wanted man

i wanted to meditate and i never did it, or i read books but didnt try the exercises or i did briefly
i saw someone once who was meditating, that was the start for me of doing the same instantly.

i wanted to change my diet, to really give spiritual journeys a go, to really enter into it all
i saw someone who had change their diet, that was the start for me of doing the same instantly.

i wanted to be a man and i never did it, until recently, i am told that i am, i behave differently
i heard from a source i began to trust, what i could do to help others, that made me feel like one.

i wanted to know the truth behind all the fairytales, the mystics, the stories, the fables and magic
i began to do things that some might say constitute magic, sending distant healing, saying prayers.

so at last i am really doing all the things that i had promised myself i would do, finding the time
and this is possible because i stopped doing things that allowed me to dream but never wake up.

one day when this is all over perhaps i will have a chance to read about the journeys of others
but i find reading a bore, non fiction, fiction especially, watching films, t.v. they lose their appeal.

 real life has become magical, experiential, mystical, wonderful, incredible, better than my imagination and so it means that i can not find any solace in someone elses tales anymore.


one addiction to another, a healthy craving if there can be such a thing, so i find myself honing in, going deeper inside, training the mind, removing outside influences, old habits, old ways and means.

it's hard to concentrate on listening to others speak, even if it's someone i know, or believe has something to say, to focus, i get sidetracked, so i need to work harder, to give them my attention.

i still have some things i would like to do, ride a horse, i'm going wild swimming, facing fears, got a lot of debt out of the way, lots of positives, finally doing things i had wished to do all these years.