Ooh Gross - Clumsiness is next to goodliness -

You've given me a new skill... I'm not squeamish anymore when it comes to real life situations involving ughy ergy yergy lergy type things ucky yucky mucky things don't bother me now. Still don't like horror films or shocking stuff but hey I'd rather see through the fake conditions pervading the so called real world and be taken in by clever cinematography or a good joke or riddle told by a great storyteller... I want, desperately need to hear yours but only as long as they are interesting so practise them in your head, learn to write them for the perfect audience on the fly every time.

Thankyou in person, thankyou to everyone and everything.

When I stub my toe I laugh it off because I wasn't paying attention. Hey other clumsy people, have you ever noticed that it's often a help rather than a hindenberg? Sure occasionally you may get closer to dying young in a blaize of boredom like randomly electricuting yourself or accidentally taking too many painkillers (no really, shocking story of a young woman). No most of the times in our lives a clumsy action is actually a benefit because it prevents a more serious error from occurring. We tend to berate ourselves and others for not focussing on what we are doing, usually I'd guess that was because you're not into what you're doing and couldn't care less but could far more.

I died the other night... Once more several times... I was stabbed, had my throat cut and was then evicerated like the victim of a horrific murder. So I decided not to go to sleep as riding out this visceral experience was preferable to ignoring or hiding from it in unconciousness.

A microcosm of my life , yours, ours, theirs, everybodies, everythings...

We are dying whilst we are alive, that's a fact every breath uses something up whilst something else is created, comes into existence, we are never the same for more than an instant, a fraction of whatever is the smallest measurement of time oh that's er icy cold frozen moments or hot shiny firey explosions on the point of becoming.

That's how it felt to be in your presence and you doubt that ...
that i can cope or that i care too much but you're my role model and teacher...
I take your lead where I need it and make progress my way when I feel I can without...
Leading to the event of a lfietime, in my case the end of a wonderful friendship because well...
It wasn't meant to be, anything more than a chance for us both to learn something, a short course...

Straight to.
Light&
Love
Jon
x

A Brief Herstory of my Time

A Brief Herstory of my Time

Yow i
Nearly three years old saw my sister coming out of Hospital
Grew up in the most idyllic spot I know apart from Bridport
Saw ghosts, ufos, felt and played with tantric energy, I lived
Entered the workplace, watched my connection to all wither
Yet throughout was gasping in spells, seeking help to breath
Finally I drowned myself in a different nothingness of a kind
Away and a Way was sought found cultivated and harvested
From deaths door I revolved resolved towards the otherone
Let me clear my name and my debts, do what you will, after
That was three years ago or there abouts. I haven't stopped
Yet i

The process of dying while alive is a necessary one thatall human beings need to undertake, that being the operative word here. A metaphorical death which seems nonetheless real at the time, does not kill you it makes you stronger and was the origin of the term...

I had to close my eyes and put my head onto the pillow knowing (at the time at least) that I was about to die and it was my own voice saying "ha ha you can't even contact your friends cos your phone isn't here so just lay down and it will all be over soon"... Taunting me tempting me to stay up and make myself ill or cry myself to sleep and just let go...

I let go... I'd had the vague instinct that I would die every night if and when I actually dropped off (this mortal coil... temporarily as we do when travelling to the realm of the spirit / underworld / undead / netherworld / you name it ) as we sleep.

Woke up the next day with a far greater feeling of lightness of being, so much baggage gone over the last few years of self examination on all scales... Everything happens on all scales of a fractal landscape... Our existence even without proof of a fractal nature behind it (although I doubt it will be long coming if it isn't here already) shows signs of similarity over smaller and larger scales. Any positive change that I make but most of all importance, consistently... over time has a far larger cumulative effect. I finally get so many things that were tough if not impossible.

Stereograms
I can drive and talk at the same time
multi tasking far easier than it was before gradually
focus is an issue as many things can be calling for my attention at once

Over time as I use my imagination to explore these new landscapes and jungle environments, although I find many ruined temples and structures there are so many little places of value that I can't help seeking them even if they are the hardest ones furthest off the beaten track.

The truth is coming out about everything and about time too ;)

shaman of the world unite & untie

Light & Love
Jon
x
I tried to write an account of the lastfew weeks and months just nicely but it's all turning into poetry prose verse ryhme and nonsense type crap at the moment, as hard as I try to be normal and justwrite my feeling it comes out as an attempt to compare contrast or otherwise explain away what ive been going through... It's the transformation into human being right and proper.

Instinctive
Emotional
Emphatic
Creative
Physical
Sensual
Hungry
Loving
Messy
Harsh
Strict
Cruel
Sexy
NATURAL ANIMAL

professionalism this year frugalism next.. next stop utopia planetia then?genesis revelation holiday i need one badly have you seen my hands lately?

