Magick

Magic, mystery, the great unknown.

What happens when we die?  What is happening here and now?

Is magic real?  Can people heal others using their own life force, their own energy?

I've certainly in the past felt that I received some benefit from reiki and I definitely became much calmer and more trusting and felt better and better when I regularly received spiritual healing, which is much the same, in terms of hands on healing being given by someone to me, although from the perspective of the person providing the healing at a spiritualist church that I became a regular visitor to, it was different in that he was channelling energy from the spiritual realm, through him, to me.

He even said that he was told, in his conciousness that my d.n.a. was being altered after one session.

I believed that he believed what he said at the time and I believed that it was possible at the time too.

The magic however has, or had gone from my life until recently, I'm not sure it's back yet, if ever.

You see, I've seen things, u.f.o.'s in the sky years ago, so many small white lights, coming together in a giant formation above the area of the sky above Badminton House, local to where I live, me and a friend both saw this happening, more and more little lights coming on, moving in, making up some kind of meeting, lights going out, moving away, swarming in the nights sky.  I haven't seen u.f.o.'s for years, don't spend much time looking into the night sky any more, since the magic left and I felt as though I was losing my mind, all I've done is try to cling on to the hope that I wasn't going to end it all.  That I was going to get better, since I quit all my drug habits, since I quit the nightlife, the parties.  Since I quit going days without much sleep, since I quit staying up late, getting in in the early hours, since I quit believing in more out there, more in here, more inside us all, more energy, more life.

I have suffered from mental health issues, or at least they were very similar to the kinds of things you see portrayed in films and on t.v.  I sought help, to understand, to discover what, why, how to come back, how to reveal the reasons, how to cure it, how to know what it all meant.

As much as the magic went, as much as I was lead to doubt the magical way my life was going, as much as the clarity that came into my life, in terms of seeing how disconnected I was to those around me, how distant I had become, how I had judged others, and not seen the ways in which I wasn't behaving right, I have come down in my own estimations greatly, and everyone else has gone up.

I don't want to name people, but they've become quite different in my eyes, I was on a journey I felt that was more important, I was however unkind and judgemental towards others, didn't notice the ways in which I was not keeping up with my responsibilities, I was a more extreme version of me.

So much more respect for them now, those people that I had failed to see, failed to see clearly before.

The magic was in tantra, was in the fact that I could show people their own life force, show them physically, here, placing my hand near theirs, feel your tantric energy pulsing with mine, between our outstretched palms, that's your life force, your aura, your energy field, reacting like two positive poles of a magnet, pushing against one another, an invisible force, made real for them to feel.

I believed that we all, facing the turn of the millennium, facing the years since then, the 2012 hoohaa, the fact that the mayan calendar begins a new cycle then, the timewave zero theory of Terence Mckenna, the fact that the feeling inside coming towards that period was of something approaching, I've written about much of this before but it's current.  I could be seen as being unreliable, because of the effects that what I've been through have had on me, sure, that makes me an unreliable witness, someone whose words should be taken with a pinch of salt, someone who should be, could be nuts.

Maybe I am, I feel sane enough, lost the fear that I was insane, still I know my attitudes to some things are still not the same as others, I see our governments as complicit in crimes against us all, against the planet, wilfully so, companies too, in the future I am sure it will all come out one day.

The truth will do as it continues to do, from the past to today, into the new days ahead, into the times of technology being used more and more to tighten up the systems of control around us, on us.

For me I want to break out of them, go back to nature, save up pay my debts, get free, clear.

Quit this life of constant debt enslavement, see the day when the Governments fall, the companies fail, when profit becomes the least of anyones worries, when human life is placed higher than that.

When growth has nothing to do with the headlines, economic growth that is, a misnomer, the economy is a lie, it isn't economic and growth cannot be on the cards in a finite system, you can't expect us to keep on finding new markets, new areas of the world to turn into our system, devaluing the beautiful simplicity of the ways in which the countries of the old world worked, common sense, markets for the community, selling local produce, not the useless tat and crap foisted on them by the free market initiative, that means they have to take the shit we make and dump at their docks rather that supporting the local basket weavers, the local producers, no give your infant powdered milk, get to work mothers, because the new world needs workers, not families where one person can earn enough to support the household, the house prices and market merely a gamblers paradise for the gangsters we call banksters, scum they are the lot of them, british gas salespeople given bonuses for misselling the most expensive tarriff to their customers, this world is immoral, and we're stuck in their dirty games, stuck because we all need to work to live, we all need to do their dirty work.

So again, I stress, that I need to work yes, but eventually I have to get out of this trap, and I'm not innocent, i've been chewed up and spat out and that's by me, myself and I, I felt I was never going to be good enough for anyone, so I asked to die, I wanted to hurt, I find it hard to forgive the things I've done in the past to get by, or because I didn't see a life for me in the future, I struggle to see myself as a good person, someone worth knowing, so the last five years were a dream to me, to find friends.

To be treated as an equal, to be treated so nicely, to be treated as a true friend, to be gifted things.

It felt Magic.
Love
Jon
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