One Moment in Time

Time is an arse, it doesn't exist...

A future time is not here yet, a past time is not here either...

The past is dead, the future not yet alive, now is the only moment, not in time, time is without meaning anymore.

I have known things I didn't learn until years later, I have known things that I learn't years before I was born.

Growing up ripples came through 'time' from the ancient past via intuition
Growing old ripples come back to me from a future period not reached

To know this is to feel, I shut down, I dumbed down, I closed down.

I feared more hurt and revealed old ones so deep I had forgotten, fogiven them, forgiven myself

Those wounds are still fresh now, drive me on now, forging my resolve now.

I know I will await judgement at a later date, I have waited long enough
Suffered enough, wallowed enough, given in to the pain.

Took control the only way I knew how by stopping everything,
quit everything, found myself quitting everyone too, so self centred.

So self concious, I was tempted to curl up into a ball and let the world die
Wanted at points to relive those old times, make the same promises

This life, love is not for me, I am not worthy of anything or anyone
And yet, given the same stresses, the same situations
I have pushed forward, pushed on, moved on

Cut to the chase, felt the hot breath of death on the back of my neck
I could have, have had the thought that I should have, ended it all

I have suffered psychologically, wanted to scream out, scratch out my eyes
Now recognise, seeing finally, that the end was the beginning and the end

At the lowest ebb, at the lower end of the spectrum, when everything died
When I was finally recognising and reliving those hapless days, quitting this
quitting that, losing this and that, making old mistakes, losing my sanity yes

Losing what I thought I had gained, what I was experiencing was not good
It wasn't what I thought, it was the numbing, the death throws,the violent extra time
Second half of the finest game I've ever played, everything was psychedelic, everything
I was not doing my life long habits, had grown out of many of them, I have the strength back

Am regaining my control, still there are moments, I have to work on my focus, meditating, using the time
Spending long periods on positive thinking, positive steps, cleaning up my space, my act, regrounding

Getting back my love of life, of nature, working a bit, so tired at night but then can't drop off to sleep
So I am setting some assignments, saying some affirmations, deciding on some journey statements

From now on I will sleep easily and deeply, spirit within and without, no beliefs, just faith in me

From now on, I will not suffer like I have, I will continue to work hard on everything

From now, in the now, right now, hoping, praying, saying, feeling, getting in touch

Setting my intentions like the timer on the video recorder, record the good

The bad can go fuck itself, I'm not joining in no more, had made that quite clear a long time ago

No such thing as time anyway, it's an oxymoron, there is only now

Right now, here and now, in the middle of the river, in the flow

Coincidences happening again, as much as I doubt my choices

Slowly they are coming to fruition, trusting again
Slowly believing again

Knowing it was all for good, all for the best
into context

Light &
Love
Jon
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