thawt i saw mohammed al fayed in a garage near chard earlier,it wasn't but it gave me an excuse to talk to the very man who knew exactly where I wanted to go to get back exactly on time 3:13 - 3:14 good job too cos she had tomake hair appointment.. justin mate this last three days have been epic in all the ways you now know about... the nextfew weeks will be trying,but even when you can't see it shining on you it certainly is just diffusely, the sun is our day and the moon our night and finally i have the peace of mind to accept all dichotomoy... having been to both extremes good and then bad and then good again I can honestly say that we are definitely half awake no longer asleep... if i can realise that,any one can x (sorry i hijack the profiles of people who inspire me and I antagonise until people open up to me so that I can be st agoni ant.. the patron saint of all idiots and geniuses like myself... photos on my profile to follow of my palms, didnt get them checked read felt up cos i was worried what i would find... the truth is it wasn'tall gud but it was close enough to be worth the risky journey to hell and heaven and back to haven... we ARE worth IT <3
apparently showing your appreciation for the world let alone the people you actually know in it, innit, is a far cry from the truth of who we are? I say I love you as easily as fuck you... there's nothing wrong with extremes as long as you have somewhere to retreat to that centers those after short sprints... we move faster than light... as light beings it would be daft if we couldnt otherwise we would stand still... The year is 3001 and soon will be again as we catchup to where we left off when a symbiosis occurred with an organism that promised the truth the light and the way but instead decided to infect us with it's own mental aberations.. the serpent has been tamed because it offered what it said it did but was disingenuous when it came to carrying out its promise... That is why I don't make many and ALWAYS do what I say I will say what I mean do what i say if I can... so don't follow anyone set your own example... you will know me long enough to remember everything, Everything, EVERY THING and then forget I ever existed.. The same fate that you will find is necessary for us to live in higher realms at a later date and time where we will want ANON IMITY from who we are so thatwe can guiltessly enjoy our favourite poisons and pleasures in peace... Hell's just a hair of the dog's breath away as the wolf approaches again... this time we are more than ready... 12 of the cycles through two more to go at top speed back to ultimate unity... as for now.. revolution and awakening soon as possible please you fuckwits and then (always thank someone when you insult them and make the word nicer than the fuck off was so that they weigh the first insult with the second compliment and find they cannot accept the one without the other that absolves me of any guilt.. the rest if their problem and they see it now so clearly don't you all of the people all of the time? Love You Thankyou for anything you ever did for me ever whether you knew me or not I saved you you saved us bygones peeps let's get together... most companies are pretending to be good but that's the first step to being there and living there and dying there and then instantly being reborn.. not painful at all never as bad as you think our fear is merely a painful memory an echo growing quiet of past necessary evil to get to where we are now in our own experiement to create a future world where everyone and thing is preserved and able to follow it's own indivisual indivisual paths... I'm on it... so on it... you are too... see you soon xx but not if I see you first us autistics cant handle eye contact until we too reliase that we're more fucked up so that when we finally talk ourselves out of it... we're some of the best people you've ever met that have multiple personalities and are eccentric beyond belief.. fun to be with though aren't they? that's you that is? <3 if i ask it in the form of a question it will still be an answer to jeopardy but not such a big sounding risk... maybe the phat lady mother nuture will finally whisper us a lullaby into out retirement wherever and whatever that looks like cos I still don't really know despite the phenomenal power I only see an itty bitty living space... Horton here's a Who? US only in smaller form sooooo inner space... miniaturisation DOES work cos we invented it, time travel? of sorts you make a decision in the present that sends shockwaves or ripples back and forth through your own timeline changing your parallel universe into a nightmare nightmate when it should be a happy drama dream... <3 Happy endings all around don't forget to forget who i am unless i'm not wearing my disguise, otherwise just do as I say and get in line i wanna see what everything else is like this place has gotten stuck in a rut, boring but actually scotlands really nice i think i'll start there or cambodia / vietnam / laos ive heard good things and no longer fear a..... thing or anyone.. look into my eyes not around them into them and then snap you're back in the room wondering why you're stood doing the I feel ike chicken tonight chicken tonight pose with a giant golden egg exposed coming out of your.... puck says hi bye love ya wudnt wanna be ya XXX ;)


the closer you get to death the more you realise that you don't fear it any more we call that acceptance of our fate it certainly is unless we change our spots as leopards and our ways as cheetahs... both usually monogamous but can stray like any cool predatory cat can... hmmm cat from red dwarf what if we were to continue evolving and gentically altering ourselves to use even more capacity within thatsystem of unique possibilites? i guess the answer are endless and extraordinary or very verysimple they usually are aren't they?

MAY THE Light AND LOVE OF eNLIGHTENMENT absolve you of your so called sins, it's only a game don't take it so seriously. games are getting so good these days it's almost indistinguishable from the real thing.. oh yeah funny that... we dream at night of a fabulous life and then wake up every day to this... i see haven and live there it's like the holiday camp, exciting full of surprises always and you get free advertising for whatever it is that you create by spreading word of mouth or entertaining everybody, living is easy living is fun living is not a channel it's a signal of hope spread throughout the universe as the spores of mushrooms once the eggs of a dying race of space creatures whose lastbesthope was to have a child who may or may not be king or queen only problem theyre ego maniacs unless they getthe right dicipline. they're own

be independent but know atthe same time and space that you need every one there too...

or its just no fun anymore is it?

see ya there i mean here i mean here and there...

Light n Love and professionalism for once

Jon Paul Walker esquire and friends and lovers

xxx

peace out my sisters and brothers as my friend desmond hume would say, i was LOST only three days ago myself.. see ya in another life..... soon...sunnhy afternoon shame to waste it... <3

wasnt mohammed al fayed at all was justa very nice english gentle man with a rough wether worn exterior... we are eternals no not that band, we live forever in the light and grace of our parents whose memory we keep living on in our hearts minds souls and spirits... you CAN please all of the people ALL of the time but only if they're ALL atleast half awake, listening and willing to get off they're arses and vote with their feet and hands and eyes and other stuff like wings etc <3

Epic Song

Faith No More

Just Love

S'all

Gonna stream out the txts off my phone from today and just let ya rip my rap

...is caught in an upward spiral

Favourite Game

When you're playing your favourite game you don't mind giving up your last life to anyone even a stranger. (or an aquaintance, I'm thinking war games, arcade scene ;) ) You do it because you can, you know you can always pick up later on and enjoy working your way back through the levels, enjoy the problems youve solved before because you vaguely remember how to solve some of them and then find everyone else either having completed it, stuck on the last level, or variously spread out over the course of the gameplay.

The time to party is after you've been good. Healthy, Happy, Hard Working but passionately.

Then you can celebrate with a big confessional with all your friends and the great mother.

She'll take on board your concerns and reassure you, also give you a talking to if needed.

Then it's off to party like it's going out of fashion.

And you deserve a good time.

A messy one but a good one.

Cos you've been good,

GRACE HOPE CHARITY

Grace to accept things
Hope like a yawn catching
Charity to give willingly

i suppose i feel like i am an older brother energy, I go first everyone else gets things earlier than I did and can learn from my mistakes, and the only consolation which is a good one is I get an early bath... if only i had started taking my own advice sooner and more often ;( ;)

when all the 'vehicles' can fly, can we have the land back for walking on...?

There is nothing that you cannot be forgiven for, once i knew that nature and myself were capable of anything I had to accept that so was anyone else. She forgave me, she'll forgive you.
But more imprtantly you'll forgive yourself first. Love yourself first. Trust yourself first.

Then turn your attention elsewhere ;) x

I bet they're laughing upstairs whenever I visualise raining down a bright yellow energy over everyone at the start and bathing them in it during a party... cos to them upstairs it must look like a golden shower.

