loving

loving never taking a second or a person for granted
loving by being in the moment and always conscious
loving letting go and asking no questions just listening
loving saying everything with a look and being open too
loving welcoming saying goodbye to expectations always
loving the feeling of emptiness that lets in even more love
loving was a much better thing in my minds eye and heart
loving is accepting that what's in there requires no words
loving is saying it all with your responses internally so
loving is needlessness desiring nothing honouring
loving is being better every day and thankful
loving is having an open mind and heart
loving is being scared but courageous
loving is the capability to let go
loving is letting it break free
loving is setting it down
loving is picking up
loving is being
loving is
loving

kerouac Kite in a storm of conscious thoughts

may is maggy with less teeth and soon to collapse will be the tory government just like it did back then because this is an echo and so you will see the cold war and posturing about nuclear missiles is also a very tepid version of the missile crisis between ussr + us the pendulums are swinging less fiercely but nonetheless they are swinging to and fro with an erratic and more violent acute short term feeling just not the entire 50's hysteria as terence mckenna said the rise and fall of empires is self similar to the rise and fall of skirt lengths because history is a microcosm of fashion and fashion is a macrocosm of the story of the world or summat like that basically this whole world is getting better underneath while what we fear rarely comes to pass pandemics don't occur until they do and even in our own lives we never suffer until a surprise event occurs because what we spend our lives and waste our lives fearing so rarely happens and never when we are expecting it stuff comes when it feels like it so don't watch the tv dont read the papers they will only wind you up and make you a bit scared but even that is just another addiction like the pain and fear you eat with every bite of meat or mouthful of dairy animals suffering and grief at the loss of their babies so keep on keeping on because consciousness is roaring back with a vengeance that suggests a new state of affairs is overdue otherwise we're done and that will be the last thing on our minds when the environment collapses making all but self sufficiency is possible and foraging you would know if only you could take the pain and truth without your daily dose of pills or alcohol or ignorance and this rant is brought to you by fuzzy thinking low vibrational experiencers like those i bump into on the roads who cannot communicate with their indicators and dare not speak a word of honesty or feel a thing so numbed by cheesey chemicals acting like morphine so i think this post had better end up in my blog not here otherwise some folks might get the idea i'm angry or upset but i've let that emotion go and i am calming right down again because i know i cannot do a thing just live my life and change my ways and spend my days experiencing being human as a human being who is spiritualised by cleaning up my act and not reacting but having forethoughts and generous gifts of karmic cleansing brought on by neverending truths erupting from my gut and heart and head and time spent doing all the stuff i talked about internally before but never got around to until i was nearly sectioned by folks who were told how to deal with people like me because i'd been there for some of them to prepare myself for going there on my own im not bitter like the murphys that i no longer drink either not booze no fags no drags on spliffs just a body in healing mode with gifts and time now not a measure of performance but a series of inter related moments and the pleasure of those stretching to take me wherever i need to go and accomodating so much creativity and freedom of expression as i fail to rebel so much against what i know to be right what i know to be good for me in the short term and the long what i know not to be wrong what i choose to be and do what i cannot fail to see smell taste touch hear and sense that which is called abnormality but it actually aboriginally the original foundation of the human family as this extends to tell her story and mine too i let go and notice the habits in my mind and body that are not welcome anymore the fantasies or ways of occluding my possible futures like a sky readying for a storm with clouds as obstacles instead of clarification devices of weather elementals and i become one with water land air and sun no longer a murky obfuscation but a crystal clear lens onto the world around me bends and shapes my journey oops there i go using the sort of word an xfactorist might mention but knowing that the tension you addict to the drama and the fabulous nocturnal diurnal daily diet of shit you eat and drink up with your eyes and ears that then spits out like piss from your ass and watery extraction system like diarea for the soul is merely