, of massage, of healing xxxxx
pay off debts, continue to work towards a time i can do what i love but fear :) <3
the last three years have been filled with fun, love and extraordinary things for me, the most amazing being, being god from the beginning to the end of time, then during an 8 hour plus period of declothing derobing trying to shag a female friend who was looking after me in the kosmicare tent, coming down to earth to be a demi god, giving a discourse (from my point of view) on impermanence of experience, in that i would smile, the people around me would smile, then i would wag my finger and go no no no it doesn't last, nothing lasts forever, and pretend frowning, then smiling again, going through the motions of emotions, finally realising i was just me in a lot of pain from so much violent movement over so many hours of almost dehydrated gyrations spitting out water i was given, i had to rest there for another 8 hours or so before i could even move to drag my arse to my tent, and hide from people as i was disassociated and couldn't handle talking to folks including a lovely woman who gave me food and drink so that i could eat something that new day, having gone dancing in the tribe tent at waveform from midday to waking in the night at some point, as soon as i could i left the festival once i could make it to my car.
From there the real come down happened, although at first I was a shaman, saw energy being laid down as a loving barbed wire fence of sorts, like a forcefield of positive intention at a festival i went to at out to grass and helped to setup, in the weeks that followed i was outspoken, argumentative, forthright and generally a pain in the ass to those close to me, in the end i realised they might be right, i might have a problem, over the next year to 2012 i became quite a little crazy and so scared i sought help but downplayed the symptoms to avoid any drugs or real assistance, or as i saw it, obvious hospitalisation. Then again in 2014 i got suicidal in spring and summer, over those years, i saw my throat being cut like a mental image of me doing it, or my wrists, my sleep was bad at times and this year i sought help again, got to the end of my tether and luckily for me the appointment for an assesment took so long, by the time it came around i was already getting better because I had found the breaking point, let go, given in, and it began to fade like the tide going out, i was offered anti psychotics, but also in this period i was able during 2013 and again to a certain extent now able to do energy healing, so wrapped up together were both the crazy man and the healer man.
Now I'm feeling much better, although the last few weeks, brought a night that was one of the worst of my life, unable to connect, humouring people, seeing myself so clearly, removing projections from others, i'm the grumpy git, im the miserable person not those others i thought were, although they are a little ;) and then the night after that, one of the best weekends of my life so far in wales at the solstice party, so swings and roundabouts, balancing between carrying on as abnormal ;) and working through the issues, but doing so with the love of others, those close to me supporting me in being out of work, so now i owe them big time, and those at parties, always with the hugs i love, to give and receive. The milk of human kindness flowing again, feeling it, having wonderful experiences to confirm my suspicions that although i went to hell, although i saw the devil in me, there was a god too, to be found and honoured, to be accepted, both sides and choose one.
I haven't massaged in a while because my shoulders packed in and the tendons and muscles are weak so my hands cramp up quite quickly, but certainly doing good work on myself if not others yet so far, and not being in the right place to offer, quite so much, but also seeing who i was offering and who i was not seeing as the right candidates to such loving expression of physical healing, feeling like and being told that i needed to work on my own energy, receive some from others for once.
Was given, or had taken a lot of pain by a beautiful soul i wish to connect with to learn more, confirming over and over the truth of the reality of evil and good, of dark and light, after an experience around march when i came off sleeping pills without weaning as i dont take over the counter drugs very often if at all, i couldn't sleep that night and my conciousness was interrupted and intruded upon by my shadow who said, "you are going to hell anyway, so why dont you just do bad things then?"