I dont think you realise how unused I am to asking for what I need and so rarely getting it. ;) x thankyou

Dislikes intently talking about myself unless youve managed to get past my awkwardness with strangers (going funnily enough) and found my passions cos i will go on about them. Im hoping rapping all this stuff out and up in a web of energy on here will mean it'll be filtering out and I can have a rest and just ask you questions about your life, collect some new story ideas, and just be...
Careful though because if I find that I enjoy your company we may be spending a lot of time together once everything settles down, i havent had a life so its been a while since i started to have one and didnt shy away / run away and try to have my quiet life back. Ill find a happy medium, oops i am one, or a conduit as i like to call myself... sounds more sci fi futuristic ;) x

Do you always need a thankyou or are you just doing what you're doing for it?
When sum1 doesnt thankyou when they should have, it isnt always and hardly ever for the reason that you think. Others dont know what frustrates us cos it doesnt bother them in the slightest or theyd have done something about it. lol we're so funny cos we behave as though everyone is mind readers but they arent because we dont all believe it. I cant read minds dont worry, i can see what you mean, and thats only when you want me to, as in a conversation ;) x
it feels so good to do the right thing that its addictive and that leads to more capacity for goodness which leads for greater good deeds and greater love in return not thanks

DONT EVER TURN UP AT OUR PLACE UNANNOUNCED OR UNINVITED
Not unless you've got bollocks of steel or tits of titanium, do so at your own risk because I do not thank people for doing that. It's Just Plain Rude! It's a boundary of mine that I will forgive dependent and in a perfect ratio of the golden mean to how pissy I am and how in need you are.

If you want sumthing you're likely to get short shrift. After all I might be sunbathing naked or whatever, yes I do that and my mates used to rock up on push bikes silently and get the shock of their life ;) When I say something like this people get scared but im not used to setting boundaries and when I do I sound sterner than I am, more certain and sure but I mean it just not like you'll be killed, just like you'll be hugged given food and warmth and drink and be sent packing after a few hours... that kind of welcome for people who think it's ok to just rock up at a spiritual place and but in. Not thinking enough of others or yourself is the problem in the first place though, so perhaps as usual I have come full circle in thinking and writing and decided that those people need the most help. So come on and come all! NO DONT KIDDING I HAVE TO RESPECT MY ELDERS AND MY BETTERS AND MY PARENTS AND MY FAMILY AND MY LANDLORD AND MY VILLAGE hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

once youve bared your sould and freed your mind what constraints are left?

the only evil or darkness ive experienced and fought was strangely familiar, the more i meet it the less it has any power over me, i tell it you know my answer, its no and im getting a little bored of your shenanigans, theyre old tired and not working whatever you do because i would always rather die once and go nowhere than live forever anywhere you're going to...

which by the way, being that it's a part of each of us, the temptation to be darker than we are light, the balancing of our own scales of justice within, from ying to yang to the line between where it's safe... BORDERLINE! madonna isnt all bad then. We cant reach the areas we want and need to that contain the information we would like to see, because a line in the sand between us and it was drawn in our minds when we grew bigger but not up and out. Learn to let go of your boundaries and in the words of the song,, "I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles"

anyone who thinks conspiracy theories are valid does so because they allow us to guess rather than know what is going on. I know now but even though i do know the system and its rules, i dont know its final episode, just a few plotlines, some random pics released from production and that once it comes together it's gonna be something special defiantly and definitely cos we've past the point of no return whichever way we look at it as indivisuals.... (freud would be pissed to know that he only gets mentioned when someone makes a typo or a mental error) ;) yes i think he is now actually, .....individuals even and as the groups we associate with that control us more than we think (we let them).

The anticipation is building for this like no other... some people have been looking away because they think it's not for them, like a very attractive person that you find just dreamy but dont think youve got a hope in hell with. Check my words.... read them slower read each word in turn, understand their meanings. look up old sayings and phrases and see if they have new meanings to you. I keep revisiting old things and visiting new things and i cant help but find my dreams coming true when i do xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shouldnt you let them decide that?

The attractor has been playing a giant game of steal or share. We've been stealing all the time somewhere on the planet. Now it's getting to the point that so many people will be sharing, current situations causing a resurgence in tribal values, the rest will either have to because of circumstances or die off. It's that simple. Get busy dying or get busy living.

Easy enough choice once you havent got any other option but to pick one.

Manners really do get you everywhere like a cheat sheet
(and then when all else fails go to the mattresses)
But only in self defence.

Light and Love and Language
Jon
x

Look it up, the mattresses were gathered together from 15C Italy onwards in times of war you protect yourself with mattresses. MATTRESS FIGHT!!!!

69

My Blog has become more of a treasured piece of work in its own right now.

My weeks are becoming like this and so I'm living it not thinking or writing.

Creating little snippets, spending time variously, keeping busily entertained.

Party fri-sat-sunday-Recover mon-tues-wednesday-Work wed-thurs-fri Play fri-sat-sunday-Repeat mon-tues-wed... etc etc

I guess that's how it will be we will create what we do and what we do will be available to all.

Living and moving from one loop to another, experiencing them while we're there at all.

Rambling, scrabbling out a place for everything and everything in its place for everyone.

There's a mess that we need to clean up and after that we'll all need an early bath.

Lots of fun after the big celebration of our similarities and then it's off to celebrate.

Our differences for eternity. Noticing the precious moments. enjoying experiencing.

Love
Jon
x

Shy and retiring

I was shy as a kid, given what I know now, that my empathic abilities meant that I was always putting myself in other people's shoes and finding that uncomfortable to say the least, perhaps it's not surprising that I was always avoiding contact with new people and even with knew people ;)

I have always had strong close friendships, more often than not with women rather than men (girls over boys).

This is usually down to the fact that although I have had close male friends, they haven't been able to open up to me as easily as my female accomplices, although not in all cases, or circumstances...

Afterall give a loke enough drink and he'll turn all sorts of things erm around in his head and weakness arises

We have een taught for far too long bbbbbbb (b key comes off occasionally, deleted them the first time and put them back again bbbbbugger, ok hitting it enough times puts it straight back in it's place...

Hmm that gives me an idea ;)

Those close friendships have often been very close and the relationships had to be maintained well otherwise when I would think of the person involved I would get very nervous anxious even decide to stay away rather than face how scared I felt about just getting into a room with them, what will I say?

