haha 2012 you think we've got problems - Weighty Issue - Intimi Dating

i can't say much about december 2012 except that I was born a few minutes before 12:00pm on the 11/12/72
So the first full day of my fourtieth year will be 12/12/12. I'll be meditating or hungover or both....
9 or so days after that it's the 21st of December 2012 when we stop measuring time by what we earn from it
But by how we feel while we're making the most of it, not a second wasted because they never are just spent.

Who Am I? - Weight of expectayshun

am i a sexist pig? am i am feminist? a post modern prattle on or a shakepearian battleworn lad from a' estate?
who knows at the moment but I'm not that concerned. This test is the hardest cos it's all to be relearned a bit.

Going back to times when I hadn't a clue is the result of thinking I knew it all makes me a fool not a clown pie-eyed.
I've got to face every aspect of myself and ask is that me? Like comparing myself to others all the time am I them inside?

No it's me.

Bits of me that I don't like or had thought were long gone, brought up by strong emotions of pure joy a reverance and respect
for the fact that there was a time when it felt joyless to be here, in fact pretty grim, so I suppose it leads to overwhleming
feelings of ambivalence when it's hurting so much to deal with that shit but if I don't do it now it's just like an itch. If you

scratch it it comes back if it wants to, if you don't scratch it that's it... Some itches may feel the same after you are healing

or saved from overindulgence or underindulgence or both in extreme but the fact that they're healing is the sign that you're free

to imagine that everything else is fine too. After all even if you're kidding yourself, won't that do? Make believe that there's

peace now already cos there is if you like, it's found deep inside you like riding a bike. You remember or it's itching at you but

you know if you don't you'll never know a thing worth knowing and this isn't a joke. Learn who you are when you have a spring

clean up there and all over and carry that person forward into whatever future present moment you wish to see unfold.

I don't mind feeling like I'm 20 something again even if I don't look it ;) because to me it's like wishing you could go back and

do it all again with the knowledge and wisdom of someone who could kick the bullies ass and such and such. Problem with that is I

would have been worse and far worse off right now. I don't respond well to accusations and I don't mind a confrontation whereas

before I would have avoided it at all costs. But I'm way more a lover than a fighter. I don't like fighting of any kind, I prefer

a sit down debate that after a few drinks and other purely for medicinal purposes substances (P.M.P.S.) will usually result in a

handshake or a kiss and later after way too much of one or the others somehow it comes back up again and everything kicksoff.

Although it never does except that one time.

So yes I'm feeling shy and retiring whilst also on top of the world for the briefest times and those are when I can face the fact

that I don't need most things. I haven't got many and I'm getting rid of everything as fast as I can. I've read books, I can keep

my clothes. The rest I can grow or have to buy. My stereo and the essentials I'm keeping, the rest hasn't been touched for years.

I can download or access almost anything I could ever need online. That's a great bonus and a great temptation at the same time.

Almost as if we're all being offered on a personal and a national, if you still recognise those labels for the population of the

planet earth, and a global perspective the opportunity to choose our own future. In small ways we are every day, will I go this

way or that way? What should I be looking out for again? Landmarks? Road Signs? I'm lost again. Always am. Then someone said

hey, take your time, learn the way and I am. Bit by bit, different things that were tough are getting better but that's still not

enough? Yes No er Yes it's still not, but hey work harder not smarter. Be consistent more. Not in fits and starts.

So it's me?

It's my fault I'm the way I am not what others did. I let them. I didn't do anything. I felt helpless so I was helpless so it's

not my fault. But it is, isn't, is, isn't, yesisnot, everything is true from the right perspective.

Isn't...

Stop thinking those old thoughts now for the last time let them go, they were attached to nice feelings that aren't going anywhere.
In fact they only get better cos they were pure emotion and that's just as memorable as the first time you did anything new

anywhere new with anyone new.

Hmm as usual I start writing feelings and get gibberish poetry, it's really not my fault it's just coming out that way these days

sometimes, intuition and cognition failing captain, we're all at sea this time ready to ditch but that was then and it's been easy

to easier to fix, I'm drawn to the right videos, articles and friends who live a better life than I do. Learning a lot and making

masses of mistakes but hey it's the opposite of getting over someone cold turkey, I'm having to learn focus in every second and

relaxation in that same moment. Alert calmness. The ability to not freak out constantly and not over-react constantly to outside

events, balancing out the right and left brain spheres like two planets slowly colliding and becoming one line, that Spice Girls

song, smooch smooch I love you lefty , I love you righty, squelch they've only blooomin' gone and made a super mind capable of

common sensual decisions within the one organ so not either swayed too heavily by emotion and change or too not heavily enough to

stick to habits and ruts in concert with the fact that the brain sends less signals to the Heart as do the neurons there send far

more information to the brain, we litterly are able to think with our hearts and often do. But we get heart broken and then stop

trusting it.

If I'm ever in pain of any sort, emotional , physical, mental, all I do is imagine that my heart can take it. Because it can, take

my pain away like some kind of beautiful reprocessing plant, breathing in the power in the form of oxygen or energy whatever way

you wanna look at it. Breathing through my heart as in my head's third eye I see it glowing a pure gold although rarely cos it's

red hot and white hot mostly these days, just a pilot light in comparison to how it felt before. There are little glimpses of that

crimson palace I resided in and in truth the more I cope with feeling like shit the more I seem to get over it quicker. The less

I feel like getting shitfaced or out of it. Although that's still fun in the right company...

Imagination

Creation

Elation

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Intimi Dating

When I said I hadn't been that intimate with a woman before, I had plenty of times, I meant that we had the lights on ;)

intimidating means to threaten and also to injure and is so close to imitating that it hurts.
Don't we just try to be the same as each other for as long as we can manage?
and then find out that we're nothing alike and hate each other for it...
rather than being honest at the start and learning to love someone,
who despite annoying the heck out of you makes you laugh.
cried in front of you, shared lots of things

Intimidation (also called cowing) is intentional behavior "which would cause a person of ordinary sensibilities" fear of injury or harm. It's not necessary to prove that the behavior was so violent as to cause terror or that the victim was actually frightened

This isn't about a person it's about every person in or out of my life
and a little bit about me
and all at the same time
my bit seems toughest
sorry if that's how
y'all feel too..
Love &
Light
Jon
x