feeling less psychaotic, more disorderly conduct / or some thing this way wickedly lovely comes x

feeling less psychaotic lately, more disorderly conductor x

Persona Gratis

Where did I come from?

When i was trying to grow up in a mostly juvenile world, with several personas onboard
father john the cleric and padre and vicar
doctor john the healer, masseur, masseuse
idiot genius clever stupid clumsy pathetic nice good john

and that is all, now i am anything i choose
at any time, any place, any where
when or why?
Love
Jon
x

---

I asked myself the questions you won't
why am i here? why are we here?
what is this all about?
and the answers
CAME so DID I
all over the
place and
what is
more?
love
x

so i had a psychotic break a couple of years ago, and like a spider going down the plughole, i sat quite uncalmly at the event horizon of my forever, only to find that the momentum and impetus I needed was not around me..
It was IN me, like those four stones in that movie about five elements and now, the end of the beginning is here and the beginning of the end is over.

The repeat performance over the last 8 weeks has shocked and scared
it woke me up again to what i was missing
lots of parts of me that were stolen
hurt, bruised, maimed, killed
and all by me not others
i let them, i did it
no more, NO
Computer.
i sayses
a YES

x

I have yearned for unconditional love, had that tattooed on my back
found it, done it, living it, haven't got the tshirt yet
but i HAVE traversed the many parallels in life
only to find self similarity in others
now i do my best in every way
to create a new world...
enlightened, fair and
beautiful, just the
way you make
me feel so
thanks,
love,
love,
loves...
Jon
x

ok noooooooooo jon! ;) GOD! Yes i now say with a wink and a smiley on my faceode of the placebook ;) x

ok b4 i said to meself oy jon nooooooooo. NOW, it's a YES biggy stylee ;) x yes to love then life then loving life ♥ down to a certain someone and a one some certain this wkend for making it complete and so in true fashion, me too a lil more and a lot more than i wud ever wish to happen to anyone else unless they asked for it... so if you dont get you dont ask? ;) <5 :="" a="" about="" and="" as="" at="" bad="" being...="" being="" can="" care="" cos="" coveted="" cudnt="" did="" doing="" educated="" elses="" felt="" first="" for="" forty="" get="" guessing="" happy="" have="" hoping="" i="" in="" instead="" into="" like="" long="" loop="" me="" need="" never="" not="" now="" others="" place="" poor="" rich="" simples="" simply...="" someone="" span="" that="" thats="" the="" then="" things="" to="" too="" unsteadily="" until="" we="" were="" whatever="" years="">

only you - NOT superstition... !YES !SUPERPOSITION! YET! YETI! YET I! YE T I... ye truth of i... n u, singing a,e,i,u,o, you sure are beautifol...

if you insist on

belieiving what you are told rather than your own experience, then you will continue to let the fears and hopes and dreams of other capture your imagination, thus halting your own nature ability to send your thoughts and fears and dreams through the factory production line of your subconcious mind, your own butler and faithful servant, who then creates whatever you perceieve the world to be so that you can't feel the disappointment of having one feeling in your heart and a different thought about what the world is in your head...

your heart knows the truth, your heart is more important than your head, grow up, childhood's end is here

to approve of yourself is key

to approve of others' right to do as they might

to lose your fear of what might be and wait and see

never know, worse things have always happened in the past

but the future always seems to be stranger than fiction when it comes

whether science or faith based, how many predictions made by computer or man

come true?  let's see how my attempt to guess from an educated environment, the wibbly wobblyness

of my mind now i can encompass everything that ever was, is or will be, quite easily cos i don't try i just do it right

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hearing a lot of fear in the form of addiction to the drama that may or may not be unfolding. As for myself, if, If, IF! I can keep my head while all around are losing theirs, I can maintain the vision I HAVE for the future and thus create a portal through time that goes to the best of all possible outcomes for all concerned over the next couple of years. Now i can do that because I have the imagination to percieve the energy field of the entirety of eternal existence, draw from that, use that, send it back with love, as love not fear or hate or anything that hurts, only that which heals and returns us to our former glory in the grace and favour of our god nature, and NATURE is god!

