Making chocolate in a minute

permaculture farming cultivating love

when we pray for each other, when we say to each other, i love you my friend, and send the love we have for them, it connects us up, between countries and continents we have so many lands, not divided but one mass of earth and water, and we ought to realise and see with our real eyes the truth... one two is the order of the day three four is the normal thing we saw before we localised ourselves into a village because that was a lovely way to live, to give. To settle in one place for any time makes no sense, but to have roots in one area is everything to us, literally the feeling is to have a home within one seasons distance from everywhere we know and go further afield for adventures whenever we like too, to explore and to fulfill our need to know, to find out where we came from before and where we will go soon, step out of the unnecessary gloom we seek for ourselves today, step back and forward, sideways back and forth all day to enter into the realms of the unknown still sewn into the fabric of the realest world we can know, the earth the mother river that flows through it and our love of life becomes our truth. Four, directions, elements, three is magic number, two you and me, one, all, one, is all there is, one thing that we are a part of, one part of a thing that we are. Called only love...

thrown together

at the last minute isn't a stressful situation, have a go and see how well you do, knowing that whatever you achieve will be an accurate measure of you, your performance, isn't important, it's that you try at all.  SO prepare less, and see how you feel about things more often, basics are key here, nutrition, meditation, exercise, grounding, literal grounding bare feet, medicines, i mean sacred plants and fungi, literal sacred medicines, not recreations, not entertainments, taking your life in your hands and saying, asking what am i here for?  Then going out and finding what that is, through the sacred use of things, techniques, advised preparations, working with teachers, to learn and heal, creating your own traditions and working towards a future today, that you can be happy with, right now too, be happy, find a way to smile through whatever is going on, smile because it could be worse, or smile because you refuse to let what is occurring to get you down, smile because you know you will always do your best, and improve by being honest with yourself and others, imperative integrity and authenticity so that you know truth because you know you know nothing, you are humble enough to allow others to share what they know and yet know that they may have something new to tell you, something to share, accept that you might need to keep silent long enough, even if you think you know what they will say, or think you are right.

Silent enough to let them prove to you whether you need to change your perspective, or if you are seeing the world in the correct light, and yourself too, and them, keep letting go the need to hold on too tight, to anything or anyone, don't try too hard, but do attempt things, do try new things, face fears, go for it, you can do it, face the darkness within, love it all, send love to every part of you, send it everywhere, bubble around you, bubble of the world, a part of you and you a part of it too.

Feel into the day, be honest, but patient, be adventurous but careful of others feelings, accept when you are in the wrong and apologise and mean it, choose to say what seems hard to say, it needs to be heard.

Clear the air, face situations head on, go through the pain of hurting someone and being hurt yourself to become stronger for it, get your heart broken fully, into a million pieces and more, shattered, burnt, dead, alive, the fire put out before it reignites, and see it as a flickering flame instead not some passionate bushfire, out of control, take things easier, feed your own flame gently, ticking over, don't burn all the wood at once, save some for later, take it slowly enough to get to know your situation.

The person you need to know better is you, let others open up at their own pace, don't force the issue.

Accept that doing too much for them won't help them, but do whatever you can at the same time.

In service is what i promised, watching a documentary earlier i realised how far i have come, how much i have learned, how far i still have to go, how easy it is when you listen, Listen, LISTEN!

Listen to the world, the spirits of the trees and fields, to your heart itself, to others, to them, listen.

Share what you know, say what you feel, not think!  Love all as if they were your own family.

Get taken advantage of occasionally, it feels better than the other way around, it gives them a chance to do the right thing, eventually it will hurt that they didn't, it will hurt them even if you don't think it does.  It will teach them a lesson that you are willing to have them learn at your expense for once.

Even if they hurt you again and again, be willing to love them, be strong and say what they need to hear, say it again, be strong enough to stand in your power silently and listen until they open up.

A balance between tough love and openness, discipline and affection, willingness to learn and teach.

Clean your teeth, with bicarbonate of soda and everything else with either natural soap or vinegar.

Bathe in the freshest water you can find, don't drink tap water if you have a spring nearby.

Always eat things that make you feel good now and afterwards too, don't eat sugar.

Don't eat anything that comes in a box or packaging, in other words products.

Produce your own food, grow it, find it in hedgerows and forests.

Don't buy anything unless you really really have to.

Notice the change in you when you do.

See the world as it was meant to be.

Feel the energy, the healing come in.

Experience the headache of sugar intake.

Let your body shiver from salt and too much.

Too many calories, your liver struggling, kidneys.

The shaking within as the blood sugar level is altered.

Your body trying to work out how much energy it can take.

Rather than how much energy you can give instead with is infinite.

So don't get me wrong, i feel as though we can choose to eat less more often.

Do more with less, less money means more creative solutions to travel and everything.

More freedom to live, to feel, to see and sense in every sense of the word as we grow internally.

The world itself opens up to us when we open up to it, when we choose to experience it truly.

I know I've been there and face the unworthiness you can feel when you become happy.

The feeling of being scared to face challenges alone instead of with a good friend.

The felt need to spend time with someone special giving you courage to do it.

Getting on with what's in front of you and letting go the need to control.

Outcomes, expectations falling by the wayside, to be free again.

Watching the worlds go by as fast as the blink of an eye and not caring as we find ourselves inside love.

Loving the world is not easy when you start to see how few do, how many don't care or don't know.

Don't see, don't hear us when we try to say what needs to be said, heard, smelt, tasted, felt at all.

Give or Take

Does what you eat feed your body or take something away from your later life, make your current one worse?  Junk food, tastes great right now, in the moment, of eating, consuming sugary snacks, knowing that tomorrow, today I will feel disgusting, shit through the eye of a needle, feel sick to my stomach, all takes away the pleasure in the moment, at that time of consumption, intolerance within my body to that which does not nourish it.  Wild food, wild living, not stuck inside a building, square, walled, prison.  That is not really living, we weren't meant to house our feet in shoes, insulated from the world by rubber soled footwear, or artificial fibres for our clothes, all these things take from our experience.

So am I creating a better world inside and outside me by not standing in my power, empowering myself to be an island of creation, a space inside and outside me for change, positive creativity, energy to transform my own life, my health, good decisions, bad ones made when induced to do so by drink or drugs, a good feeling at the time, knowing i will feel hungover in the morning or with a thick head from smoking something, that i know is for recreation, entertainment now, wasting time that could be better spent, creating a better environment around me for myself and others is the goal of this life, planet.

So, what to do, start each day with a desire, not to take but to give, not to take life from myself but to thrive and feel good, in the moment and later, knowing the changes i make benefit me, and those around me too, the world itself also, so i choose to only put into my body that which i create, or harvest from nature, or grow, or buy from a supplier who also loves this world, creates a place for us to earn a better tomorrow by honouring our own bodies today, not putting off until tomorrow what i can do better today, to bring with it a life full of energy, transformation, elation, affection for myself.

Giving pleasure to another rather than looking to get something, sex for instance, are you getting a short lived pleasure by masturbating or having sex with another, taking your pleasure from them, using their body to make you cum or pleasuring them, enjoying the moment you are in, taking a day to touch every part of their body, celebrating that they are alive, not looking for anything to come to you, then the next day kissing every inch of their skin, the next just honouring who they are by listening, by taking them into you, by becoming better yourself by giving the other person whatever they need, not desiring anything for yourself, unconditionally living by unconditionally loving, nature, your own body, leaving desire behind to see what flows from within, from outside in, by giving away all your wants, all your short term goals, to cum, which leads to the desire for another, an angry faced expression of lust, rather than a beatific featured face, body, soul, spirit, life, love, giving not taking, sharing not looking for anything but to give, but to live free of the felt need to get something, not wanting, needing only the feeling that comes from giving with no thought for yourself, what you will receive, what you can get.

 If I let the choices of others sway me from what I know to be right and true I am failing them in the worst way, I need to be a shining beacon, a strong and determined example of a different way of being, carry that feeling of determination into everything I do, writing like this has been a long time coming, not angry, not anger inside, disappointment, shame, that I can make the same mistakes again and again.

SO I chose not to have sex, not to give love.  To anyone I did not love, not to take anything at a cost to tomorrow, but to give, give love, give wild free food, give information freely, share what i know and have, choosing not to keep on doing what I was doing, not to cave into temptation, however good the intention of someone else, to give me what they think i need, but merely want right now, to go back or keep on allowing myself to be lead in the wrong direction, away from the affection i feel for the better me, a better them that I can see on the horizon, we will all fail to save this world and each other from each other and the world we have created, by letting others lead us, from those around us to the governments who fail to do anything other than what they think is right for them and their families and us, and for the world itself, to carry on as we have grown accustomed to behaving which is killing all life on this world for the sake of living out of harmony with nature, shitting out what we eat, consume, feeling sickened by our thoughts and actions, letting our bodies become sick, our minds, our hearts, when there really is no need, just a want, or shame, or what we did, or what we had done to us, keeping us heading in the wrong direction, making those bad choices, and for those to create a habit, inside us and around us in the world, when will we see this, become conscious enough to change it all?

When we choose as individuals to put a stake in the ground, draw a line in the sand, become sane in a world driven by crazy behaviour, such that you can only see how dark the horizon and the land itself and the life we were living before when we honour ourself, those around us, the life, the planet truly.

