Fear Itself

There is nothing to fear but fear itself, or so I have heard it said...

So in reality apart from of course things like being murdered,

or martial law being imposed or some natural disaster there,

really isn't anything that we should be fearing in our lives.

The media is caught in a death spiral where it has to lead,

with things, or more importantly people who bleed and

so they naturally, or unnaturally insist on portraying the world as a very dangerous place, when in fact violent crime has been going down for years, it's as if our more violent nature, driven by a powerful structure of rules and regulations and the fear of reprisals of a very harsh state in the past made no difference to the inner desires of those who wished to commit acts of terror, murder, and the rest.

Over time we've become less likely to for instance see gang violence between rival groups based on where we live, in my area Malmesbury lads would attack Tetbury boys and vice versa, even inter village violence wasn't rare, if your face didn't fit you could find yourself in trouble for going travelling with your mates to the wrong pub, I think it's fair to say that some went out for precisely that reason in the bad old days.  I know there are a lot of awful things going on in the world but generally it is a nicer place to be.  However there is a lot of stuff that isn't so pleasant and we're only becoming more and more aware of it, as whistle blowers keep on shedding light on the darker aspects of our so called culture, of our so called civilised societies.  For my part it is possible that my point of view is skewed because I'm suffering from some kind of mental illness, that makes me see the world in a certain way, coloured by my own addled brain, attributed to substance abuse or years of being a loner who likes company, dipping my toes into life occasionally when called upon or feeling like it.

There is a feeling within me that this is a time of revelation, for the revealing of hidden truths, literally apocalypse, the meaning of which is actually the revealing of truths that were hidden.

Look it up if you don't believe me.

I have sacrificed loads of the normal things that others go for because I never felt comfortable going after them, didn't feel as though it was my place, or felt a great sense of fear and trepidation, that I'm not cut out for certain things, that we are all being put into square holes when we're round pegs...

As though the world is changing in ways that are not necessarily for the good of all at all, and you only have to look at who is benefitting from the world as it is currently, fewer and fewer are richer.

More and morer are poorer ;) sorry if I didn't manage to inject even a simple joke like that my stuff would be very depressing indeed if it isn't already, you see that's why I find it so difficult to be around others, their conversations are nonetheless important to them, and should be to me, about people, their lives, the minutia of them, the things they've bought, who said what to who, gossip and I am not a good person when it comes to family really,  I should probably take more of an interest than I do.

I've become concious that maybe it's my problem, maybe there's something wrong, why I'm only interested when there's something to do rather than when there's nothing but the daily grind involved.

As though I think of myself as something special, as though I have something important to impart, some kind of fucking prophet in these most uncertain of certainly interesting times, filled to the brim with innuendo and absolute rubbish at the same time.  Fluff pieces and entertainment that you could be absorbed in until the end of time, remakes of remakes, reboots of reboots, over and over again.

Telling and retelling the same old stories and the new ones occasionally getting a look in.

This world seems to survive and most of the people in it despite all the reasons to fear.

Super volcano in Yosemite that would wipe out a good proportion of the u.s. of a.

All sorts of other natural ways for life to end or change forever and a day.

Man made reasons and events that are speculated but never occur.

The end has been nigh for a long long time really it has.

So why now?  Why me?  Why us?  What's going on?

Probably nothing, let's wait and see, why don't we?

But in the middle of all this a pervading fear.

Bred by the media, by the internet.

Secrets, theories, the stressors.

Like population, the environment, the sixth mass extinction of life on this planet already underway.

Big game hunters still wiping out the last of things because we can't resist the high price of destruction, killing something off, wanting to be the big man or woman who does so...

Almost as if we're all caught in some vicious cycle, circling the drain, shooting fish in a barrel and lions that are half tame for the camera and for the folks to be made jealous of back home.

All the while there are those of us who seek a higher life and those a lower one.

Those of the masses who have travelled one path or the other of temptation.

A whole planet like one huge experiment in what can go right & wrong.

Winners and losers are the name of the game competing as we do.

Unable to work together until or unless extremis comes along.

Bringing out the worst but mostly the best out of most of us.

Maybe that's what it will take, for enough to be hurt by a few for a great number to stand up for what they believe in, there is a school of thought that the conditions whilst not favourable are certainly pre-existing right now for a revolution in thought and act, indeed an evolution of conciousness.

A complete change in the way things are done worldwide, power structures evaporating.

It stands on a knife edge and I carry on looking for a job amongst this wreckage.

Trying to see the human aspect of this puzzle as more important than the sum.

To see individuals as worthy of short term attention rather than the future.

Because my attention is constantly on the eternal dilemma of man.

How do I save myself and those I love when the world is ending?

How can I be reborn given I see the darkness I carry with me?

What can I do now that I know I don't care as I ought to?

Am I infected with 'ill at ease', an energy, a disease?

Some inherited malaise, an inherent deterent?

A fear of failure to save my soul and feel?

To find out why it is that I am so numb?

What is it that makes this whole question and answer session so intriguing and why am I so disconnected, why am I so different, what happened to make it so, why when where what who?

Fear itself?