The rejection that I have felt many many times in my own life also informs that situation, but as I have discovered, those things that I have suffered are now in my data store for virus removal from others.

So now I'm suggesting, and I'm also getting very confident or just not caring about those fears any more, that when I was thinking about you (whoever you were) that I was tapping into your (possibly / probably  unconcious) fears and then that was what was altering my brain state until I couldn't act let alone react.

That leads me to wonder if not realise that when I was thinking about meeting up with you, I got really anxious and nervous because I was putting myself in your shoes and your headspace in mine, wodnering what on earth we would talk about, would it be really uncomfortable, but as you know I always put you at ease because I know how it feels to be dis-eased...  de-pressed...  de-bullied... de-loved...

All virus definitions now in my data store ready for you to open up and let me wipe it from yours for good.

Guessing that's why I'm such a good listener but recently find myself getting bored if you don't quickly get to the point that I already know you're trying to reach, or if you insist on lying to yourself first and then me ;)

BE STRAIGHT WITH ME AS I AM WITH YOU 

OR YOU'LL BE BYE-STORY NOT HI-STORY

Now I am closer to associating myself with the forces of death that sent me here in order to heal
Ready to face my own issues and heal yours or more to the point take a third person perspective
Which allows you to lighten your load permanently after a magical reprogramming of your self and

I was just thinking about the fact that once you start believing that anything is possible...
Almost anything is and the sky is truly the limit.

Anyone reading this who may be involved with the Tribe of Frog Eleventh Birthday Party:-
I would like to bless and magically prepare Lakota for you on Saturday night
So I'm going to arrive nice and early and whether you let me in
Or I just wait until we all get let loose on the place
Gonna spend a few whiles spelling out
What we all want to see in
Language
Light &
Love
Jon
x

P.s. no sympathy please as by this point I've been a virgin again for almost 18 years (if I'd been in a relationship with someone normal I'd have made you miserable like I was so I don't regret a thing as with every other decision I've ever made.  Oh and sympathy is just a way to make someone feel even worse about themselves when I don't so keep it to yourself, unless you're feeling sorry for yourself, in which case I'll try not to think about you so that you invade my headspace with your issues before I'm ready ;)
 
But I haven't had a snog in a couple either so I'm gonna be on the lookout for any women with low morals or standards and avoiding them at all costs in the hope that there's one or two good ones that like me too ;)

I didn't want to make love with someone I didn't love and that's all you're getting out of me on this...

You don't miss what you've rarely had, especially if it's been a long time ahem er coming ;)

I've started so I'll finish

There's a growing minority that are the thickening end of the wedge, stuffed further and further under the door gradually more and more open until it bursts off it's hinges and is forced out of the way.  There's a great attractor out there somewhere, our higher selves and that minority group tunnelling towards each other through hyperspace and as the thin end of that wedge gets thicker the space between us, the finite crawlspace is changing from a small air duct to a massive passageway.

The resistance to spiritual growth, development and transformation within us comes from the fact that once we connect with our higher selves they're constantly on our cases to improve until we eventually become them.  Think about it like this, if you were sitting around at the end of time and all the rest of this bollocks on cloud 9 it would be easy to get impatient for your latest and possibly last incarnation to setoff to meet you.

Also as I've always thought but now believe beyond a shadow of a doubt, everything happens for a reason.

I'm now convinced that the reason is good, even if some of the traits being displayed do not look like it.

We are capable of bad deeds but we are ultimately good, good enough anyway to get by until something better comes along.

I do things to other people that they do to me, unnecessary things, impatient or frankly rude things, driving like a wally but always getting more annoyed at them than at me for the same things.  Yet it is only myself that I can control, so why don't I get more upset with myself given that I'm the only one whose behaviour I can alter?  Sure you can advise or tell someone what to do or how to act but it's still up to them.

As Obelix of Asterix fame would say about the Romans...  Those Humans are crazy!!!

When we're being authentically us, the golden nugget of who we are deep inside, without fear we are neither sane or insane by the definitions provided today, but a balance of those two concepts is where we reside when finding equilibrium...

What is going to tell in the end is the number of people saying undoubtedly strange things.  I am including me in that of course and given that I know a lot of what I've been saying over the past few years, and over my entire life if I'm honest, can come across peoples cynical streak.  I mean what I say even if it's an ideal that I'm trying to reach.

As I write things in my blog, they start to come true even if they weren't entirely at the time...

I am creating my own life from the perspective that I am capable of doing so and altering the world around me to suit.  Everyone else seems to be getting into the same mindset gradually but it'll most likely get to one of those points of no return from which we all may fear the outcome but need to go through with it.  We are gradually bootstrapping others and spreading this ease as an antidote to all the dis-ease in this place.

That pivotal time will result in everyone else joining us cos they've realised they can't beat us...

There is no them and us, only us and us and the sooner we see that and start behaving that way, i.e. seeing the ones who aren't yet on the same page as our brothers and sisters who are merely a couple of steps behind, rather than looking down on them.  Feel for them, don't shut them out.  Think about how great it would be if all the people in your life were finally ready to wake up and get on with the happy work of cleaning up our act and moving on.  Imagine it, and wonder how you'd feel, imagine how you'd feel.

Put yourself in any imaginary situation and you send out a mental behaviour change request form to the office of intergalactic spiritual trading standards.  They then go over it with a fine tooth comb, however your intention is paramount so finish with the last words on the page saying 'This is what I would like to happen so shall it be'.

The rest is up to them, sorry, US...

Things are going to have to get a lot worse for 'themus', for 'themus' to get to rock bottom and reach out or just get attracted to us because of how happy we are these days, how centered, at peace...

Most don't think they've got a problem but that it is outside of them and will be resolved by someone else.
The rest don't feel like they can ask for help and in both cases the ego is at fault, makes us tit for tat.

He said, she said, he hurt me, she hurt me, I'm gonna hurt them back.

STOP!

Start over, forgive but never forget... well not yet anyway

They always seem to expect everyone else to buck their ideas up, to take part in life in a thouroughly professional manner when deep down we all just want to play.

Remember the difference between a match and a kickabout?
Between performing and jamming?
Creating and selling?

---

I've started so I'll finish

I have struggled to get to sleep at night for many many years, not because of insomnia but actually because just as everything quiets down internally, lots of new things start popping in, great ideas, nice things to do for people, intuitive thinking, problem solving, memories, sometimes it's just that I'm going over and over a situation  that I haven't been able to deal with yet.