And I for one, don't feel good, from eating what i was eating before, or smoking what i was smoking before, or the relationships I had to people, food, every aspect of my life, was not a good feeling, leading to a better one, not a good experience leading to a better one, i get a taste of a better life now.

In the experiences I'm being lead to, by seeing the difference I can make for me, in my life, in the lives of others, by their example, by my own experiences leading me to conclusions about the ways I could be, the ways I am being, the feeling is better when I don't waste a day doing nothing, or nothing good comes from the food I eat, except the flavour of defeat, that tastes so good at the time, but i know will leave a bitter after taste in the next day or days afterwards, knowing it leads to disease, unease, illness.

We've been sold so many lies, the wisdom is out there, more importantly it's inside us, right now, the power to change is too, just listen harder, with more intent, intention is key, do you intend to watch the planet die, yourself, from ill health, from disease, dosing yourself with chemical cocktails in food or living better and better, healthier days, thoughts, coming from a choice not to feel unworthy of love, loving your own body, your own skin, getting in touch with every inch of it lovingly when you bathe or trying to hastily wash off and rush every action, wash off the sins and shame and fear of failure, every thing that we let hold us back from becoming who we were meant to be in this world, for others, for ourselves, for the transformation of a lifetime to occur overnight, we need to begin today, now.

Agent Walker of the F.B.O. (Full Body Orgasms)

Follow these instructions at your own pace, play and experiment with what feels good and it will work like a charm. The great thing is that once it's worked for you once, it'll work whenever you want it to.

Do whatever feels right don't worry about following to the letter, it's your Full Body Orgasm...

Lay down where you can read on and feel most comfortable and relax, breath slow and deep with your hands down by your sides. Just be and let yourself sink into that feeling...

Watch your stomach rise as you breath in through your nose drawing it down deep and take the energy and power of your own sexual desire inside like starting a fire in the great outdoors and watching it catch.

Breath out through your mouth and allow your breathing to become slower and longer, feel all the stress of your day exhailed and your loving energy build.

Take the very tips of your fingers and run them slowly teasingly up and down your sides as far up as you can reach and as far down too.

Tickling and lightly grazing your skin, as softly as you can so that it raises goosebumps.

Slowly as you can manage allow your fingers to explore closer and closer to all the areas that you would normally concentrate on only let them cover every inch of skin everywhere else first.

Tease yourself into nearly touching there but don't just yet, oh no you want to enjoy this part.

Let that fire inside build and fill you up, feel how strongly you desire to be touched and where.

Make small circles, and let those fingers find their own rythym, move over your thighs and calves, tickle your stomach in softest slow circles, feeling the heat that is rising and spreading .

Feel the skin of your neck and softly lightly stroke around and around and down as you get closer to your chest. Let the fire inside spread up and down your body, from your core to your extremeties.

Try using one hand on your stomach and the other on your neck and work towards each other.

Discover every inch of your legs and feel how good it is to edge closer and closer to your inner thighs and sex.

Still never touching where you really want, just teasingly exploring what feels good and let the pressure you apply grow to those areas already explored but ever so softly everywhere else.

Move closer and closer to your breasts and sex feeling your whole body engulfed by the fire within, breath it in and out allowing yourself time to feel how good it is just to be in that moment and feel those feelings.

Keep on breathing slow and deep, let it build and build until you can barely take it any more.

And when you can't... finally you can start to softly stroke and explore closer and closer.

Tease & tempt yourself, feeling that fire within ready to explode whenever you desire.

Touch yourself wherever it feels good and exert more pressure.

Never stop playing with that awesome energy and fire.

Feel it engulf your body entirely.

You're Almost There...
I'll leave the rest
up to you 
<3

More to Spain than the Plain

More to Spain than the Plain

I went to Spain for a holiday for a week to ten days and arrived back in the U.K. more than six months later.  It surprises me but in that time I feel like I learnt more than in the previous six years and it was the longest I’ve ever been away from home beating hands down the six weeks I was away to walk and celebrate completing the Camino de Santiago in 2009.  I’ve bored everyone I’ve met since then  with those adventures, now I get to start over with new stories.  The first night arriving in Nerja from Malaga Airport, I walked straight from this tourist town to a little village called Maro that has two beaches closeby, an easily accessible one with everything you might expect at the height of summer like a small bar and sun loungers but this was the middle of winter, coming into the spring months of March and April, the other beach is Caleta Playa and officially a nudist beach, is wild and untamed, no facilities at all and sits at the bottom of some irregularly spaced concrete steps after you’ve already walked down a fairly rustic path for about ten to fifteen minutes from the centre of the village.

I had planned to stay with a friend who was living at and looking after the Yoga / Reiki / Massage centre at the top of the hill but by the time I arrived he had already had to suffer the combined attentions of the fleas of the 20 plus cats, two dogs and two Black pot bellied pigs and the thought of staying in the house was too much for me, so I took directions from him and made my way down to the beach.  I got it wrong, as usual and ended up in a farmers field while someone was cleaning their teeth and getting ready to turn in for the night.  Retracing my steps I finally made it down the concrete ones and onto the sand of Caleta well after 10pm because I was later getting to see my friend than I had planned, later catching buses and later doing everything because it was all new to me and I get lost easily everywhere, even at home, so it was pitch black and with a warning having been given that I might not know who or what to expect and as I had no choice it was easy to just walk over to the fire that was lit at the far end of the beach, to get over the fears and doubts and just go.

I was thinking to myself as I approached, who would be sat around such a fire at this hour and what might they think that I’m just walking up to them in the dark a complete stranger.  I immediately got on with and made friends with the four or five young people from different countries that were sitting there, some singing, playing music on guitar, or smoking and enjoying the night, we chatted and i stayed up until the next morning speaking to one of them, an incredibly enthusiastic entrepreneurial spirit called Franz from Germany with so many creative ideas, I learnt an awful lot just in the next few days about what you can make with spring water, and raw ingredients from the super markets, such as oat milk from oats.

So I resolved to stay here on the beach and the first week consisted of regular two hour plus excursions to the tourist town of Nerja with my friend from the Yoga Centre Sean, to walk from greengrocers to biological (ecological / organic) shop via the front doors of a couple of his ‘grandmas’ houses where homegrown veg and fruit was for sale, they even had scales and would weigh everything right then and there for you, I ate only raw fruits and vegetables and felt amazing although very full sometimes and we would occasionally take a trip to a raw vegan picnic called a potluck, where everyone would bring a dish or desert, in my case a badly cut fresh Mango and the food was so healthy, rich, tasty and interesting and most of all beautiful, I have images on Google that have received thousands of views, there was one particularly generous host who shared some homemade ice cream made from a special fruit from one tree in her garden and I swear it tasted like butterscotch Angel Delight, it was unreal how this fruit tasted, she even showed me around her plot and I was treated as if I had known them all for years.  After that what money I had went on rebounding from such a good feeling to being a tourist for a week or two, taking myself into town to the first bakery and trying out all the cakes they sold, into the bars in the village and ordering a cana (small draft beer) and tapas (as meaty or fishy) as I could get hold of in order to satiate my bodies need for what it was used to and a cafe for Churros and Chocolate.  Churros are a donut mixture, squeezed through a machine until they come out shaped like something from a play doh mould, cooked and then sugared usually then served with melted, VERY HOT!  Chocolate to dip them in, so you have been warned, whilst there I saw two people I recognised from the U.K. walk by what a surprise!

Three weeks or so have passed and I don’t want to but I’m addicted to paying for things and without any more money I figure it’s time to go home.  A group hug on the beach with my two close friends, a German couple I really hope to see again one day soon, filled me with such a feeling of energy I could literally feel it flowing between us and made it harder than even a normal goodbye, something I have always disliked.  But I have to go and return to England to earn some money so that I can go  back out to Spain to provide Spiritual Energy Healing to a friend of the friend whose idea it was for me to go out there in the first place, and I resolve to be back in a few days.

It ends up being three weeks later that I arrive back in Malaga Airport and I get chatting to two British Pensioners, I want to make them feel better because he looks knackered pushing the luggage trolley and fed up and they make you walk so far from the terminal to the first chance to leave it and as we were delayed I know there won’t be a bus and I’m likely to have to stay up all night until morning or find somewhere on the street to sleep, as luck would have it, they are headed to the town of Nerja for their holiday, the j is silent but I dare not tell them that and they don’t have any Spanish language practise so I get the cab sorted and they’re kind enough to let me come along with them all the way to where my heart needs to be and the rest of me with it.  We get dropped off at their apartment way out of town because I insisted on making sure they were inside before I walked back into town, through Nerja from one side to the other and on to Maro, with my Backpack and a lot more stuff with me this time as I walk past the Roman Viaduct all lit up at night with a bluey purple glow for the tourists, it’s still a novelty at this point and eventually I get back to my home on the beach, figuring I’ll stay up to see who is still here and who is staying where so I can make camp.

You see everyone who lives on or near the beach does so for free, wild camping in the tall grass, like bamboo, also called cana, or just sleeping on the sand itself.  Caleta Playa has depending on the day or night you find yourself there on and the time of year a large number of travellers from all over the world, a community of folk coming and going, residents and semi residents, high tides that were exceptional and reached the base of the cliffs above you and virtually washes away the sand and anyone there that night with it if they’re not careful, exposing the rocks, it’s a truth I never knew about the coast and just how fluid it is, how much a beach can change, how grateful I would become to the noise that kept me awake at first that I came to get used to and even miss, having grown up in a very quiet place indeed.

