Agent Walker of the F.B.O. (Full Body Orgasms - or - 'Strictly Cum Dancing')

Ok first things first I would normally connect with someone online in the past (it's been months if not a year or so since I did this) and that is actually a good way to create and maintain a very strong connection without all the confusion and interference that comes with a face to face meeting and the temptation not to take your time ;)

Follow these instructions at your own pace, play and experiment with what feels good and it will work like a charm. The great thing is that once it's worked for you once, it'll work whenever you want it to.

Do whatever feels right don't worry about following to the letter, it's your Full Body Orgasm...

Lay down where you can read on and feel most comfortable and relax, breath slow and deep with your hands down by your sides. Just be and let yourself sink into that feeling...

Watch your stomach rise as you breath in through your nose drawing it down deep and take the energy and power of your own sexual desire inside like starting a fire in the great outdoors and watching it catch.

Breath out through your mouth and allow your breathing to become slower and longer, feel all the stress of your day exhailed and your loving energy build.

Take the very tips of your fingers and run them slowly teasingly up and down your sides as far up as you can reach and as far down too.

Tickling and lightly grazing your skin, as softly as you can so that it raises goosebumps.

Slowly as you can manage allow your fingers to explore closer and closer to all the areas that you would normally concentrate on only let them cover every inch of skin everywhere else first.

Tease yourself into nearly touching there but don't just yet, oh no you want to enjoy this part.

Let that fire inside build and fill you up, feel how strongly you desire to be touched and where.

Make small circles, and let those fingers find their own rythym, move over your thighs and calves, tickle your stomach in softest slow circles, feeling the heat that is rising and spreading .

Feel the skin of your neck and softly lightly stroke around and around and down as you get closer to your chest. Let the fire inside spread up and down your body, from your core to your extremeties.

Try using one hand on your stomach and the other on your neck and work towards each other.

Discover every inch of your legs and feel how good it is to edge closer and closer to your inner thighs and sex.

Still never touching where you really want, just teasingly exploring what feels good and let the pressure you apply grow to those areas already explored but ever so softly everywhere else.

Move closer and closer to your breasts and sex feeling your whole body engulfed by the fire within, breath it in and out allowing yourself time to feel how good it is just to be in that moment and feel those feelings.

Keep on breathing slow and deep, let it build and build until you can barely take it any more.

And when you can't... finally you can start to softly stroke and explore closer and closer.

Tease & tempt yourself, feeling that fire within ready to explode whenever you desire.

Touch yourself wherever it feels good and exert more pressure.

Never stop playing with that awesome energy and fire.

Feel it engulf your body entirely.

You're Almost There...

---

I'll leave the rest up to you ;) xxx <3

Light &
Love
Jon
x

You Wanna Go With Me?

Donnie: Well look, um... uh... you wanna go with me? Gretchen: Where do you wanna go?

I've already written about the fact that the word commitment actually means to travel somewhere with someone or something, to share one mind or spirit on a journey together...

It doesn't mean forever, it doesn't mean anything other than what it says for now.

To mutually agree on a destination or idea and work towards reaching it.

Big deal. I'm commited to finding someone like-minded to travel with.

I never said anything about the future, I was happy in the present.

Most shamans are either nocommital or commited several times over to avoid jealousy.

Otherwise your whole being can be taken up by one destination.

The intense focus and love that I have to give is too much for one.

I can see now why it is such a good idea not to love only one person.

Just aswell that I have many friends and Billions of potential candidates.

Light &
Love
Jon
x

co-

1. together; mutually; jointly
2. partner or subordinate in an activity
3. to the same degree

mit (german for with)

ment m (plural ments)

1. the mind
2. the spirit

Hubba Bubba Gump Gimp

I used to never like disturbing someone who was still sleeping, now I just wanna shake them awake even if they hate me for it (not people actually literally asleep or awake cos that's just rude, I've done my best not to be) and it seems like that can be the case at least for a short while. I made my most recent ex boss so angry with me that he never wants to see me again, but I hope that afterwards he realised how long it had been since he had felt anything at all or seen anyone else for who they truly are instead of his view or opinion. I challenged you and stood up to you and you didn't like it up ya did ya fuzzywuzzy? (We have a lot of Jones'es in our family on both sides and rather than being a little late coming to attention, I'm usually early). Your poor child-like ego couldn't stand the fact that I was honest in my dealings with your staff members and highlighted just how closed off and dishonest you are and how deluded about their state of mind, because you don't actually know any of them. When you calmed down and noticed what effect my present gave you, I would like to think that in the future you may have a change of heart where I'm concerned. I never wanted things to end that way but I really don't like goodbyes and I'm probably misquoting here "Professionally Jon is a very hard worker, but personally I never want to see him again". That's a very strong reaction, from what I was told, it sounded to me like the tantrum of a toddler in overeaction to text messages sent between us on my scheduled last day. Those are very stressful times for me and I avoid them if I can because I get so emotional. I put my heart and soul into everything I do and often find endings dreadfull, whereas beginnings are always so full of wonder. They were chock full of anxiety and fear too but I've always been able to do things that make me afraid when I had to. Leave one school for another, leave school for college, leave college for work, meet up with the first person I ever flirted outrageously with (luckily for me without realising it up until someone pointed it out) all these things terrified me to the core and yet as far as I was concerned, the next steps down a road I thought I was meant for. So I did them no matter how much I panicked inside, I just got on with it. The strength I found within wasn't a concious process, it was easy to run from something I loved to something I hated. In fact the unknown doesn't scare me, it's the things that are expected that do.

