I started out going to Psychedelic Trance Parties, I call them parties but really they are nights put on in clubs, or outside of an adhoc nature (legal basis unclear) ;) they are tolerated up to a point, you might know them as raves, basically a sound system in a place as far away from other people as possible, or in locations that were or are industrial, or music festivals.
So basically I would go to these "parties" and take some drugs usually and dance my tits off as it is known in the vernacular... ;) I met all sorts of amazing people, the atmosphere and the drugs and a little alcohol usually, as alcohol tends not to be the drug of choice, or used to excess quite as often as it is in "Normal" clubs and so it's a very friendly often slightly older crowd.
The age range is massive from 18 as often as not up to 80 plus, everyone is welcome and that makes for a very good night to be had by all, it's a tribal atmosphere in this sense that anyone can and usually do come along, you can wear what you like, there's no dress code and actually the more far out the outfit the better in many cases, fancy dress costumes, all sorts of homemade creations...
So progression, at first I was just there because I had met some people who were into the music, some were dj's who actually played the tunes, it's trance music usually, techno, house, beats, breaks a mixture, if it's got a vibrant beat and you can dance to it, it may be there.
When I first started going I didn't know many people and I'd be lying if I said I knew many very well, but a large number have become friends, generally as time goes on, you see the same faces, often as I spread myself quite thinly and went to many events in various locations you get to know a lot of people and as time goes by you introduce yourself, get to socialise with them, get to know them.
It's a very family and loving atmosphere, the drugs help often to remove people inhibitions, there's a lot of hugging and it's a very safe feeling you get when you are there, everyone looks out for each other, i myself found over time I began to spend more of my evenings watching out for anyone who may have overdone it shall we say, as a shy person inside and an extrovert outside, when my inhibitions have gone i'm very chatty, will often just go over and start up a conversation with folks.
As someone who has often felt a little left out of things, gradually over time that becomes a choice, I recognise when someone isn't having any fun, or looks a little lonely, and I'll go over and say hi, make sure they're having a good time, I'll end up going round and round like a proper social butterfly.
Also over time I spotted the people who make sure everyone else is having a good time, the staff, the people who are there to work, not to play and have fun... I'd go over and ask them when it was their turn. The make-up people for instance, spend all evening painting peoples faces and such, as the lighting allows u.v. paint to glow in the dark and look fantastic often lots of people want to get made up, so I'd make a point of offering the hard working artists a massage for their tired head, neck, shoulders and back, when I'm comfortable and relaxed it comes easily for me offer and then do so.
In this way I found that could give something back and one particular time the person I was massaging commented that I had cleared her aura, now I was just trancing out, eyes closed often, in my own little world, feeling the music doing what came naturally, moving to it, enjoying myself.
I hadn't really had much experience of this sort of spiritual talk, although I had been going to avebury for the summer solstice for several years at this point, and I was open to finding out more...
In some ways the progression from where I was in 2000 wanting to go see the total eclipse in cornwall and ending up in the car park at work with a load of others at lunch time watching a cloudy sky and barely seeing anything of this natural spectacle, as few did anywhere in the u.k. but still already at that point, I knew inside that there was more to life, that I could feel a need to connect to it.
So as I was massaging, and when I was dancing I would often in my minds eye visualise energy, over time as I have continued to dance, I play with dancing, I experiment, I will try out new moves or let myself relax into it and not worry what others think, with my eyes closed that's easier anyway, you can't see anyone elses reaction to whatever you are doing and it's easier to go on a journey with the music, to the beat, I got my rhythm back, partly from the drummers drumming at avebury for the solstice, partly from tapping my feet at first to the dance music at clubs and at party at home once.
Feeling like I was reconnecting to myself in many ways, feeling more open to new experiences.
So as time went on, I've developed as a masseur, without thinking about it, I found myself making movements that I now and occasionally at the time recognised from the things a healer, a shaman will do, such as swishing down the body and shaking off whatever it is you have massaged or drawn out of the person, still this was all just quite natural, I never really put much thought into it, I never really felt anything going on, I was quite happy if others did though, that's their perogative.
So it took years really for me to finally feel something happening, i also took up meditation, not so much in a prescribed way, or as a daily habit, i actually added meditation on the breath into my daily physical activity, if i was mowing the lawn i would be breathing in and out and visualising a white energy coming in and a dark energy going out, white clouds coming in dark stormy clouds going out.