Obviously as before, when i have faced my shadow projected onto others, I said no thanks, whatever you wish to tempt me with to threaten me with, I will never renounce love, so go on kill me, do what you will and since then it's gone away and never returned. Some looping thoughts, a problem with listening to music, like an earworm only much more distressing, i couldnt listen to my favourite artists for fear of their songs playing over and over, really psychologically painful and stressful, but music is something i take in waves, listening to loads then none sometimes, so psytrance with it's regular beats was ok, more of a noise than a melody or words to be captured by my brain as it atttempted to make some pattern recognition, tried to find something to repeat, like thoughts, unwarranted ones. I would wake and think of a song and it would play over and over, or a bit of it, like jerusalem... WTF is that about, we will build jerusalem (the most divisive place on earth as the seat of the three abrahamic religions) in englands green and pleasant land? NO FUCKING THANKS, so at times the songs chosen by my subconcious seemed like a message. From the darker side of my being, or whatever you wish to call it. We don't want money changers here, or temples full of the people who got the romans to kill jesus neither, there is a zionist plot to be sure to try to take over the world. Maybe, im not a conspiracy theorist, but i trust my gut, my instincts, what feels right or wrong so I know that there are elements like israel in america and here, not jews as such but like i said zionists, those that corrupt doctrine, prophesy.
I'm not that goddy really, or obsessed with this kind of thing actually, but i know i don't like the elements of society that make it worse like the bankers, politicians.
So here i am again, happy as can be, unable to be disciplined enough to do things the easy way little by little, i had to have the short sharp shock treatment, the hard road for me because i always left things to the last minute, so they were desperate.
We shall see what the future holds, i have to find the courage to follow my heart, to use my gifts, of conversation around spiritual matters, of massage, of healing xxxxx
pay off debts, continue to work towards a time i can do what i love but fear :) <3
this day and age - times of yore
in this day and age what with our planetary plight
it's so easy to get dumbed down and to lose sight
that many of us doubt, say possibly, maybe, might
instead of being more certain of the worlds holy light
who could blame you, shame you, make you, right?
no-one that's the point they can only show you pale
imitations of the one true life that we sought to live
in times of yore, when your choices made sense
less of the place we see around us was dense
in fact it's coming to find us again and we it
so there's little point in putting up with shit
or struggling, cos the flow makes it clear
that soon we'll all be getting out of here
at least heading to one side of a gate
knock knock say i, can i come in?
not by the hair on your chinny chin chin
but by the love in your heart and commitment
to changing our ways from the outside to the in
from inside us all and carrying that back on out
wandering round spreading joy, peace, no pout
letting others know that abundance is a truth
we can all experience when finding a clue,
that rhymes with shove but stop pushing
for love, instead we have to give it away
and keep on giving it easily to many
to everyone in fact, even the worst
love them it makes them crazy
they can't handle it the hated
how long they have waited
for a moment like this
carrying us forth
into bliss
x
it's so easy to get dumbed down and to lose sight
that many of us doubt, say possibly, maybe, might
instead of being more certain of the worlds holy light
who could blame you, shame you, make you, right?
no-one that's the point they can only show you pale
imitations of the one true life that we sought to live
in times of yore, when your choices made sense
less of the place we see around us was dense
in fact it's coming to find us again and we it
so there's little point in putting up with shit
or struggling, cos the flow makes it clear
that soon we'll all be getting out of here
at least heading to one side of a gate
knock knock say i, can i come in?
not by the hair on your chinny chin chin
but by the love in your heart and commitment
to changing our ways from the outside to the in
from inside us all and carrying that back on out
wandering round spreading joy, peace, no pout
letting others know that abundance is a truth
we can all experience when finding a clue,
that rhymes with shove but stop pushing
for love, instead we have to give it away
and keep on giving it easily to many
to everyone in fact, even the worst
love them it makes them crazy
they can't handle it the hated
how long they have waited
for a moment like this
carrying us forth
into bliss
x
we can banish shade and then let in light
this place, this existence is evolving right
well how much easier is it to see the light
when darkness falls all around us at night
then into a fresh new day we carry it alight
working hard at first to banish the shadows
to bring it forth into the shimmering daylight?
well how much easier is it to see the light
when darkness falls all around us at night
then into a fresh new day we carry it alight
working hard at first to banish the shadows
to bring it forth into the shimmering daylight?