I've never felt more or less like Forrest Gump than ever before at the same time. In fact I've been called Forrest Walker, Jonny Gump, Jonny run-home because that is how I would deal with the things that scared me half to death when what I was experiencing was so very close to that end point in life. I have known and travelled far and wide with death ever since I was born but I keep that friend as with all my others very close and my old enemies such as life even closer but still occasionally at arms length, mainly cos I'm never sure if they can handle the pain in the neck that I think I am or thought I was or still am from time to time, I really didn't know who I was or felt like I was actually worth knowing. I used to piss myself off much more than anyone else could or you can imagine, but then I've spent more time with me than with anyone else so that makes total sense. I'm quite a good impressionist because I didn't want to be me, whenever I was, somebody would make me feel bad. So I got into a pattern, an old habit that dies hard, of going away from everyone and everything so that I could be myself and coming back to be who I thought you wanted or needed me to be. That didn't make me very happy. Understatement. I'm really just a dumbass who loves mowing lawns and could do that for the rest of my life every summer, but my I.Q. is roughly twice forrests which is actually one of the hardest things to come to terms with because it hasn't gotten me anywhere good, fast. Smart people are often miserable as they either have to hide their light under a bushell because no-one likes a wise ass or a clever dick, or find other wiseguys and gals to hang out with, but if you've met me in person I would never want you to feel bad because I'm brighter than you, or dumb myself down in any way shape or form, I don't do that. I am whatever is appropriate to the situation as far as I can manage that and it isn't about not being who I am. I'm actually a very good actor, or liar if you prefer and I can make believe almost anything and often do if it suits me and more importantly you, with the deepest respect, good manners and intentions.

My birth chart describes me this way... 'You are a mind-reader, and as such you often feel you know what another person will say before it is said. Whilst this is often the case, problems can arise because of a tendency to adjust what you say to conform to the other person's supposed expectations, and to hide thoughts and ideas which you think will not be received well. If this habit goes on for too long, you may find that you start living in another world - isolated and misunderstood. Effort must be made to improve communication and to say what is really on your mind.' Uh I hope I haven't overdone it ;)

It goes on to say 'You tend to take on the vibrations of others just as a chameleon changes colour, so it is important to be discriminative as regards who you are with, and what you do. As you mature, you learn to be watchful of your own moods, as they change with the least stimulus. By cultivating an emotionally positive attitude, you can avoid the negative energy states that made you feel helpless in the face of adversity when you were young.' If I couldn't help myself, I'd make up a reason why it wasn't me that I was being strong for, it was someone, anyone else who would be my cause.

and on to say 'You will have had a very stimulating upbringing which enhanced your natural curiosity. Your constant desire to learn, expand your mental horizons and create contact with people inclines you to a job in which contact, communication, teaching, travel and a social network are important. You have natural secretarial abilities and may be bilingual. Your early education will be extremely important to you, and you are liable to make good progress. You thrive in school and with friends, and an interest in education will play a role in your later professional life. You are extremely sensitive to how your ideas are received, and you will succeed professionally when you use your latent talent for getting a message across. You are a lover - and spreader - of information, and buzzing with ideas.' Well I'm certainly trylingual in that I desire to learn any language that I come into contact with, or at least a few words, cos it's another puzzle for me to try to solve... Secretarial skills? Oh yes, ask my friends from Cosmo last year ;) I was excellent at butlering to their every need, I'm a great number two (or a little shit whichever way you look at it). Mmmmmm and 'I'm a lover - and spreader - ' I like that sextion ;)

I don't know anything about so many things that I should do and lots of useless crap about things that don't matter. I was always a little jealous of you for living life whereas what I did was make excuses not to or try to think my way out of situations that you seem to deal with quite naturally because you feel good about being you or make it look that way. I wanted to learn how to live and love and just cried myself to sleep a lot and wet the bed until I was ahem (mum don't tell them I'd die of embarrassment but it wasn't past primary school as I recall). I got bullied and bullied and have gone round or sought out and apologised to anyone I hurt and forgiven anyone who hurt me. It's been swings and roundabouts but felt much more like being on a see-saw when you and your mate are trying to break each others necks or send one or tother into orbit.

So er yes I'm being me more, most of the time and it's causing ructions within my own life and without yours, whilst I tone it down and lose some old habits or learn lessons the hard way but in a lot less time. Trying to find a balance between uncompromisingly acting out my own role rather than portaying someone elses scripted part for me. It's tough and I hope I can work on the screenplay a bit more before it's released, letting it organically turn itself into something worth watching if not taking on tour out on the world stage for all to see, or to whoever feels like a free ticket. I'm not special needs but I am a remedial work in progress. My feeling is that whilst I give idiots a bad name in many respects that it's all worthwhile if one other person sees something in me (and believe me there's a lot in here, whole worlds created so that I didn't have to take part in the real one) that makes them feel better about themselves for a second, it'll have been worth it.

