langue doc

when i got pa a pas se va luenh imprinted needled to my spine
the cathars spoke in la langue doc across the ages saying
step by step i make progress i move forward again
then st augustine augmented my reality when
i got his words i have not loved though i
yearned to love in love with loving
spoken in ink across my heart
nondum amabam et amare
amabam seeking what i
could love who i could
yearning not to hold
on but to let go and
love someone for
who they are not
what they do or
why they are
here love
them
x

gaming

you like computers dont you, ipads, laptops, gaming pc's
you are an organic machine, brain the size of a planet!!
ramified into the little grey cells your fatty brain tissue
imagine in your minds eye a graphical user interface
a literal gooey g.u.i. see a desktop there and down
on the taskbar are your programs drugs feelings
see each one bacci buzz weed high coffee fug
minimise the ones you dont need right now
close weed high to function at top level
open it back up later when you relax
see your mind as the wonderful
helper and servant it can be
and lose your attention
hyperspace deficits
disorderly conduct
old programming
create new ones
on the fly
flying
high
x

soporific

was chattin online to a friend who fell asleep, always had that affect on women whether during or after a massage, people tend to find even the things i say quite soporific because the truth has the same effect but heals us of the lies we've all been telling ourselves about who we are and what state the world is in really
it's fucked
get busy
x

get your own back pllllleeeeeasssssee help!
i need constructive criticism constantly
its the only way ill learn
and i approve
whole heart
edly
x

pain in disguise as joy and joy in disguise as pain

pain is my friend joy in disguise right now
when i seek it out in myself and you, name
it shame it and blame it and yes uncontain
it knowing you might not like me any
more for pointing out where
we're going wrong all the
fucking time sorry it's
m'curse charm
combo
x

the first rule of light club

The first rule of light and love club
Always take the rough love and
give the smooth. The second
rule of light and love club
is be excellent to each
other. The third rule
of light and love
club. There
Aren't Any
Rules or
Limits
go figure
i know it's a cliche
but when you can believe
ACTUALLY BELIEVE IT INSIDE
that anything is possible then it is
sort of as long as it fits in with everyone elses idea of what their perfect
sunday looks like

now is forever

overeacting in a melodramatic welsh english family of exaggeraters?
no surely not and stop calling me shirley... for me now is forever
that's why i seem to feel things more deeply for an instant
but that moment can last forever when your in it so
be in it
be it
be
x

carry on upping the ante misses and misters

im calm now so the worst is over, when i get a bad feeling, when im nervous about upcoming events it means they're not gonna go well in some way, to what extent i have to intuit and then see over time, learning that
system like any other, alternatively when calm like now i know whatever
is coming i wont be disappointed, partly through no expectations to fall
short of but also i can feel that things are going well for everyone at
least as far as generally, obviously there's some shit to hit the fan
worldwide, countryside, locally. everywhere bad things happen
but there's a whole lot of good if you start looking for it trust

be careful please mind your head

please dont take this the right way because then things would become really interesting, REALLY QUICKLY, THE world OVER!!!

ahem, cough cough, ahem, everything revolves around you.
Literallyyyyyy... Your universe, your reality, your creation.
You are a god of sorts yes, indeed, you create your life.
So be careful what you wish for, I have found
wishing for others first and foremost
to work best to receieve myself
that of which i most dream
contentment and
bliss
x
excuse me sirs and ladies, please be careful please mind your head
as you enter into this age of enlightenment, no not that one, er
this one...
your one
our one
its lush
been it
seen it
felt its
loving
forever
willingly
yearning
innocently
loving again
unconditonally

For J and R x

i owe my life such as it is to two
a younger brother and a sister
who are more evolved and
far more grown up than
i am as yet, although
trying to grow and
learn from them
is keeping me
strong for
forever
and a
day
x

you take the high road and i'll take the lowest of the low back up with me

in ancient traditional tribal community living we all had a connection to nature, to her, the mother, our earth and to the universe, our father sky. When a problem arose that couldn't be contained constrained or completed using your own instincts and knowledge, wisdom was sought from the medicine man, the one who connects at a higher level to the one source of all, the cause of all causes... We knew without being taught what to do next, we intuited the answers to our questions, we trusted each other and ourselves more. As all this was lost over time, as men and some women sought power for themselves, sought the right to tell others what to do, how to do it and why, we lost our individual connection to source...

Those days are long gone but they are coming back, through necessity the mother of invention, as the planet dies and lots of the people with it, what is left is what was always there in the first place, connection and source.

