Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Chameleon

You come and go oh oh oh...

Best explanation for the meaning of the song that I've found so far was either:-

the song is about fear that people have, the fear of standing up for one thing. It's about trying to suck up to everybody like if you aren't true, if you don't act like you feel, then you get Karma-(justice), that's nature's way of paying you back."

or that the colours red gold and green denote a traffic light?

I fit in easily. Accents, man and womannerisms, temperament, I love nuances. I guess I pick them up and run with them. Not like a collector more like an actor. Frustrated wannabe morelike... ;)

Like a wardrobe of costumes. From people watching to interaction. When there are more moments taken notice of in a given second. There is more bandwidth available for download.

I don't think about it but I notice it later and smile. That things you do, are cute, all of you ;)

You know how they used to say a watched pot never boils and having to do something boring can be compared to watching paint dry? So. Stop. Watching.

Time is on our side. Use it like a stopwatch. When you want to, and you will, make it last.
When you don't, just ignore it, let it pass.

"When you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains--however improbable--must be the truth."

What happens when nothing is impossible? Only improbable? Improbable is nothing!

Mmmm Improbable, improbable, improbable, improbable, improbable, improbable, improbable. Try typing that several times quickly, it's a five finger twister...(Nod to Mr R. Pearce with ♥)

Let alone the tongue. I'm in a mischievous mood. Must be the trickster, healer energy...

Bring it on
Light &
Love
Jon
x

I Think You're Confusing Me With Someone Who Gives A Shit

I worked for this guy for a few years and we got on, we told each other lots of our stories but ultimately he was a numpty. I tried and failed to impress upon him that he was letting himself, and me, down. I worked hard, we spent six days a week together including Saturday mornings at work and then playing football in the afternoon. We knew each other pretty well and at times would have arguments like an old married couple. They would usually start because he would say one thing then do another.

As much as I disliked the way that he gossiped and shit stirred, mainly because I don't think he ever felt as if he belonged anywhere, he "tried to undermine the better ranges of my nature" (Jamiroquai King for a day) and left me with the growing sense that if I carried on working for him that I would be tainted by all of his low standards. Familiarity bred contempt but all along I treated him with respect as I would anyone.

So it may have, must have, come as a shock when towards the end of our tenure together, I found it increasingly difficult to put up with the rubbish that would come out of his mouth. I started to only see the bad in him and that was all there was for me from that point. It got so bad that there was a period of between two to three months where we barely talked because I would just ignore rather than get disgruntled or caught up in his bullshit.

In the end, and lots of others things were coming to a head at that time, getting barred from the pub for standing up to the landlord whose passive aggressive attitude was slightly more insincere than the previous runners were towards us. He obviously didn't want our group hanging out there, didn't like the fact that his own staff (our friends were waitresses and cleaners) would spend most of their wages behind the bar and started banning them from drinking there on their time off.

I was getting more and more restless, something that had only made itself clear to me at a few certain moments every year. New Years Eve was a case in point, I would be preparing to go out, in a total tizzy because I often got severe anxiety before a social occasion. About what I would wear, who would be there, what was expected of me, and also usually because it would mean spending time with someone that I had feelings for that I couldn't extricate myself from because they were a good friend.

I quit the job and had nothing more to do with the guy, which was really just everything going back to the way it was before we'd even met, although I'd known who he was. I do miss our big group of friends, I do miss hanging out together, I do miss certain individuals who were my close friends but who were given to believe things about me that were not true, not going into that, old news, water under the bridge. From that day forward I knew that ethically I could not work in a place if I didn't like the people or what they were working towards. So it's meant me changing jobs regularly when signed onto the employment agency since.

I also changed whenever I felt myself getting too comfortable anywhere as deep down I know there are lots of things I could be doing for people that don't involve producing something to sell and have everything to do with the person themselves. Whether that's just becoming friends and giving them the freedom to express themselves in good and bad times, if it's working on them physically as I have done at various jobs, by giving massages at lunchtimes or when finding that even total strangers are drawn to me, keen to open up and tell me their life story.

As hard as the last few years have been. not having a social network beyond THE social network, not having close friends that I can confide in or go to in times of need, I've found lots of resources within myself that I didn't know existed or had forgotten about during the intervening period between when I was about 18 and two years ago when I quit everyone and everything and went abroad to find myself and then lose myself. It was a gamble, but one that I couldn't afford not to take. I was lonely in a large group of people, I was miserable despite my ability to cheer other people up.

My comedic skills have been put onto the back burner as a lot of it revolved around taking the piss, so now although my wit still works I don't tend to take the michael as much if at all, don't get any pleasure from winding people up or having them on. No I treat people the way I would like to be treated. Rather than insult them I consult them. Rather than tear them down I build them up. I can see why people would often revel in going over and over the stupid things I've done in the past to make themselves feel better and me feel worse. The way it was seen as fair game to bring all of those things up whenever there was someone new in our group or just for a laugh, for you.

When you've felt powerless your whole life it's hard not to join them when you can't beat 'em.

Some people believe or have learnt over time that any attention is better than none...

I don't subscribe to that at all, I would rather be able to sleep soundly at night

If you haven't got anything nice to say then don't say anything at all, works

I wasn't that bad anyway and apologised to them I felt I'd wronged

I scrubbed and cleared the decks and set sail for journeys end

That magical compass points in every direction Jack

Now I struggle to pick one while I'm waiting...