I'm certainly not big and I'm not clever, emotional intelligence is far more important than being able to do sums and actually I'm crap at maths, you always seem to like to remind me of that because it makes you feel better about how fucking smart I am, whatever lets you sleep at night. If I wasn't good at something I avoided it or found my own little shortcuts, hints, tips, tricks or I steal them from others if I have to. The truth is we're all good at different things. I'm not a genius, I'm not even that brainy, I just got lucky to live in an environment that taught me much more without trying. I lived in the woods (ok in a cottage on the edge of 'em but as soon as I could I got as far out into those fields and trees as I could) and let my imagination run wild, at times I did too. I shouted at the world and screamed out all my pain and that is how I grew internally into such a wise cracking asshole. I coped with your discomfort around me by making witty remarks and that allowed me to cope with my discomfort around you by leaving you with a one liner and getting the fuck outta there as soon as I could. Out of the conversation that I didn't see the point of (this is going nowhere and you're just filling my head with useless details about your life that I don't want to hear), out of the room and if I could help it out into the countryside because all you want to do is talk about the cunting weather when I can just go and feel the rain, sun, snow, hail and pissing wind on my skin whenever I like, why would I want to talk about it?

Picasso said that good artists create but great artists steal. I've been thieving off everyone else my entire life cos I didn't think I had anything of value of my own...

You see I love everyone and everything that I've ever come into contact with but I was too scared to admit that until recently. I've never had a bad experience that I can't now put into context as having been for a good reason. I learn't something every time. On my ass is a bumper sticker saying 'shit happens'...

And that is all I have to say about that.

One day I just stopped runnnnninnnnng...

Light &
Love
Jon
x

illinin - at ease

• ne
  

is going to make love to one of the women in my life sooner or later, whichever one needs me as much as I need them and needs everyone else, as little as possible for a little while. Then eventually I'll probably see whether I can handle another one separately at the same time, or two at once in the same place. Practice is the same as experimentation and for a laugh, so it helps if you can cry with that too, aswell as for the old days. When we were learning and got so many things wrong, and so many wrong things were taught to us by others, the wronger they were the more we were learning. When you know what is right, NOW! right time and space... right face... about face... quick march... attenshun... left wheel... about turn... at ease... dismissed... attention... at ease... attention... at ease... attention at-tease-tion... at ease son.

Taking my time has never been so much fun.

Got my clarity and my powers back, although this self doubt was annoying.

I worked out why, I'm clear all the time and so a little misst was new.

These days are the best ever! (Comic Book Guy - Simpsons :-()
That smiley looks like a fat miserable baboon
Oh yeah so does Comic Book Guy
He's fat and loves sci-fi
What a great role model
for people with gland
issues who don't eat
too much although
it can get them
down that some
think it's
wrong to
be big
when
its
ok
x

(just not clever cos clever dicks find it hard... to do the simplest things)
No-one likes a smart arse, but a sweet one is always welcome...
That's why it's nice to be nice, not too perfect.
So ugly when you cry but it's beautiful
that you can with me otherwise
you shouldnt be laughing
too or I might get
the idea that
you like me
trust me
befriend me
send me off into
imagination and creation
just because we get on nicely
twicely whiteley richard 30 second countdown... Here I come ready or not...

you can't hide unless you want to or need to at a push. that is all i HAVE ;)

You're all girlush, herlush...
I feel like a slush puppy
can you still get those?
icy crushed flavoured
drink thingy from
woolworths aye
off to work
latas ron
Light &
Love
Jon
x

p.s. neutron (ToF april 11) inspired me to this high low high rollercoaster journey through my thoughts feelings intuitions superstitions and missions love ya Zac you're awesom eman, ee man you're awesome ;)

If I can't handle me at my worst, I don't deserve to be my best ;)

I'm walking away and back again...

When I went away from everything and everyone a few years ago I was in a bad way. I had

one person in my life that I considered to be a friend of mine. Men are daft creatures

in many respects because we are able to maintain our relationships based on very little

contact in terms of regular getogethers and so even though I had not seen this one

friend in quite a while, we still thought of each other in this way or at least he did. To be honest I had gotten to the point of feeling like I had no-one and nothing worth living for. I was experiencing what many would describe as an existential crisis.

I truly believed at the time, to a very real extent that when I went off, I would not

return. Many strange ideas were coursing through my brains...

600 kilometers into an 800k walk in Spain I received a txt from this one.

'Do you fancy a round up the birt?'

He was asking if I wanted to play golf, at our local course Westonbirt, which was one of

our shared activities and something we both enjoyed and had kept out friendship current.

To receive this message both made me smile and frown and almost cry.

I completed my journey, this pilgrimage and returned home a different man.

Renewed faith in myself, in others and the so called milk of human kindness.

Gradually since then I have protected that new found belief in me, you and them.

I have attempted to reintegrate this new me back into those old relationships whilst

also creating new ones based on the idea that there are worthwhile people out there.

It's created a new life for me to live and the new friends I have are truly wonderful.

At the same time, it's so hard not to slip back into bad old habits, ways of being.

The way men carry on is not right, we should be closer, able to show how we feel.

The problem with a male dominated society is we fear showing weakness.

That leads to overcompensation, overeaction not proactive action.

Ultimately if you lose faith in us, ours was vaguely there.

We are even less sure of ourselves than anyone else is.

Or can be until we know who we are and can show it.

Without fear of reprisals if we are open to them.

