Love New Things

Went out today to ground my feet, and burn a fire to keep my hands warm, practise gathering the materials as I would if I were showing someone how, to start a fire from scratch, so that they know too, and enjoy the experience of doing it themselves, getting to light it once and tend it to help it on its way, much harder in the winter, the wood is often wet through or damp in the centre, the cold stops it from taking quite as easily as it does in summer, and the cold keeps the oxygen levels down, low to the ground, the moisture being forced out of the firewood as it sizzles and spits and smokes and chokes you if you're not careful, so you are but get covered in the smell and the addition of pine branches, helps to drive out parasites, and cleanse the skin, and breathing in the resins clears the chest because the cold gets in there too, creates an issue when you can't heat your place and the breath is cold air coming in, the body dry and needing to drink more water to replenish that which keeps the breath hot and the skin moist which is why we get chapped lips, sore skin, wind blown and burnt.

Bare feet on the ground to give back, to earth myself to let go the extra static electric from being in a house all the time, and not wandering for hours barefoot on grass like in the summer months, creating a great healthy feeling and an energy often lacking when the sun is less strong and our skin doesn't take it in, but mostly that's a lack of going outside, wrapped up warm to get our outside time in nature because we don't feel like it in a vicious circle cycle of not wanting to face the winter winds, and then that becomes not spending enough time out in it, unless it snows because we find that fun, but anyway it was good to go and watch the sunset or at least gaze from up in a tree on a hill, favourite place for me now, the hill closest to where i was born, the ridge of the cotswolds edge, gaining in popularity with me since I did a workshop on connecting to the sources of energy within nature of my birth, creating relationship to the land and the waters of my birthplace, my birthright, to be connected.

I do healing then often, because i feel as though i have done some for me, on myself, just by giving myself time to be there, feel there, energise and become ecstatically happy again, smiling, laughing, childlike not childish, i like to make that distinction, wondering, feeling wonder in, inside, outside, seeing more, feeling more, connecting, and running, climbing a tree, running down a hill, something i have been guilty of judging others for in the past, jealous probably, seeing someone carefree and loving their life, seeing the shadow, the inner self, the liar, the lied to, the lie, lies, laying deep at the bottom of the shadow of the self, wherein is the light that we really are, the gentle self, the true self, and going there, is where i am at, to finally keep going until there is only darkness, only the smirk, only the child who tries acting but smiles because they know they are pretending, to reveal the real.

To reveal the self who can say their truth, without feeling as though they are making it up, act real, be real, trace every thought to it's programming, trace every image to it's fantasy, go deeper, inside, by journeying, by being mindful a word i have come to despise like veganism, isms are a lie too, just be you, just do what you feel is right at the time, and don't judge others because when they see you eating a sandwich made of white bread and butter, and cheese they will doubt your truth, they will wonder if you ever meant what you said, so will you, and cave sometimes to old habits, because you think they will give you the pleasure that they used to but they don't because you do not enjoy that anymore and never did, crisps though, walkers salt and vinegar they were still good, things that taste good may not be good for you, but they sure taste like they are, the distinction there is the truth and the lie too.  But you learn as though it were a test, whatever i was getting at when i started this i don't yet know, eventually i usually magically manage to circle back and tie up loose ends.

Becoming the true self you leave behind what no longer serves you, because you are in service to the truth which is love, i hasten never to use someone elses phrases or words, or lies, or cliches, if i can i would prefer to turn everything on its head, sentences backwards, no fire without smoke sort of thing, and keep that going, to reveal some hidden truth about this topsy turvy world of mine that i live in.

We all live in something strange, rearranged gradually or in a rush, slow down, breathe, find the stomach is tight again, panic setting in?  It's a deep wound, coming to the surface just like all the consciousness that is becoming like the waters of a lake, serene as times these days, chronic never, acute sometimes, the ripples are gentler, the waves lapping gently, on the shores, journeys undertaken and meditation coming in not out, i clear my mind, spirit talks to me, enters into my open body, to my mind, through my heart to be processed with love, to see the truth which is love, to feel it too, in the form of bodily sensations, vibrations, healing, freeing, seeing, being, doing, entering into a new stage of life, where i fail to see the patterns of others as a problem for me, you be you, i'll be me and i no longer have to explain that to others, be their mirror as much, because i'm not around those who do not wish to discuss death as readily as life, or spiritual matters as much as the physical energy we are.

So life is better, more relaxed, coping with a feeling of lack, knowing im showing signs of the past, but those were dry runs im getting so wet, don't talk about it because spoilers!  Get there in your own time, this life or next, whatever, fool no, joker no, not labelling, never liked names, you are you, hi.

Wondering why comes less often, now it's experiences more, time no, it flies away from me, being is the way to be, i do more but seem to be getting less real work done, it takes so much of life to look after oneself better, and do all the chores, and communicate with others other than me which i never much liked, not on the phone, not in person, but it's what i must do, because i love it really, sharing, caring, being there for them because i see through their issues right away not mine so much oh well.

Create solutions based on holding them in a warm embrace, letting them play, be free outside, that will do, wait and see, hold on, for them to feel it and come to me, no pressure, no friction, just wait, do some temporary whatever if i have to, because i dearly wish to travel for a holiday and be me.

Not take the spiritual transformation with me on my journey, be me, the person, not the god self, not take everything so seriously or immediately go to the deepest level of reality, or meaning in a word.

Not take people as though they were seeing and feeling as i do, that they wish me to join them there, but actually allow them to be them, not having to join me, or make me feel less or more than i am, because they can just do their thing happily, the banter, the chat, the small talk, enjoy it all please.

I'm just me again more than ever, finding my own enjoyment in experience, not shopping but walking around seeing people, things, once in a lifetime experiences like a bird coming closer than ever before.  Goldcrests, fluttering like bumblebees, i can't persuade anyone the desperate nature of nature so they will just have to realise it for themselves, as they obviously are choosing not to now so that's that.  Not my business to explain anything anymore, try to offload the revelations and information, just be me, relax into that, try to see if there's any enjoyment to be had in just catching up with them.

Feeling less like a business like experience, you know i'm here for a reason, let's see what it is, something i need to say to you, you need to say to me, forget that quite so much, let the innocence of being be, let the talk talk, but at the same time it's hard for someone like me who is a conduit for love.