Strange Goings On Down at the Circle K Bill

Well that was awful, he says hoping it's all over now.

Been so down but I guess three seriously diverting issues at once can be draining.

There was my whole outlook on life and spirituality, the resurgence of old issues and habits and finally day to day so called normality type things like working.

I've got a job and start on monday.

In a few weeks time I'll get paid and can start to pay off my debts.

Lots of things seem to resonate from the past.

Issues with our tenancy, issues with my own shyness and anxiety.

Feeling like used to feel all the time, in such contrast to how I felt in the middle of last year and for long periods over the past several.

I suppose I was getting so used to feeling positive all the time, so used to feeling good, so used to being in the moment...

I've worked hard and am still trying my best but it seems like I could do with some help.

Trying to find like minded people is not easy, I've never been any good at putting myself out there.

It's been hard enough to just do the normal stuff and realise that I was dreaming last year.

So caught up in new ways of seeing and being in the world that I lost sight of my own struggle.

So profoundly changed by the intervention of others in my life that I didn't take stock.

Let things slide, lost a job, took old roads and became so unethusiastic about everything.

The weird part is that the things that scare me the most are always the right ones.

As much as I fear falling back into old ways, the new folks I know are different.

Some are willing to intervene and actually help me.

I'll knuckle down and earn money and pay off.

Whilst constantly trying to find again that inner peace.

Working harder in my own time to produce a change.

Recognising a similar mind set to the way I felt before I challenged myself.

Seeing that I needed to face the new bigger tests with courage not fear.

Try to find my way back to the way things were before I jumped in with both feet.

Face up to those things deep within, old thoughts and feelings.

Old stresses, pressures I put on myself.

Remember that focussing on others is always a great relief to the self.

It's such a rollercoaster but being able not to slide into unconciousness helps

I don't resort to losing myself, I don't shy away, got to fight, to love, to learn

It feels worse at the time but afterwards it's so much nicer

I could do with as much good will as you can muster.

And I'll keep sending mine out and hoping.

Wishing you all the best of everything.

Love &
Light
Jon
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