what you are used to feeding your selves on that keeps you from leaving your seat like the one im taking up now when i ought to be sleeping as ive given myself a break up until recently from staying up late like this streaming anything getting into new shows or watching films for free online wasting my time on anything since i now have responsibilities and people counting on me mondays sending healing tuesdays giving it away in person wednesdays taichi thursdays church services of a spiritual nature involving messages given to those with open minds and whatever you believe or dont it's taking up my so called time but really healing me more than anyone i spend it on and weekends are for connections to be made and chores and conscious festivals or workshops or exercise or resting or dogs to walk or shopping or spring water collection fledgling friendships or some other such incredible gifts that i feel unworthy of but take with a pinch of salt because i still fail to accept that i am capable of being loved but feeling those blockages melting gradually and listening to a friends cd i got a sense of chakras inside my body and every day is an adventure even though im racing towards the greatest one yet all the promises i made that i never kept this year it's all over for my working life and i'll be travelling and doing things i really love not routines watching sunsets and sunrises and seeing places i've never been that early morning sheen and standing in the rain to clean off the grime of every time ive been told how to live my life what to think or do sorry that i didnt name check anyone or that i blamed you earlier so i'll gloss over that little episode because i feel it was self inflicted anyway and who is to say whether this is the real deal and that im healed and doing the right thing by everyone anyway just to say it feels ok and one day if im correct and let someone love me just the way im loving others we shall see but i get choked up so easily like i always feared and teared up but loving it and loving the sensation of no trepidation at the idea of taking the service from start to finish at my spiritual church and holding my own evenings of healing and meditation and discussion and as i'm musical but only percussion i will keep drumming journeys and letting my mind wander to meet the eternal elements of creatures unique and terribly neat and untidy and replete with meaning of the old gods and the new what does all this mean to you that i am losing it or finding it and im not sure but if im not hurting anyone and seeing that golden door to realms of experience and beings called angelic and fairy which i know if i let go i will see and meet once more thats it for now keep going i am told you're on a roll but its late the stream is running low im not tired i know but thats adrenaline my creative juices will be going but i shouldnt force things beyond the sense and sensibility that i know is good for me i was tired earlier but had some homemade choccie knowing it would see me through to a late night meditation and energy healing i will be feeling within a few moments as i post this to somewhere im sure its too long for fb thats enough from me im not sure youll read this anybody its a bit like one of kerouacs things on one long piece of type writer paper or whoever it was who did that type of thing if you get to the end you deserve a massage or a hug or some energy healing sent to you as i say once and for all to add to the list of stuff i was trying to get down and put right in the world today technology is not the solution its part of the problem it can help but it too will soon fall by the wayside like the wheel because we are meant to be natural in our nature and our being and our ways of seeing and doing and healing so i know that evolution will continue in the direction of destiny and that is why me when i ask the answer is why not you when i ask any question they are invariably answered i can put whatever i like to the everything and like the tike that i am i get a stern or loving and careful reply im wandering along a grey and beautiful line between the black and white i know ive been a shite but some are proud of my transformatino one even said so tonight thankyou friend and mentor i will do my best to live up to the trust you place in me :) + <3 night night everybody have the best day that you can and with a golden light entering from outside only to find it alights inside and lights a spark that was there waiting to be lit this fit and fart of cosmic gas explodes to raise my consciousness once more to a level unbecoming of one previously so lowly and sick i can only do as i am told within reason but leaving logic behind and thinking i go with the feeling that if i do and dont try if i do not reason why if i do my best and dont ask questions of the truth if i let the past die and do not lie if i am the truth the living cry and shout and scream up to the moon and sun and shy if i can be the change i wish to see the world will see the change i wish to be <3