SO! I'm off to la gomora in the canary islands to help create something rather wonderful there, a continuation of a process towards community living the world over, literally a global village, sustainable in each environment, well educated and raised individuals who know both the true boundaries of acceptable behaviour, learnt and given while they grow in the company of examples of every type of good role model.

or i may not go there just yet, because my friends who are planning to leave these shores, to avoid ultimate destruction, don't realise that we have to stay where we are or choose somewhere to be, not because we can avoid or face head on what is coming, although we can turn our eyes towards the blinding light of the revealing that is happening, how many secrets of the past, ancient and more familiar are out there?

we're learning more and more rapidly what we will put up with
what we will swallow in the form of the truth or lies we're told
what we will do for ourselves, our loved ones and others too
we don't need to go anywhere, the changes are happening
within each of us, there is a battle between our nature
and our nurture in a society that governs people
who would much rather govern themselves
choose their own thoughts and feelings
their own path in life, living it right
doing good things generally
loving what you all do
entertaining the
idea that we
could all
live ha-
happily
evers
after
x
an idea can never die only the creator can...

we choose to live or die every second

do you wanna live? or die?

blink and you'll miss it

open your eyesies

and earsies

listen to
her cry
of love
t'phat
lady's
song
now
tho
is
X

 

i apologise if i hurt you while i was healing my own weary soul
but that means that i owe you my life and love
because that is all i am a living symbol
of what can be achieved when
you do not try, only do
or do not
love
x
i.o.u. everything 

heyyyyy eeeeeee iiiiiii oooooowe you you ...
you made me this way with your help
and love so coming back to you
is all of it in existence
cos i can imagine
just that the
whole er
she-bang as it were x the giant orgasm that started this rush to live
ends in another big bang a giant orgy of sex n violence
and bloode and death and love and gore
and beauty and discovery
living loving
life
x

living on one side of the street called life you can wallow in whatever addictions you choose and always get what you want, never what you really need.

living on the other side of life's street you can soar on high and lose any attachment to pain and suffering, living free from the feelings that hurt and living in love with loving, getting only what you really need, to learn everything there is to know.

Sounds boring, always has, a heavenly life and I know about infatuation with fantasy rather than living in so called reality, which is what you make of it, like your life...

in the flow in the middle of all that, there is a time war going on in hell and in heaven right now

we're smack bang between a hot rock and a hard place to be without sex n drugs
n rock n roll although the king is there, er here, then, everywhere in time n space
the whole things is a living record, living recording playing out and in flow and flux
make your choices now and see what happens when you dream believe create
succeed... it workd try it your life will never be the same and anyways
doesn't matter what you do or how you die or live
cos we're all going back to godhead
sooner or later so let go
your fears of fate
embrace your
destinies
go on
dare
ya
x
accelerating...
onwards faster n faster...
to make life worth living, feeling great all the time, able to enjoy responsibly

adults only...

eden awaits

lovers,
loving
love.
jon
x

 don't make me angry, (or worse still confused ) i dont like me when im angry, and worse still i dont like you then very much either you wudnt like me when im angry either so i dont lose my rag unless you push me, insult me, or stretch my patience, patients, drfosterwentogloster... and came back all humble like and modest not... well i did then i didnt now im just trying to balance feeling like a god and a devil whenever i feel like it to get my job done, serving humanity in their quest to destroy each other or save each other, i'm hoping the continuation of the outside stimuli, coming from,within you, when you create your fears, by sending out that intention to the universe in nervous energy rather than calmly getting on with life the way they did and kept believing in love and life and freedom despite the impending doom, we won, by some miracle and it wont be that close this time at all, we learnt our lesson in wwII

we're better than this surely? well yes we are ...
just waiting in the wings as understudy?
y dnt u get out there, show em what you
can do yourself, to yourself, to make

a difference for you and yours x
in your life, those around you
and in the end
everyones
love
x

 

 mystery what mystery? oh the truth is still clouded

by maya the illusion, seven veils hanging over our eyes

although they are not our eyes at all

but what we think out of our eyes

cos actually we're not here

not really receiving

we are sending

what we

believe into the world not experiencing that which is there happening to us, and us happening to it, it's a loop a connection a time wave and particle

both things all things and none, infinite choice, free will, do what thy wilst whilst the pied piper pipes the phat ladies tune for you to follow to your doom destruction final ending only to emerge from a deep sleep into a cosmic paradise

haha got you again, you totally

believed the whole thing

i made it all up for you

to live in and play with..............

wasnt it fun

wanna nother go? or wanna try the next level shizzle?

