What women want - I was a shit

what women want - Nope giving them what they need instead

been the person I was for a while and I was a shit indeed yes

willing to make mistakes, recognise them, learn from them

knitting pattern recognition, a golden fleece takes shape

WWW - Who knows? Sorry had to get that in there first and hopefully make up for it now...
If I had to guess, and it would be a fairly well educated one, what women want is none of our concern. What they need however has always been clear to me and it's to spend time with people they can trust, respect and learn to love. Someone they can rely on, communicate with and confide in, be themselves without worrying with...

All the women I've loved have been some of the best people in the world. Whether they were role models when I was growing up, pals of mine, really good friends or someone I thought could be more, all of them are so generous with their time, so patient and loving with their families and close friends and what's more, daft enough to have been one to me.

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It's been tough to come face to face with who I used to be and I guess that's what has happened. My perspective had reverted so that I was constantly peering through the looking glass rather than giving myself many years good luck all over again, by breaking it into innumerable pieces and finally having no viewpoint but that of an observer with a wide open mind, keen to see something new, something good again please ;)

That old me like my shadow is there like everything I'm not proud of, as a reminder of sufficient strength to prevent me from driving drunk and crashing another car or whatever. So instead of trying to blot that shit out, I work with it, use it as ammunition. The great thing is that by not hiding from those grayscale days, afterwards they're even more faded and forgotten than ever before and the colour comes back all the more vividly into my life.

Anxiety about preparations or the journey through town, navigating to the car park, from there to the pub, who will be there, what do I say? I've learned how to deal with shyness in social situations and it isn't several large tequillas (anymore ;)

So calm because I know that I can cope.
Be myself don't stay away don't mope.
Breathing slow and deep is my dope.

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A lot of things changed throughout the last year but the ones that have stuck are that I :-

Don't like porn anymore
Prefer real women
Miss hugs

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The World today seems like a giant stinking playroom with everyones toys all over the place and Mother beginning to lose her temper with all the children. Watch out you don't get a spanking.

At the same time as all the shit things are going on, there are loads of incredibly exciting good things happening too, I'm just focussing on them and i'll let the t.v. tell its stories. The ones I'm getting are encouraging tales of a gradual but accelerating regeneration that will eventually sweep the planet, these are just the first signs of this yearlong spring clean, the first flowers will be blooming and summer will be here soon after.

Listen to your Mother, she needs you to.

Commune with Nature.

Hear her call.

Love &
Light
Jon
x