Selling ourselves short - long playing record

I'm hooked on a television show, as I don't watch t.v. anymore I'm watching it online and I shouldn't be bothering because to be honest it isn't very good, it's deliberately shocking, overly gruesome, the science in the show is so inaccurate as to be misleading and dangerously so if anyone based their life on what it purports to be the truth in any way shape or form.  Yet this show was made, it survived its first series, or season if you are in the states, where it was made.  The first run was awful, it stretches the need to put aside your sense of disbelief more than almost anything I've ever seen, you really do have to and I can't remember the words, but it's very far fetched to say the least, it's beyond the fringe.

It's called Fringe, and the actors do their best, in fact it's the prostitution of them that I am referring to here, the fact that many of them appearing in the show, obviously have to work to live, to do their job, to keep on acting, to do the profession that they love, many times over they must have to do things that aren't very good, even if they can do their best, the scripts are bad, the production poor, the show itself this show, I kinda love it, I want to know where it's going even though the lead character I don't rate her as an actress, I liked something the leading man was in, and the other male character is great.

I want to quickly blame the system itself, the television networks, the product placement, the advertisers, executives, the short deadlines for the writers, the creative stress rather than the joy.

Instead of something coming from the imagination over time, it is produced, by many minds, pulled in many directions at once, sell yourself to these age groups, be this, be that, demographics...

So I'm hooked on this show and watching every episode knowing that it's over now, it's in the can.

I feel for anyone who acts, I could never have handled the rejection, the pressure, or at least that is how I feel even though I'm a natural performer, when my inhibitions are gone it comes out of me.

I have suffered from stage fright when it comes to life itself, my inner turmoil, my doubts rule.  They've lead me not to try to do things I would dearly have loved to, lead me here to this living death.  This stage of life where I'm going through the motions, like an ageing actor dying on stage.

My role is a supporting one now that I've come back from the brink of quitting all the world, having to play on, finding ways to do that, ways to try to right the wrongs within the script of my life.

I saw the back stage goings on, or thought I did and I've learnt so much that I can't reconcile the difference between the real world and the world of movies and television because you see a film like 'A Beautiful Mind' or 'Into the wild' purports to be based on a true story but fails to tell the truth.

In many cases there are many stories that could be said to be the true truth, many perspectives on the same subject, many people with their own versions of events and only all of those would make sense.

The truth of Into the wild for instance, has come to light as new information has been discovered.

It's the story of a young man, disenfranchised with a life of ease, who went 'into the wild' and died.

The guy was possibly suffering from mental disturbances, now from my point of view much of the wrongs in this world are actually not personal illness but a sickness of the planet itself and that what we think of and see as mental illness in individuals is really just symptoms of an insane world.

But I would say that wouldn't I?  Because I am too in that vane, wishing to get away from the modern world, wanting to find a niche without the modern conveniences and stresses, away from all the prodding and poking by physicians, the products that are addictive and damaging, the companies that get away with doing things today that if our species survives and thrives for years to come will be realised as injurious to our very health, our spiritual well being and of benefit to few but businesses.

We will learn what a mistake the last century or so has been, if not the last several, progress for progress sake, leading us all down a cul de sac, a dead end of historic proportions even.

What actually happened to this guy in the wild was that he didn't have enough food, and in his weakened state, what he was subsisting on, caused a fatal, terminal situation that killed him.

Within the seeds that he was eating large quantities of, was a poison, I forget the scientific name, but it created a paralysis to come over him that made it impossible for the guy to hunter gather anymore.

He literally couldn't get out of his situation, to get help, even if he wanted to and what he was eating wasn't poisonous as some people have surmised, he didn't eat the wrong plant, because he was stupid, he didn't eat something that would have killed him except because of his already weakened state.

It was only when complicated scientific tests were done on the seeds that a component of them was discovered that is only relevant to this whole story when it comes to a case like his, like eating the stones in fruits that in large enough quantities releases cyanide, like in some wild fruits in the u.k.

The whole movie was predicated on the fact that if you go out into the wild you will die, because even experts can't tell the difference between one plant and another, the same myth is spread about mushrooms, and idiots  do eat the wrong ones every year and die but they were idiots or accidents.

Living in harmony with nature and learning about the fruits and wonders she has in store is safe.

We did it for thousands if not millions of years, we had an innate wisdom that came from our connection to her, to the mother that made our very lives possible and we still do, can do.

That is what I wish for myself, only that, to live like that, to reconnect, to love living like that.

It's a long playing record, this story that I keep on telling in different ways and it makes me feel as though I may go on telling the same one over and over for the rest of my days...  That might be worthwhile because I have found that to break the spell of the modern world one has to repeat yourself over and over until people start listening, break the habit of a lifetime :) xxxxx