Recreating this from scratch, you scratch my back i scratch yours... altruism, faith, honour, truth, all the good things that were lost are merely reflections of the true truth, the hidden long forgotten powers return to those who don't wish to use them for themselves, who have a sense of the new beginnings underway and the end of the more recent aberrations..

we are all on this journey together, to lose our own fallacies and falsehoods, to stop feeling disconnected from each other and the world, this process, this trip is ongoing and accelerating and yes you can deny it

yes you can keep on going down wrong roads, you take the low road

i'll take the high one
love
jon
x

bottoming out heading up

feeling like bottom from a midsummer nights dream...

i entered the world not knowing how to live but knowing i must

went around learning new things, trailing spirituality in all its forms

met amazing people, danced, made friends, enjoyed the freedom to be

kept myself to myself though, always drove, relied on me not others and

so that has meant i am still in many ways the loner i always was who likes

company...  I want to join in, be a man, do all the things i've dreampt of, of

course i do, everything scared me, people especially because of their lies and

the fact that you have to feel your way in the world when i was so numb from

having gone around quite blindly following the paths set forth for us by our old

role models...  Our parents and teachers and bosses and all those people that say

one thing and then do another, doing as they do not as they say they do at all...

lying with their words, lying from their hearts, to their hearts, lying to them

first and the rest of the world when they come into contact with them.

I was never any good at lying so i gave it up and instead i just

let people think what they wanted to, i never spoke up

so now i am and im losing friends like there's no

tomorrow and gaining more and more from

the honourable way in which i choose

to be, to say what i feel, what i mean

to be the person always was inside

outside, to carry on as i mean

to go on, not perfect, not a

dream, not a fantasy

but what is real

who is real.

Love is

real

x

to hell with it - let go

i've been to hell and back again and for a short stopoff in heaven
Now that I'm back here I realise why i went to both to see
What they were like what those two required of me
Hell was mostly comprised of things i had done
Heaven of those i have dreamt of doing
and being and so i go on now
as a mannish person
trying not to fear
letting go
to love
life
x

brave

are you brave, or in my case, stupid enough to risk your sanity, or at least your comforting illusion of mental wellness in a world that literally makes us crazy, do you dare to question what you learned to believe that overcame your true nature, your instincts, your emotional connection to the world to protect yourself from those who take advantage of vulnerability let your 'brain 'urt' and let yourself go with the idea even if it's to you a step too far, like my gran would say "i dont like star trek it's too far fetched' god love her... you can't not do what your heart and gut tells you once you know that your head cant be trusted to make up the mind of the rest of creation, not one others, not everyones creations in this world, but if your dreams are mostly for others they are much more likely to come true and conincide quite nicely with your own x 3 dream believe create succeed... literally do step two believe in anything, that anything is possible (even if its not likely, im a sceptic too) question everything and see what answers you get back from your heart your gut and your head last x

post pro test

jung talked of a collective unconscious
what about our collective conscious?
all of us becoming more aware of
our impact the ways we can see
the change we wish to be in
the world by being the
change we wish to
see in ourselves
and support
the rest in
their own
final war
between
the ugly
truth and
the beautiful
bad and good
sides to all of our
characters which one
will win? The one we feed
with addictions to misery food
drugs behaviours the chemicals
our brains produce from the blue
prints we put into our subconcious
when we say one thing and then do
another or nothing at all to make that
change today to change all your
tomorrows
x

unloved loved one

i don't respect authority much no
except my own new authorities
over every single facet of me
but i treat as i would like to
be treat, doing as i'm told
listening to a anothers
words. Now i know
it counts for REAL
i feel every time
something real
that would
be nice
help
to
tame the beast
we were by
expressing
what you
feel in
your
♥
to be
come one
you can be
proud of AFTER
a fall not before any
more. We can stay in
a moment in time for
as long as we like
all it takes is the
slow deep in
breath and
resulting
calming
flow...
There
goes
your
mood,
your pain,
your self,
unloved,
now a
loved
one
x

some people, some of your friends and mine warned me about a you
they said a you got yourself into trouble, a you was mentally unsound
have to say i never met that you or looked for it i forgot their warn
heard a lot of things in those days that i ignored because to me
each of you is a clean slate that ive never met before or some
i feel like ive known in a strange way that i cant explain it's
a feeling i get around those i seem to love but haven't yet
met have i? In life, you might say, i say a lot of things,
i mean them all, at the time, in the space, the place.
It's my heart you see, it aches, yearns for peace
longing to go home again having rememories
of what it is like to instantly create a world
in which fairness reigns over the darkest
of dark desires and love, respect yes,
is not just due it's given freely and
out of hand like a gift given to
one and all who just live
and die and just live
again to find to
know a truth
once and
for us
all
x

warning

this world is dying and at the same time there are shoots of green
seasons are returning to natural rhythms and the signs are there
for all to see who are looking out for them just those that insist
on expecting the status quo to keep reforming over and over
will be, are becoming disappointed with a place they can't
rule over anymore, people they can't rule over anymore
the fear is subsiding i for one have faced it face it daily
just to get off my ass sometimes is hard to do but if
not us who is going to change this world for good?
Those that tell us how to live and what to do?
Those that greedily rape the planet and live
with the fact that they dont know the cost
to others of their actions and dont care
to learn about it? They will die off
as all do eventually when nature
comes along and gives us a
kick in the ass to ensure
we understand that
our place in this
fragile world's
temporary at
least it can
be if we
believe
it is
x

dreamer dreaming dreamtime this is it

dream believe create succeed...
the unused imaginations of billions
who dare not believe in their dreams
to go out into the world creating ideas
to succeed in transforming it wholly
to live free of boundaries or rules
to understand the truth of life...