All very simple things that added up to a large effect over time, I felt more vital, more energetic.
I came back to who I used to be before, loved going out in nature again, loved the new experiences.
So my massage became a habit, often towards the end of a party, a night in a club, or at someones house afterwards I would feel quite naturally like offering massage and healing as I saw it by this time. Feeling as though placing my hands on people in certain places where I intuited they needed it, working with them, asking them questions to get a better understanding of whatever the issue.
Foot massage is great, I had done a lot of this on myself when I walked 500 miles in Spain in 2009, in fact most of my skill as a masseur came from an initial talent I had always had for taking away others pain, and working on myself, if I felt pain somewhere I would work on it, literally getting in touch with myself that way and learning what worked where, how much pressure to use, it didn't matter on me because I could hurt myself as much as necessary to reveal the deepest of pains and heal injury.
It seemed to be like a maintenance schedule, I just kept on doing whatever felt right, and working on others when they afforded me the opportunity, mostly women I have to say, they are less resistance to having someones hands on them and in social situations it feels far safer to have them do so, some men too, if they didn't have some kind of homoerotic fear, most men do suffer this in some ways.
In our culture men kissing or touching each other has a lot to do with homosexuality and the fear of being seen as that, we even use the word gay as an insult although thankfully we're growing out of that I hope, growing up as a culture as a species, the introduction of other cultures helps, the eastern europeans that have moved over to this country have reintroduced so many wonderful things. There's a lot of old world charm and respect and old ways of seeing and being in the world that were being lost in the so called modern western world and I highly value the Hungarian and Polish men and women I have met and call my friends, they truly are a blessing all the people I've met have been.
No matter where they are from, everyone mixes in beautifully, the world over we all are now.
It's a foregone conclusion that the old ways that work come back to us, in a time of so many new ways of doing and being in the world are literally thrust in our faces, so much short term gain for long term pain, so much is unnatural, forced, vain, fake it makes me sick literally it was killing me.
So as time has gone on, as my meditation, my physicality, dancing, healing, massage, they all come together to allow me to feel over the last year and a half energy pooling in my hands, the timescales are hazy, the parties toll into one another, the familiarity isn't breeding contempt it's creating a network of people connected by their love of community, of all the best values, we are all being improved in so many ways, several people I've spoken to freely admitted that if they had continued to drink to excess, continued their previous life style they would not be here today.
So this energy, in my hands, what to do with it? I played with it of course, I moved my hands around, I would sit and feel the resistance between my right and my left palms, the difference between holding them facing each other, and with one hand to one side or the other, so that as i moved my right hand across in front of my left, as the palms faced each other I could feel the difference.
I could literally feel that I was focussing that energy between them, I played some more and when dancing although at first I was just doing things that felt instinctively right, over time I actually began to dance as a shaman dances, showering others with what in my minds eye was a beautiful energy.
At a party I often found myself looking out over the crowd and trying to imagine them all receiving this wonderful energy, building it up until it exploded and fell on them like rain, or standing behind an individual in a loving way energising them as they seemed low, their dancing slow...
So on and on I played and played, and more recently found I could sense someone elses energy...
Not when i was in the same room, but when I was at a distance, im sat in my house they are wherever...
Literally I could be chatting to someone online, they would say i'm not feeing well, I would say is it a headache, as i had them in my minds eye I would let my hands work up and down feeling for areas of their energy that were weaker or stronger, i could tell someone which ankle it was, the less information they gave me to start with the better, that way I wasn't being lead, I could diagnose conditions, with their help obviously to learn the difference between what I was sensing and what they were feeling themselves, or where it hurt exactly, I played with this skill and found I could use my hands like an MRI scanner, literally in three dimension work around or in front, to the sides, from head to toe, and toe to head, usually I had worked on a two dimensional representation of them in my mind, more lately I can do this with my eye open, and them in my minds eye, with them in my heart.
So I'm going to close with a transcript of a conversation yesterday evening with the name removed...
- them :- my shoulder achesme :- the left one right?
- them :-left
- me :- shud be a bit better now but ill keep going and charge you up
- me :- smoked a lot? your chest is weak this week
- them :- dammit man, that's freaky!
- them :- I cut down on smoking loads this year but slipped back into it this week
- me :- knelt here with my eyes closed, picturing you in my minds eye, hands held aloft waving them up and down over the imaginary / real energy body, sensing, vibing, energisin
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