Something wicked this way comes

Wicked has come to mean ace, bad means good, doesn't matter what things meant in the past, the heart of the matter is all that er matters ;)

Something clicked into place last night, things are finally becoming clear, the last 13 / 14 months have been shockingly bad, no really bad, not good.  However at last it all seems to be making sense, I can see why I had to go through it all.

I've been broken down and built back up again from scratch...

Honestly facing aspects of myself that I didn't even accept were there before.

Old shit, new shit, current shit, all melded into the shit I am now...

Old paradigms, old beliefs, old ways, old thoughts, old me's.

So what's this new one gonna be like?

Am I now thoroughly capable of being completely true to myself?

It's a wild ride, a long gallop, a scary assed journey.

Step by step I make progress.

Came to doubt the things I held so dear, to doubt myself completely,

only thing is to truly move on, to truly get past the past...

I found myself inspired again, in the position of needing to get up out of bed and write loads of things that came to mind down or lose them by the morning, couldn't get off to sleep, lost my focus, but regained the unfocussed, relaxed state that brings with it lots of new ideas...

So it's a bargaining process, I will likely lose some sleep over this, becoming a mixture of all the versions, to become one with all the bits, to accept the stuff I would rather not in the long run, in the short term I have to, to reveal the hidden depths, whatever was wrapped up in, repressed along with, to gain new insights.

Love
Jon
x