What Are We Living For?

I thought I had a coherent picture of the why, made up of parts of traditions from all over the world, like a jigsaw coming together, bits of Spiritualism, Buddhism, all sorts of sources of information.

Inspired as I was to search high and low, life itself is it just to be endured whilst gaining as much pleasure out of it as possible?  Is it just something to be lived and then when it ends that is it?

I guess none of us will know until we die and see for ourselves, in some ways I feel that what you believe could create what happens at that moment, in some sense that being open to more makes more possible, it makes more sense though that there is one over-riding truth that we shall all see for ourselves when that day comes, let's say for instance when a humanist dies, perhaps they meet the divine, god, goddess, whatever the creator is if there is one, whatever understands the reason for us.

I was lead to believe certain things because they felt true to me, and I assume that is what others do too, they live their lives, taking onboard what comes along or what they find, what they run into.

What they are taught, what they were raised to believe, what they feel in their hearts...

In my heart, until recently was the fervent hope to discover the truth while here.

Not sure why now really, is it necessary to care as much as I did before?

Whose to say, I love those who still believe, still strive to live that life.

So what are we living for?  Now that I've realised how unworthy I've been, how selfish, how blind to my own true self, and now accepting that, discovering that, wondering how I managed to live the last few years with such different aspects going on at the same time, a confident me, confidence in who I thought I was, who I could be, would become, now gone but not forgotten, just a shame, ashamed of.

Day to day, I do wish I could go back, but that's a waste too, I have asked, prayed, wondered...

Found things getting better gradually, but obviously still so painful in the moment.

I find other peoples opinions, the view from their shoes, actually pointless.

That's what they see from behind their eyes, not from behind mine.

If they were me they would agree wholeheartedly with me.

They aren't and I'm not them so it's a hard thing to do.

We have our own time here, one lifetime, one life.

I judged others, for trading commodities that affect the lives of others, for having so many children when the planet can barely support the number we have already, for the ways that they lie to themselves, and then to others, I spent a lot of time seeing faults in others, not in me.

That gave me a chance not to see myself clearly, all I wish for now is for others, to live without pain.

I know the spiritual way of looking at things, makes it easy for people to see that what they are doing is being the best they can be, living a life that shines a light into the world for others to see...

I could say that actually what we ought to be doing is trying to make the world a better place for others, by becoming conscious of the ways in which it is a truly terrible place for them and trying to make a difference, the problems seem so great the challenges so insurmountable and they are.

In truth it would take us all coming together, us all seeing the world the same way, it would take us all becoming conscious of our own impact, I can't make people feel guilty for their airtravel, even though it is polluting the planet, they swallow the economic lie that we are supporting each other by spending money, by earning it and spending it into the economy, tourism, we're killing this world.

But then all I want to do is find a job, and it too will mean I will be a part of the system that I blame, our leaders have neither the imagination or the will to do the right thing, but what is it anyway?

Is there a truth that is undeniable?  Everyone has their own view, their own opinion, their own truth.

This place is so confusing, so messy, becoming so immoral, caught up in it all as we are, slaves around the world making our clothes, mining the mica for your makeup, chemicals in everything that we use in the home, no-one making it clear that is why disease is so rife, so much more prevalent.

We live in a toxic society, a toxic ecosystem, no wonder the bees are dying, the trees too, it's the most exciting, terrifying time to be alive, and if I survive for another 41 years maybe I will see why?

Maybe I will see the answers to the questions, I don't wish to see a blade runneresque world

But then corporations run our governments, you only have to look at fracking, continuing to support fossil fuel as a resource, when peak oil is already reached, it costs almost as much to get it as to buy.

Stuck in our habits, will some robotic cybernetic humans go on will some natural humans too?

Will it all end in tears?  Will there be some kind of evolution, revolution, will the people rise up?

Can they ever actually come together to make things right?  Common sense coming back?

You see we used to make things from what was around us, it was tougher but fairer.

Going back over old ground I am again, letting whatever comes into my head...

Come out.

I don't have a say.

Wishing everyone I met well.

Enjoy this bank holiday weekend together.

Love and Light

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