ready brek fast

x

a day
breaks
birdsong
wake yawn
stretching then
arching my back
feeling the strength
returning after a rest
the power of love inside
me making me ache for the
one that wont open up or the
one that would if only i would too
so open it hurt me so closed up shop
let you think i was dead inside cos i was.
wouldnt couldnt just fuck you and forget you
thats not my style it isnt right you make me feel
like a piece of meat knew it had come to this when
i felt like nothing, saw nothing in your eyes, but fears
left you to die alone once because you'll never open
never feel what i feel not for you for us for all of
us and its a pity its a shame a waste a taste
um yeah i insist on asking questions first
and shooting from the hips a little later
if i dont know you why would i want
to get to know you or let you get
to know the real me? You've
never met that person yet
I have and he is ready
now to let you go
do whatever
it is you
need

x

in the past i was dying to live
living until death in the future
now, opening the present up
to the idea that everything is
what we make of it and how!
x

my love is whoever im with, whatever i am doing, whoever i am being, wherever it is we go in this beautifully damaged world is my love... you are, i am, we all are hurting and so we go to the healing place... find that place inside you again, the spot you knew about when you were young, denied it, were told to deny it, filled it with stuff that never sated your desire to be who you really are inside, creation, passion, excitation, elation, vibration, anticipation, rejection, correction, selection, direction... LOVE x making love is cooking for others, learning is loving yourself, being yourself is the greatest gift you can give others, its all love so that you're not my source just my current connection hate dies dissipating love lives and lasts forever

my love is a white white rose - friendship first - start as you mean to go on

my love is whoever im with, whatever i am doing, whoever i am being, wherever it is we go in this beautifully damaged world is my love... you are, i am, we all are hurting and so we go to the healing place... find that place inside you again, the spot you knew about when you were young, denied it, were told to deny it, filled it with stuff that never sated your desire to be who you really are inside, creation, passion, excitation, elation, vibration, anticipation, rejection, correction, selection, direction... LOVE x making love is cooking for others, learning is loving yourself, being yourself is the greatest gift you can give others, its all love so that you're not my source just my current connection hate dies dissipating love lives and lasts forever

mucking fuddle

made a mucking fuddle of everything again this week, anyone would think that as the infinite void shrank into well nothingness as somethingness sprang forth from the fiery beginnings of the universe, this was the negative of the other alternative out there... on the other wise unavailable side of the street called positive spin...

You say you're fine when you're not. and inside you're dying...
You say you're going to do amazing things but you don't i didn't...
You live your whole life feeling one thing inside and acting another...
We've all been there because once this world gets a hold of you
You're it's slave, i got a career, a girlfriend, a car, drink habit, gambling

It's such a lovely place where anything is possible only not in a nice way
When someone wins here, someone suffers somewhere else thats my
gut talking so im gonna go with it on this one, over there in positive spin?

well theyve got a fair world, with rules you can abide by, energy rules ok.
everyone can do whatever they want as long as it doesnt hurt anyone else
when connected everyone will feel everyone elses pain so we will be free
to learn from our mistakes and grow from them by knowing that you've
got to get hurt a little to save you from the lot
Jon
x

personally speakin

my personas when i was younger were father jon the priest, doctor jon the healer and masseur of ladies feet erm gardener jon laconic or verbal diarea if you know me, jon mulder jon scully, jon sceptical believer, believer now in at least the presents nature gives to those who are brave of heart if stupid as a mule because there's more room inside their heads for reconditioning and expansion opportunities... So i dont know stuff now although i knew, felt, the theory of everything (that was taken back again as i slowly lost the ability to understand, my journey taking place over three months) this time it was drawn out and lingering and i got to hurt myself even more and learn much more and free my heart and mind even more...
lush times hard but ok now
i was too blunt and open
maybe but at least i
know ive got no
secrets any
more
well
ok

x
none of mine but all of yours

I was swept up to my tip toes and over tonight with the energy of didmarton and the surrounding area, to the badminton estate and onto the world at large, i can imagine the whole of existence as a fluffy wuffy fog ball of cloud in my mind, feel for the energy between my hands of the entire cosmos and raise the lower them just as i would for an individual or a pet or any animals or human friend, the plant kingdom, minerals, water.

