The Constant - I Once Was LOST But Now Am Found

Was Blind But Now I See

I just watched an episode of the series called LOST after reading things the producers said about it

Remembering why I liked it so much, the love I had for the characters at the time, their friendships

The journeys they went on to try to understand, to fight for what they believed in, to live, to love

To have a constant in your life, I would have to say that for whatever reason I have not been 1

I haven't been the person I would dearly loved to have been, for others, for someone special

So caught up in what I thought was my own journey towards understanding everything

Now understanding more about how the narrative of my story was just that a story

Something I told myself, created by my subconscious, in line with the scripts

Some written for me, most I allowed to become my own dialogue sheets

I created the world I now am trying to live in, seeing it clearly now

Maybe one day I will realise the differences between the outer and inner worlds that exist, is there a reality outside of this one?  Is there a spiritual truth that underlies the struggles that are here for us?

It's easy to feel small in such a large world, easy to feel as though we are tiny and insignificant, over time I had come to feel as though each of us can be important in our own way, have something we are meant for, meant to do for others, meant to provide, seeing so much beauty now, so much detail out there, the little things, seeing how little i've done, how much i've had done for me, seeing it all so well knowing I don't relish the future at all, don't relish getting older, growing older, becoming less able, felt as though i'd reached a watershed in my life, felt I had reached a pivotal stage leading somewhere good, now I'm not so sure why I ever thought that, seeing the last few years as a wonderful interlude but fantastical and in many ways a dream that would never come true, because they all require so much more hard work than I've ever put in, I'm not the sort of person I thought I was at all.

Is it this viewpoint that colours my entire life?  If I keep going will i see myself differently?

Can I put it all into perspective in the end?  I hope there is a post mortem, a life review...

A chance to see from others point of view where we went wrong and where right.

To know and if necessary feel the disappointment but also the joy and love.

To see it all from the point of view of a goodness, a lightness of being.

To see it all as just a thread of a greater story, a line in a book.

Desmond Hume Penelope Widmore Sayid Jarrah Jack

I can't do anything but what I see on the page...