ok follow me, pipes and wanders merrily

.............to eternity with you my friends x

but we are at the same time, its confusing

but we're projecting a part of ourselves into this reality to experience this reality as if it was the true form we always were and will

be, only the illusion has to be very convincing for us to

believe we are here doing these things at all, and continue to follow them through, learning lessons if we dare

to let go of our fear of losing who we were only to gain who we are <3>

...i, breaking the enigma code --- imagine the e-doc breaking...
mirroring you, this world and all who sail in her so that
you can see the folly of taking up the black or white
the yin or yang primarily cos that's out of whack
into the grey areas you must be to become
even slightly balanced internally then
you can leap before you look
and learn as you go on
learning as you go
on learning and
teaching all
who come
into contact
with your new
found love of life
and all it entails even
the things i've feared as much as i loved them...
women x my mother nature, my nature, my whole past
but i went back there recently for a year or so, and now ive caught up
im where i should have been 20 years ago again, only this time i know
everything i didnt then so i feel like a two time loser who wins top prize
finally i feel good being me all the time and only realise occasionally
how much that grates on those who insist on saying they are positive
but being negative towards someone who actually is.........
and not only believes everything they say
but means it truly
im authentic
try me
x

aint wha ya got it'w how ya use it, be anything ya wanna be, just a matter of style and the style of your matter, no matter, you'll all get where your going whether you like it or not, NOW or then, or when, it's happening, conciousness rising, new solutions to old problems loving this fucking free for all, and im free for all time, from time, from descent into madness only to rise up and then back into balance finally... <5> peace you lot or else

  watching the cannonball run hehe hehehehehehe x <5> peace bro's n sisses forget the illusion, dispel your fear, by never becoming astonished, at how the world can spin right, turn around, come together in peace when we let it happen and stop causing friction, by joining in with the drama that they love, and loving your own life instead

 all my life i was looking for something, nothing actually, then not looking for anything other than friendship and unconditional kundalinic love, that of a woman i knew would make me complete and i her, so i fucked everything up i tried to do to make that come true with all the wrong people, puzzle pieces slotting together like clockwork only smarter harder faster better lovelier, and NOW! this deja vu getting stronger the closer the future echoes coming back to me get the closer to the event itself...

Well the 'seven year ache' feels close to being over finally, though now it's at it's worst ever, really agonisingly painful in my heart, yearning again for the truest expression of the love that never dies and yet afraid to be my usual too much too soon, idiotic, half assed, will they wont they, heart centred, too respectful, not me enough... me. but i aint him no more, no, more than that, everything and nothing
baby that's where im at, all at once, all possibilities seem available and yet...

i've had a black eye for a few years, under my left one, i assume i'm gonna be in a fight at some point and someone will pluck it from my face as the backwards pace of fate catches up to the forwards pace of life, our destiny literally comes back to make us who we will be in the future, as time wraps around constantly... In the now, we can choose who that future us will be by what we choose to do differently from now on, CONSISTENTLY!

until it sticks and a new good habit is formed to replace a crutch or bad one of the past. Create your future now by imagining whatever you like and seeing whether it works now even a little ocne you've given your new found belief in yourself a few weeks to settle into your psyche and open up even more possibilities to your mind and thus your heartmind and gutmind and centre of excellence the navel

there's only one person i need
for now and forever maybe.
for now though, enough
is enough, everytime
and anytime is
good for me
now love
ciao
x

 

openess and honesty is so much easier than all that lying,
so tiring that i never bothered much, just kept you from
the truth that i knew all along, you are amazing but
that means so am i, i deoubted that occasionally
all my life but it's true cos i've seen you and
frankly im amazed to be free of the labyrinth
once and for all, im not coming here again
so make the most of me this time around
ill do the same, there's one in my heart
above and beyond all others who i
struggle not to obey and shes a
hard task master a hard ass
but i love her so, love it i do
doing what im told finally
listening to others at last
cos to be honest i could
always tell that almost
everything from your
lips was a lie, you a
liar, liar pants on fire
drop and roll put it out
or roll up your sleeves and
get involved with the operation
to turn it all around again like we
always do when things get tough enough
to get us off our lazy lying laying around asses.