On my first night there a magical event occurred that I only witnessed a couple of times, a bioluminescent algae in the shallows that spark into life with light when you wade or move your hands from side to side through the moist sand and visible as a shimmering silver light on the leading edge of the breaking waves violently cause them to glow, whilst out on a paddleboard I saw wild Dolphins jumping for the first time, I really cannot describe the feeling of seeing these things with your own eyes.  So some people are coming and going, some stay for a few days, weeks, months, some have been there for years and some only for as long as it takes for them to see a naked human being and turn right around and walk all the way back up again.  You see we lived for free there and apart from gifts or loans from friends and family or donations for my healing work online I didn’t have to spend money either on food or lodgings or clothes, just luxuries like chocolate and things I thought others on the beach might like to share because everything else was being thrown away by the tourists in the town, and if they don’t want it anymore or care to take it home with them, whatever it is, from good food to the items they have replaced with new ones it’s discarded.  Recycling from the supermarkets also means that there is a glut of anything you could wish for in terms of staple food stuff and as the days turned to weeks and months, someone was always arriving with something to share as our community developed and grew into an impromptu rainbow gathering.  I took it upon myself to welcome new people, introduce myself, show them the communal kitchen (all recycled pots and food) explain that if they would like a hot drink in the morning, a meal at lunchtime or to come and sit around a fire in the evening and share a meal cooked together they could and life settled into this routine as I was also doing some gardening work and trying to fit in my healing work for my now friend Peter although he was receiving help from a healer in the North of Spain.  The work I do takes the form of Spiritual Healing that replaced my own intuitional massage that I learnt by doing self healing, by learning where and how to massage myself to resolve health issues, and by practising on friends and anyone who would like to receive a massage at festivals and trance parties.

Using your intuition and instincts is a far cry from book learning or prescribed techniques and it involves a subconscious unconditionally loving connection between two people where I know where and how to touch, because they are communicating this on a level we share.  As a spiritual Healer it involves no need for physical manipulation or pressure, merely the laying on / or off depending on the person of my hands on their shoulders at first to make the connection between us, and then to the area I have discerned during my body scan of them.  All this was new to me although I had felt energy in my hands in meditation and had played with energy as a child, something I remembered later in life especially during the training for healing that I undertook for a year including six months of weekly volunteering at a church to provide anyone with healing sessions with amazing results, I allow healing energy to flow through me into the person and they use it to heal themselves.  I learnt all this from a great friend and mentor who runs The Circle of Light Church in Uckington near Cheltenham.

My whole life has been transformed thanks to him and others especially those I have been privileged to provide with healing and a natural talent has been turned into a truly blessed gift.

If you wish to know more feel free to get in touch with me on Facebook or email me.  So Spain and healing and raw food and life as a community leader and a million and one other things I would never have dreamed of or imagined or feel like talking about here, and soon the tourist season began in earnest.

Walks to the mountains eating mostly only wild herbs on a vision quest only to have fevered dreams and a cold night because it’s chilly up there and the heat of Spain finally came on strong, making it hard to think and only easy to sweat and sit and bathe in the ocean.  I had met many inspirational people, one such individual was a young woman from Estonia called Aggie, who I had seen doing a Sun salutation and yoga practise first thing in the morning completely naked, not a surprise on a nudist beach of course but still impressive for her to stand in her power and it made me realise that I ought to face my fear of being naked and it lead me to ask her how she also swam far out to sea too.  “Ask the Ocean to take your fear” she said.  Which sounded easy so I did.  Over the days and weeks I swam further and forgot to worry about what was beneath me until I could swim out to a buoy a long way out at another beach, and whilst my brain might have had thoughts I found disquieting, I still did it anyway.

At first being barefoot, walking on the beach but especially on the rocks has you feeling like a baby learning to walk for the first time, and rougher surfaces like the road or pavement is incredibly painful when you step on small stones and your foot isn’t used to it, but over time the skin hardens and your feet start to learn where they need to go, you look ahead not down.  As I was to realise, we are born this way and naked skin and bare feet are our natural state, without shoes and socks we connect, lose fungal infections naturally too, become grounded literally earthing ourselves to our mother below us and connecting to our father sky above us as we stop wearing hats and artificial fibres in contact with our skin, we feel more, experience more, deepen our rootedness, our feeling of wholeness, lose stress, heal, and eventually there is no going back.

In the end I could float up a mountain by looking as far ahead as I could see, my focus on that point took away my need to be in my body and my body just wished to take me there, I also found that my knees and thighs and hips relaxed to the point of being able to place myself in the lotus position for the first time, this happened spontaneously on the beach.

