things that have changed

i notice more
i experience more
i feel more
i see, smell, touch, taste and hear more
many of my dreams seem to reflect my day so in that way i will notice those that don't
working on becoming more aware in general, during the day, during the night
i don't sleep through anymore, often needing to relieve myself
i am awoken by others when they get up which is annoying
i must be a light sleeper, in the past i was deeply unconcious
i've been making better choices and am more accident prone
making up for lost time and more thoughtful
more aware of others and the differences between us
that's a bit annoying but it creates a contrast that i can work with
i can see the habits of the past that held me back
i can make changes and face the feeling that i ought not to
i can attempt to be a better person incrementally
the rivers of our minds iin the ocean of conciousness can take a turn away from oxbow lakes
those patterns of behaviour can be altered little by little or a lot like smashing our comfort zone
getting outside of our supposed limits by adventuring, or as a someone said holidaying in a room
basically looking at everything in a new light and wondering what they mean, how they feel, are
noticing how reluctant i am to do things for others, chores, breaking barriers in my own mind
wandering around in there, bringing my attention back to my breath making my life a meditation
always whenever it's a song someone else has sung, creating an ear worm, a parasite
bringing attention earlier and earlier back to the breath, the heart, lower than the head
away from thoughts, these things were hidden but no more, awaking a little disgruntled
because in my dreams i am someone else, i'm me obviously, usually i feel so anyway
but on waking i am the person with the history i have, thinking of others but no inclination to contact them
a lifelong or at least more recent habit, in the past life was happening without thinking, lots of drinking
lots of ways to just go with the flow of others, never any goals of my own, just lists of things i never did
until slowly i did them, first aid, self defence, always with the feeling that i had saved myself for those
for the times i learned them, the instances, the trainers, the ways i didn't learn anything from anyone else
i didn't learn things that i would later need to forget, unlearn, i only learned them when i needed them
this way i can see life as a line that isn't unbroken, or at least isn't a straight one, i knew things early
i knew things from the self defence course before i went there, and i did them, instinctively so
i knew lots of information about first aid, i went there unprepared to see what i knew
i went there and it came out in the training room, whatever i knew so i could find out what i needed to know
as if we travel with a connection to our future aswell as our past, let's not forget those jet fighter pilots
many experiments prove precognition, galvanic skin responses of participants watching a screen
they know physically before the next picture flashes up if it's going to be a scary or nice one
is the next picture of a spider or flowers?  Their body knows and responds in kind
so there are proofs that we can know something is coming before occurence
anyway im off topic and trying to prove something by using examples
better to write and see what comes out, from the heart, automatically
automatic writing, nothing apparently, back to life with something in my eye today
a trip to the minor injury unit, orange dye in the eye, eye drops to put in there
an afternoon off to rest up and hope not to go to eye hospital and bought
tickets for a festival to see my favourite band for the first time ever!
a surprise for someone on their birthday my what a lovely idea
the sort of thing normal people do, i never did it before
or did i, wasn't i normal before, how twisted my fate?
how late to the party has this version of me been?
going from the other to one extreme again...
at least this way i'll live longer healthy
so many good habits, living for others
living well, sleeping so much more than
before really, some troubles getting off to
sleep sometimes, some old problems coming
back when i have something i'm worrying about
but that's good that i care, good to have those old
problems, just focussing on my tuesday, wednesday
thursday nights and working hard and eating so good
making myself a dish that gets thicker and tastier each
day and lasts all week full of vegetables and spices and
those fruits every morning and lunch and trying to care less
about all the fads and things on the internet that sound crazy
let my subconcious meet me in my dreams and answer things
get in touch with aspects and heal, remember my dreams write
them down and become aware that i'm dreaming, recover much
things i remember, song lyrics, songs coming to mind connections
thinking about old affections, course corrections, a new direction?

the surreal nature of nature, of living, of being able to ask these questions, of being on a rock in space
of having a face, seeing oneself clearly, seeing the root of my own problems, dealing with them again
the feeling low down inside that i've done all this before like a time traveller who just repeats what
happened in the past, having come here from the future, needing to make sure to do them in the
right order, because whatever you do is right, will create the future that always existed then
just make sure to treat others right, get on with it, don't fear the different fates, be willing
to make mistakes, told to lighten up not to be so hard on myself that this year will be
good, going to write to an inmate in a prison in the states, be positive, give hope