confident in who you are and what you say? that's beautiful

ouch crap cramp in the bath, sod these feet that have to wear shoes, shoes are evil honestly i've never liked wearing them, so i've discovered a few things to learn were 'instore' for me, becoming a retail security guard, bad jokes obviously, erm but ok:-
a) having to use my voice, even though it's usually just "The toilets are over there sir or madam"  b) having to tell people what they need to know or giving bad news "No, We don't have a cafe im afraid" c) having to make phone calls which i dont really like doing, especially the police although c is good, i actually called a friend to wish him a happy birthday the other day so i guess that's a positive step come out of my shell again, being cheeky is coming back though so i have to watch that.  I realised a long time ago that i struggle with things like body language and eye contact, i actually become so self concious that im aware that im doing it, how much, where im looking and it's totally unnatural so i hope i dont stare, or look cross eyed because im looking at the bridge of your nose and girls  i don't get hints or understand whether you're interested in me or not, i actually think i could love or do love every woman, there's always something about each one of you and some men, although it isn't so intoxicating beholding male beauty as it is merely being in the presence of a beautiful woman, when i find something about you, you are transformed, a glint in the eye, something about your smile, i like nuances, they're fun for me and less pressure than more serious things like what takes a long time for me to make, like a connection with someone and feel it, or be able to say i love you back when someone says it and mean it too, sorry but that's the way it goes, the surface understanding between us is real, im there with you, i feel your pain, just not mine or whatever else it is underlying the numb exterior but that's changing maybe, yes defiantly, and definitely im sure, being positive really does help, changing a negative self statement into a good one, every time they come up until they start coming up roses, anyways i've gone on enough shedding my skin, night x