No going back, not to so called ‘normal society’ or normal living, not to a job with regular hours, or a week and a weekend, five days fixed, two days off, a routine, that’s normal, that’s boring and repetitive, we settled down in one place as humans and settled into routines and since then our brains have shrunk, we are nomadic at heart, we love new things, new places, new experiences, that is who human beings really are, intrepid explorers and a lifestyle based on four walls that need to be paid for, or bills of almost any kind once you are free, why would you ever cage yourself again?  I accept that some people provide the world with things that require them to stay in one place, doctors, many of us work in the area we live in, but so many fewer than in the past, the idea of a community is long gone in most cities, where very few people know each other, a real community where we work together, share our lives, those days are coming back though in places like caleta playa for a while.

I also understand that some people find nudity shocking but their attitude is outdated, and most things of the archaic are on the rise, tattoos, freedom of expression, we are wild in nature and nature would wish us to be wild and free to express ourselves and nudity is a part of that, if nudity makes you feel uncomfortable it says more about you than the person who has no clothes on, your fears are driving your reaction, or you have preconceived ideas as to what nudity, nudists, hippies, free spirits, natural humans, those without fears or who choose to face and embrace them only to conquer them are like.  I have had to work through and past many of those same internal dialogues and ideas, fears and a good deal of religious dogma that says how we ought to live.  Morals and right and wrong are important and taking into account how others feel, to respect them whatever they choose to believe or do, is to give that same permission to all, live and let live, set everyone free from prescribed ways of being.  Manners are a standard I attribute to good behaviour and the ability to get on with other people requires humility and to become humble but also self confident is important.  To be and have a balanced outlook on others and the world, to walk through life the middle way between riches and asceticism, to be and feel comfortable in your own skin and to know yourself is key.

We live as children in the west, we are comfortable, lazy, cowards compared to those tribal cultures of the past and present who have brought us here after a million years of humanity.  They didn’t wreck the environment, create plastic and oil from the slowly accumulated bones and bodies of our ancestors lying on the ocean floor and beneath the bedrock of the planet or use technology and prejudice to subjugate the poor and titillate themselves at least not to the extent that we have done in the tail end of the last century and the beginning of this one.

Look in the mirror and ask yourself how much blame you can personally take for the state the world is in today?  Keep looking in that mirror and try to say I love you how does it feel?

So it’s hot and I’ve found myself slipping into old habits, drinking a little alcohol, smoking cigarettes, amongst other things that are readily available here in the wilds of Spain, I had quit everything for two years previously to my travels and it reset me in many pure ways.

Tired also by now of the pressure being put on friends who chose to leave because the police would rather the beach was clear of us, I was personally manhandled by one officer of the Guardia Civil who has no respect for individual humanity preferring the tourist euro influx.

Leave or stay, someone suggested a trip back to the Amethyst Mountains of the south coast.  I’ve been there and seen it for myself, so I ask to come along.  The rest of the story takes in a walk, hitch, bus when the heat becomes too much, squatting in deserted buildings and living off the land adventure that included a myriad of characters, locations right out of film sets and dreams, romance, action, and the best months, weeks and days of my life.

If you want to live in fear of what might happen or fill your head and heart with stories that tell one side of this planet, focussing on the worst of humanity then continue to watch the news, continue to allow everything to be someone else's problem to solve, continue to allow technology to shorten your attention span to the length of the proverbial goldfish or accept that most creatures feel and think more than we perceive or allow ourselves to recognise that they do, please by all means just watch as the natural world continues to be pillaged to within an inch of destruction, until the environment is no longer capable of supporting anything other than a very healthy population of cockroaches, or becomes one giant desert as the south of Spain is forecast to become within the next 50 years or decide instead to travel alone or with a trusted friend, meet and become another homeless person, learn what life is really all about, experience moments of sheer bliss, heal yourself and others, through true and lasting connections, be at peace with yourself and the world around you and finally accept your place as a loved soul in a much greater universe than you ever imagined.

The journey from here to wherever it is you end up whilst fraught with perceived dangers and real ones will leave you gasping for breath at the incredible beauty of nature both human and all the other forms that life takes in this amazing paradise in the making that we find ourselves in.  Life is a gift best opened with gratitude and cherished thankfully and to those who feel incapable of it I say, I was one of you and to all those who helped me to realise who I could truly be, I say bless you, and thankyou, and I love you.

home is where the fart is

so im sat in a room in the only house that's ever been or felt like home.  Only I have my own place, but no regular income to insure I don't have to keep coming back to 'borrow' food and boil water, no fire in the van i'm living in as yet, no cooker, just a comfy, Very Comfy bed thankyou and a driving seat.  So it's my first home and I can move it around and park it here there and everywhere at a friends too.  This caused me to feel lonely for the first time in a long while, that and not having any company to speak to.

