At a party last November. It's been a wild ride since last May, from the party I had to try to build some and rebuild other bridges to three months in the dark then another party in August and three months later I put aside my monthly routine as the Full Moon fell one or two days either side of a house party for one of my most implicit old / new friends' birthday. Some people you just get on with so well that it doesn't take many many late night drunken conversations or several cold shiver down the spine shared experiences to get to the point that you know this person is a kindred spirit, like-minded enough that you feel like any differences are so minor as to be merely a nuisance. You can pick up with this person at will, after months and months apart and talk for hours if you get the chance.
I was quite ill afterwards and sick with nerves on the night before I arrived at the party. The ill afterwards was because my monthly celebrations have given me, along with a diet improved to the point that I don't want to eat junk anymore let alone live on it, an if not total cessation in symptoms but a definite alteration from chronic to acute. In other words instead of long spells of discomfort culminating in short periods of agony, what I can only describe as the feeling that something is gnawing and clawing its way out of my gut through the heat of a furnace in my lower abdomen, I now only have any signs at all when I've been burning the candle at both ends or taking the mickey in terms of what I eat, drink and smoke. Pushing my luck again, but it's hard as it seems to take more of everything to get the same effect these days.
I met someone and we chatted away quite happily for between a few seconds and two hours as I couldn't really tell you. In the same way that I used to assume that everything is my fault, when you weren't around anymore I guessed you'd seen my dancing or just decided that we weren't both enjoying gassing as much as I had thought...
Then eight months later and I am rubbish with names but extraordinary with faces but even I am shocked by this, as in normal circumstances I could recognise people at work from the merest glimpse from any angle, say someone passing a doorway or a window out of the corner of my eye but to catch you like that felt immense. I saw you from behind and slightly to the side. I knew it was you and I knew where we'd met, I can't remember whether I knew your name right off too which would be a miracle for me aswell... I was admittedly on the lookout for someone, anyone I knew, all weekend. Between trying not to crowd my new friends and neighbours in the campsite too much as they'd been so kind to me and trying to spend some time with two people from Poland that are very dear to me and given that I like my own company, space and time as much as anyone if not more so, and I get the feeling that I'm good in small doses... so I like to get around and meet lots of new people.
It was really lovely to talk to you again.
I'm going to ask you to meet me a third time, but there won't be any pressure. I can't handle a situation where there's only two people there and it's all about us. I prefer social environments involving lots of people we feel comfortable being around already. That way I don't have to think about you as being any more important to me than you are, which is a possible new best friend.
I was quite ill afterwards and sick with nerves on the night before I arrived at the party. The ill afterwards was because my monthly celebrations have given me, along with a diet improved to the point that I don't want to eat junk anymore let alone live on it, an if not total cessation in symptoms but a definite alteration from chronic to acute. In other words instead of long spells of discomfort culminating in short periods of agony, what I can only describe as the feeling that something is gnawing and clawing its way out of my gut through the heat of a furnace in my lower abdomen, I now only have any signs at all when I've been burning the candle at both ends or taking the mickey in terms of what I eat, drink and smoke. Pushing my luck again, but it's hard as it seems to take more of everything to get the same effect these days.
I met someone and we chatted away quite happily for between a few seconds and two hours as I couldn't really tell you. In the same way that I used to assume that everything is my fault, when you weren't around anymore I guessed you'd seen my dancing or just decided that we weren't both enjoying gassing as much as I had thought...
Then eight months later and I am rubbish with names but extraordinary with faces but even I am shocked by this, as in normal circumstances I could recognise people at work from the merest glimpse from any angle, say someone passing a doorway or a window out of the corner of my eye but to catch you like that felt immense. I saw you from behind and slightly to the side. I knew it was you and I knew where we'd met, I can't remember whether I knew your name right off too which would be a miracle for me aswell... I was admittedly on the lookout for someone, anyone I knew, all weekend. Between trying not to crowd my new friends and neighbours in the campsite too much as they'd been so kind to me and trying to spend some time with two people from Poland that are very dear to me and given that I like my own company, space and time as much as anyone if not more so, and I get the feeling that I'm good in small doses... so I like to get around and meet lots of new people.
It was really lovely to talk to you again.
I'm going to ask you to meet me a third time, but there won't be any pressure. I can't handle a situation where there's only two people there and it's all about us. I prefer social environments involving lots of people we feel comfortable being around already. That way I don't have to think about you as being any more important to me than you are, which is a possible new best friend.
It's been a while since I could talk to someone I liked about things I don't like.
That's a good thing but not a big deal is it.
I used to build things up so much that they would inevitably collapse on me like a ton of bricks
under the weight of expectation
but these days I feel a lot
lighter like it's not
the end of the world
or the start of a new one
just for us to express ourselves
enjoy anothers company while we all strive for the same things unable or unwilling to admit it
-
The tribal life makes so much more sense, there's no better support network than a group of people with the same ideals and goals living them out together in harmonious effort
We temporarily live like this when we come together at festivals and parties
The atmosphere is contagious, I try to take it with me wherever I go
Sustainability in everything we do
Together we make a tribe
Light &
Love
Jon
x
No comments:
Post a Comment