Caught in a bitter loving battle

Caught in a bitter loving battle between hate and love, between bad and good, between devil and god.

I was both, neither, one or the other, just me, you, everyone all at once, feeling the struggle between.

As though for eternity up until now and who knows for how much longer the fight goes on still.

The feeling was that at some point, love conquers all, or at least for me it did, a sneaking suspicion still available that underlying what I was creating around me was something sinister but that's an option maybe, as though it must be possible, must be available, to allow free will to make it so.

To allow us to create new life, new worlds within and without it's all still a choice.

So I lived in that moment, those minutes whatever, however long it was.

In that place with enlightened souls around, the energy risen.

Feeling in some parts tortured in some parts blessed.

Seeing the shadow for what it is, a part of me.

Making my choice, I choose love.

Feeling the pressure subside.

Coming back to myself, back to earth, having never moved from the spot I was bedraggled in.

Looking around, seeing others as a nuisance, wanting of me things I was too tired to give.

Knowing that this process shaves the layers and skin from my eyes, from my vision.

Allowing me to see the real world that is always there masked by veils here.

The struggle continues, the battle between love and hate goes on.

As though intertwined yin and yan, ying and yang.

Springing eternal in every second a choice.

To leave old ways behind and move on?

I hope that is the option, because it felt as though this is in some ways a trap, in some ways a creation that allows new things to come into being, but in some ways still subdued, still cautious, still here.

When what would be really beautiful is for the shadow to be cast into the light, become it.

For us all to be transformed, us all to choose the light, choose what's right, become it.

Move on to a world somewhere else, maybe that's where we came from and go.

Where love is all around us, we are it, it is us, existing there forever.

That's my hope, the forgiveness I felt, the disruption of my guilt.

As though I was being let down gently to move on in this life.

To work through the areas I have failed at and move on.

Maybe even realise one whole, become whole, good.

Become the best of both, all the positive intentions.

Having to accept where I've gone wrong before.

Having to own those aspects I had ignored.

In order to own my own power, love.

Give it away as easily as I wished.

Work through the judgements.

That I make about others.

That I desire not to.

This is hard to do.

But I wouldn't wish anything else for myself and certainly I wish the best for everyone else.

When questioned extensively, a million times a second as time slowed down so much.

I got frustrated feeling as though it would go on forever, just let others be happy.

That's all I wish for and I know I'm repeating what I wrote before but this is.

The same experience that I've been through before, the looping part of it.

Each successive loop tighter, further down the plughole, up the vortex.

That I felt we travel along and to and through in the end of life.

To go to wherever it is that this place represents in this state.

A state of being that is far removed from whatever is there.

It's a fate acompli something I can do nothing about.

Apart from resisting temptations, and loving out.

Being it, giving it easily, learning to love.

Learning to ignore the other sides to it.

The other side of the coin that flipped.

Was thrown up in sky, best 2 out of 3?

As the war between hate and love,

goes on ad infinitum creating.

New ways to be, new people.

So that we all learn more.

About all the options.

Finally choosing,

to leave once
more forever
go to love x