I want to know when I've done wrong so I can be,

open and honest and feel your displeasure.

Otherwise I don't deserve your goodness.

---

Losing my temperament

Once you get angry you are presenting to the world something that they are either afraid

of or don't respect, because you are disrespecting yourself first and then them

afterwards. Anger is scary but it is merely the culmination of denying them the

expression of your emotions at a lower more acceptable level. If you don't say how

others make you feel until you 'lose it' then you are treading a dangerous path.

Not to show how you are feeling at all is far worse. Too many people today think, that

being the operative word here, think that it is only acceptable to be kind or that to

express how you really feel is a dangerous way to be. You won't get anywhere if you are

not being who you are at all times, tempered by the need to prevent that from damaging

those relationships you consider to be important by becoming a pain in the arse.

I have very rarely lost my temper, I can count the times on the fingers of both hands.

When I am angry, I must work out why and whether it actually began with me, or them.

Often something that someone has said or done will make me feel bad about who I am.

That is their problem, but the process of self examination is necessary for all.

I need to work out if what they say is true, not see it as a personal attack.

So I take my time and don't react right away and most times I don't at all.

Not allow whatever has put them in that state to mean it passes on to me.

You have to be an island of calm in a ocean of shitheads these days.

Misery loves company but so does joy, so I go to the joyful.

Knowing that the miserable ones would love to aswell.

They are trapped in their own vicious circles.

Unable or unwilling to change with help.

Let it be, show them an alternative.

When they're ready they will ask.

Or offer from time to time.

Give them a chance.

Don't give up.

Just Let Go.

---

The spiritual truth behind everything we say and do and who we are inside in that hole

that most fill with bad relationships, bad habits and bad behaviour has saved me.

Not a religious ideal or the product of giving away my own personal soveriegnty to

another. I have just gone back to who I was before indoctrination into our society.

I believe in myself again and have started to believe in others too, despite the fact

that I keep being let down again. I also let myself down from time to time, bygones.

Forgiveness was a part of it, patience to put up with things I cannot resolve and the

courage to face those that I can. Little by little I have to make a change every day.

Working on my own issues has made me feel so much more than I did back then before I

went away. I was numb for years because it hurt so much every time I let someone in.

Now I am more honest about the ways in which others affect me, I try to say something as

soon as they impinge upon the new me and help us all to see what is right, not who is.

---

It's a struggle and every day seems to bring with it a new or an old challenge.

I'm up for it though, just occasionally I get tempted to go back to who I was.

It doesn't last though, for a bit I rail against what I see as intransigence.

Then I work out and feel like a jerk that it's me who has regressed in time.

They have always been the same and are waiting for me to give in, I can't.

Got to continue on this journey toward a happy life whatever it takes.

Can't join em, can't beat em, so I'll create a space for them here.

Somewhere they can be themselves without worrying about others.

A world free from the needs of the few and setup to be fair.

A place in space and time where all resistance is futile.

Let go of your fears and doubts to join we happy few.

It's stressful at first but afterwards all is calm.

The hard road leads to an easy life not vice versa.......................

Light &
Love
Jon
x

Being a Lover, in and of life. Heroes & The Blessing Way.

I am a problem solver by nature we all are.
I can't help seeing how good you could be.
Because I already know how good you are.
I saw a good heart and such love there.
Forgive me for getting carried away.
I can't wait to see who you'll be.
Doctors make the worst patience.
(and puns) I'm supposed to be,
patient until I'm cured.
Once and for all.
Healed by you.
You by me.
By Love
Jon
x


Once i've found something beautiful about you that's all I ever see, and you only ever

get more attractive I don't look for faults they're for you to know and tell me about,

so that I can disagree ;) I have to be hard on you from time to time, and I'd expect

nothing less for me from you aswell in deed. I meant what I said whatever it was at the

time and still do now, otherwise I couldn't always say what I mean now or have said what

I meant, then.

Religion is fine if you like that sort of thing.

Me I believe in nature, myself and the people I trust and love, oh and I meditate on

being inside a golden egg of energy and then my mind encompasses everything that ever

was, will be or is and drawing the unconditional love of the entirety of it all I send

it out through my crown and tail bone firing from within me slowly accelerating into the

atmosphere and the core in all directions like the epicentre of a love earthquake and

forcefield, a nuclear explosion in time and space but not to matter. Encompassing the

earth after landmasses, island, shire, village, home, family and first me, travelling on

out to stretch and engulf the cosmosses? cosmoses? the cosmic light that feeds me sweet

energy from everywhere... In a feedback loop of love unconditional, here ya go muah x

<3

Understanding isn't always easy in fact it's the mis'ses not the hits that we need to

focus on and wonder why and how to get along rather than the easy road of avoiding

someone you see as difficult or just not your type of person. Eventually you find

something either so bizarre that you have in common or that being around them makes you

feel uneasy for all the reasons that they nor you really don't want to admit. They're

so like you at heart in all the best ways that it seems untrue to be apart :)

Shelter Water Food the drives are the same the world over the rest is history.

Once you give more than you take you get more than you could ever wish for.

Switch your life to a version where you win less often but take part more.

You be surprised what would happen if you gave yourself another chance first.
And then saw what happened when you stopped seeing people as who they were.
Don't think when was the last time they? Start looking at who they are.
Be positive that you know yourself before you have a pop at others.