Kissing the world right now and the everything that ever
was will be or IS RIGHT NOW! i love you very muchly
i wasnt sure i ever could love someone as much as her

my first love, nature, my mother and my father, true...

yes i can share my love with you and i will

just taking my time to enjoy the beat
of the four four drums bum bum
badum badum bumbum four
heartbeats, two of mine
two of yours two hearts
each, one in our gut
one in our chest
balancing out
two pulsars
spinning in
regular
orbits
around
our belly button, the event horizon of us, the place where mother ended
and we began all those moons ago and suns, and sons and daughters
of eve
x

 

a part of you and i and all of us was around at the start of time...
everything, every thing, every, thing, ever, ever, after till now...
and going forward a part of it all shall consist of a part of you...

so you have lived before will live again and well, as for right now?

you have the wonderful gift of life, the time is yours so why not ask?

who am i? where am i? what am i doing? who am i with? why am i here?

Now of all times, when it feels for some reason important, almost...

Magical, you could say, it feels so... impostors, failings and wins.

There is no winning or losing only taking your part and playing on.

as the worlds at a new stage, a staging post, pointedly aimed far.

to escape a mad mad mad mad world in which the sane are silenced.

medicated into subhuman mental landscapes drug addled and death.

Waiting to happen any day, unable to dream, unable to sleep...

it's cos oue daily, nightly, lives are both impostors too...

you see there is another world, we live in  two by two...

it's called the garden of eden and it's a pendulum...

swing from the extreme of the luciferian agenda...

which i was chiefly a part of, after all if you,
can't ignore the orders of a boss you don't
believe in then what sort of individual
are you?  Given free will and lucid
possibilities, the gift of sight
not with your eyes as you see
them but with your hearts
desires and only a wish
for others to be happy
and if that somehow
includes you in a
lovely loop or
chain from a
past you
left and
a future
you are
already
joined
with
now
x

OK basically as time naturally swings back and forth from the darkest end of the spectrum, moving cyclically as the mayans et all would tell us if we could only listen, we close ourselves off by denying our imaginations, by killing our spirit, by literally stopping from believing in fairies, you kill your own...  Spirit is you, you are like water my friend, bruce was right.  Each of us is both and nothing and in the middle we are some thing to be ashamed AND astonished at.  We live, in this world, that's going wrong, we can do something, it's getting better, if only everyone else could just give that a chance, i know you've suffered in the fiery past and you may not like the idea of a very cool future, but it's not what you think cos your brain isnt real, it IS of course at the same time very real, a physical object apparently...  but what if our physical forms were actually more like a sub ject, something under the counter we're not being told about???

well, i mean anyone who knew the truth of who we are would tell the world surely? to make everyone realise the truth?

no? what do you mean no? there's people out there that don't want to believe or do but not really inside.

Why? cos it's fucking scary to become one person amongst a universe, a cosmos, cosmosses or whatever.

I had to become one individual entity in that whole mess by encompassing the idea in my mind.

I stretched my mind out by seeing a picture of that vastness and by learning about the very,
very small, the minutia of life, a tone in your voice tells me everything i need to know,
i can read you because you ARE a book, from cover to cover, beginning to end of time,
we all are subjects in a story but it's a living one we have to accept we are that,
have been everything because we were, conciousness goes on and we are merely a
cell in a giant thing, a character in a play, an actor living their roles,
doing the right things or the wrong, depending on which side we were last on...

I didn't accept what you said about anything, I didn't believe this world
I knew it was a fraud frmo the very beginning cos i died and came back
before i was even born, so then leaving so soon again i carried the
sense that all of you were a lie and i was the only real person
here, no wonder i could feel the deception, like a splinter
in my mind, my whole life, i only felt really right when
i was alone, in my own thoughts, my own world, my head
yes a bad thing if it's all fantasies of things not
people, places, times spent together, whatever...
i didn't i lived in a world that was right the
people were never there, except the bright
and the beautiful cos we all are acourse
as we are language too it sounds a tad
weird, freaky to suggest that a word
could actually be used to describe
us when we were there in the start
not the beginning, the start othis
beginning, the bang as backfiring
creation spat us out like lyrics
the phat lady sings her last not
first note at the end of all this
because she was always thus, calling
like a siren in our hearts, stringing
us along now, come on dears i love you
so...