For a following wind and fair weather

The doldrums are few and far between these days and are set in such stark contrast against a background of joy and contentment, a bright blue sky with but the odd fluffy cloud ;)

Light &
Love
Jon
x

It's never as bad as you think or it's a lot worse - Faking It

Dreading something, it's gonna be awful I know it. Built it up into such a massive thing now, gotten myself into such a state. What an anticlimax! Wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought...

Anticipating something, it's gonna be awesome I know it. Built it up into such a massive thing now, gotten myself into such a state. What an anticlimax! Nothing happened like I thought...

Ultimately we spend lots of time dreading or looking forward to things, only for our expectations to be dashed or outperformed. Going into a new situation or an old one with an open mind is key.

It's fine to have ideas of what might occur, hopes and dreams even, but don't commit yourself

The present is a gift you are given in every single moment of your life to make changes

Embrace change and resist habits rather than the other way around

The things you worry about so rarely happen

The unexpected fucks you over

So why worry at all?

Don't...

Find yourself some real estate between :-
Planning for the worst and Hoping for the best
I hear it's really nice there at any time of the year

-

Faking It

I was talking to a new friend about ways to get over someone. Over anything in fact. First you have to be really honest with yourself. Be hard on yourself but not too much, give yourself a break but not too much. Then you just pretend until it's real.

I've realised that as scared as I was of so many things and still am of some of them...

Everyone has the same fears they just disguise them better or worse is all.

BUT you can fake a new reality... until it becomes one for you.

Faking it less these days out of necessity.

Pachamama - Mother World...

Mother of my invention.

Light &
Love
Jon
x

Paying Lip Service - The Respect Party

So it seems like you've been paying me lip service... Nodding and saying the right things but ultimately ignoring everything I've said. I've found that it is better to say a little and make each word count rather than blathering on for fear of the silence. It took a while to get there but I am.

We've been through some interesting times and I've opened right up to you. You haven't told me a thing, held back, clammed up. I stupidly assumed that we were on the same page, but we're not even reading the same book. I don't know what you think but I know you're scared and why.

You say that you like to stay in control, that is an illusion because it isn't you in control it is the ego.

You must let go for the boundaries that have built up to be disabled then destroyed.

Until you commit. I think we've found the sticking point hey? ;)

I know the fears that are present within a man.

The fear of looking foolish - I worked my way through that with constant embarrassment
The fear of not having the answer - I hold my hands up when I don't know what I'm doing
The fear of letting others help - I ask whenever I need it although it's still a struggle to do so

You feel as though you have to put on a front of confidence, but it's fake, I can see through it

You don't open up, keep in contact, and I know the worry because we're similar, I've been there

You fear that opening up will leave you vulnerable and it will and it does for good reason

To be vulnerable, to be open, is the way to go, but it's much harder to start with

I know it's hard not to be open one day and closed the next...

The Respect Party

My manifesto...

A) Treat all people with respect (whether they deserve it or not) ;)
B) Be humble and strive for humility, empathy, be true to your word
C) Most importantly stand up to anyone who does not agree with this

I have a real problem with confrontation, so I often end up hoping that my ranting in private will somehow reach you. I don't talk about you behind your back, or moan to anyone else. I hope upon hope that you will learn the lessons that you obviously need to, but you seem oblivious.

It's been an issue in the past, as I find it so hard to enter into a discussion about this, as I have decided that you wouldn't do anything about any issues raised so I think I'd just be wasting my breath. Why do things have to come to a head, why does it feel like you want to cause an argument? I find you like a shit movie, not worth watching except for one good scene.

So I'm putting up with you because there are glimpses of a human being and improvement

If you only do the right thing when you are made to... That's just soul destroying for me

I don't want to be your crutch or your alibi... Inclusivity is a word I just made up

It means including you because to exclude you would be cruel so I'm not

I'll keep waiting but not forever as at some point you will achieve me losing my temper and telling you so many home truths that you will have to admit where you've gone wrong, your fledging
attempts are feeble, your manners and attitudes and perspective are off and I don't like you for it

I grudgingly love you nonetheless despite your lack of faith in yourself

I thought I was an example for you to learn from but you ignore what I say

I make a point of remembering what you tell me, if it's important to you, it is to me

Can you say the same? Am I just your crutch? Are you holding back?

Light &
Love
Jon
x

Pussy Whipped - Tell & Show / Reality V.T.

I finally worked out why you resent women so much, and believe me it fucking makes my skin crawl that you say such things sometimes, although I usually put it down to male bluster. However it's obvious that you are pussy whipped, you don't think you can do whatever you want without getting permission, which you don't think you'll get so you don't bother asking. So then when opportunities for you to do what you want only arrive when you've been gifted them because of your other half's social life, added to the fact that you barely have one, you resent her for your own lack of courage.

The fact is that you are afraid to be a man, and as you have let yourself become virtually downtrodden if not under the thumb it's only grown more of an issue for you and consequently me as I can't stand to hear the way you talk about women and other people in general while we're on the subject. We all like a quiet life and I presume the supposed and infuriating male need for sexual fulfilment seemingly at any cost (monetary, emotional, physical) has lead you to maintain a relationship that I feel will falter not grow stronger which is the case so often.

People seem to stay together as long as they can stand each other and when all each others dirty laundry and little secrets, character traits, annoying habits and other foibles have been revealed they eventually have to concede whether amicably or not, that they don't like the people they've become. In other words the people they were all along but managed to hide successfully for many years and now that they are being themselves finally, it's easier to see the incongruity and quit ;)

People are people. Their sex, only alters whether they can father a child or give birth to one, that's it. There are no real, only invented differences, between the sexes apart from the biological ones. Race, Colour, Sexuality, religion fat thin ugly pretty tall short any way you can find to discriminate between one person and another, labels, you name it literally...

But underneath and in many cases put onto the back burner...

We're all the same, we all want the same things.

Please try to remember that you coward

As you hold on for one more day

It must be hell interspersed with moments of pure happiness

Putting that into perspective, whilst there are moments of slight indifference, the rest of the time is joyful in my life. Ok slight indifference is an understatement, however once you work out that it's best not to assume anything, but always to have an idea in mind of what things might look like too, just in case. Hedge your bets... But don't refuse the fences either.

I think it must be spending the odd bit of time haltering and leading ponies, donkeys and possibly soon the occasional alpaca, it's infecting my choice of phrase. The outdoor life is good and I'm saving, I've got enough for a cheap car and then it's saving hard for eco house and another Camino next May...

If I can fit a few psytrance nights or weekends in too then I feel I must, it's my duty now that I actually have some fledging friendships to go with the ones I've made or remade over the past couple of years...

I miss my psy friends ;(

-

Tell & Show / The wonderful world of 'reality'

You could read the book, play the clip, put on the tape , download the seminar or...

I can tell you but you'll have to put it in the form of a question, like jeopardy

I can show you but you'll have to put your faith in me and yourself

Most importantly there's nothing I know that you can't

Nothing you need to know that I can say

Only your own thoughts matter

Your experience is key

Energy conversion

Inspiration to

Creation

Light &
Love
Jon
x

Your Right is in the Heart Place - Northern Exposure

Your Right is in the Heart Place

Although I'm contemplating several people I'm sure they share most if not all of these...

I knew your heart was in the right place so quickly after you told me a part of your story that involved an incomplete stranger (me), you know the bit about how good you are in spite of our mere aquaintance. I want to know more, pray tell. You weren't afraid to let me in on the bad stuff aswell as the good and I thankyou for that. We talked like two old friends not two new ones. You said your name was Peace and I didn't bat an eyelid, even when I said hi the next day and you engulfed me in a hug. You gave me a present because I treated you like a human being, that says everything that is wrong with this world and everything that is right. I find you inspirational in my life every day.

Your right, is in the, heart place.

Where is the heart place?

The Heavens silly...

-

I've never said 'I told you so' or ever will
I just have to remind you occasionally ;)

-

Northern Exposure

Feeling so exposed after being so open, like a hangover only it's more like the opposite as the world becomes less and less clear, more murky and blurry, far from being a transition from basically bad behaviour to normality it feels much more like having to say goodbye to all your best friends and loved ones before setting off to be locked away for life, as an innocent man.

No it feels like you are being slowly frozen solid as first your extremities become so cold you cannot do anything and gradually it reaches your heart, you suddenly become sullen and withdrawn. That period of time is loathsome and carries over into the next few days, assuming that I've been open at the weekend and closed during the week.

Thawing as the days go by until you can bask in the warmth of freedom again.

I don't want to keep being truly free for short periods, I need it permanently.

Can't go on feeling as though I am giving up on everything I've ever needed.

Just so that I can go earn enough money to keep working to earn to work.

It's hard not to shut up shop when you've given everyone else free reign to be themselves and you've been nothing but. Feeling as though they might know something about you now that they won't like when they have a chance to think it through. You start thinking too, things come back, mulling it all over, on balance that was a cracking weekend or whatever is in hindsight.

I guess I'm saying that thinking things over before makes them seem less complicated but if you leave it until afterwards, it only ever makes them seem more so. Think before you leap, but leap.

And for good reason, it's like sticking your head in the sand or looking your problems in the face.

When you can see the enormity of the issue it looks overwhelming but it's only ever going to get any better when you sit down and make a start somewhere, anywhere, and keep going.

For someone who was well and truly stuck in deep ruts, less bogged down these days

Problem is the going still isn't easy and every now and then I hit a pothole

But did I expect the road less travelled to be clear of obstacles?

Not really it just got to the point that I had no choice

But to take it over any other or just cease to exist

Too large a coward to take the easy way out

I always manage to find a harder route

The simple life that I wanted

Wasn't what I needed

This nearly is

Light &
Love
Jon
x

I Met Someone

At a party last November. It's been a wild ride since last May, from the party I had to try to build some and rebuild other bridges to three months in the dark then another party in August and three months later I put aside my monthly routine as the Full Moon fell one or two days either side of a house party for one of my most implicit old / new friends' birthday. Some people you just get on with so well that it doesn't take many many late night drunken conversations or several cold shiver down the spine shared experiences to get to the point that you know this person is a kindred spirit, like-minded enough that you feel like any differences are so minor as to be merely a nuisance. You can pick up with this person at will, after months and months apart and talk for hours if you get the chance.

I was quite ill afterwards and sick with nerves on the night before I arrived at the party. The ill afterwards was because my monthly celebrations have given me, along with a diet improved to the point that I don't want to eat junk anymore let alone live on it, an if not total cessation in symptoms but a definite alteration from chronic to acute. In other words instead of long spells of discomfort culminating in short periods of agony, what I can only describe as the feeling that something is gnawing and clawing its way out of my gut through the heat of a furnace in my lower abdomen, I now only have any signs at all when I've been burning the candle at both ends or taking the mickey in terms of what I eat, drink and smoke. Pushing my luck again, but it's hard as it seems to take more of everything to get the same effect these days.

