Sometimes when I log out of my email online some new items appear on the right hand side of the 'News' page that is displayed and some of those are 'Celebrity Stories' i.e. pictures of people.
Going about their business, having what they are wearing and doing scrutinised, lately what they are wearing becomes an advert for the maker or designer, right there on the page about the 'story'.
The 'story' usually being someones take on whatever it was this person or people were doing when the photographer or paparazzi captured them in the act of going shopping or whatever.
I feel for anyone who has ever had their five minutes of fame in todays world, the fact that they have no right to privacy and can be followed wherever they go, so often they actually stage things.
They let their agents notify the photogs where the 'star' will be so that they can be there to take snaps of them and putting them in a more favourable light, thus giving them a story or 'they will make one up'. It's been referred to in the past that a star will be given the option, "We've got this story about you and we're going to publish it, unless you want to give us your side, or something more juicy".
So glad I've never been famous, don't have to worry about being followed around, worry over what I'm wearing, doing, who I'm with, where we go, what we do, feeling that pressure to perform, unable to be yourself because someone is always watching you, I don't know how some of them manage it.
I did appear in a video for a pop song at one point, I was invited to go to london to take part and it was a fun time, my face isn't in the final product just the back of me fake barging through a crowd of 'rioters' standing around a fire in the car park of a warehouse in an up and coming area of london.
I've been spending a lot of time lately finding out the hidden aspects of this world and our lives.
For many the day to day struggle to make ends meet, to spend what free time they get on relaxing, all the stresses of the modern world makes it so much more difficult for people to spend any time on finding out these things, I see so much of it, am drawn to find out about it, the hidden side of life.
The things that are spoken of in the myriad of websites on the internet, that allude to all sorts of conspiracies, secret societies, the corruption of the churches and religions of the world by dark forces, the greater use of symbolism and the fact that it is becoming less and less hidden over time, just do a web search for the terms, occult symbols in popular culture and change to images and check it out...
It would seem that as I fell down the rabbit hole of spiritual experiences and beliefs and found out more and more, that there is something to the dark side of all this and it seems more prevalent.
The good side of it, the God side? Is there a good god? A White Magic? Something that has become perverted over the ages, from a beginning that was pure and untrammelled? I don't know.
You see I was often given to believe that this was an imperfect creation but I would hope that within the hearts of the people there was a tendency to have a spark of divinity there, not to become corrupted by all the messages in the media and society that say you should want things that might take you in the wrong direction. I understood the message to be when I was growing up that sexuality was something between people who loved each other, who had developed a connection, a relationship, not something to jump into at the first opportunity to satiate your own desire for orgasm.
I know ho addictive, sorry how addictive, the release can be. I was given to understand that succumbing to our lower selves, our most base desires held us back, kept us down in the chakras stakes whereas we would be better served not to be focussed on our own pleasure but giving it to another, allowing our sexual energy to rise up within, to become a purer spiritual ecstacy.
What do I know? It's been so long I'm virtually a virgin again. I was saving myself for someone I loved and for sex to be an expression of a deep relationship, a trust that is built, not something to give away at the first sign of interest from someone else. I was offered though in the way it goes these days, someone wanted me to 'go upstairs and fuck them' and a friend asked me to do as much.
I feel as though sex has been cheapened even if that is just an attitude held not necessarily some deeper and darker belief system, just a pervading way of looking at the world today.
Morals for instance, I've been immoral in the past, have stolen, rationalised things I've done.
I knew and stated as much when I began to believe in more, that I was on the path or attempting to be so, to redemption, looking for ways to clean up my act certainly and I have done so, but there is a casual if I can't beat them then join them attitude, petty theft, a pen here, a paperclip there, lead by business leaders and companies that daily legally but immorally steal from the public coffers through the means of sending profits offshore, routed through third parties and back again to avoid tax.
The world is setup to make it so very difficult for anyone to do the right thing, that's why I keep trying to escape from the system, wanting to pay off my debts and somehow extricate myself.
I wonder if this is a good place at all, I know there is love in the world, between people.
The more I look the more I see the less I like... I have turned the corner though.
It's a battle for our hearts and minds that they keep using the phrase abroad.
The final battle between good and evil going on inside each of us.
Rambling now running out of whatever inspiration I had.
Ending here in much confusion for the writings contradict each other.
Some say that esoteric symbols such as the swatika are good.
That they were turned on their heads or turned bad.
Then someone says all ancient religions are false.
That paganism is all dark witchcraft no good.
It all becomes a maelstrom of mystery.
Designed to keep us all in fear.
To make it harder perhaps for a man to enter the kingdom of heaven than for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. Who is to say whether the bible has it right, the Koran, the Torah, any of it...
Maybe it is within us that we can find the answer, to find something that works for us inside.
I don't know, all I know is that my struggle is to make sense of it all as a spiritual seeker.
To try to evolve, resolve the inner turmoil, find a truth to belong to, a life to lead.
A way to heal damage I carry from this life and who knows how many others?
Are we a spark of god, or are we merely children looking to connect to it?
Does any of it offer us a way forward or is it all just a downward spiral?
I've come to realise things about myself I didn't like finding out,
but that makes it far easier for me not to do so again.
My concious attention is on finding goodness,
in a world seemingly doing both falling,
and rising at the same time both.
Going dark for many more,
and light for many too,
who struggle to be,
to find divine
love
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment