a silent war in raging inside of me between who i was, am and would like to be
it feels like an age old quest for the holy grail, the final war between win and fail
as time goes on it's less one sided and more like two, two wolves to be fed who
feed off situations where patterns and habits, or old behaviours breed like rabbits
my instant reaction to choices begins one way, not the other as i make my play
prevailing winds were set to come from 1 direction, now stifling desired erection
creating an inner turmoil showing me up and once and for all which way to go
there's no going back, only onwards and upwards, yes, as above, so below
i could go on as i have in many lives past mistakes or put on the brakes
to change the route, change the pace, slow down and face the haste
that speeds us from here to there readily, so eagerly, so unsteadily
yes i get the feeling that this is all both deadly serious and a joke
needing to listen to the voice that sticks a stick into the spokes
can brake the bike we're riding before we land onto the spikes
halt the progress, turn us about face, head home not away
learn to trust that inner knowing that at first sounds like
a nagging inner critic, only this one is in our hearts
it keeps on telling me not to do all those things
that i might have enjoyed that were empty
of any real substance, or any real joy
i worried it was teasing or a ploy
but i have to admit that i feel
much better, that it's real
i think it's the real me
trying to be heard
and to herd me
shepherd me
back into
a flock
love
x
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