I met someone and we chatted away quite happily for between a few seconds and two hours as I couldn't really tell you. In the same way that I used to assume that everything is my fault, when you weren't around anymore I guessed you'd seen my dancing or just decided that we weren't both enjoying gassing as much as I had thought...

Then eight months later and I am rubbish with names but extraordinary with faces but even I am shocked by this, as in normal circumstances I could recognise people at work from the merest glimpse from any angle, say someone passing a doorway or a window out of the corner of my eye but to catch you like that felt immense. I saw you from behind and slightly to the side. I knew it was you and I knew where we'd met, I can't remember whether I knew your name right off too which would be a miracle for me aswell... I was admittedly on the lookout for someone, anyone I knew, all weekend. Between trying not to crowd my new friends and neighbours in the campsite too much as they'd been so kind to me and trying to spend some time with two people from Poland that are very dear to me and given that I like my own company, space and time as much as anyone if not more so, and I get the feeling that I'm good in small doses... so I like to get around and meet lots of new people.

It was really lovely to talk to you again.

I'm going to ask you to meet me a third time, but there won't be any pressure. I can't handle a situation where there's only two people there and it's all about us. I prefer social environments involving lots of people we feel comfortable being around already. That way I don't have to think about you as being any more important to me than you are, which is a possible new best friend.

It's been a while since I could talk to someone I liked about things I don't like.

That's a good thing but not a big deal is it.

I used to build things up so much that they would inevitably collapse on me like a ton of bricks
under the weight of expectation
but these days I feel a lot
lighter like it's not
the end of the world
or the start of a new one
just for us to express ourselves
enjoy anothers company while we all strive for the same things unable or unwilling to admit it

-

The tribal life makes so much more sense, there's no better support network than a group of people with the same ideals and goals living them out together in harmonious effort

We temporarily live like this when we come together at festivals and parties

The atmosphere is contagious, I try to take it with me wherever I go

Sustainability in everything we do

Together we make a tribe

Light &
Love
Jon
x

Baa Baa Black Sheep Have You Any Oil?

...and one for the little boy who lives down the lane

I was suspended, floating in mid air.

The black oil made up of illness, fear, bad thoughts, evil intent pooled and collected before seeping from my chest as though impelled from within to be drawn above where it removed itself to who knows where. Feeling so much lighter since then, as though even more energy can find a home now that so much of the old has gone and left me with a little more capacity for lightness and loveliness..

Light &
Love
Jon
x

To Me To You To Me

Come to me, in good faith

I'll never reject you as I know how it feels

When I look at you I immediately find something beautiful

and that's all I ever see in you, the way your lips look when you smirk

the little thing you do with your hair when you're nervous, that dimple, your wrists

how you look when you get surprised after feeling down and then are suddenly happy again

That canine tooth that peeks from your lips when you try to look confident and happy

All the things I do that I see in you again and again, the way you never let me down

By always letting me down, gently... so I'll return the favour, in kind, ways

Pull on the valve, hear it shriek then sigh, flat as a pancake

Ahhhhhhh that's better. RELAX

That goes for all of you
Your little sparks
What you hide
I see em shine
If not for me

Then who
and what
are you?

Waiting
Hoping
Smiling

For

It might never happen...

I hold these truths to be self evident

Light &
Love
Jon
x

He Fell Over!

Did You Have A Nice Trip?

Cloudy, moody, almost dark. Traipsed quite happily if a little nervously along the lane.

I thought I was the master of those old fears, of the dark, of the unknown, but no.

I faced that with some trepidation but enough courage, however later on.

The plants were tessellated, the energy fields were visible, interlocked.

The Yew seemed spooky, my steps were unsure through the dark.

To go on or go back, fears become reality, pushing past.

Sat back to front with my spine against your spine.

It drizzled, got darker, couldn't see past pitch.

Felt unsafe, unsure, not threatened, sorely.

Tempted not taught, all lessons over.

Just Moldy Miserableness.

Or Golden Good.

Chose.

Gold.

Bye.

So.

I.

Managed to walk through the black, the sense that practice makes perfect again, when will this be over? Asking me the same old questions, offering me the same bribes that I will never take.

I'd rather carry on being unhappy and slightly lonely for short periods than have everything you are offering for the rest of eternity, I'd rather leave you to your worst, here, and shoot off. But the starters gun is at the point of hair trigger, could go off momentarily and even this existence seemed preferable until then. Bang!

Two plugholes, one down, one up.

One pulling heavy things down
One sucking light things upwards
Go in one direction or the other one
Let excess baggage go in the cargo hold
The only thing you are taking with you is you

Oh my bags are packed, I'm ready to go, I'm standing here outside your door, I hate to wake you up to say goodbye...

This'll do nicely until then,the departure lounge is getting more full by the second.

Nothing to declare, except a long list of mementoes...

Up up and away in my beautiful balloon.

Leave the ballast, drop it all.

And we're off...

Positive in hindsight, but damn challenging in the present, from now on you are my focus

I saw the golden goodness emanating from your very pores, shining so right

I've had enough of me. I'm taken care of. You are not? Hug me

We can make it all go away at the flick of a switch

Inside you there's a see saw, don't drop hard

Don't kick off upwards to bang it down

Let it find a balancing act

edge towards middle

straddle the pivot

point upwards

and say yes

Let's go

Light &
Love
Jon
x

Oh Mr Weird - Take It Back

Oh Mr Soft. Can You Tell Me Why The World In Which You Live In Is So Very Strange?

