Poem:- what gets lost at sea...

i was thinking this up in the bath you see and while i was floating and musing and making things up as i go along as usual wondering how to convey to you all that you ought to feel full of power not powerless and yes it's easy to say but you spend so much time addicted to drama, well then don't watch t.v. especially the news that doesn't inform, it's the worst kind of ear worm, the programs even the ones that call themselves reality speak about a world that's made up by someone just like this is, formed out of words as lies, edited, smearing your view, like a badly washed window onto the earth outside of you, 

plainly spoken it was going to be about truth mostly forgotten, a few lines that rhymed but even those are lost, like me, working from the past to the future with the present as a weight around my neck tied to both with the mean average folks justifying the ends, useless trends, fashions for consuming stuff that tastes good on the tongue, in the mouth but hurts when it finally comes out instead of a little of the good things, that cost a bit more, go a long way, swell in your belly, making you feel good all over, transforming your life, from the inside out, make some, please, don't tease me with your attempts to say what you will do differently, prove it to me, make some, changes, rearranges, leave what doesn't work behind, find some fucking fun, please, anyone?

You can do it, and keep on, keep at it, keep plugging away until yes, you did it, it's done, you're free again can you feel it? Wine turned into water, it's a bloody miracle. I can feel again, it hurts at first, things coming to the surface to be healed, revealed, re-revealed, then re-concealed but this time not papering over the cracks they're deeply filled, like a new foundation has been built to work up from there, a little more weight because compulsive eating to comfort the wounded soul, in real life i'm much more normal, and shy, a less blustery wind but gassy and i won't apologise, human, aching less, body less weary, more teary and it feels fucking immense, deep emotion hence the rarer smile and even less frequent laugh

because i've worked my way here and discovered all the back burner fuel and loaded it up, stomach churning, early nights, it's all or nothing with me, good habits, no losing myself to some crush, a useless fantasy, i don't think my life makes sense unless every instance of connection leads to a chance to do something positive for you, make sure every chance i get i take, less no's more yes's despite my fears manifest as threats to everyone i can't feel love for but know intellectually mean the very most to me, i've found the numbness and acting upon it, the stage, the players, they're all me, a wandering troupe, uncovering scripts that need rewriting, loving, no more fighting the inevitable, and what's on the table read is being better every day...