Doing healing has become my main focus, whether in person or at a distance for donations, I don't often ask or mention it up front, until it became obvious for me to get my priorities right, pay people back who've helped me get back into the country recently and generally get things in the right order.  Money in the bank for emergencies and luxuries and treats and loving life and for those rainy days when you need to visit the dentist at tooth hurty.  Also it's great to have the time to feel lonely.

So filling that time, experiencing the feeling of being free is wonderful, to feel is great and feels like home only I never felt comfortable in anyone elses, always staying up late unable to switch off or waking early and high tailing it out of there before I have to say goodbye or connect and speak at all really and the anxiety that I never even realised made me continually find my stomach tight is there from time to time but only so that i can relax into my body and breathe and let go and flow.

So I'm tired because I had a very long day yesterday into today because I got up early and saw the most incredible shooting star, meteorite, meteor? what do they call the ones that are so low in the atmosphere that you see them burn up and fade away, with all the colours of the light that is released and heat on show and it was a beautiful reason to wake up at three wander about a bit and go back to sleep again by fourish and then wake to dream and dream awake, consciously being in a world like this at rest.

It's cold of course in a metal van with insulation but no heater but cosy when you're all tucked up in bed, the under blanket, sleeping bag, duvet all winter warmers and very welcome thanks to gifts from family over the years brought together with all the things I'd collected for wild camping and never used or rarely if ever even looked at so I moved it all into the ex minibus and drove away for the first time a little scared but very happy to have this place of my own to call home and live and breathe and feel.

I went to see a friend and we made a mushroom tea and drank it together and this was very healing for me, it gives you heat from within that burns away your pain whatever the cause however long it's been there, released emotions that were trapped inside so that you can cry and really feel emotional honestly and I have to say it wasn't what I thought it would be like, very body not visual, very deeply loving to honour and thank the mushrooms and made me sleepy as I'd been up all day without any sleep.

I had made a thing online to say I would stand barefoot and send healing energy to those who wished to take part, so I found a place under the shelter of a yew I discovered and grounded my bare tootsies and head connected to the sky hands throbbing with energy as it built, leaving the emptiness behind that comes from tuning into the people who wish to receive that leave my hands bereft of feeling there, mainly because as it build they and myself are being replenished as we flow with source connection.

what loves means

What love means

What does love mean?

 

I am in the woods or in a caravan or summer house or squat

 ive been travelling in foreign lands sleeping on the streets

What I have learnt will last me for a lifetime

What I have seen is people helping me in ways I would never have let them before and it's brought me to my emotional core to release so many things I has held onto and needed to let go of

So I have been given an extra portion of rice in a new place in luxembourg city by a woman whose generosityade me want to hug her and all she said was "you are my guest".

I've been accepted by the homeless of Barcelona and greeted as a friend of those who are marginalised like the immigrants and other people who live between the lines and read between them too.  I've met many who are trapped by theft of their documents and so am I a little too.

Then the addictions and availability of drink and drugs creates a spiral of misery from which they cannot escape, one woman said "I have been to  many places in the world but Barcelona is he worst"

To hear that about places so rich and so ready for another way of doing things, knowing that the difference and the gap between rich and poor allows these things to go on, being able to love well on the discarded food and clothes of others who are only consuming more and more makes sense.

But it doesn't sit well and the homelessness despite the location of an historic square that Gaudi visited daily for forty years meant I almost became a part of the daily guided tours there.

Th forest and the shore are my true home and I belong in nature not the human made forests of buildings and the lakes and ponds that substitute the natural collection of water.

The way that animals are bred Nd tamed and caged and farmed and maimed until they suffer every day from captivity as a lCk of freedom they are our slaves for meat and milk and it stinks.

So don't expect to see me ina city unless I have good reason to visit I could never live there

So some highs like meeting a graffiti artist because my travelling companion keeps on doing the things that cre me and giving me the courage to overcome that initial voice in my head that says don't

Seeing sights like a pure pink lightning above my head while wandering into an unknown town with a street dog at our heels is something I will never forget and nor should I lest it leave me like the love I have felt and continue to feel and continue to allow to grow and hare and spread until it's felt for every one I see every brother and sister whether human or plant or animal

I've messed up and I don't know how to make it right

I went away and left my car with my mum and dad so that she could use it while I was gone and I'm so badly organised I didn't realise that the M.O.T. ran out shortly after I left. I don't wish to explain anything about the details except to say that this has just been another massive fuck up on my part because I wasn't responsible enough to deal with this before I flew out because I just didn't know it was due.

