If It's Only

If it's only painful for me
then I can cope easily
as long as I can hide
that I'm feeling
empty inside
they won't
notice
and
i
will
feel as
though i've
earnt my pain
and dealt with it
again in the best way
for everyone which is for
me to die and never speak it

cowardly i know but then i seem
to deal better by pretending i am
fine that's what we all say isn't it
how are you? oh me? i'm fine...
i started to say the truth out and
about because it lead others to
do the same, I'd say terrible
but so much better now
i'm here and with
friends again
thanks for
asking
they
would
often say
wow me too
it's been an awful
year or three but now
thankfully things are looking
up and times they are a changing
so i know that as much as i don't
like to repeat myself i've gone so
far backwards again to repeat a
period of time that i've lived so
painfully before once more but
it seems well deserved and my
dreams are becoming so vivid
i can't hide any longer anyhow
just working hard to pay my
way and try to not fall down
or make the same mistakes
being harder on myself than
ever before making sure to
keep good habits and so
that leads me to my own
bitter misery but i have
to deal with that and
grin and bare it cos
it's mine and the
repudiation is
just the fine
line i've
tread
until
now
x