Ask me though, cos an empty vessel ( ) The Void )( Forms ...Where we came from, who we are, forms of matter in the void of space (sorry that sounds like a line from a crimp) made manifest and womanifest as a planet, a galaxy, a universe, this...

like gods putting their hands together to pray and apart to feel the flow around them... be like water for the air itself is...

when you can feel it between your hands close like the positive negative on a magnet
or with your friends or lover
try it get close but dont touch
tease each other feel the heat
rise in the room and in your skin
energised and full of power x

unreal tournaments

unreal tournament... this life, trips told me that all of this is a distraction
now to accept that this world is not the true true world we live in?
well that's a tough cookie to crumble but this world is a sham
a false perspective, we all have a view on it, our own life
we see the world around us because we expect it
to be there when we open our eyes again to
a new day... Waking up with those eyes
anew seeing in a new way a new world
its hard, we'll be counting stars...
The old worldview drops away
A new world comes into
view as i learn to grow
leave old ways to
die a death and
new ways to
grow and
flourish
loving
love
x

if im right having been so wrong

if i'm wrong i may not accomplish anything worthwhile in this life and die
finding that life does not go on afterwards, that it was the end of mine
if i'm right i may discover the truth behind this one life and others
and free myself and others from coming back here again...
so yes i'm scared, yes i hurt, yes i fear the darkness
within not without, i don't fear death or life just
coming back again and again having felt
the weight of all the previous times
i was here, we were here, living
above and beyond the feeling
that this is all there is, was
or can ever be once more
you see i know i reject
am starting to dislike
the world i live in
having lived in
it all my life
only to
go to
love
x

for gran x

im definitely the er root of my problems
i would never say women were or
are... 99 percent of the time
since my gran died on the
eve of my fifteenth day
of birth i felt no love
from my family or
from any wheres
else, might have
had some bearing
but i loved her so
it never stopped
me from caring
for others the
love of my
friends
some
too
much some too little
finger pops from cheek
i disappear again cos im
embarrassed that i showed
you who i really are er am again
piss this fucking lifetimes struggle not
to be me or be me
or just to
shut the
fuck up

x

move your arse before i kick it into the middle
of next week and
of all things
love
x

im not sorry if what i say about my sit
youation smacks of desperation
that suggests to me that
yours is desperate
lie all you like
i tell the
truth
x

yeah er if you're a mental
ist defo means i wanna
spend time with you
and not desert you
cos im a little bit
twisted myself
if i cant see
you as a
person
i not
one
x

bee good

we are a light bee, a tiny spark of divinity floating in existence and the information, thoughts come to us via the medium we swim in...

cross your eyes and work with that from side to side, up and down, see the two images separately from the left and right eye, watch them try to work together into one picture, relax let your eyes learn a new way of seeing, slightly unfocussed on the thing you're trying to look at, choose a point in space stare slightly with eyes crossed, explore this play with it and notice that we are just a three d camera filming this script that we write x

i'm sorry for being so down low and so high and mighty
now im just a human again and it hurts a lot
so thanks for hurting me good
letting me die to the old
grow with the new
so even though
i hurt you too
it kills me
love
x

up until now i've just been posturing
now it's time to take a stand and
by that i mean i stand by all's
said and done. I can do
and have done many
incredible things
and those are
undeniable
except by
disbelief
and un
imagin
atives
aroun
me
x
i met, passed on the messages and answers to questions of a loved one
predicted a friends friend over the worst and wud awake from a coma
tapped a new friend on the shoulder from 30 feet away to a cha! grin
given and received energies felt 'em going through my body n yours
to name any more is becoming difficult i don't want to put anyone
on the spot here but reiterate the facts in this case for all to see
believe me or believe me not that's up to you, i do what i do.
I am whatever you say i am if i wasn't then that would be
fairly difficult for you to understand let alone accept...
you see it's very simple, this is a magical place
where reality wraps around you, changing
ever changing to update your new look
your new perspective, letting go of
the old to see anew... to see
the real world finally, i'm
not there yet by any
means fair or foul
not a sorcerer
or magician
just a bloke
with some
heart and
soul on
side
x

simply be

um er yes it seems that if you simply breath in love
and breath out hate, dont make it, complicate
you can live in joy most of the time
drawing in solutions and then
expelling your crimes
and misdemeanors
bad moods gone
good ones
mostly
from
now
on
x

my attitude is that i'm better than you
jus 'be'... cos i don't care if i am
or not... i just donut think
on it... so i'm betterer
than you will ever,
can ever 'be'.
cos you
'do'
x

love is not jealous or greedy or unkind,
love is not me yet, through yearning
love is in my heart when i breath
love is my very - being - yours
love is not from you only
love is from outside
love is from within
love goes away
love comes in
love is given
love is life
love is
x