I have often found myself trying to find something, anything lol to watch on t.v. and that has meant that on occasion I have watched utter shit!  Once you've started even though you know it's proper bullcrap, the temptation is there to see it through to the finish just in case and maybe more in hope ;) that there's something, even if it's a tiny scene, or part of a conversation, a moment of goodness, truth or beauty cos that's all I need to make it worthwhile...

That's how I see this reality, full of crap but with some decent things worth taking into the future and the program is worth watching till the end to see what happens...

---

No we're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy...

I've had no issue to resolve there just took me until recently to realise that it was a good thing ;)

Light &
Love
Jon
x

Ryu Ken

Hands held open wide wrists together at the end of extended forward arms a fire ball is expelled...

When I'm dancing to music with a repetitive baseline beat I focus my attention and physical expression on the beat and let it fill me up rising through me until I let it crash and explode outwards.

I was given the heads up about checking into Reiki as a next step for me to do energy work but was reluctant as I had read and agreed with the sentiment that it wasn't necessary any more.

So, I found a video on Youtube, and figured that it would be a good place to start before trying to get in touch with a couple of people that are aquaintances, I've met a woman and a man.

I sat back and wasn't even initially taking it that seriously but as with everything, as I engaged it suddenly became really powerful and took off, I was holding on at one point breathing slow.

Trying to control the one thing that I can my own reaction to events.  Given that our breath feeds the loop that is our entire existence.  Stop breathing and you die, anything that affects the rythym of the breath can cause anxiety which is also a loop, one which escalates and that's what attempted to occur.

So I did my best to relax and carry on and not give in to the temptation to stop because there was an obvious tension that had to get worse before it could get better, had to be experienced before it could be released.  I kept my faith and held my nerve but not my breath and as I relaxed although I sweated up I realised the physical sensation was the other end of an energetic loop.

I had to let it do its thing and have patience and courage that just because it was strange and uncomfortable, doesnt mean it's not a good thing.  Lots of good things cause us to become a litle uncomfortable at first.  New friends.  New lovers.  New experiences.  New anything...

You wont get so easily upset if you go into a situation setup

Remember one thing, breath slow and deep

The rest is taken care of

Light &
Love
Jon
x

Here ya go if you're feeling brave http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP8YoYWL_rE ;)

The Goddess & I

Whistle a happy tune

Humming.

I keep going to write about things, and then off I go at a tangent.

I had an awful experience recently.  I now see it as the most profoundly positive of my life.

I said I didn't remember anything and it's garbled but what I do remember is....
gone... again...

ok obviously that's not gonna work,  yet, ever, who knows...

um so er yeah it was an awful thing from many perspectives.

From within I was having a pretty standard time

I received confirmation of something that I had always suspected.
This made me cry at first and then very very ecstatically happy.

I know I've made sacrifices.  I know I've done the right thing.

I emphasise that I know my place and it isn't the lowest or the highest.
But it's up there.  I deserve it.  You can't reap what you sow blind.

I ache all over, the cramping not so much, but stress, strain, pain.

I quite like pain now, I appreciate it's communicative nature.
I enjoy expressing it, releasing it, relieving it.

So that's what it's like to lose it for a while.
Well now that I got it back I'm so much more certain that I won't let it go again.
I learn my lessons well.

There was a knotted rope and as I worked out the knots, loops and kinks it became loose before becoming free and then taught once more and stretched out across the infinity of space and time.  A straight line along which we could travel from any point to any other.  All the while everything slides inexorably down a cosmic plughole, anything ironed out slips through, anything causing friction catching on the way...

I'm extraordinarily calm.  I'm less astonished which is good but it also means that you can start to take the unexpected for granted...  Think about that.  Starting to expect the unexpected...

l&l
j
x

The Matrix

.... hello?

I represent an organisation that you may have heard of.  The Matrix.  Rather than what was frankly a huge fake ego boost on the part of human beings to claim that the Matrix was the creation of a computer system which was ultimately the creation of the human race, the Matrix was in existence long before intelligent apes learned how to walk upright.  A network so profound that it connects every part of reality to every other over infinite distances instantaneously.  We've even tried to recreate it with our so called modern technology and the closer we get to achieving this feat the closer we come to realising, no remembering,  that we are already connected.  Sooner rather than later given the exponential pace of change towards connectivity...

James Joyce called it the mama matrix most mysterious

This puzzle may not revolve around a nice solution

but a problem shared is a problem halved


which is why we're all supposed


to be engaged in solving


our little piece


---

You can love too much and you can love too little but you can too love enough...

The Source of all things.
Chaos.
Destrucreation.
Order.
Of sorts.
Life.

I haven't read James Joyce, someone else did though, and they told me the gist.

That's what I'm here for, to work it out for you, and pass on the gist.

But you've got to be willing to make the same brave choices.

There are no shortcuts, no quick fixes, there are actually.

But even they still require courage and fear of failure.

You have to risk losing what you think you want.

To realise what you actually needed all along.

It's a gamble but it's the only game worth playing in town.

The rest will ultimately end up dehumanising you.

The worst you'll manage here is your best.

Once you've got the bad news out.

The good news is in the way.

Light &
Love
Jon
x

Consider Yourself

I was thinking about the word desire.  The roots of the word are de and sire. Of, father...

desire

early 13c., from O.Fr. desirer, from L. desiderare "long for, wish for," original sense perhaps "await what the stars will bring," from the phrase de sidere "from the stars," from sidus (gen. sideris) "heavenly body, star, constellation" (but see consider). Noun sense of

 

Consider... Con. Sider.

 

Origin:
1350–1400; Middle English consideren  (< Anglo-French ) < Latin consīderāre  to examine, equivalent to con- con-  + sīder-  (stem of sīdus ) star-group, sky ( see sidereal) + -āre  infinitive suffix

 

con-
— prefix
	a variant of com-

 

[from Latin com-;  related to cum  with. Although its sense in compounds of Latin derivation is often obscured, it means: together, with, etc ( combine, compile ) ;  similar ( conform ); extremely, completely ( consecrate )] 

 

 Origin:
1625–35;  < Latin sīdere ( us ) of, belonging to the stars ( sīder-,  stem of sīdus  star, constellation + -eus  adj. suffix) + -al¹

 

 I'd like to take you with me but I'm not sure where I'm going, just that I have to and it must be your choice to come or not.  I'll leave the door ajar on my way out and a trail of breadcrumbs down the path.