Thought I would list my strangeness, weirdness, foibles... hey! TALENTS!

Rolling my stomach.
Able to do so since childhood, don't remember how I found out. Yogic practise in conjunction with breathing techniques to induce a trance state. Looks gross and not the best party trick at all. Tried out at Cosmo to the beat, usually leaves me sore the next day. Emergency use only ;)

Double breathing technique.
Discovered as a youth while running (I tried to be a runner for years but I've more recently had to concede that I'm a walker through and through). Breath in - breath in - breath out - breath out. Dunno, think a variation is taught to expectant mothers to aid oxygenation. Improves stamina too. Felt as though I'd known this before like an old friend or like riding a bike, you never forget.

I know you.
Spotting people in the street, anywhere actually. I don't know them, but I knew them once.
Not in this life anyway, but I definitely get a moment of recognition. I found it difficult to learn the name of one of my new friends at Cosmo, I had the sense that we'd known each other before, and that I didn't want to call him his current name.

Connection
The last person I was involved with, connected to would be a better way of describing our relationship, was the finest example I've ever known. I have always been able to maintain a strong link to those that I care about, could tell when someone was popping in unexpectedly and tidied up, otherwise it'd have been much more of a mess when they came over and so would I. This most recent connection was incredible though, I would wake at all different times of the night to turn on the pc and a new message would be waiting, we really did feel this awesome link because there was no other way for us to be together. Your love makes me keep on trying, keep on giving, keep on working.

miss you, but it's a good miss, miss

Taking It Back

I am normal. Normal isn't bad. Boring is bad. Normal isn't boring.

One definition of normal is:- serving to establish a standard.

I'm a lazy perfectionist... In that I strive for better things.

but I'll be happy with whatever was truly achieved.

Good enough is enough. That'll do nicely.

Light &
Love
Jon
x

When push comes to shove - Force Used - In My Eye's Mind - Non-Non-Fiction

Keep pushing. I've only got two options, be pushed or push back. A third way?
Strong like a tree, sway with the prevailing winds yes but not the swirling breeze

To defend myself I can land on my haunches or even fall back and roll over

Or I can step aside before you shove again and hope you finally get it

Before you open your mouth, ask yourself what you were asking them

Say everything you think to yourself first and see how you like it

That's what it's like to be you and now you know it so...

No wonder no-one likes you like they used to

Whatever happened to that person?

Force Used

Forcing it at the moment, just writing stuff, I hope some of it makes sense to you because at the moment it's not making much to me. I keep rereading wondering what I meant, often they're ideas not necessarily opinions. I can choose to believe something new tomorrow if I like.

And the force of my will makes it real.

-

In My Eye's Mind

Got something in my right eye a few weeks / months ago whilst working in a dusty hanger. Couldn't see, or open my eye as it stung too much, that evening so went to bed. If it's not better by morning I can't work and I'll get it sorted. Was ok, in that I could see so forgot about it. Occasionally noticed a scratchy feeling and then for some unknown reason was checking the difference between how well I could see with one eye and then the other. I realised that I couldn't read things written in small print from a distance, with my right eye that I could with my left.

Was talking about this and obviously eyesight is very important to us so I'm getting it checked out.

Then over the weekend, I splurged, ate myself into a stupor, did my own thing for two days and slept as much as possible as the Full Moon is this Friday night and I haven't undertaken a solo mission for months. Putting my own celebrations and journeying to one side to be with others at those times, but not this week, not this month. Eating even more healthily, getting lots of sleep, avoiding outside influences of a negative nature e.g. t.v. papers, violent or distressing imagery from any source, what I've heard The Dalai Llama describe as 'destructive emotions' ;)

Building up to fasting on Friday for several hours, the longer the better.

The more you put in the more you get out.

Oh no sex, at least, no orgasms.

Mentally prepared.

Energetic.

Pure.

So, we'll see what happens...

An Other Thing...

Oh yeah I was going on about seeing, anyway at the weekend I slept a LOT, in the day if I felt like it or was knackered (shire slang for tired after sex) even early at night which is rare for me as I'm a lark and an owl which is a burden, so I knew I would wake early and could go back to sleep again and again, loitering around the dividing line between a-wake and a-sleep. Lots of things happened. My right eye became a poor relation but definitely a cousin of the kaleidoscopic visuals you can see when in a psychedelic state and your eyes are closed. A vortex, funnel, wormhole was spinning idly almost and in a low light so basic shapes were made to make sense by the brain. (kaleidescopic was my best guess... I love spell checkers, my speelings got reet awful, chicken or egg?)

I watched this monocular show for a while and just let it be.

Was cool. Looked and felt like a wild ride t'other side.

Let me know when it's due to open or guess I'll...

See you in the inevitable queue that forms ;)

Another Other thing... Reference The Mayan Calendar 9th wave - July 3rd to October 28th

Mentioned, watched videos about, I don't take anything too seriously but ideas for meditation are always welcome. Think about the idea of a wave of energy, ramping up and up after first the first wave and then the second and third, adding their own seam and rising. Acceleration up and up, more waves, more energy, more and more and more. Now 9 waves, building a step pyramid of energetic potential rushing towards and through us. Able to carry us away atop or leave us in the eddy. Close your eyes, listen to music that makes you feel good, think about the wave.

