Spiritual or Technological or a little of both or neither...

All the options, is it a spiritual crisis, a spiritual emergency, an emergence into the truth of life, spirituality
Is it technology, some kind of governmental agency, a secret dark, so called black project, a conspiracy
Is it sheer madness, insanity, is it ever right to be a little or a lot paranoid when it seems right to be just so
Is there a real reason for the ways in which I thought it was all over probably too soon but it starts again...

A song stuck in my head after days of not really having an issue, thoughts that suggest it aint over till they say
Who are they, this conversation that I thought was spiritual lead me to behave in ways that hurt real people
I was behaving out of my mind, literally not able to remember the course of events, saying untruths daily
living a lie that I was going somewhere, to live somewhere, with some people I'd only spoken to in my head and all I can think is that my computer was hacked, things happening in the environment of where I live suggesting not just me is cracked, other people behaving strangely, things going on in the house and then the thought comes to mind, someone here is doing these things, but you know it's wrong to think like that of others, when it's only you that is suffering this way, don't project it out onto others who are just doing their best to cope with someone clearly going through a very tough time and scared enough now to straighten up and fly right and not do anything that would bring on another episode of whatever it is that's been going on, trying to do the right thing, get up early keep good habits, get back into the work arena so I pay my way, save up, get my life back, get a life, try to find good habits to keep, new hobbies to take up my time, because I can see all the things that might have given me pleasure in the past that were hidden by my strong desire to feel like someone or something special when it comes to spirituality, it can become an obsession. 

For someone who may or may not have aspects of ocd and I can only talk about me, not wanting to suggest or include others in this diatribe about the transcendent, the ascension idea or us all becoming one conciousness in a year or two or maybe less, that was the idea, that was the scope of my prophesy I figured it was all going to be done and dusted by 2018 or that was what had come to me, I thought by 2017 we'd be over the worst and world peace was going to be breaking out, by spring this year, my instinct was that something worldwide in nature, like timetravel, aliens on the whitehouse lawn, an obvious sign of a new way for us all to live and be together as one species, as one life, as animals with enough intelligence to treat all life with respect and here's me with a load of rubbish lying around in the garden that should go to the tip, should be recycled or binned and it all goes to land fill in the end, or gets burnt so how does that sit with this person who can't even stick at a job long enough to do the right thing by the people in my life who have always been there for me?  Round and round and the reality is so much more comforting now, just being a normal person, no healing, no shamanic dancing at raves, no travelling all over, no spending all my money that way, stay at home until you find work, work your arse off you lazy fuck, think about how lucky you are, what you've got.

Be real, look at what is infront of you, at least another day and maybe a few years, maybe decades yet now that again once more you're convinced that smoking isn't a good idea, eating better is a good one, occasionally a treat here and there, do the right thing by those who have been there for you, wonder why you ever thought you had some kind of destiny other than to find something to do that pays your way, lower your expectations, to what you can see around you, worry less, stress less, work harder, do chores, for fucks sake it's not rocket science, you can't spend all your time on spiritual videos and internet stuff, when you don't even pay the bills, sell stuff that you don't need and give the money away, get some kind of realism into your every day, focus on the time you have now, not what's ahead or behind, work your arse off boy...