mantra

i had this mantra that i thought i had made up it went like this...
i'm sorry i forgive you thankyou i love you, i'm sorry, i forgive you, thankyou, I love you, it was something i said to myself, I'm sorry for all the times i let you down me, I forgive you for all the times I let someone else down, thankyou for still being here, I love you and i am sorry for all the things I've done that I wish I could take back, I forgive myself only in so far as I wonder what was real and what not and I thankyou all those folks who let me into their world for a little while or a lifetime so far and i love you even though i can't feel it
how is it to be such a husk and feel nothing to cry so many tears and yet wonder if you are a narcissist, a psychopath, a user and a loser and still wonder why you've never gotten further than goodbye because you have a yellow streak cannot speak your truth except in times of telling someone about yourself and that's the selfish gene within me that hates this anger i find coming out again and hates myself even more than I can remember doing before but then all i know is that i have to work the rest of my life doing shit jobs because there is so little left inside just what i've been hiding and that's all I have to say about that, I'm sorry I burnt those precious things and that I have so little left but that's a new start beckoning