Making people self concious would be a good thing right now. Have a word with yourself.

So I'm looking into body, mind, soul, spirit, whatever you Associate yourself with.
For me it's all of those and much much more, without boundaries it's all there.

I feel about the time right now that there's a lot of people feeling down that the world

might end this year or something like that. I don't see it as being that bad an idea.

We should sink or swim or we shouldn't be in the water in the first place.

This world that we live in now will either go out with a bang or a whimper. I prefer the

whimper now and the bang later but maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, and soon for the

rest of your lifes... Things will change, they are very rapidly now, and quicker still

until it's possible that everything that ever was, will be and is today will occur at

once and every disaster, everything that can go wrong will, every utopian paradise will

exist simultaneously and everything inbetween. In effect we'll be travelling to every

moment in time simultaneously and then the decision will need to be made. Where do we

go from here? By then we'll be so interconnected the answer is obvious. Let's start

over only with less of the bad stuff and more of the good this time, we deserve a break

after all, only a few of us have been bad not good. No more than just under half ;)

Sometimes I can feel the buds of wings upon my back itching to spring forth soon.

Then I'll take off for the mountains in Wudan or Bristol, I haven't decided.

See it takes an imagination to come up with this sort of tripe / gold dust.

That's what it takes to be human, put yourself in someone elses shoes.

From your perspective I should think a lot of stuff looks just mad.

Insane people don't think that THEY are, everyone ELSE is crazy.

I know we're all a little loco and that makes me pretty sane.

Mental health isn't a disorder if it's not a mess up there.

Clean out your cobwebs and closets and you'll feel great.

I've never felt better and I'm still not getting
exactly what I've always wanted and needed.

But hey, things are improving daily.

I can see who you are if you let me.

That means you'll see me too truly.

And then we're bound by friendship.

A sacred bond between two or more.

Two do justice to their feelings.

Three or more can a world full.

There are hundreds of thousands of us and more each day closing on a million.

As a shaman, a constant student and as you are all too teachers and healers in your own

ways, I am a conduit to the spirit world (or medium if you prefer, I prefer slightly

above average thankyou, I'm still new to this ;), a seer, a weather forecaster, know my

way therapeutically around the human body with my hands, a free spirit and free thinker

but most importantly a dreamer who is awake and a good friend to have in a tight spot

because I always feel what the right thing to do is, I don't think about it because I

was always indecisive and could never make my mind up as a child. I instinctively knew

how to find my way, with my heart and guts too and rarely if ever just my head and

certainly never first. My mind only calls or recalls yesterday, tomorrow and a second

ago, in an instant my heart knows the truth, and I spend the rest of the time

rediscovering it from each of you. I'm all that but nothing compared to you.

Stop hiding your light just because it shows up the ones in the shadows.

At least now we can see them and all they really needed was a hug.

And maybe a cup of tea... You've got a great figure btw x

I don't fish for compliments I truly give not to receive.

The way I feel these days I should be giving more.

I'm not trying to be perfect just good enough.

You amaze me all of you every day in a way.

That's what I take from it.

Once you know the beginning and the end, the middle must surely take care of itself.

This Life,
Light &
Love
Jon
x

P.S. My Dad's my hero (and then Bruce Lee)
Looking seriously into eco house / hut
Projects this coming spring heheheh
I got your blessing that meant it
Ain't just a dream anymore <3 ;)
Let's Build it, they might come

If I didn't say all this here I'd just put you to sleep or away with the faeries in

person, this way at least I can be down to earth when I do catch your eye.

NOTE! Some of this is aspirational but it keeps coming true the higher I reach for the

skies the further I delve deep down the more I find just happening like clockwork, tick

tock... back and forth changing the way I see my whole life before and soon and now,

like ripples through time so that I forget the way things used to be shit, cos I

remember all the good stuff that was mixed up with it and just focus on now

and now and now and now and now and now and tomorrow and now...

Ooh Gross - Clumsiness is next to goodliness -

You've given me a new skill... I'm not squeamish anymore when it comes to real life situations involving ughy ergy yergy lergy type things ucky yucky mucky things don't bother me now. Still don't like horror films or shocking stuff but hey I'd rather see through the fake conditions pervading the so called real world and be taken in by clever cinematography or a good joke or riddle told by a great storyteller... I want, desperately need to hear yours but only as long as they are interesting so practise them in your head, learn to write them for the perfect audience on the fly every time.

Thankyou in person, thankyou to everyone and everything.

When I stub my toe I laugh it off because I wasn't paying attention. Hey other clumsy people, have you ever noticed that it's often a help rather than a hindenberg? Sure occasionally you may get closer to dying young in a blaize of boredom like randomly electricuting yourself or accidentally taking too many painkillers (no really, shocking story of a young woman). No most of the times in our lives a clumsy action is actually a benefit because it prevents a more serious error from occurring. We tend to berate ourselves and others for not focussing on what we are doing, usually I'd guess that was because you're not into what you're doing and couldn't care less but could far more.

I died the other night... Once more several times... I was stabbed, had my throat cut and was then evicerated like the victim of a horrific murder. So I decided not to go to sleep as riding out this visceral experience was preferable to ignoring or hiding from it in unconciousness.

A microcosm of my life , yours, ours, theirs, everybodies, everythings...