lower world - higher states - loving being

comments ive written on posts around the web that i didnt think ought to be lost, out of context they may not make much sense but hey at least this way they are somewhere they might help :)

reply to someone who asks what people think about the fact that we are living in a toxic environment

i guess for me there is a spark within that is pure, i choose to believe that from that beginning i am pure too, that the world around me is connected to that and that i am not affected by whatever the environment appears to be, whether toxic or not, i say the mantra i have the power to transmute all poisons into life enhancing chi, thus making sure i process the outside in such a way that it is all pure and loving and good to be in, or something like that 　 lately its become a feeling of all over bodily purity and lightness of being as though i were inviolate and rainbow coloured light again unaffected by the world around and yet infinitely connected to everything as we transform ourselves so the world around will also be healed and turned into its pure self

another reply to someone wondering how we ought to deal with the world being a toxic place to live

be as vulnerable as possible only to reveal how invulnerable you really are because the less you identify with the physical body that is in this environment you become the light body that is pure and healthy and well and invulnerable to it, thus healing the physical and as we go forward the world around us that is just a projection of what we carry with us :) + <3 or something like that

what i said when asked how to cope with the idea that we can feel as though we don't belong here

 

that became the feeling when i came off my addictions, it becomes less of an issue as you welcome the connections to higher states of being and also become more and more grounded and connected to the earth, so in a way we accept our role here, our mission to help others which takes our mind off our feeling that we aren't meant to be here, we are or we wouldnt be here ;) i hope that doesnt sound too flippant but we are here, so best to become who we were meant to be, healers, lovers, in service and learning lessons to become more expansive to then realise the greater self that we thought we had lost when we identified with this human life, the feeling is one of realising a greater self, but to get there we need to accept this life and our humaness i hope this helps :) +

I Am Healing

so folks whoever you might be aren't we all just living in a state

of ecstasy hidden by the clouds of thoughts that cover the sun

so that we become afraid of what all around us has begun and

when we realise that we ought to just accept whatever is going

on it frees us up to see the reality behind the illusion of us and

them to be one whole organism a burgeoning community truth

beauty plus goodness not expressed in false memory so why

not release your inner being with love forget your pain begin

the journey to giving yourself a new plane of existence to be

within by saying i am healing i'm experiencing an expansion

until it's clear there is no me and you only everyone admit

profound revelations like pronoia the idea that everything

conspires to make all our dreams come true ask it all for

miracles and when you do feel them coming into being

expansive with no boundaries or borders or limits so

incredulous is the sense that arrives so let fear fall

so very far behind now and every moment be the

courageous hero of your own lifetime and follow

no-one except to say that we are all leaders in

our own way and pray out loud i am healing

"I AM HEALING" and all the love that i am

revealing is working wonders for family

and friends this energy never ends

but instead extends everywhere

so that i let go and trusting in

the future that i can feel is

soon to be i go forwards

with faith hoping that

the harmony inside

which i now feel

will mirror out

and make

it real to

you

+

spiritual not religious poem

i was given a reading recently on an astrological level from my date of birth don't switch off ;) it was also a soul reading and was so spot on but this isn't about that :D actually this is about a fight to become the person i was always meant to be, to leave behind addictions of all kinds and to experience life as a human being for reals, as it ought to be, inside and out, feeling energy, twisting myself on the spot, turning from one direction to another, and then connecting to the mother, the father, the archetypes of all spirituality and that has been given a bad name by religious types, well that is up to them, i dance, i sing, i pray, i send energy, i feel it literally, i see things in my minds eye and drum and some of it isn't fun, it was scary but that was just so I could face my own mortality, i have died so many times since then, to live a better life now, and so as i am off out again, doing spiritual work in the form of tai chi, working on my own energy, healing me, seeing patterns to be broken, seeing ways that went unspoken, to reveal even more of the hidden purity within, give it a go, lose the attitude of cynicism, try yoga, meditation, give up meat or take up eating only those things we used to before we got all domesticated ourselves, i love visiting churches by the way, i love mystical places, and spiritual locations, and earth temples like being invited to come close to a tree, im bold enough and been terrified enough by what i was and how i was living to get clean and tidy and neat, and this has involved years of defeat and now i feel a certain sense of victory, a vista, a view, of all of us, all of you, as those i would wish to serve and be of service to, by providing healing, with a touch, a hug, a massage, or just plain and simple energy that goes deeper and heals with a certain magical majesty, i'm guided all the time which way to go and mostly which way not to, but that's easing, more opportunities to do the right thing, less negative self sabotaging subconcious suggestions, because i'm more conscious and dare i say it awake, awakening to the mystery of life and the answers to the questions i was asking, when i set out on this journey, alone for the most part because i find it hard to trust, i find it hard to get close, i find it easy to love too much and not let go and so i will end this little stream of information with the recitation of a new poem that i will make up right here and now for your delectation,

first there was love and there was some light to shine upon it, this became a song and a singer who was ready to alight and sing it, but after one thing comes another and at that time quite quickly, there was a darkness to be picked upon and lit up from inside, so we gathered and we shone and sang and wondered what next? Vexed and yes stressed for a bit it was decided between us all, why don't we begin again only this time pretend there was a fall? Delight was hidden within this decision and we moved out to see the result of this new creation, elation turned to desolation and we finally came to see there was a lot of stuff to be done for you and me and so we alighted at the end of a struggling flight upon a place where we could see it all from on high and sighing feared it would be too difficult to bring all the threads together into a coherent whole, but then there was a little smile and after a while we knew, with some of that original love and a little shove we'd get there afterall, so don't try do, just love and give it away and one day, when we are back together again as we are beginning to be now we'll have a party and a celebration of the love that began it all. All creatures will be there, all spirits great and small, no limits, no borders, just a hug that lasts and lasts and gasps of joy between here and heaven for every girl and every boy.

