Been There Before

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Been There Before

In a space, a place beyond, beyond life?  I don't know, I felt the link, the connection between everything good and everything evil, God the Devil, whatever you wish to call what makes up this reality or whatever lies behind it all.  I was looping, having snide remarks about how long it was taking me to catch on this time, as though all creations are merely versions of something that came a long time ago, a chance for something new to occur, to us all, to learn again, or for the first time.

As though good and bad, so aligned, perhaps maligned, loving and hating each other for eternity.

Wishing to be released, to move on, to progress to somewhere else, but how?  To love of course.

The only recourse in fact as I was threatened lightly, to be shown the truth, the dark side of it.

I didn't wish to see it, what lies on the other side, what came before, as though when facing away from me the darker truth was there to be seen if only I had wished to do so, of others, of myself.

I relaxed into the moment, as turn by turn, second by second, there was this battle within.

Between good and bad, I chose love, I felt it was the only way forward, out, away.

People around seemed familiar as though we're done this journey before.

Hard to work out what it all means, because I was god, I was the other.

From that perspective all I could do was keep on choosing love.

To have the world around me transformed by that decision.

I got desperate and shouted internally 'I just want everyone else to be happy' after all the questions about what I desire for myself, in the state of being able to have anything I desired, wished to be.

That's too much power for one individual, it isn't up to me to decide everyone elses fate.

Almost as if I was being offered ultimate power again and baulking away from it.

Shrinking back into myself, it was a tiring session, a tiring lesson, I chose right.

From my point of view, I chose right that time and would again I hope.

Coming back to myself, finding connection to others difficult.

Spaced out over the days since, coming back to earth, bang.

Having experienced energies again, sent healing again, sensed and felt connection again.

So I wish to proceed, if I am to do so, to somehow grow out of my old patterns.

To be of use to the world in some way, to send love out and maybe receive it.

Humbling myself, stumbling myself, glad my car was fine after my panic.

Glad that others asked after me, they were so kind thanks from my heart.

Never knowing to push harder or shrink and shy away I have to try.

Maybe never to understand in this life, but to connect, to live.

Wish the world a happy ending whatever happens to me.

I would like to think i was good in the past but that,

well that's come to be something i wonder about.

Maybe there's some karma here to let go of.

Perhaps this is my chance to love freely.

Maybe this is all of our chances.

In these days, end of the beginning, beginning of the end, maybe something new will appear.

Leaving behind certain things a necessity, to the process allows us as humans, with free will.

To do just that, to choose another path to the one we lived as energy in another life before...

Now as energy, as a being of matter, I felt energy within me, pulsing into my hands, inside my body, variously over the last few days, leeching out and gone now, although when I meditate is it there?

I have to work hard to clear my desk, clear my doubts, stop repeating old habits.

As I see the ways others live and breath their way through a day in the life.

Wondering why it is that I am different and wondering how much?

Knowing that some questions may have to wait until the end.

Feeling as though I have to find the courage to try again.

Whatever it is internally that tells me to fail, fall over.

Is it from the past, several?  Is it from this life?

I felt as though my memory was faulty.

As though there were, are gaps here.

Perhaps all will become clear.

One day, when all this ends.

Signing off now thankyou.