We are dying whilst we are alive, that's a fact every breath uses something up whilst something else is created, comes into existence, we are never the same for more than an instant, a fraction of whatever is the smallest measurement of time oh that's er icy cold frozen moments or hot shiny firey explosions on the point of becoming.

That's how it felt to be in your presence and you doubt that ...
that i can cope or that i care too much but you're my role model and teacher...
I take your lead where I need it and make progress my way when I feel I can without...
Leading to the event of a lfietime, in my case the end of a wonderful friendship because well...
It wasn't meant to be, anything more than a chance for us both to learn something, a short course...

Straight to.
Light&
Love
Jon
x

A Brief Herstory of my Time

A Brief Herstory of my Time

Yow i
Nearly three years old saw my sister coming out of Hospital
Grew up in the most idyllic spot I know apart from Bridport
Saw ghosts, ufos, felt and played with tantric energy, I lived
Entered the workplace, watched my connection to all wither
Yet throughout was gasping in spells, seeking help to breath
Finally I drowned myself in a different nothingness of a kind
Away and a Way was sought found cultivated and harvested
From deaths door I revolved resolved towards the otherone
Let me clear my name and my debts, do what you will, after
That was three years ago or there abouts. I haven't stopped
Yet i

The process of dying while alive is a necessary one thatall human beings need to undertake, that being the operative word here. A metaphorical death which seems nonetheless real at the time, does not kill you it makes you stronger and was the origin of the term...

I had to close my eyes and put my head onto the pillow knowing (at the time at least) that I was about to die and it was my own voice saying "ha ha you can't even contact your friends cos your phone isn't here so just lay down and it will all be over soon"... Taunting me tempting me to stay up and make myself ill or cry myself to sleep and just let go...

I let go... I'd had the vague instinct that I would die every night if and when I actually dropped off (this mortal coil... temporarily as we do when travelling to the realm of the spirit / underworld / undead / netherworld / you name it ) as we sleep.

Woke up the next day with a far greater feeling of lightness of being, so much baggage gone over the last few years of self examination on all scales... Everything happens on all scales of a fractal landscape... Our existence even without proof of a fractal nature behind it (although I doubt it will be long coming if it isn't here already) shows signs of similarity over smaller and larger scales. Any positive change that I make but most of all importance, consistently... over time has a far larger cumulative effect. I finally get so many things that were tough if not impossible.

Stereograms
I can drive and talk at the same time
multi tasking far easier than it was before gradually
focus is an issue as many things can be calling for my attention at once

Over time as I use my imagination to explore these new landscapes and jungle environments, although I find many ruined temples and structures there are so many little places of value that I can't help seeking them even if they are the hardest ones furthest off the beaten track.

The truth is coming out about everything and about time too ;)

shaman of the world unite & untie

Light & Love
Jon
x
I tried to write an account of the lastfew weeks and months just nicely but it's all turning into poetry prose verse ryhme and nonsense type crap at the moment, as hard as I try to be normal and justwrite my feeling it comes out as an attempt to compare contrast or otherwise explain away what ive been going through... It's the transformation into human being right and proper.

Instinctive
Emotional
Emphatic
Creative
Physical
Sensual
Hungry
Loving
Messy
Harsh
Strict
Cruel
Sexy
NATURAL ANIMAL

professionalism this year frugalism next.. next stop utopia planetia then?genesis revelation holiday i need one badly have you seen my hands lately?

