In a search for meaning

In a search for meaning...

... all I've found is confusion.

I've read books, articles, websites, all sorts of sources have informed my journey so far...

I've tried my best not to have too strong a connection, too let anything have too strong a hold on me in terms of my beliefs, the only thing I cling to with any fervour now is that I am, I am a good person, in a shitty world.

Transformational world, getting worse and better at the same time.

My perspective seems to have changed whole heartedly...

I can't believe many of the things that I did, it all starts and ends with each of us as individuals.

Looking outside for answers is failing, having to delve within.

Knowing, feeling, being the change in the world we wish to see.

Everything one person or organisation or group says is contradicted.

The only thing that cannot be swayed or argued against or for is the truth within.

Going deeper within, searching there, finding real sources of pain, entering into that.

Finding beyond the source of all sources, the peace and serenity that I once knew, again.

We are one, there is one source and we are aspects of it, looking back at each other with surprise.

Now I will continue to be informed, continue to search, will read but not accept at face value.

Seeing new truths within and without, in the faces and words that are spoken and unsaid.

Knowing that everyone is either faking it or lying or telling their own 'truth' as they see it.

We are all confused, or have layers of what we think is right conspicuous because of our own failings.

I am no exception, the things I am experiencing seem much more likely to be self serving,

my own fears, my own errors, attacking me, my own failure to deal with things.

sensing a weakness here, pushing, providing the impetus for me to change.

Or die trying, so I will keep on letting my own senses lead.

Feeling the bad days as keenly as the good.

Knowing I've turned the corner.

Seeing directly into the now.

No past, no future.

Here it is...
Love
Jon
x