Dozing, dreaming, awake?

I saw myself lit up, as if from without and within. I was without, the light was within. ;)

You could say eerie to see that, watch that but I felt no such emotion, merely calm as the light pervaded my body and at the same time my body was tingling as if energised and so safe.

Non-Non-Fiction

All of literature, non-fiction and fiction are the same, sci-fi it's all true.

Bits of it anyway, as no-one has it all right all of the time.

If they did it would be the ultimate spoiler.

Even educated guesses are still wrong.

The Truth IS Stranger than fiction.

Weirder than you can imagine.

On its way soon.

Be there now.

Light &
Love
Jon
x

1 + 1 = 2 = - Limitless - Holdin' Out - In Character

One Plus One Equals Two Equals

So you are in love with someone, it fades or whatever, when bam along comes someone else...

Your first love asks, when shit hits fans, "Do you love her?"

Answer A:- She means nothing to me
Answer B:- Yes and we want to be one

I don't pick on women very often but if you can't see the idiocy of preferring in that situation, answer A... in which case you selfishly want the other person to be treated as badly as you have been. Surely the hitch is that a marital relationship, the societally accepted bond between two individuals that is supposed to be the be all and end all, means starting as you mean to go on with a huge compromise...

If you love someone first, if you become close friends that's deemed as a no no, if you ever want to be more than that. The reason given is that it is too difficult to risk a good friendship for the possibility of something more. Well then why not be honest, you are attracted to them.

I'm attracted to the people I'm friends with, let's not get hung up on sexual attraction please.

I'd much rather have five really good female friends and be making love to none of them
than be sleeping with five women but want to have nothing more to do with any of them

So if all you want is sex, good on ya, each to their own. I'm sure you get what you want

In the words of the song, "...if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need."

Suggesting that I can only love one person at a time is frankly untrue, but I can only be in love with one person at once by definition. To be 'in love' is to be in the space you leave yourself with, within a boundary called 'a couple' or 'in a relationship'.

Re-framing love as something not restricted to one person or another, but to be an expression of how you truly feel about each individual to the extent that is appropriate.

I'd like to get to know ya better before I'd like to get to know ya better

The love of my life IS love

Limitless

The only thing that I have found to be limitless is joy. There are lots of other bits and pieces that are moreish but nothing that I can satiate my desire for, nothing is hitting the spot like it used to. It's why it's so difficult to moderate your behaviour right now. It's becoming clear that setting a limit sets the limit of what is possible. Going into any situation with an open mind and a clear head works. Expecting more...

The other bit of one of my tattoos reads 'Plus est en vous'... 'There is more in you'

More than you were told, more than even you think, more more more

Holdin' Out For an Ideal (When all else seems so unsatisfactory...)

Yes that means I've turned down a few opportunities and there's a few things I carry with me...

I regret a greater number of things that I should have done that I didn't and far fewer things I shouldn't have done but did. Erring on the side of caution keeps you a little too safe though? Everything is a balancing act but equilibrium is boring too if there's nothing to compare it with.

I give a lot and am used to receiving as much if not more in return.

Giving love like doing a kind deed, you do it because it feels good.

Not because you expect something back, even though you get it.

Joy comes from the little things that you never noticed at all.

Not who or what you've had your focus on entirely whilst,

battling not to succumb to the desire to want more.

Once you got what you wanted, ya didn't want it no more
Get what you need and suddenly you don't need anything

Love is all ya need, love is all ya need

In Character

It feels like the screenplay is being laid right out in front of me, little hints and tips along the way. I know what the right thing to do is in each situation. I knew I should have slowed down, but I like pushing my luck. Always have. Some times it works out for the better and some for the worst.

Was talking with someone about how we play different roles or fake them. You can fake confidence and all sorts of things until they become real, my personal favourite fakery was on a night out I would pretend to be having a good time, until I actually was.

The problem with being in character for long periods of time is that after a while it's almost impossible to tell where that ends, and you begin, any more...

I have some dis and some ad vantages

But overall we're all equal

No one is more

or less than

You

Light &
Love
Jon
x

Birds are birds - Everything is so good and green

If you want to see wildlife, you either have to get up very early and surprise them, or just go out and find a comfy place to sit. Everyone likes a good sit, down on your arse so you can take the weight off.

Then slowly if you sit reasonably still, the birds and then finally mammals will reappear and get closer and closer until you are likely to get some of the best views of our nature at its best that you'll ever see. If you're lucky and you hope to see something you usually do. Even if you fail right at the end give up and maybe then you will see what you were hoping to, appear right in front of your eyes. If only we could give up trying to get what we want and worked on earning what we need? The animals get used to us being in their territories and put up with us or even get to like our presence, like our firend the Robin Red Breast. We get used to things too but it breeds contempt. Like a mold. Have a clear out, not a spring clean, a life cleansing experience in Spain. In memory of those we've lost, to find out who at home we really miss and love, but most importantly to make sure that we are healthy to be there for them for the rest of our lives together.

Is it a spiritual journey? A detox with all the fresh spring water and meditarranean diet with occasional coffees, teas, beers and wine? ;) A physical challenge? Not to be trifled with unless you train? One of the top 5 experiences you will ever have?

Yes it's all of those things and more of course it is.

Every great trip is memorable because of that.