thawt i saw mohammed al fayed in a garage near chard earlier,it wasn't but it gave me an excuse to talk to the very man who knew exactly where I wanted to go to get back exactly on time 3:13 - 3:14 good job too cos she had tomake hair appointment.. justin mate this last three days have been epic in all the ways you now know about... the nextfew weeks will be trying,but even when you can't see it shining on you it certainly is just diffusely, the sun is our day and the moon our night and finally i have the peace of mind to accept all dichotomoy... having been to both extremes good and then bad and then good again I can honestly say that we are definitely half awake no longer asleep... if i can realise that,any one can x (sorry i hijack the profiles of people who inspire me and I antagonise until people open up to me so that I can be st agoni ant.. the patron saint of all idiots and geniuses like myself... photos on my profile to follow of my palms, didnt get them checked read felt up cos i was worried what i would find... the truth is it wasn'tall gud but it was close enough to be worth the risky journey to hell and heaven and back to haven... we ARE worth IT <3
apparently showing your appreciation for the world let alone the people you actually know in it, innit, is a far cry from the truth of who we are? I say I love you as easily as fuck you... there's nothing wrong with extremes as long as you have somewhere to retreat to that centers those after short sprints... we move faster than light... as light beings it would be daft if we couldnt otherwise we would stand still... The year is 3001 and soon will be again as we catchup to where we left off when a symbiosis occurred with an organism that promised the truth the light and the way but instead decided to infect us with it's own mental aberations.. the serpent has been tamed because it offered what it said it did but was disingenuous when it came to carrying out its promise... That is why I don't make many and ALWAYS do what I say I will say what I mean do what i say if I can... so don't follow anyone set your own example... you will know me long enough to remember everything, Everything, EVERY THING and then forget I ever existed.. The same fate that you will find is necessary for us to live in higher realms at a later date and time where we will want ANON IMITY from who we are so thatwe can guiltessly enjoy our favourite poisons and pleasures in peace... Hell's just a hair of the dog's breath away as the wolf approaches again... this time we are more than ready... 12 of the cycles through two more to go at top speed back to ultimate unity... as for now.. revolution and awakening soon as possible please you fuckwits and then (always thank someone when you insult them and make the word nicer than the fuck off was so that they weigh the first insult with the second compliment and find they cannot accept the one without the other that absolves me of any guilt.. the rest if their problem and they see it now so clearly don't you all of the people all of the time? Love You Thankyou for anything you ever did for me ever whether you knew me or not I saved you you saved us bygones peeps let's get together... most companies are pretending to be good but that's the first step to being there and living there and dying there and then instantly being reborn.. not painful at all never as bad as you think our fear is merely a painful memory an echo growing quiet of past necessary evil to get to where we are now in our own experiement to create a future world where everyone and thing is preserved and able to follow it's own indivisual indivisual paths... I'm on it... so on it... you are too... see you soon xx but not if I see you first us autistics cant handle eye contact until we too reliase that we're more fucked up so that when we finally talk ourselves out of it... we're some of the best people you've ever met that have multiple personalities and are eccentric beyond belief.. fun to be with though aren't they? that's you that is? <3 if i ask it in the form of a question it will still be an answer to jeopardy but not such a big sounding risk... maybe the phat lady mother nuture will finally whisper us a lullaby into out retirement wherever and whatever that looks like cos I still don't really know despite the phenomenal power I only see an itty bitty living space... Horton here's a Who? US only in smaller form sooooo inner space... miniaturisation DOES work cos we invented it, time travel? of sorts you make a decision in the present that sends shockwaves or ripples back and forth through your own timeline changing your parallel universe into a nightmare nightmate when it should be a happy drama dream... <3 Happy endings all around don't forget to forget who i am unless i'm not wearing my disguise, otherwise just do as I say and get in line i wanna see what everything else is like this place has gotten stuck in a rut, boring but actually scotlands really nice i think i'll start there or cambodia / vietnam / laos ive heard good things and no longer fear a..... thing or anyone.. look into my eyes not around them into them and then snap you're back in the room wondering why you're stood doing the I feel ike chicken tonight chicken tonight pose with a giant golden egg exposed coming out of your.... puck says hi bye love ya wudnt wanna be ya XXX ;)


the closer you get to death the more you realise that you don't fear it any more we call that acceptance of our fate it certainly is unless we change our spots as leopards and our ways as cheetahs... both usually monogamous but can stray like any cool predatory cat can... hmmm cat from red dwarf what if we were to continue evolving and gentically altering ourselves to use even more capacity within thatsystem of unique possibilites? i guess the answer are endless and extraordinary or very verysimple they usually are aren't they?

MAY THE Light AND LOVE OF eNLIGHTENMENT absolve you of your so called sins, it's only a game don't take it so seriously. games are getting so good these days it's almost indistinguishable from the real thing.. oh yeah funny that... we dream at night of a fabulous life and then wake up every day to this... i see haven and live there it's like the holiday camp, exciting full of surprises always and you get free advertising for whatever it is that you create by spreading word of mouth or entertaining everybody, living is easy living is fun living is not a channel it's a signal of hope spread throughout the universe as the spores of mushrooms once the eggs of a dying race of space creatures whose lastbesthope was to have a child who may or may not be king or queen only problem theyre ego maniacs unless they getthe right dicipline. they're own

be independent but know atthe same time and space that you need every one there too...

or its just no fun anymore is it?

see ya there i mean here i mean here and there...

Light n Love and professionalism for once

Jon Paul Walker esquire and friends and lovers

xxx

peace out my sisters and brothers as my friend desmond hume would say, i was LOST only three days ago myself.. see ya in another life..... soon...sunnhy afternoon shame to waste it... <3

wasnt mohammed al fayed at all was justa very nice english gentle man with a rough wether worn exterior... we are eternals no not that band, we live forever in the light and grace of our parents whose memory we keep living on in our hearts minds souls and spirits... you CAN please all of the people ALL of the time but only if they're ALL atleast half awake, listening and willing to get off they're arses and vote with their feet and hands and eyes and other stuff like wings etc <3

Epic Song

Faith No More

Just Love

S'all

Gonna stream out the txts off my phone from today and just let ya rip my rap

...is caught in an upward spiral

Favourite Game

When you're playing your favourite game you don't mind giving up your last life to anyone even a stranger. (or an aquaintance, I'm thinking war games, arcade scene ;) ) You do it because you can, you know you can always pick up later on and enjoy working your way back through the levels, enjoy the problems youve solved before because you vaguely remember how to solve some of them and then find everyone else either having completed it, stuck on the last level, or variously spread out over the course of the gameplay.

The time to party is after you've been good. Healthy, Happy, Hard Working but passionately.

Then you can celebrate with a big confessional with all your friends and the great mother.

She'll take on board your concerns and reassure you, also give you a talking to if needed.

Then it's off to party like it's going out of fashion.

And you deserve a good time.

A messy one but a good one.

Cos you've been good,

GRACE HOPE CHARITY

Grace to accept things
Hope like a yawn catching
Charity to give willingly

i suppose i feel like i am an older brother energy, I go first everyone else gets things earlier than I did and can learn from my mistakes, and the only consolation which is a good one is I get an early bath... if only i had started taking my own advice sooner and more often ;( ;)

when all the 'vehicles' can fly, can we have the land back for walking on...?