just a little something from yours truly

true love isnt something you feel so much as something you are, something you reveal, what you need to give others, what you see all around you, what you express in the words that astound you, when you are truly loving you are a part of everything and then you know what it means to experience love truly, yours truly loving you always, loving loving, letting go, surrendering to love and loss and giving a toss is all that matters, being love, seeing love, and accepting whatever comes along to stay strong and be the one you need, letting others be whoever they are, that's what makes you the star you always were in the making, not taking, so that is the seed that was planted when i saw true love it began to bloom and I chose to let go to become one in the flow AHO! :) +

Hands around her throat

i saw the look on the mother's face, one of shock, disgust, fear and pain, once again she felt her children's distress and shame we are those children and we are killing the mother who gave us
life and love and a place to raise our own offspring in the river of destiny and flowing towards the ocean of consciousness we fail to swim freely because we have become robotically habitually dead instead just doing the same things over and over expecting a different result, that's the definition of insanity according to one Albert of Austria, you know the one, E=MC2 he said it, we are energy and energy is mass (matter) times time, in other words our lives, and the energy we are and can be, spread out into eternity, living well, doing right, seeing ourselves go towards the light and frightening as it is we need to face her head on and see what we have done periodically since his-story began and we left her-story long behind, friends, fiends, losers, winners, endings, beginnings, there are no more spaces left that have not been upset and set up for a long lasting disaster, the air is spoilt no matter where you go, we've sowed the seeds by being a so and so and there is no happy ending unless we make it that way, so today, start afresh, do it regularly, see the new growth inside and out, don't scream and shout, silently do your thing and let others see you shining, so that they can feel it too, and maybe there will be a place for me and you in a future we haven't yet seen but felt coming, it's almost here, the end of the beginning, the beginning of the end for those who wish only to destroy, short term profits are their idea of fun, long term longing and loving is the only way to proceed from here on in, not for the win but for the endless loving feeling it brings, right here and now, and going on strong, i talk, now i walk the line, time and time again, struggling but getting better each and every day, in the way i was meant to, no longer held back by them or you, or us, the barriers that are not visible are there but no limits except those we allow ourselves to be bound to, holding us back in times gone by but the strength of our desire to do things a new and old way are carrying us forward into a brighter day thankyou mother :) +

wanted man

i wanted to meditate and i never did it, or i read books but didnt try the exercises or i did briefly
i saw someone once who was meditating, that was the start for me of doing the same instantly.

i wanted to change my diet, to really give spiritual journeys a go, to really enter into it all
i saw someone who had change their diet, that was the start for me of doing the same instantly.

i wanted to be a man and i never did it, until recently, i am told that i am, i behave differently
i heard from a source i began to trust, what i could do to help others, that made me feel like one.

i wanted to know the truth behind all the fairytales, the mystics, the stories, the fables and magic
i began to do things that some might say constitute magic, sending distant healing, saying prayers.

so at last i am really doing all the things that i had promised myself i would do, finding the time
and this is possible because i stopped doing things that allowed me to dream but never wake up.

one day when this is all over perhaps i will have a chance to read about the journeys of others
but i find reading a bore, non fiction, fiction especially, watching films, t.v. they lose their appeal.

 real life has become magical, experiential, mystical, wonderful, incredible, better than my imagination and so it means that i can not find any solace in someone elses tales anymore.


one addiction to another, a healthy craving if there can be such a thing, so i find myself honing in, going deeper inside, training the mind, removing outside influences, old habits, old ways and means.

it's hard to concentrate on listening to others speak, even if it's someone i know, or believe has something to say, to focus, i get sidetracked, so i need to work harder, to give them my attention.

i still have some things i would like to do, ride a horse, i'm going wild swimming, facing fears, got a lot of debt out of the way, lots of positives, finally doing things i had wished to do all these years.