You'll only find your hidden depths when you go looking for them.

Once you dare to dream they exist they do and you're off.

When I grew up I wanted to be happy that's all.

 

Consider yourself one of the family.

Together we make a tribe.

 

Light &

Love

Jon

x

O Ye Of Little Faith

Before you can have any pride in yourself you need to be able to take criticism.

You need to be tested and the only test you will accept the results of is one you run.

Once you've proved your worth to your self I'm hoping you'll stop feeling the need prove it.

It comes down to trust.  If you trusted yourself you'd stop questioning every decision and commit.

If you were honest.  You would be able to grow but you hold on to too much expectation around events.

You are transparent to me.  If you insist on consistently behaving like a child then I'll treat you as one.

Nothing in this life comes for free.  Get yourself in credit.  Do a good deed.  Test yourself.

But know that sooner or later you are going to have to face the truth, bite bullets.

I witness the ultimate reality check and come out unable to turn a blind eye.

When you are ready in your own way you will too, or else, get lost.

It's nicer to choose your own fate than to have it thrust upon you.

And even if you choose to ignore all the signals you can do so...

You are so powerful that you can convince yourself of anything at all.

If you are unhappy you chose to be, trace the roots of your current situation into a past free of the murk of obfuscation and realise that you are the master of your own destiny, in waiting, because you don't believe it.

I talk myself out of things all the time, that's not happening so much since I started thinking with my heart.

I breath and focus all my energy through my center and find a calm there.  Not a silence, a peace...

I've stopped thinking so much and started feeling with an open heart and an open mind.

The world truly is my oyster and everyone in it a unique pearl to be discovered.

For an adventurer and explorer when the macrocosm has been exhausted.

To find that there are such unexplored depths within the microcosm.

Where my real home is and always was, in the imagination.

A necessary merger that looks like a hostile takeover.  

The only authentic struggle is within you.

Light &

Love

Jon

x

if - 'Jon and everyone sitting in a tree w. i. s. h. i n g '

If you can keep your head while all around are losing theirs...

I finally learned the lesson that Tetris has been trying to teach me since I bought a Gameboy in 1989.  Actually I'm guessing my prized posession was a few years old when I got it then because I couldn't afford things like that until I was working and learning the original way on the Y.T.S.  The Youth Training Scheme sounds today more like the Chav Training Squad but if you can ignore the Chinos and the bad haircut (shoulder length undercut pulled back into  ponytail) I suppose it was.

Tetris on the hardest level (game b, level 9, high 5 where you must make 25 lines to win the game, with the blocks already coming down at a rapid pace and loads of crappy blocks left over lying around the bottom of the screen randomly getting in your way...

Make progress when you can.  Everybody wants to get four lines at once and hear the clarion call.  Sure why not, we all would like to make big leaps every time but fits and starts are what we end up with mostly.

One thing at a time

So 'pas a pas se va luenh'

Step by step I make progress

 

'Jon and everyone sitting in a tree  w.  i.  s.  h.  i n g '

Light &
Love
Jon
x

You know it's true

Everything I do, I do it for you...

There were extended periods of my life up until a few years ago when everything I did was for someone else's benefit and not mine. I was a people pleaser because I assumed that if I kept making other people happy it might rub off on me at some point. As you should have guessed by now, that is no longer the case. I've learnt that there is a fine dividing line between so many opposites and so many similarities between them too.

Unrequited love for instance... Is all consuming and destructive, but unconditional love is also all consuming in that it fills you up entirely. Instead of leaving you emotionally damaged and lonely, unconditional love frees us from the bonds of traditional romantic love in a way that is neither selfish or unselfish. Rather than being totally out for myself, looking out for number one as I have seen in so many people, you DO finally realise that your responsibility IS to yourself first when you are able to love in this truly exceptional way.

I always did things for myself only under the condition that it was for someone else first...

An example would be looking after myself properly, in the back of my mind was that if I was healthy, looked good, did all the 'right things' then obviously the person I had feelings for would love me. But to do that meant not being myself, as couples often do when they first meet. Dating advice would suggest that you often have to be on your best behaviour to attract a mate, which is a falacy because to do so means that they aren't gonna meet the real you until much later. The end of a relationship is nigh once two people have given up the facade that they created when they first met.

One way to escape from this cycle is to test yourself, to prove to yourself that you are worth something. Self esteem is constantly talked about and the line that you have to 'love yourself before you can love someone else' as cliched as it is, is so true. The pendulum swings that we all insist on until we are in balance cause us to sway from one position to the other, from self loathing to pride which comes before a fall. Whenever I was feeling on top of the world, the next instant would be the fall from grace. The position I'm in at the moment is that having tested myself and proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am a good person and worth knowing, I now feel happier, more content and frankly comfortable in my own skin.

To get to that situation I had to go to rock bottom square one and build up from there, which is a terrible waste of so many years. In our society we choose when to grow up, there is no recognised coming of age ceremony apart from the expected pissup on your eighteenth birthday, which in most cases is a farce because the majority of us have been getting drunk for years by the time that milestone comes along... ;) We just carry on as we did before until events cause us to grow and change, rather than voluntarily going through the necessary processes to get there without so much pain and I hasten to add, much sooner than our eighteenth birthday. In all cultures apart from so called 'modern western society' puberty marks the transition from childhood to adulthood.

This makes sense because you are capable of adult thinking and behaviour aswell as sexual reproduction from the age that those primal changes are completed, not a fixed point in time but a biological clock within us that is different for each individual. That's the first area in which we have lost the plot. The rest of the story is far more interesting but we ignore it and hold on to all of our childish ways until the last possible minute, and in many many many cases, including my own, for as long as we can in a bitter struggle not to lose whatever it is that we think we will...

Because of our fear of what we might gain, or a denial of our responsibility to ourselves to grow.

I still have a very selfless attitude, in that I have often found myself thinking of things to do for other people that will enrich their lives, ways to improve a situation at work or at home. I have never and don't ever think about myself or what I will get out of doing such good work until much later when what I 'get out of it' occurs to me and I wonder were my motives truly ultruistic at the time. They were of course because otherwise I would have taken my just desserts into account and decided that I didn't deserve to benefit in such a way in the past. Now that I have that inner child and my inner critic silenced and in a unconditionally loving embrace, to an extent anyway as it's a process made more difficult by our own power to choose the time and place ;) and it's having been so long overdue, I am at peace...