Now I have to wonder what to do to make up for all the things that have happened since and it's not me that has been affected by it worst of all and without going into it any further it's been an example of why I need to grow up, be more organised and sensible, think aswell as feel what I ought to do next ànd listen more and generally not leave things to others.

Womanity continuity

So where did we get to oh yeah I was hitching and almost immediately got picked up by a woman who told me so many incredibly useful and insightful things like never eat pork because pigs being so closely related to humans, means they can carry diseases we can catch by consuming them and people suffering from Multiple sclerosis should cut out all dairy and protein from their diet because the error in their genetic makeup that causes the condition and deterioration uses protein to further the damage that has begun.  Also I learned how high a percentage of dairy cattle put forward to be added to the meat industry are riddled with pus and are not fit for human consumption because of the way they are used all their lives meaning the milk and then other products that ome from that also are not a healthy addition to any diet.  Vegans will know this already but it concretises the decision not to consume anything coming from that source.

We chatted and I explained that I do healing work with people to initiate their own body to access and use resources within to heal them.

The magic of that meeting, her willinness to take me to where I could continue on with my journey and our exchange of information was truly beautiful and I had not slept for days for longer than an hour or two so fairly rapidly after a nap and another in Friday night traffic meant I eventually ended up at another services this time on the M42 above Manchester and then planned a route from there to the monastery for the meditation weekend that had brought me home from Spain I the first place.  As I walked and listened I learnt how to comport myself in a strange place.

Hearing within the guidance to walk on the outside of the pavement how to be dressed how to hold myself how to be and act.

All the while not knowing where I was but where I was going checking the maps on buss tops from time to time walking and learning and traversing a new city as I made me way with tiredness following me but a sense of adventure nonetheless and always a need to respect the environment and myself and others.

So I finally got to an area I knew a lttle and because I was choosing to trust the guidance I received i also wanted to prove to myself that I could walk up to a place I had been before also.  I got to Heaven on Earth the Space.  Walking around not knowing where the monastery was I asked a guy having a smoke in his doorstep and his girlfriend told him to tell me where he area of Gorton was.  Ajacent to where I was and so I kept on going.  Past a club with a lot of people milling around outside a little fearful of the area and people.

Drive on keep on going you can do it I heard.

Always facing the fact that I have a positive inner dialogue these days along with a need to accept those parts of myself some deny exist.

I found the monastey nestled in a housing estate with new looking houses and high value modern cars so I took myself to a bus top and fell asleep sat with my rucksack and things.

Waking up I waited until hey opened the gates and sat on a bench to wait until everyone else came to the event.

I slept through the meditations for the most part and lunchime came around.  I had no money and was gifted a banana and tried to see if anyone would take pity on me further.

All I had to give were crystals I had found and brought with me from my travels so I gave them to the people sat on my table and by the end of the weekend I had given almost all of them away and experienced the Joy of meeting new people being offered a little something here and there doin some healing only to receive some surprisingly from an older gentleman called Roger and generally being muh more myself after having asked and been offered a place to stay at a flat with someone I barely knew all the while being dared to do things that have terrified me all of my life.

Askin for what I need.  Facing possible rejection.  Ignoring thoughts of failure.

Being able and willing to be better and succeed where before there was only ever anxiety and dread.  Living life based on a reduced need for things like food and only what I had with me.

By the second day well rested although we had stayed up very late or early depending on your point of view ;) it came to the end of the day and I had nowhere to go but home finally for the first time in over a month and needing a lift a woman I had met also required a ride home, one of the people I had got to speak to because of the gift of amethysts and shared experience of the weekend.  So I asked Roger if he knew of anyone going south for this woman.  It would be great if there was room for two but she was more important to my mind because she had further to go and I was brought up to respect and honour women children before myself.  There was!  Not only that but room for me aswell yes what a day.

So chatting as we headed home lead to a meeting in Glastonbury the following week and a walk up to the tor, collecting some spring water and seein a chap whose face I knew from somewhere and my new friend was only too happy for me to go and discover where and how and why I recognised this homeless man.

We had met it transpired on the high treet in the town on New Years Eve when he had just gotten back from Spain and I was going to a party in the Assembly rooms to meet friends.

So as we caught up it turned out that he was going back to Spain in a few weeks time.  To the same area I had just left.  To the same village and to the very same beach I had just been living on for the past several weeks!

Incredible amazin wonderful synchronicity!

So that was a catalyst for me to choose a flight close to his knowing I will have someone who knows the area well on my return and more than that he's been to the communities I would like to visit over there and our future was set.

Bumped into someone from Birmingham who had been to the meditaton weekend who was house sitting just outside the town after that.

I was havin difficulty keeping the biggest grin from my face and feeling so blessed and happy.

On our return home my new friend exclaimed and we had to stop to take photos of the most beautiful magical rainbow I've ever seen.

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