Capturing the Public Imagination

Oy let it go it's own way, don't try to capture the imagination of the public, let them imagine whatever they like ;)

I feel at times a lot like superman when he asked and succeeded having his powers removed...

These days everything seems so hard, so much like hard work, so difficult to get off my ass.

It's like I've gone back in time, been given a new chance to make old choices and fail again.

So as much as I am trying my best, I know I'm still making mistakes, lost faith in everything.

I used to have a very strong in built faith, trust, intuition and all I did was ask a question.

The answers would flood in, I would think about them all, research them, ask more.

Then I would see which one felt right, I would feel which one seemed right.

Now it's like my feelings have been cauterised although perhaps not.

Not completely, or maybe they're regrowing, out of the darkness.

You see I'd gotten to the point of disinterest, stopped reading.

Stopped searching for answers, my brain still speaking rude.

Still coming up with pieces of old conversations that are out of place, still suggesting things to say that I don't agree with, still there are chances within to ignore those ideas, ignore my fears which always seem unfounded in the end.  As much as I am a pattern recognition matrix as are all of us in ways, I keep seeing things progressing in certain ways that are suggestive, and yet as profoundly disturbing as some of those suggestions are, I'm calm, even though I have ideas that are so far beyond the pale about myself, it's a nervous anxiety feeding those times when I'm silently alone.  The rest of the time as tired as I often am, I persist, as much as I fear stepping into the future with any certainty, I'm falling forward into the following day and then the next.

So calm now, no sweaty palms, although I must admit to losing my conviction when it comes to arranging a get together here, just things that need doing before and I don't know whether I need the stress or the extra things on my mind, and then there's the fact that without something, fuck, someone else, to think about, it's just me.  Wake eat work eat drink work eat drink sleep wake eat work eat drink work eat drink sleep etc.

Just me, connect, watched some things to ground my arse in reality, lots of this lately, finding I felt the energy of compassion, the feeling down my spine, seeing someone else in jeopardy, putting themselves up for medals, doing something they love, doing something worthwhile, doing something ;)

Loving the energy I get when I think of my friends, and I keep thinking of different ones, the ones in Dursley, the ones in Wales, the ones in Bristol and surrounding areas, ones I've met not enough, ones I've met loads of times but not spent quality time with, ones I would like to see more of, one i wish I didn't lose touch with.

It's all been such a muddle, and rather than keep on about me, I should have found earlier than this, that it's others, the others, all the others, all the people who should be but aren't in my life, who I should and could be closer to, who I should and could have spent more time thinking about and doing things for instead of feeling sorry for me.

Actually looking forward to the Olympic Games now, glad I've missed most of the build up though and don't watch the news.  And that 'cult' comedy 2012 which I saw most of an episode of last night and wondered why it was popular.  It is merely a fantastic impression of what really goes on today, in environments where everyone is in competition and not healthily, where they are all out for what they can get not give, for the ways in which the caricatures really made me desire for a complete change in the way that everything is done in this world.  People led choices at a local level not nationally organised anything.

The world was a far better place when everyone had a say and everyone was listened to.

Now what happens is that everyone thinks they have a say but a far fewer number of bods at the top, ignore that and paper over the cracks in a system that falls far short of any promises it's ever made and doesn't stand for anything other than profit.

Get rid of the lot I say, and as soon as we have, the people will be happy and content.

Let's get the idea of a new way of doing things into the public conciousness, let's drive forward the meme of a new life for us all, as individuals, recognised as unique and wonderful components of a larger whole, not as voters, not as merely workers, not as slaves to a ryhmic system of noise making governors.  As people, each one governing themselves, each one working together, each one proud to be a human being.

I'd get up in the morning for that and I'd sleep peacefully and soundly at night too, and I'm sure I will.

As much as there are signs of discomforting 'so-called-progress' there are also signs that this reality will fall apart and a new one will coalesce, to grow together into one body rather than a snake with two heads.

You see there was a time when we would never have dreamed of such freedoms.

I've been told I have big dreams, all the better to come true my dears ;) <3
Love
Jon
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