To assume is to make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'

Predatory animals exhibit the ability to think like their prey, it's how they are able to anticipate their behaviour and then hunt them down. We share this mental landscape. We are able to put ourselves in someone else's shoes. We often find it easy to guess what someone we know very well will do in a given situation, or say for that matter. In fact one of the great things about a close relationship is that you often say the same thing at the same time and there are many other examples of the way in which we are able to project from ourselves onto another or vice versa. We are able to guess what another mind is thinking, and we do it all day long.

But where we fall down is when we assume too much...

I often hear people say that they are bemused, frustrated or even angered by the choices that another individual makes. That's because they are them and you are you.

Get over it, grow up.

If you are granted the power to make your own choices, realise that so are they.

No ammount of inner wrangling is going to get your point across but you spend fucking ages moaning on to other people about that thing they said or that thing they did or didn't say or do.

Talk to them! Fucking open your gob and express what you are feeling. Don't keep waiting for them to guess why you are upset or work it out on their own or you may be waiting at that particular bus stop until hell freezes over.

If the only way you can get attention is to annoy then why do you think that will get the reaction you desire? I find it amusing to ignore such attempts if I can, and if not I try to make sure that you don't know that it's working ;) I wouldn't want to give you the satisfaction...

I'm waiting myself, for you to get to the point of desperation because it's a fine line again here.

You only seem to get increasingly miserable until you want some company but the kind you attract in that state is, more miserable people. Get happy, and if you don't know how, ask for help. I can't volunteer my services because ultimately you always throw them back in my face, your ego won't allow you to be vulnerable enough to accept that I may have something to teach you and you something just as important to teach me. These occasions are never one sided. There is always something for me to get out of it, that is the intensely pure unconditionally loving feeling of having done the right thing, a good turn, a good deed.

If you could only realise that and find the courage to accept that doing right by you does right by me too. If you have to do as I did and pretend that you are doing this for me or whoever it is that you care for but are convinced shouldn't care for you, then so be it. Tell yourself that you must do whatever it takes to make yourself the person you need to be to get whatever or whoever it is that you want, and you'll keep running on that same treadmill that I was on. It's going to be speeding up until you learn to take control of it yourself...

I rarely find myself looking back over my shoulder anymore or looking too far forward.

I'm moving on at a sustainable pace towards a future that I can barely concieve of.

Content to make the most of the beautiful surroundings I find myself in now.

You're going down. You're not taking me with you. Here is my hand...

There's nothing special about me, unless there is about you too.
Light & Love
Jon
x

Shamanism – the ancient blueprint of the spiritual path

I didn't know some of this and couldn't have said any of it better,

Thanks Tim

Light & Love

Jon

x

An article by Tim Strachan

©2005

Ask me about using this article on your site or publication—I will agree if the autobiographical tag at the bottom is kept exactly as it is.

A case could be made that shamanism is the blueprint of all spiritual paths. The amazing thing about shamanism is that across many cultures, across 300 centuries (yes, 30000 years!), across all continents, the methods, processes, beliefs and symbols used in shamanism have been pretty much the same. In other words, a Siberian shaman or initiate of 10000 years ago was performing rituals based on beliefs and undergoing ordeals which a Amazonian shaman of today would largely recognise. The similarities between these groups of people and their practices are much greater than the differences, in all cases. This suggests an internal human ‘landscape’ or ‘mentalscape’ which is not random or pathological, but which is hard wired into the human identity. We all share a common human spiritual heritage (as well as a genome and a psychological heritage), which is constantly urging us to go down those paths of spiritual development which are awaiting us with signposts along the way. Carl Jung’s version of this was called the ‘collective unconscious’ but it seems to go beyond what he had in mind.

Crazy like a shaman

The essence of the shamanic path is that only the shaman-to-be is crazy or wise enough to submit himself to the unavoidable ordeals that must await him (and we are all shamans-in-waiting!). Those ordeals are designed to use every trick in the book of the gods, including apparent banishment to the Underworld, to break the sense of self of the initiate, so that a greater sense of self can take its place along with a greater understanding and power in this world.


The Underworld

The archetype of the shaman/hero’s journey is essentially this: he has to descend to the Underworld, to be annihilated, to surrender, to seize certain gifts and re-emerge in this world with new powers of vision, healing and understanding. The shaman has spoken with the gods, and they have breathed a new life into him, and sent him back again. Unless he gets stuck…in the Underworld… If he’s lucky, he’ll eventually be ‘rescued’ as the myths describe (Orpheus, Osiris, etc.).

The shaman is known as the technician of ecstasy, the one who can change his state of mind at will, the seer, the one who sees further, the one who speaks with the gods and the animals, and … the crazy one. He is the one who identifies himself with the cosmos/universe, and not with the separate body-mind which we are all struggling with on a daily basis.

We are all shamans

The shaman’s way is a dramatic, public, mythic version of what happens to all of us, in different ways, at different paces. The essence of the spiritual path, at all its stops along the way, is this single fact – sooner or later, the life in us (the life that we are) forces us to grow beyond the constrictions of our current world (our beliefs, our practices, our sense of self, etc.). A crisis ensues. Our open-ended human system is thrown into a fertile chaos. In that chaos, we appear to be suffering, and we are! This creates the conditions for a letting go, a surrender of what we’ve been, and if we’re lucky then magically, we transform into a being which is somehow larger, more inclusive, able to identify with … more.

Said another way, we are constantly in the process of shedding skins, growing, whether we like it or not. We can learn the lesson of letting go gracefully of the old (including the old sense of self) and move smoothly through the levels which await us, or we can panic, become rigid, get stuck where we are. It is uncomfortable being stuck on a slippery dip, and it takes a lot of energy to maintain the grip! Can you imagine a child that decides it will not emerge from the womb at the appointed time? Mother and Doctor will surely help it along, the easy way or the hard way…

However, there is no doubt that fear causes us many times to panic, to hold on, and in short to become very stuck. This requires a lot of energy to maintain, energy that is being diverted from the proper channels of growth, and eventually something has got to give. Either we let go, or we get sick, dis-eased, and possibly die. And/or we become mentally unstable, neurotic, even psychotic as a way of applying pressure to ourselves to move on.