We all have a responsibility, ergh I 'dislike' and when you gonna get that button for frickin sake facebook' C'MON! we all want to show our dislike not our hate, and our love aswell as our like too... Get your arses in gear, stop sitting around watching nature all the time. Balance in everything people.

I'm glad that I've found somebody who I can rely on, me.
And that isn't letting you off, keep up with the good work you outstrip me for goodness at each turn xxxx
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Light &
Love
Jon
x

Thankyou Bankers - The Kennedys - The Truth Will Out - These Dreams

Descartes, René (1596–1650)

Immensely influential French philosopher and mathematician, regarded as one of the founders of modern philosophy and modern mathematics.

Ever notice how things often seem to come full circle? Well try...

Thankyou Bankers

Those bankers eh? Gone and royally screwed us haven't they just. Greed was their insinstance.

As complicated as we like to make things, they are really very simple. Do bad things and you feel bad, do good things and you feel good. Make an example of yourself... let them have their way.

Right now millions are dying for no reason other than that greedy people are stealing from the ones who own nothing in this world, but themselves, if they are lucky or brave enough to be free.

The haves have, so that the have nots, cannot.

The financial situation will worsen until we are all equal whether you like it or not.

So what is the solution? To live in a way that is sustainable, it's harder and doesn't always result in either an easy life or an altogether happy one, but it is just.

I've used this T. Mckenna quote before but it is SO apt... "What civilization is, is 6 billion people trying to make themselves happy by standing on each other’s shoulders and kicking each other’s teeth in. It’s not a pleasant situation."

Now it's seven billion? Things aren't going to get any better soon on their own are they?

Imagine if you will that the earth is an organism in its own right. If you were the world, what would you do faced with having an endemic systemic disease like humanity?

Kick us all into touch or keep trying to do so until you reached a comfort zone. Sustainability...

Could you blame it? Really? Events will continue to shape the future if there even is one.

I shall have the love I need, it will be gifted to me when I resign myself to a death.

Meanwhile I shall continue to live the right way and in so doing afford it all.

Getting what you deserve, and that is? I ask without a hint of irony.

The Kennedys

Caught a little of a series currently running on t.v. called 'The Kennedys' on mute while I was waiting for something good to come on, still waiting btw ;). I suppose it's an attempt, another one, to portray the events surrounding this very famous clan. We see actors trying to show us how the very real people involved behaved in response to an infamous day, what a sick joke (I used to like Katie Holmes, until she married Tom Cruise ;) and started taking whatever roles she is offered out of desperation - Watch 'Go' and you'll see what I mean).

We may never know what actually happened in our life times. I know as human beings we are drawn to mysteries and more recently to call the unacceptable, conspiracy theories. When we find the given explanation unpalatable we look for something, anything else that suits. You weren't there and even if you had been, would still be none the wiser today as to what really went on.

I no longer wonder any more about U.F.O.s, the Marie Celeste, The Kennedy Assasinations and all the rest of these (quoting Terence Mckenna) 'Epistemological cartoons'. Given them up as a bad job, seeing that it is impossible to get to the bottom of any of these matters. How many different names is it now that have been put forth for the identity of Jack the Ripper?

Definition:- Epistemological. (Philosophy) (of a philosophical problem) requiring an account of how knowledge of the given subject could be obtained.

Keeping our interest because at first it is idle gossip and then it becomes supposed fact.

The only facts that you have in your possession are those gained through personal experience...

Are there answers? Yes but they will never come from without, only ever from within...

You know what you know and nothing more... The rest is supposition at best.

Give it up, let it go, transform your life, for the better, one day at a time.

The Truth Will Out

Revealing as little as they can get away with now, and then more if necessary when pressed into doing so. The people who deserve comeuppance will get it but buying into the constant battle to find out more and you are feeding the frenzy and oxygenating their environment. Let these organisations and individuals carry on the way they have always done, because that is their choice. In the meantime...

Definition:- Meantime. During a period of intervening time; meanwhile. meantime

There will be a limited amount of 'intervening time' within which we shall have to be patient.

Speculation is a waste of your energy... A slow boat to China, getting you nowhere so very fast.

Our government and its opposition, big businesses, the police force, all forms of large organisation that has it now or seeks power in the future are just as corrupt and corruptible as each other. Scrambling to take the higher ground, they are falling over themselves to be seen to do the right thing when found out, whilst behind the scenes carrying on as before. Ed Milliband should hang his head in shame as should all of the rest of them, I see the disingenuous little smirk, the obviously fake shock and revulsion, what bad actors they all are.

I see through you, I see through you. Gotta do it again, gotta do it again. If you get yourself connected, the writing's on the wall. (The Stereo Mc's:- Connected lyrics)

Start with yourself now, please stop looking outside, the end is nigh

BUT the end don't justify the means. Never has, never EVER will!

Make a choice right now. Define who YOU are, let the rest rot...

These Dreams

My dreams have always been surreal.

Definition:- Surreal. 1. suggestive of surrealism; dreamlike

Origin:

1200–50; Middle English dreem, Old English drēam joy, mirth, gladness, cognate with Old Saxon drōm mirth, dream, Old Norse draumr, Old High German troum dream; modern sense first recorded in ME but presumably also current in Old English, as in Old Saxon.

My dreams are dreamlike? Hmm ;) I here use surreal in combination with joy, mirth, gladness.

The thing is that surreal is a combination of two words, sur and real...

Sur being a french preposition meaning different things in different contexts.

