yet to live yet i want to so badly always have...

i was torn from my mother at six weeks early, thats my story over and done with

i was due to die there and then but from somewhere came a fucking miracle

i survived after being emergency baptised you cud say i was induced

or inducted sucked from my moms womb to see this world

through unfocussing unsmiling eyes which set me off

on a pattern of pushing cos i was pushed

pulling cos i was loved so much

pushing cos you reject me

pulling cos i attract you

pushing myself away

how can you love

me?!? im dead

always was

will be :(

give me

life pls

love

pls

love... sweet love of my heart, don't give me up, let me love you, the way i know, the way i never, have
cos i rejected what i was given
true love
once
so never say never again... ever again say ever so i would love to love if you will put up with my fault
that line running through me, from the rock of my mother's love and my father angst at his own tears
the cracks he always knew were there, were in him and his family and ours and yours, and all of us
the tracks of our tears form a boundary between the hard place it was to be in my dads company
cos the slightest loud noise, made me think it was all over for me, us, that's a fight, a battle, a war
dad's lost the plot again over something simple, little me, sis, you, him usually cos he wont say.
he wont tell the people who love him that he loves them, he wont even write it down cos he's
dead too in a way something we all faced in childhood, different for each of us hurt us deep
made us scared to love, scared to receive it from anywhere but from us, our folks, and all
we have left then is the unconditional love that is out there, used by others to kill & maim
by the majority of the world, to create wonderful things made out of passion and loving
care, caring, healing the world one woman and man at a time with the milk of kindness
feeding each others needs with the excess we have, the surplus of our energy n love.
we bubble and flow and over it goes, when we fill up inside with love and send it.
send them my love, send em our love, send them the love of the family to them.
we say it, we feel it, we do it?  Do we, send our love to those we love and,
then sit back and wait for it to come along soon? or do we love ourselves,
a little too much or too little for our own good, and end up apart from,
the very people we meet who calmly enter our lives or turn them up-
side up when we turn our frown downside up to make a smile.

You make me smile inside, feel the love inside, the love
i want you to have from me too, so please love me do

love love me do

wont you plase

love me do

plasese

help

me
 n
 u

create a menu of possibilities for everyone in the world
for us as we become two partners in crime
two lovers in a strange strange strange
old worlds end, every day
here let us, see what,
happens next,
don't guess
let's wait
and see
love
jon
x
p,s, i cant name the person/s i love cos they wont let me till they know they can trust me, i put my name to everything i do and write, im not anonymous in this life anymore, imstanding up to be counted and scared as fuck each day will be my last, so dont get up in my face when you see how good i can be with you in my life


dont shoot the messenger of my love
cos its you silly
and that wud
be daft wud
not it?
j
x

jw
x