For Better or For Worse

Back and Forth, as though it would be easy to find an answer, one over-riding truth to it all...

I was of the opinion that the church, roman catholic, protestant christian, whatever the flavour, the business that it is, they are, were more like the money changers of the bible than anything else...

Merely a method of control, a way of taking what little money the poor majority have and passing it up the steps of the pyramid to the richer folks at the top to do with as they will and so they did.

Temptation comes into it of course, power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely or so I've heard it said and on it goes the story of us, how we began is unclear and on it goes this story of ours.

Were we merely animals who became men and women, is there a missing link, were we created?

From scratch as it were, from wood, like puppets, from clay like statues, from the ribs of men?

So the church for me was not the best, okay their morals are worth listening to, commandments also.

After all it isn't a good thing to steal, or murder, or covet what is not yours and the other rules too.

They make a lot of sense, in some ways I see the point of marrying, creating a strong bond between two people, making it so that it keeps people to a structure, giving society a formal shape together.

Love does seem to cause an awful lot of issues though, maybe love is the wrong word, because unrequited love isn't the same thing I'm talking about, it's more like the love of a family member.

The unconditional love that you feel for someone even when they disappoint you, for a pet because they love you no matter what and you love them even when they shit on the carpet or puke in the hall.

This world is made up of so much pain and love and everything inbetween and the free will of all.

We can choose to invest in making this place better or worse, to make an effort to do so too.

I've heard a lot about whether the church itself is evil, after all they killed so many who disagreed with them, they literally accused anyone who held their own beliefs of heresy, er that's so close to heresay, I have only just noticed that, maybe some more study needed, why am I so driven to know?

Is it that over the years things have been said to me, have happened to me to make it so?

That is true, between the time a couple of friends saw me and I appeared to be something else.

Least said soonest mended, but I looked for all the world to them both to be the devil.

I've had my own experience of projecting onto someone, or seeing them as such.

I laid there and waited for my skull to be bashed in, I said as much inside.

Internally I stated, I will never renounce love do as you will to me.

I survived, I've been in the company of people others would never trust or be around, was I foolish to get myself into those situations or did I have some internal reasoning behind it, perhaps I never thought, I've started to see myself as someone who has been blinded to so many things because to see them would be to see myself in a different light, to open up to pulling back all my tethers from others.

So the church for me meant a place I have loved to be for my own space and time, I have visited many, in the local area, I find the places very peaceful as I go when no-one else is there, in Spain I found myself drawn to visiting the churches, I went to mass occasionally, in the cathedral in Burgos with friends, I went to the pilgrim mass in Roncesvalles abbey when I arrived on the Spanish side of the pyrenees and the three or four ancient looking monks there made me cry their singing was such.

I saw the church as a way to make people conform but the underlying message isn't a bad one, treat others as you would like to be treated, what it does do though is make for a structure that many can't stick to, marriage seems to be a difficult way to live for many, or perhaps we are weak, weaker...

Maybe humanity is going downhill, for certain in ways we have gone so, some places on earth.

Many places are better, light is being shone on areas of life that have gone unnoticed for years.

Modern slavery is being highlighted, all over the world it's possible for stories to come to the attention of someone else who knows where, from one side of the world to the other it can happen that something can be done about things that in the past would never have even been noticed.

It's this whole idea of the world getting better and worse at the same time, for one or the other.

So then there's this whole idea that actually, the snake in the garden of eden, was a good thing.

That the god, the creator of this place, whether in luciferian lore or gnostic gospels whatever.

Between the two, there is the thought, story that our bodies or this reality are a trap to keep us.

That we are gods in our own right, that we ought not to be held here, reborn here, whatever.

Between all those different viewpoints it makes a case for the whole lot of religion to be confusing at best and a vicious cycle at worst, no wonder there are so many takes on all of this nonsense.

In the middle of it all are the humans, not sure who they are, why they are here, what to do.

Full of temptations, bad habits, learnt and passed on, ways to turn towards or away from.

From a love that seems to be to me and I hope I can oneday find some, but nature loves.

Nature yes can be cruel, but we are a part of it, of her, so what's is to be done? Yes?

Does anyone want to know the spiritual truth of it all, are we spirits in a body?

Are we souls incarnated, literally in meat, chilli con carne, with meat?

Maybe we're all just fodder for the gods, a great experiment.

Let's see how the dice roll, how the chips fall this time.

Start the ball rolling and see how they do alone.

The gods took a step back and left us to it.

For better or for worse is what we are.

I've said no-one is all good or

all bad so i have to choose

to try to be one or the

other more or less

i choose for

a better

love

x