Two Completely Different Things

there's a chippy in brizzle called oh my cod and there's not a lot you can say these days to exclaim without someone saying oh my god and that is what i've been doing all this time trying to find out what it means to know the truth of all the internal experiences suggesting there's something to the hole i felt inside that some choose to call spirit, goddess, god and any of the other names for faith in a higher power, a lower place to go and it shows in the ways and means i've used to let all the shower of shit i've been through flow out of me and i will forever be wishing i hadn't hurt those close because of my outburts and choices but maybe one day i'll understand someone told me that i would reach nirvana but still be confused and i still am but almost past caring it's just the evidence to the contrary is not entirely persuasive so i carry on wishing for some peace of mind and finding it slowly returning now i've given everything up even striving to find answers all i want is a normal life and maybe that's the key to it all, just live here, as well as you can, maybe some more fucking and fighting would have been a better idea instead of believing whole heartedly in love and being too romantic in my ideals only to find no real love in my life except for my own insistence on ignoring my best intentions and instincts to post something or say something i would like to take back and i wrote that book that a part of me wanted to use to express some thing that i don't agree with about fucking that i would have said in terms of making love but apparently that's the same thing from two different perspective and perhaps that is what this place is after all :) + heart shape