It's hard to say I'm sorry... that I'm so happy

When something inside says that for some reason you don't deserve to be loved, it's hard to say I'm sorry to that part, or even acknowledge that it's there in the first place to deal with it.

Doesn't matter why it's there, when it was created, because it isn't natural, it's a case of chance, choice and misadventure, basically our life, from start to finish and the race in the middle.

It's just now that it's a rat race, and we're in a maze, a whirling, unedifying mess, where we're destroying the very thing that provides us with life, everything needs balance, a point between the pain and danger of birth and the times when we think we'd rather not be here, when the going gets really tough.

Healing those wounds are hard, honest work.

What am I the product of?  Evolution? Devolution?

From the hard times to the good, everything affects us and makes us who we are now.

Be happy with that or deal with the consequences of letting yourself become enfeebled by the ease with which it is, to lose sight of the important parts of life we are missing, in the race to find a safe route through the labyrinth of life to somewhere like an exit.  A portal into a life we really want to live.

Our dreams coming true on the other side.

Love
Jon
x
It's hard for someone who finds over stimulation exhausting.  After a busy good time I like lots of silence, a chance to take in what has happened whilst processing the rest of it, experiencing certain moments again in a sweet replay of the emotions in your system.  So you better behave yourself and have a good idea always in mind, because that's the factory of our reality...  What we believe changes what we see in the world because we create it.

How we act changes the world because we can't help but feel the reaction that is equal and not an opposite reaction.  You see when we are angry that's what we are giving off like a stink, and being loved is far from what we should get in return.  If we can learn to love more easily and more often despite what's happened to us instead of because of it.  Become the better person, don't let the bastards get you down.

I'm not so sure that sir Isaac N was right about anything, just close...

We know what we think we know, and the universe gives us clues.

Then as if by magic suddenly the goddesses feathery skirts like the heavy and bowed branches of a well established tree blowing gently in the wind, disguises it's true nature.  All we can see is the vision from outside, or if we approach and touch it, we can sense it ourselves.  Can't see the trees for the wood.

There's so many of us and we don't know them all, otherwise we could never treat them indirectly in the way that we do, as the people elsewhere, the strangers, are becoming more and more a friend we've never met yet and less and less that person who we have little or nothing in common with.  We know about other cultures now increasingly, instead of despising, ignoring, or assuming they have neither anything to offer us apart from we can buy to support ourselves and so little to teach us about getting along.  The world is getting smaller and smaller and we, more connected, figuratively, literally, energetically.

Fear is like oxygen, we need some but too much makes us sleepy.

Some gives us energy, or the desire for the opposite, courage.

The energy to get off our asses and do something worthwhile.

But we need some energy to start with, some practise.

And dancing together, laughing together, helping each other.

Being capable of having experiences of connection.

Realising the basis of nature, is us and everything bigger and smaller moves on around us, with our help that is.  The ground beneath our feet will crumble if we keep messing with it, the air above us to the stars isn't a forcefield, things fall onto us from so high above constantly.

That's why we need shelter, warmth and food as our first priorities, always have to face what life brings.  It's getting easier that's why we're so soft, it's getting better and worse and that's why we're so stressed or so laid back and unconcerned, because to feel that fear is paralysing .  Smack bang between the big one at the start and the who knows what, of the end of existence, leaves us looking up at the stars with our feet on the ground, running.  From what to where?

We're the middle men and women.  There's elementary particles and galaxies and things bigger and smaller than them I'm sure too because wherever we look, we find larger cosmoses, smaller particles of dust, more levels and layers revealed as the onion peels itself with our help, and us just meek and murderous animals in the right place at the right time.

We lucky few.

To be alive.

To love.

And if we get some back, to accept it but carry on sending it out, because it's when that loop is severed that we get tempted to look after ourselves, when it's everyone else that needs our help when we're ok, and when it's our turn, they're there for us in that case.

So let's get ok.  What makes us ok?  Enough time alone. Enough time with loved ones.

Good it was.  Lovely weekend after I found some time to digest it all, thankyou to the people who made it happen that way.

Hoping to have a good time again, good memories, good visions, the past future leads us to the future past so let's make sure we make it a good one.  All of it.