The times of death, dying, birth, giving birth are all chaotic moments, opportunities to move through that fertile chaos into an identification with the greater universe… But we are always being given opportunities, usually through crisis, to move to the next level of our journey. And often that appears at first to be downwards…into the Underworld where our shadows live and wait to be brought up into the light.



References

‘The Strong Eye of Shamanism - A Journey into the Caves of Consciousness’
By Robert E Ryan

The Stormy Search for the Self
by Stan and Christine Grof

‘Beyond Death’
by Stan and Christine Grof

Tim Strachan’s background includes a degree in Mathematics and Science, para-medical training, and much training and experience in alternative therapies and Energy Psychology. He has a natural therapy practice, and trains people to become proficient in dealing with their issues on the physical/mental/emotional levels and beyond.

Contact him at strachan@megadisc.com.au, and see his websites at www.energy-body-work.com , www.megadisc.com.au , and www.energystore.biz

You Rule Ko

Ownership NO MORE. Partnership...

Addiction NO MORE. Content...
Behaving NO MORE. Being...
Rules NO MORE. Rights...

Hate NO MORE. Love...

I've ummed and ahhed about whether I should write about saturday night and what to write and also what to leave out. I haven't finished digesting it but I have ended up doing so earlier than I planned so as usual I should just go with the flow and roll with the punches not stand my ground.

Normally I might temper the words I choose because of the perceived audience and it's often the case that events are either the subject at hand almost entirely or something from the past now caught out in bright daylight at its hour of culmination...

I spoke to someone and by doing so was able to communicate with their rational mind. Reaching it was difficult, I was very tempted to decide that this person was not my problem and pass them around the houses to resolve my own sense of frustration by avoiding the situation.

On his second visit, it was clear that I could not just go silently into the good night, but had to gently acost our new friend, gather an ally I could trust and work together towards a resolution. Slowly by discussing home and friends and passions we met and agreed to disagree.

I saw my friend the next day, still very excitable, still wired. Possibly not wired up right but which of us are entirely. The dividing line is blurry, most of us tread carefully if not haphazardly along it. Totally Happy... Totally Depressed. Up. Down. One minute this the next that.

Solid. Firm. Foundations.

Before you can build anything that will last, you need to ensure the security of the site.

Your site is you. Around is your vision. As you designed it. As you see it. As you wanted it.

Grow up.

Admit it.

You will.

You rule.

"...when other people don't live up to your expectations, the reason they don't seem to care is that they were YOUR expectations... Don't have any, just hopes and dreams, and you'll find it less disappointing when the whole of creation decides not to go and fit in with your little plan." ;)

Light &
Love
Jon
x

What's in a name?

What's in a name?

Why do you get upset when someone can't remember your name?

Surely you should be flattered that they remember you at all...

Names are labels just like all the rest of the mumbojumbo.

That we call the world yet it's a construction of the mind.

The world is not only names but faces, not words but language.

Communication shouldn't be merely a transfer of your thoughts out.

But an opportunity for both people to learn something about themselves.

But more importantly, about each other, because you mirror me, and I you.

By how they treat the other one in that moment starting with their intentions.

Is it to express what they think or want or pride, no, you need to listen inside & out.

Looking on the bright side isn't about lying to yourself that everything is fine and dandy.

You honestly appraise the moment you found yourself living in for what it means to you.

Stop looking outside for something or someone to complete you and finish what started.

The day you popped out and wahhed the first time and began a life of complaining daily.

Instead of being grateful and using the power of intention you fall back on habits & ruts.

One individual can truly make a change in your life and that's you if only you'll let yourself...

Forget what you read, forget what you're told, forget what you think, FEEL HOW YOU FEEL...

I remember you, some from yesterday, some from last week, last month, last year, last lives.

That's the point, to start to remember things that have been long forgotten if they are worth it.

And to forget anything that isn't because it won't be around for us fairly soon if not next week.

-

I'm ruined phsyically, I sometimes wonder if I was a horse in a previous incarnation as I have such an afinity with them (grampy being an Ostler might have summat to do with it) though I think I could push and work myself right up until the point at which I expired. I know I gave the most I could to everyone that I was meant to in terms of my time, my love, my attention, my enthusiasm, healing, patience, discipline, joy, affection... I received as much as I deserved.

It's no good being totally unselfish or vice versa. Make time for everything, spread yourself thin.

But evenly.

To give as good as you get would be standard, but it's far better and easier to get as good as you give.

That sunset on Saturday night is going to be etched in my memory for eternity...

Light & Love
Jon
x

Let it go let it all go

My shoulders are a lot lighter like a weights been lifted from them. Not the kind that you can put down at night but the sort you've been shuftin' for nigh on eternity. Everything is lighter. Sometimes it feels like it's a struggle to keep my feet on the ground and my head from the clouds. And they said, they do though don't they though?, that I did that too much when I was younger.

What they, didn't realise is that we have all got a stake in something wider than widescreen, extra than XXXL, summat so unfeasibly gyyyygyyyygyyyygyyyyyynormouse that it's almost unspeakably heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwge, infinitely massively grotesquelylyly big...

Our share is defined by our need. If you want the biggest stake you can get you'll get squat.

If you'd like to take the miminum options available, you'll get diddly.

If you buy in on equal terms with everyone else, all.

All.

Yes.

You.
Get.
All...

How does that work?

Well.... it's a bit like that scene in a beautiful mind. The idea behind it, means that you could get a stock market system setup whereby all the participants are on an equal footing. The quantum computer at its heart would be able to fairly, FAIRLY divide all transactions between all firms and clients / customers. Everyone would win, every time, period.

I probably blew the explanation but that was my understanding. In the film he used the blonde girl and her brunette friends in a bar as a metaphor. If anyone goes for the blonde, no-one will get with her friends... so they must all settle for second prize but everyone wins hence 'gaming theory'. Crass but that's the direct way that he dealt with people, some see the world a little differently. More pragmatically... I think it may become a byword along with basically but only for a while, after that there'll be spiritually, energetically, upliftingly...

Never been very that, the word even hurts to say or think, say it in a scouse accent

PRAG-MATT-ICK!!!

I'm doing my bit
Light &
Love
Jon
x