bottoming out heading up

feeling like bottom from a midsummer nights dream...

i entered the world not knowing how to live but knowing i must

went around learning new things, trailing spirituality in all its forms

met amazing people, danced, made friends, enjoyed the freedom to be

kept myself to myself though, always drove, relied on me not others and

so that has meant i am still in many ways the loner i always was who likes

company...  I want to join in, be a man, do all the things i've dreampt of, of

course i do, everything scared me, people especially because of their lies and

the fact that you have to feel your way in the world when i was so numb from

having gone around quite blindly following the paths set forth for us by our old

role models...  Our parents and teachers and bosses and all those people that say

one thing and then do another, doing as they do not as they say they do at all...

lying with their words, lying from their hearts, to their hearts, lying to them

first and the rest of the world when they come into contact with them.

I was never any good at lying so i gave it up and instead i just

let people think what they wanted to, i never spoke up

so now i am and im losing friends like there's no

tomorrow and gaining more and more from

the honourable way in which i choose

to be, to say what i feel, what i mean

to be the person always was inside

outside, to carry on as i mean

to go on, not perfect, not a

dream, not a fantasy

but what is real

who is real.

Love is

real

x