kerouac Kite in a storm of conscious thoughts

may is maggy with less teeth and soon to collapse will be the tory government just like it did back then because this is an echo and so you will see the cold war and posturing about nuclear missiles is also a very tepid version of the missile crisis between ussr + us the pendulums are swinging less fiercely but nonetheless they are swinging to and fro with an erratic and more violent acute short term feeling just not the entire 50's hysteria as terence mckenna said the rise and fall of empires is self similar to the rise and fall of skirt lengths because history is a microcosm of fashion and fashion is a macrocosm of the story of the world or summat like that basically this whole world is getting better underneath while what we fear rarely comes to pass pandemics don't occur until they do and even in our own lives we never suffer until a surprise event occurs because what we spend our lives and waste our lives fearing so rarely happens and never when we are expecting it stuff comes when it feels like it so don't watch the tv dont read the papers they will only wind you up and make you a bit scared but even that is just another addiction like the pain and fear you eat with every bite of meat or mouthful of dairy animals suffering and grief at the loss of their babies so keep on keeping on because consciousness is roaring back with a vengeance that suggests a new state of affairs is overdue otherwise we're done and that will be the last thing on our minds when the environment collapses making all but self sufficiency is possible and foraging you would know if only you could take the pain and truth without your daily dose of pills or alcohol or ignorance and this rant is brought to you by fuzzy thinking low vibrational experiencers like those i bump into on the roads who cannot communicate with their indicators and dare not speak a word of honesty or feel a thing so numbed by cheesey chemicals acting like morphine so i think this post had better end up in my blog not here otherwise some folks might get the idea i'm angry or upset but i've let that emotion go and i am calming right down again because i know i cannot do a thing just live my life and change my ways and spend my days experiencing being human as a human being who is spiritualised by cleaning up my act and not reacting but having forethoughts and generous gifts of karmic cleansing brought on by neverending truths erupting from my gut and heart and head and time spent doing all the stuff i talked about internally before but never got around to until i was nearly sectioned by folks who were told how to deal with people like me because i'd been there for some of them to prepare myself for going there on my own im not bitter like the murphys that i no longer drink either not booze no fags no drags on spliffs just a body in healing mode with gifts and time now not a measure of performance but a series of inter related moments and the pleasure of those stretching to take me wherever i need to go and accomodating so much creativity and freedom of expression as i fail to rebel so much against what i know to be right what i know to be good for me in the short term and the long what i know not to be wrong what i choose to be and do what i cannot fail to see smell taste touch hear and sense that which is called abnormality but it actually aboriginally the original foundation of the human family as this extends to tell her story and mine too i let go and notice the habits in my mind and body that are not welcome anymore the fantasies or ways of occluding my possible futures like a sky readying for a storm with clouds as obstacles instead of clarification devices of weather elementals and i become one with water land air and sun no longer a murky obfuscation but a crystal clear lens onto the world around me bends and shapes my journey oops there i go using the sort of word an xfactorist might mention but knowing that the tension you addict to the drama and the fabulous nocturnal diurnal daily diet of shit you eat and drink up with your eyes and ears that then spits out like piss from your ass and watery extraction system like diarea for the soul is merely what you are used to feeding your selves on that keeps you from leaving your seat like the one im taking up now when i ought to be sleeping as ive given myself a break up until recently from staying up late like this streaming anything getting into new shows or watching films for free online wasting my time on anything since i now have responsibilities and people counting on me mondays sending healing tuesdays giving it away in person wednesdays taichi thursdays church services of a spiritual nature involving messages given to those with open minds and whatever you believe or dont it's taking up my so called time but really healing me more than anyone i spend it on and weekends are for connections to be made and chores and conscious festivals or workshops or exercise or resting or dogs to walk or shopping or spring water collection fledgling friendships or some other such incredible gifts that i feel unworthy of but take with a pinch of salt because i still fail to accept that i am capable of being loved but feeling those blockages melting gradually and listening to a friends cd i got a sense of chakras inside my body and every day is an adventure even though im racing towards the greatest one yet all the promises i made that i never kept this year it's all over for my working life and i'll be travelling and doing things i really love not routines watching sunsets and sunrises and seeing places i've never been that early morning sheen and standing in the rain to clean off the grime of every time ive been told how to live my life what to think or do sorry that i didnt name check anyone or that i blamed you earlier so i'll gloss over that little episode because i feel it was self inflicted anyway and who is to say whether this is the real deal and that im healed and doing the right thing by everyone anyway just to say it feels ok and one day if im correct and let someone love me just the way im loving others we shall see but i get choked up so easily like i always feared and teared up but loving it and loving the sensation of no trepidation at the idea of taking the service from start to finish at my spiritual church and holding my own evenings of healing and meditation and discussion and as i'm musical but only percussion i will keep drumming journeys and letting my mind wander to meet the eternal elements of creatures unique and terribly neat and untidy and replete with meaning of the old gods and the new what does all this mean to you that i am losing it or finding it and im not sure but if im not hurting anyone and seeing that golden door to realms of experience and beings called angelic and fairy which i know if i let go i will see and meet once more thats it for now keep going i am told you're on a roll but its late the stream is running low im not tired i know but thats adrenaline my creative juices will be going but i shouldnt force things beyond the sense and sensibility that i know is good for me i was tired earlier but had some homemade choccie knowing it would see me through to a late night meditation and energy healing i will be feeling within a few moments as i post this to somewhere im sure its too long for fb thats enough from me im not sure youll read this anybody its a bit like one of kerouacs things on one long piece of type writer paper or whoever it was who did that type of thing if you get to the end you deserve a massage or a hug or some energy healing sent to you as i say once and for all to add to the list of stuff i was trying to get down and put right in the world today technology is not the solution its part of the problem it can help but it too will soon fall by the wayside like the wheel because we are meant to be natural in our nature and our being and our ways of seeing and doing and healing so i know that evolution will continue in the direction of destiny and that is why me when i ask the answer is why not you when i ask any question they are invariably answered i can put whatever i like to the everything and like the tike that i am i get a stern or loving and careful reply im wandering along a grey and beautiful line between the black and white i know ive been a shite but some are proud of my transformatino one even said so tonight thankyou friend and mentor i will do my best to live up to the trust you place in me :) + <3 night night everybody have the best day that you can and with a golden light entering from outside only to find it alights inside and lights a spark that was there waiting to be lit this fit and fart of cosmic gas explodes to raise my consciousness once more to a level unbecoming of one previously so lowly and sick i can only do as i am told within reason but leaving logic behind and thinking i go with the feeling that if i do and dont try if i do not reason why if i do my best and dont ask questions of the truth if i let the past die and do not lie if i am the truth the living cry and shout and scream up to the moon and sun and shy if i can be the change i wish to see the world will see the change i wish to be <3