Journeying to the centre of me

Let alone to the centre of the earth, the sky, the feelings i have and wonder why it's taken so long?

But before this becomes a poem again, or some kind of rhyming thing, I will finally have the strength and time to change my mind and find the rhythm of writing normally again as in a blog post for you.

So tonight i was guided to take folks on a journey and magically, beautifully it was shared to a group and i waited, chatting with a friend before really getting into the drumming, quietly because I didn't want to disturb the relatives here, and loudly enough to hear the beat of the drum with my finger tips and send myself into a state of calm relaxation, people there, somewhere in the world listening and joining in as i quietened the mind, the rational bit, and emptying it out i found a story coming in.

A story of a journey away from towns and cities to the forest, on a dark moon unlit night, with the darkness causing the eyes to become accustomed to the lack of light, the sights are lost except for the stars, a very wintry scene and scary for some in foreign lands i would think where wolf and bear and their kin wander freely, on this occasion we travelled to the deep woods, away from prying eyes and human beings, into the woodland tracks and clearings, up a hill to visit with the mountain air and trees and finally arriving at the summit of a hill to see the starlight raining down, a clear night sky, a shooting star, connections near and far, to the stars as they wandered into view, the night sky alive and the ground becoming a way to cleanse and find peace in this life, as the mushroom mycelium and crystals and earth beneath the feet gather energies to be renewed and earthly life to be regenerated.

It was a chance for me to lead a journey, to honour the directions, the elements, the seasons and the self, to begin a journey without and within, to share this with others, to let my imagination become one with the all that is, to bring healing to those who took part, and to myself, to continue my healing journey as a medicine man, a spirit worker, guided as i am, being myself really for the first time ever.

Feeling the responsibility, the joy, the passionate embrace of the energy, the beauty of giving, living free, being me, working for others, sending love, making connections, giving affections, energy.

You see this is the culmination and feels like the end of a story, the end of a trip, the coming together of two vehicles in space, the sky falling on me, and yet it's also the best thing that's ever happened.

I'm lucky, grateful, blessed, and feeling like i deserve it for the first time in a long time, if ever.

I am very teary as i write this, a lump almost forming in my throat, things have happened, been happening, I've been so close to this before, narrow escapes, false dawns, ways that I've expressed this kind of creativity, these visions of a healing journey. the idea of creating sacred healing space.

A lodge, a place for folks to be held and healed and for their true self to be revealed, no more rhymes here, let's concentrate on truth and love.  So here I am with the courage to continue on, create, build.

No fear, having faced the dark for real out there, now to face it inside more, I wrote about the shadow several years ago, now promised journeys into the wilds, walking pilgrimages to the river where i was born, to follow its course, all the way there and back.  To greet and make an offering to it, and to visit and walk the length of the spine of the ridge of the nearest hill to where i was born, the edge of the Cotswolds hills, a path trod by many before me and many after i am sure, another part of the same mission I am committed to take and I will, backpack packed with hammock, tarp, cooking utensils.

So I will finish my training for now knowing that the real work begins with those who wish to visit, who wish to receive healing in person, after a year of training in spiritual healing and years of doing it before that intuitions leading me to guidance and experience, knowing, and being, a natural healer.

Creating sacred space, opening and closing, ceremony, energy work, healing, wild food foraging, meeting the ancient forest trees, sitting in connection with nature herself, meeting each other, people.

The worst of animals for much of my life, to me, anyway, I have struggled, out there I was happiest.

But that nature is only a step away from who we really are, wild and free, healing me has been to return me to my place in society, to bring me back into the bosom of my family, ancestors, history, herstory, the revelations and the mystery, the stories, the creations, the preparations, the training.

All bringing me to this day, to the drum, to the beat, listening in, sharing out, trading, energy for love.

Love for energy, giving healing away for donations is my way, to allow others to receive the love.

We are all one family, one world, we must realise that, be one again, to survive, to heal, reveal us.

To live in truth is to see the reality behind the things we see, and smell, taste, touch, feel, sense.

The experience, the senses only take us so far, the bare bones and breath, breathe deeply, let go.

Where will that take us, where can we end up, what will we do, can we all move on, evolve, grow?

I believe so, I am willing to give my life in service to nature and to my fellow beings like I promised.

So many years ago when I walked five hundred miles in a foreign country alone and learnt my path.