When discussing a direction it means 'to'
When discussing a location it means 'on' or 'at'
When discussing an approximate time it means 'around'

More and more I find these visions that take place during so called unconsciousness, represent a far more appealing state than also so called, conciousness.

Am I awake now? I am therefore I think... Ouch sorry Rene ;(

Rather than merely a comment on the desire for escapism from what can be a very tedious existence at times, it is more of an attempt to explain the overwhelming feeling that the dreaming and woken worlds are on a collision course. I heard someone suggest tonight that we should all wait until our emotions give way to rational thought. I've never heard anything so ridiculous in my life. Destructive emotions maybe, but not Joy, Mirth and Gladness. I trust them. I follow them back home a little each and every day and by home I don't mean where I physically live, but where I came from.

Rational thought is what brought us to the precipice that we now find ourselves to, on, at and yes, around.

I shudder at that rational thought. It's never done me anything but harm to feel first, act, then ask questions later ;)

I choose to honour and distrust the content of both conditions equally, until or unless they become combined into a coherent whole...

Light &
Love
Jon
x

Imp Patient - The Next Greatest - Newroses - Voice of Reason - So Tired

Imp Patient

Whilst I am not an Imp, having read about them today to create a play on words, I realised how much I would have identified with them in the past. I often used to feel like a 'small and not very attractive creature' and I have been known to use 'jokes and pranks as a means of attracting human friendship'. That being said, looking back with hindsight I'm not sure what all the fuss was about, apart from a total lack of self esteem stemming from believing what other people said. Only those opinions of course that were negative about me because when you are not feeling good about you, it is its own self-fulfilling prophecy, dependent on ignoring positive statements.

I find myself becoming very impatient with the pace of change in the world today and at times in my own life and keep reassessing the progress of both with more than just an eye to the future.

An imp is a mythological being similar to a fairy or demon, frequently described in folklore and superstition. The word may perhaps derive from the term ympe, used to denote a young grafted tree. Originating from Germanic folklore, the imp was a small lesser demon. It should also be noted that demons in Germanic legends were not necessarily always evil. Imps were often mischievous rather than evil or harmful, and in some regions they were portrayed as attendants of the gods. Imps are often shown as small and not very attractive creatures. Their behaviour is described as being wild and uncontrollable, much the same as fairies, and in some cultures they are considered the same beings, both sharing the same sense of free spirit and enjoyment of all things fun. Imps were often portrayed as lonely little creatures always in search of human attention. They often used jokes and pranks as a means of attracting human friendship, which often backfired when people became tired or annoyed of the imp's endeavours, usually driving it away.

The Next Greatest Love of my Life - COSMO 2011

I was at a music festival at the weekend and having gone there alone but hoping to catch up with a couple of new good friends and having successfully done so the night before, I found myself in my tent a bit bleary eyed having woken up to hear my next door neighbours on one side chatting amongst themselves. In my usual way, I let my quick wit do the rest and soon we were fast friends drawn together through adversity as I had way too many provisions and far too much random stuff along for the ride, they had not and vice versa. The details are sketchy and vague and the four days blur into one another, as the weekend progressed we became a close knit little group which shared and shared alike. I haven't had so much fun in a very long time, and I made a promise I shall keep peeps...

Anyway... I had found a beautiful square silk scarf a few months ago, it was caught up in the hedge when I was out for a walk. I assumed it had blown there as it was on the edge of a huge flat expanse of land and since then I've been keeping it for an as yet unmet special someone, who by the weekend still hadn't appeared on the scene ;) so I leant it out and at one point it was adorning a rather attractive magical stick, but in the end it became a wicked bandanna. I was telling one of my new friends about it and admitted quietly to them that "I had this romantic idea that I would give it to the next greatest love of my life" at which point they told everyone to my momentary involuntary unwitnessed scarlet embarrassment. It suits you other new friend, even if you are a bloke, I was very happy to have given it to a worthy home ;)

I hope you will forever be happy together x

Newroses

Can we all try to remember that neurosis are psychological affectations NOT character traits?

Neurosis is a class of functional mental disorders involving distress but neither delusions nor hallucinations, whereby behaviour is not outside socially acceptable norms.^[1] It is also known as psychoneurosis or neurotic disorder, and thus those suffering from it are said to be neurotic. The term essentially describes an "invisible injury" and the resulting condition.

According to Dr. George Boeree, effects of neurosis can involve: ...anxiety, sadness or depression, anger, irritability, mental confusion, low sense of self-worth, etc., behavioural symptoms such as phobic avoidance, vigilance, impulsive and compulsive acts, lethargy, etc., cognitive problems such as unpleasant or disturbing thoughts, repetition of thoughts and obsession, habitual fantasizing, negativity and cynicism, etc. Interpersonally, neurosis involves dependency, aggressiveness, perfectionism, schizoid isolation, socio-culturally inappropriate behaviours, etc.

Voice of Reason

It seems to me that the voice of reason in your life, whoever it is, must get really fed up with having to be the adult all the time, take the high road, kill the joy that you feel when you insist on continually taking flights of fancy. You are NEVER going to win the lottery to solve all your problems.

Get real or die NOT trying...

So Tired

Tired of almost everything it seems except new experiences

Been there done that... may have to be my new tattoo ;)

As more of the old world reveals itself to be worthless

When will a new and wholly vital one emerge?

Perhaps not until we all make it happen...

Light &
Love
Jon
x