There is nothing that you cannot be forgiven for, once i knew that nature and myself were capable of anything I had to accept that so was anyone else. She forgave me, she'll forgive you.
But more imprtantly you'll forgive yourself first. Love yourself first. Trust yourself first.

Then turn your attention elsewhere ;) x

I bet they're laughing upstairs whenever I visualise raining down a bright yellow energy over everyone at the start and bathing them in it during a party... cos to them upstairs it must look like a golden shower.

I dont think you realise how unused I am to asking for what I need and so rarely getting it. ;) x thankyou

Dislikes intently talking about myself unless youve managed to get past my awkwardness with strangers (going funnily enough) and found my passions cos i will go on about them. Im hoping rapping all this stuff out and up in a web of energy on here will mean it'll be filtering out and I can have a rest and just ask you questions about your life, collect some new story ideas, and just be...
Careful though because if I find that I enjoy your company we may be spending a lot of time together once everything settles down, i havent had a life so its been a while since i started to have one and didnt shy away / run away and try to have my quiet life back. Ill find a happy medium, oops i am one, or a conduit as i like to call myself... sounds more sci fi futuristic ;) x

Do you always need a thankyou or are you just doing what you're doing for it?
When sum1 doesnt thankyou when they should have, it isnt always and hardly ever for the reason that you think. Others dont know what frustrates us cos it doesnt bother them in the slightest or theyd have done something about it. lol we're so funny cos we behave as though everyone is mind readers but they arent because we dont all believe it. I cant read minds dont worry, i can see what you mean, and thats only when you want me to, as in a conversation ;) x
it feels so good to do the right thing that its addictive and that leads to more capacity for goodness which leads for greater good deeds and greater love in return not thanks

DONT EVER TURN UP AT OUR PLACE UNANNOUNCED OR UNINVITED
Not unless you've got bollocks of steel or tits of titanium, do so at your own risk because I do not thank people for doing that. It's Just Plain Rude! It's a boundary of mine that I will forgive dependent and in a perfect ratio of the golden mean to how pissy I am and how in need you are.

If you want sumthing you're likely to get short shrift. After all I might be sunbathing naked or whatever, yes I do that and my mates used to rock up on push bikes silently and get the shock of their life ;) When I say something like this people get scared but im not used to setting boundaries and when I do I sound sterner than I am, more certain and sure but I mean it just not like you'll be killed, just like you'll be hugged given food and warmth and drink and be sent packing after a few hours... that kind of welcome for people who think it's ok to just rock up at a spiritual place and but in. Not thinking enough of others or yourself is the problem in the first place though, so perhaps as usual I have come full circle in thinking and writing and decided that those people need the most help. So come on and come all! NO DONT KIDDING I HAVE TO RESPECT MY ELDERS AND MY BETTERS AND MY PARENTS AND MY FAMILY AND MY LANDLORD AND MY VILLAGE hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

once youve bared your sould and freed your mind what constraints are left?

the only evil or darkness ive experienced and fought was strangely familiar, the more i meet it the less it has any power over me, i tell it you know my answer, its no and im getting a little bored of your shenanigans, theyre old tired and not working whatever you do because i would always rather die once and go nowhere than live forever anywhere you're going to...

which by the way, being that it's a part of each of us, the temptation to be darker than we are light, the balancing of our own scales of justice within, from ying to yang to the line between where it's safe... BORDERLINE! madonna isnt all bad then. We cant reach the areas we want and need to that contain the information we would like to see, because a line in the sand between us and it was drawn in our minds when we grew bigger but not up and out. Learn to let go of your boundaries and in the words of the song,, "I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles"

anyone who thinks conspiracy theories are valid does so because they allow us to guess rather than know what is going on. I know now but even though i do know the system and its rules, i dont know its final episode, just a few plotlines, some random pics released from production and that once it comes together it's gonna be something special defiantly and definitely cos we've past the point of no return whichever way we look at it as indivisuals.... (freud would be pissed to know that he only gets mentioned when someone makes a typo or a mental error) ;) yes i think he is now actually, .....individuals even and as the groups we associate with that control us more than we think (we let them).

The anticipation is building for this like no other... some people have been looking away because they think it's not for them, like a very attractive person that you find just dreamy but dont think youve got a hope in hell with. Check my words.... read them slower read each word in turn, understand their meanings. look up old sayings and phrases and see if they have new meanings to you. I keep revisiting old things and visiting new things and i cant help but find my dreams coming true when i do xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shouldnt you let them decide that?

The attractor has been playing a giant game of steal or share. We've been stealing all the time somewhere on the planet. Now it's getting to the point that so many people will be sharing, current situations causing a resurgence in tribal values, the rest will either have to because of circumstances or die off. It's that simple. Get busy dying or get busy living.

Easy enough choice once you havent got any other option but to pick one.

Manners really do get you everywhere like a cheat sheet
(and then when all else fails go to the mattresses)
But only in self defence.

Light and Love and Language
Jon
x

Look it up, the mattresses were gathered together from 15C Italy onwards in times of war you protect yourself with mattresses. MATTRESS FIGHT!!!!