self love and self worth, feeling like you matter, or that you aren't
matter at all but energy vibrating at various rates and frequencies well it came to me that my problem is that i don't like myself very much, or didn't, or sometimes don't and how that affects my life, has done so, will continue
to do so leading me to realise the effect on ones appearance to others when you don't
feel attractive as a character, a person, as an individual work of art we all are that,
those, them, us, we, one, together, connected so in closing all i will say is that
this fear and loathing well it just has to stop, i have to have the courage to
follow my heart x x x x x and so i shall one day x and from then on
forever and ever ah men as we are all on this journey to realising,
to compromising with ourselves, not compromising ourselves
if poss x
to do so leading me to realise the effect on ones appearance to others when you don't
feel attractive as a character, a person, as an individual work of art we all are that,
those, them, us, we, one, together, connected so in closing all i will say is that
this fear and loathing well it just has to stop, i have to have the courage to
follow my heart x x x x x and so i shall one day x and from then on
forever and ever ah men as we are all on this journey to realising,
to compromising with ourselves, not compromising ourselves
if poss x
Friday 2 January 2015
The Young Ones
I was trying to remember a show i'd seen where some women in a dance troupe had curtailed the ageing process so that they were still vital and able to perform far beyond what some might expect of people of advancing age, I think now that it was featured in one of the three episode series called The Young Ones, where six 'celebrities' were taken back in time, by being placed in a retreat where everything around them was from an earlier period in their lives, to see if feeling younger again would have any physiological effect on them,,, IT DID, In fact their beliefs about themselves and what they could and couldn't do were transformed by this process.
So in light of my failed attempt to find a link to this show online, or a video of the women proving that your beliefs effect your reality, i'm going to quote from a book i'm reading at the moment called The Gamma Mindset which focussing on this:-
Another study on ageing was conducted by Professor of preventative medicine Alexander Leaf, then of Harvard Medical School. He travelled the globe researching cultures that had many healthy centenarians - people who have reached their hundredth birthday. He even found many who were between 110 and 115 years old and still in good health. He gathered massive amounts of data about them and their internal and external environments, including the weather, their diet and their genetic dispositions. His conclusions were that none of these factors made a difference to how healthy they remained at such an advanced age. There was only one common denominator - their cultural beliefs about ageing. In all of these cultures, elders are greatly respected, so that growing old is an honour. The older you are, the wiser and more useful you are to your community. These elders were surrounded by family members, peers and a culture at large that valued them and their life experience. The collective perception of ageing had a dramatic effect on the individual's biological expression of ageing, keeping them vigorous, alert and active, sometimes well into their second century.
Important Bit - We've all been told what to expect as we age - that it's an inevitable process of our bodies and minds slowing down and even deteriorating. These studies and others show the lie to that belief.
So in light of my failed attempt to find a link to this show online, or a video of the women proving that your beliefs effect your reality, i'm going to quote from a book i'm reading at the moment called The Gamma Mindset which focussing on this:-
Another study on ageing was conducted by Professor of preventative medicine Alexander Leaf, then of Harvard Medical School. He travelled the globe researching cultures that had many healthy centenarians - people who have reached their hundredth birthday. He even found many who were between 110 and 115 years old and still in good health. He gathered massive amounts of data about them and their internal and external environments, including the weather, their diet and their genetic dispositions. His conclusions were that none of these factors made a difference to how healthy they remained at such an advanced age. There was only one common denominator - their cultural beliefs about ageing. In all of these cultures, elders are greatly respected, so that growing old is an honour. The older you are, the wiser and more useful you are to your community. These elders were surrounded by family members, peers and a culture at large that valued them and their life experience. The collective perception of ageing had a dramatic effect on the individual's biological expression of ageing, keeping them vigorous, alert and active, sometimes well into their second century.
Important Bit - We've all been told what to expect as we age - that it's an inevitable process of our bodies and minds slowing down and even deteriorating. These studies and others show the lie to that belief.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)