What is your Prognosis? Is it a Con?

Read about Gnosis, a long time ago and more recently.  The Nag Hammadi Library, a collection of thirteen ancient codices containing over fifty texts, was discovered in upper Egypt in 1945. This immensely important discovery includes a large number of primary Gnostic scriptures -- texts once thought to have been entirely destroyed during the early Christian struggle to define "orthodoxy"...

The Gnostic gospels of :- several famous names from religion (the bible) feature in these...

 Basically lots of stuff that makes much more sense was written at or around and after the time of the Bible...

Which was cobbled together and the editors, were the council of Rome, who chose which bits and versions would go in and which Dogma to create...

Given that a lot of the stories were already around, earlier versions of flood stories for instance had been around for years, in the Babylonian epic of Gilgamesh for instance...

Basically there are loads of stories, legends, myths, the world over and some of them suggest that we fell from grace, left a perfect paradisical garden and became the flawed and sinful human beings that we are now.

Having probably been fairly flawed and sinful from the start...

ANYWAYS.... Back to the Gnosis bit and the prognosis, gnosis meaning knowledge...

The gnostic view, generalising here, is that this universe, this cosmos, this existence is the creation (of the creator god) who happens not to be our loving omnipotent, omnipresent, but unknowable god.  But a devilish demi-god or demi-urge (Half Creator from the Greek).

It's all so fucking complicated but my bottom line is that of all the stuff I've read about, of all my searches for meaning from different traditions, I found I had run into a bit of an impasse when it came to the ideas of the creation of this er creation...

You see the creation myths of most indigenous cultures around the world speak of a great ancestor who created this whole shebang, possibly with a big bang even...  OR the cracking open of a giant cosmic egg, or whatever version you want to take up, and the impasse I had reached was the fact that between those versions that speak of this as being a hell dimension, or the creation of Brahma, the outbreath the creation, the inbreath the destruction, I saw an inconsistency, a way of seeing this whole thing the same way that the Gnostics do...

It's a crapshoot.  My journeys into the void, told me that all of this is just pretty distractions from actually coming round, coming into true awakening from the deepest of deep sleeps, what we call our body, mind and soul isn't the whole picture.  There's a spirit in the mix...  Our spirit.

So that leads on to the idea of being more spiritual...

I think we are going that way, spiritual not religious became a new category on web based questionnaires because so many people were losing faith in religion, literally and had a more sketchy, a more vague belief in spirituality...

We're all, ok most of us are choosing to believe whatever we like, piecemeal  picking the bits we like from different traditions, a dream catcher here, a crystal there, new agey stuff into the mix...

It's a mess.

We're a mess.

It's way too confusing....

The more I know the less I understand.

So I'm back to square one with a massive headache.

Finally getting stuck into meditation, finally improving my diet.

Desperately searching for answers, whilst trying not to be too sure of the questions.

I don't want to get myself into a sticky situation, don't want to be too sure of myself, or my soul, or my spirit.

What am I?

Why am I here?

What is this place?

All these questions are still there... The answers are many and difficult to pick apart.

What will happen if I choose the wrong one?  Will I consign myself to yet another cycle of death and rebirth?

I don't want that, I would as I have said in the past choose ultimate destruction rather than that.

I see this place as imperfect and becoming more so, I don't want to live in the world of the god of technology.  I don't want to become a transhuman, who could live forever, as an imperfect version in an imperfect creation, and as I become more spiritual, is there any guarantee?

NOPE!

All I know is that I want to be of some use, but my spiritual experiences, lead me to believe that I was merely a cog in a giant wheel, part of a grand plan and that seems less and less likely to be a good plan to me.  I surrendered to that, to the fact that I would become a willing participant in whatever that was, in service to my fellow beings.  Now I'm not so sure... Now I think and I feel like that was a mistake.

That void, the blackness, the edge of reason...  The end of time, of space, that's where it's at...

That's the end of this place, the end of this existence, the end of the cycle of birth and death.

That's the next destination, the only game in town, the path of most resistance.

There must be a way for a normal guy to get there.  I renounce this life.

I want to get off this mortal coil, in that I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either.

I'm bored of the alternatives, bored of the options, it really is so difficult to choose,

when so much is made of the opinions of different traditions, it's so confusing.

How would one know if they were to choose one option or another?

Isn't it all just a massive con game?  Fear and Love the opponents.

Be good, be bad, be indifferent, get along, make a life.

It's just going down the pan, this planet is fucked.

Go on having more and more children,

it's ok the resources will slump,

you'll die off in droves,

long before we get off this rock,

before we fuck up another world with our mess,

the idea that we could evolve beyond our petty squabbles,

is such a joke, I don't see anyone making the effort, little hope,

and even if we try, it seems like the whole place is really a prison camp,

for idiots who can't be bothered to do the right thing, get out early for good behaviour.

I'm messed up, and feel that mental health might be at risk, I've been dealing with that lately.

Quietly going about the business of business as usual, just trying to fit in, do my thing, get on in life.

Whilst underneath I see all this going on, can't see the wood for the trees anymore, just sticks and stones.

They are breaking our bones and names will always hurt us, things from the past, bullies, bullying, coming back, memories flooding in, taking the place of empty spaces, old habits dying hard but I'm finally seeing myself and others for who they really are, not through my own twisted vision, my own blinkered eyes...

The divine spark in all of us, is it a prisoner in flesh?

Is it there at all and if so can it resolve this issue?

Will there be an awakening or reawakening?

Will there be an apocalypse (true meaning):-

An Apocalypse (Greek: ἀποκάλυψις apokálypsis; "lifting of the veil" or "revelation") is a disclosure of something hidden from the majority of mankind in an era dominated by falsehood and misconception, i.e. the veil to be lifted.  The term also can refer to the eschatological final battle, the Armageddon, and the idea of an end of the world.

And at this point does anything that has come down to us from the past have any true meaning for us today?

Isn't it all just whispers from the dead, when after all our free will means that what we do now, changes the future?

Again all big questions and as far as I can tell, ones with no immediate answers forthcoming.

I am merely trying to get out what has been inside my head, the crux, the crossing point.

The dead end that was giving me such a headache, the difficulty of working out the Pros and Cons.

Bargaining with the self inside, listening to the quiet voice, working over old ground.

All those improvements I had made, and then quite simply I seemed to hit a brick wall.

I've opened up old wounds, and slowly, so slowly, but necessarily they grind on.

Working my way through old times, old memories, old situations I thought done and dusted.

Were we created in the image of a mistake or were the mistakes of our own making?

I wanted answers and I've accepted that I may suffer to get them,  have suffered so much.

If this world is a sham, then I don't feel so bad, and would be glad to see it smashed into smithereens.

Because I get the feeling finally, that the case may be that simple, wake up with a shake of the head,

"What WAS that?"

"I don't know either!"

"Must have been a nightmare"

"One we shared for all eternity".

"Until now..."

Love
Jon
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