Re-collection Re-connection Re-constitution

I dreamt and held the belief that we should march on the parliament, and ask for then demand that the government step down.  After that the people's assembly would be created made up by normal people from each region, from each county, from each town village and hamlet.  The politicians, economists etc are all left by the wayside, wondering who is going to look after them now that big business has no say in their future plans and vice versa.  We are of course...  No-one will go hungry, no-one will lose out.  Everything shared on the basis of need, the new setup a very green resurgence of values and standards.  Maybe it's a dream for us all to live alongside one another in peace and harmony, maybe it's just not going to happen this way, but I hold out hope, and that dies last...

Re-connecting to my hopes and dreams, re-imagining the way I wish to see the world change.

Re-collecting my thoughts, re-alising that as before when I'm struggling, my friends are too.  When I feel like I need help the most, they are feeling the same...  If only we reached out instead of curling up in a ball and wishing someone would come to our aid.

So I'll reach out, knowing that I'm probably too late, now that I'm actually starting to feel capable again.

I have doubted my friends sincerity, I have doubted that this place, the world, this universe is good, and maybe that stems from a severe lack of confidence in my own self, my own integrity, my own capabilities.

I've never been down this low, although I have been to the point of asking to die before and got ill, and then I asked to be allowed to live long enough to pay off my debts, and then do what you will with me...

I need to find a way of making recompence, of redeeming myself, of working harder to do the right thing.

I feel old, lazy, greedy, fat, unable to make the changes in my own life, fearful although there is a glimmer of hope still,  a slight resurgence in my feeling that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Getting my hopes up and having them dashed has been a life-long habit.

I would get myself all worked up on a night out, or when going to a function, or when seeing someone I loved.

Would see it going one way and it always went the other, sometimes because it should.

Sometimes because I didn't make the effort.

Got to make the effort now.

Doing right by family.

Now I want to start over again, get out there, trying to keep in mind a positive attitude.

It's hard having been so negative for so long, s'like why should I even try?

Much easier to keep on expecting disappointment, less disappointing then, when you are ;)

But I always end up being the eternal optimist, something will come along

Something will turn up

Somehow it will work

Someday it will change

Not if we don't get off our asses and make the change

The march onwards begins with but a single step

Stomp stomp stomp, let's make that change

Dancing our way to a new way of being

I finally am off out to a trance party

And it's in my spiritual homeland

South Wales somewhere secret

In the meantime I'll work hard

Hope something comes along

Some work I can do

See some friends

Smile again

Listen

Be the old me and the new one, somewhere nice inbetween
Light &
Love
Jon
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