in the beginning was the word and it was nature
nature, our nature, i've admitted my failings and why i'm amazings
but only because that's the truth of me, now tell me yours, completely
don't leave anything out, remember your dreams, the true ones that came false
when you entered into a bargain with the devil and the deep blue sea, the fire and  ice
hot and cold, yin and yan, siamese twins trapped in time together always seeking their first time
once more a virgin to experience a new world as a new person, to come into being at the most important moment ever
NOW
x

this goes out to all the lovers in the world, not them who are in love
but those who are not attached to the form of one person or thing
i don't get attached, never did, when you're gone you're gone
you're gone for good or for bad, but a goner you are see
cos this is a temporary reality, a joke a laugh but yes
I do take this life seriously, more than you know
more than you would have ever guessed
because it looks like I don't cos I
always have a smile on my
stupid face ;) but then,
smile it might never
happen in the
first place
so i do.
love.
x
as much as this is a song, it's also a statement...
the world is mine, to lose, to win, to fight for...
no-one means the world to me anymore...
the world itself means the world to me
but there is one special person
first and foremost above all
i'll be striving to please
to love, to protect
above all others
that's me then
one of you
at a time
loving
you
x
I've found one character
one personality i loves
more than any other
but another i could
if i needed to, to
make you see
that it's not
just ours
forever
n ever
love
love
loves
others
unconditionally
if you let me I'll love you
more than any other, more than my father
and my mother, just a little though, cos they sure are godlike
my parents to me now cos I've woken up stopped day dreaming
stopped the nightmaring, the sharing my fears and hopes and yes
my dreams with everyone else now, cos they're ours to make &
yes they will all come true now, my vision is clear and true
now it's coming from me and you now, not just me
the planet needs all our help and realistically
not pipe dreams or passing peace around
we have to fight and work and bleed
and put in all we need, to know
that from now on it's truth
not lies that criticise
the people and
the life here
cos it's all
lovelier
loving
love
x

a new dawn, a new day, a new life

when i'm weeding or in actual fact whenever i have a show of strength to well er show...
i start by grabbing hard at the base of the er problem, taking the hard road up front,
just after i grasp the nettle by the stalk, without any fear of failure or pain or hurt,
i immediately pull hard asking the weed or problem to let go and so it does,
it comes away as easily as if it was,
doing what i had asked of it,
leaving the old ways
coming away
with me to
a fresh
dawn
x

things are going from good to great im hanging on in there whilst ending an old chapter forever and starting a few new ones with far less fear more courage.
these days are great but i still miss the summer we were having before
the old me decided to say fuck you to the old world and leave it
for others to find more and more disgusting and leave too
or put out a hand to come along for the ride again
like we always have before when this occurs
and we are moving from the lower world
to the middle realm once more mort
dying whilst alive to be reborn
as the person we were
meant to be all
along, loving
living life
again
jon
x

naturally healing energetically - weather fayecast - one

ok all the boring bullshit about women is over, i've got most if not all of my power back, stopped projecting it onto others, seeing them for who they really are now, males and females, people, animals.  Not that many have changed all that much, my boss became this weak, panicking, poorly organised, unable to solve the simplest problem without reassurance, limp wristed prat for instance.  Most everyone else is still the same as they ever were, which reassures me a lot that i've not done too much damage to their perspectives.

lots of others are far less angry and i have the strength to say what i mean and choose
to intervene if i think i should
although it's taking a while
not to interrupt at all
and make it clear
that they don't
know what
they are
saying
about
love
god
x

Weird thing is though, everyone seems pretty happy with the new happy me... :) go figure, i never was
happy to be me, not for long periods, i was always worried i would be found out
as a fraud, pretending my way through life whilst deciding
that so many great feelings would never be
for me,broken promises i made
in the past that were
reminded to me
and undone
lately with
self love
finally

Still being honed these instincts but they're getting better and better generally.  Using my hands i can focus my own energy, coming from one hand, sending with the other, deflecting it out to touch your aura, energy field.

Then I feel your bouncing or non existant, pushing back against mine gradually feeling stronger as i move my hands to detect from the ground up or from your crown down where your energy is weak, and needs more.

I can now use it like a scanner and go around 360 degrees and sense where the issue is and whether you need more connection to source above or to the mother earth below.  Then ask questions to hone the process of discovering and healing the issue.  Whether we need to talk, or to even be in the same room i'm not sure, but it does help to have a connection with the person at the time of the healing.

However, your subconcious mind is not your friend unless you've met, your dark side and your light.

Often your deeper lower level connectivity is receptive where you are not, and I can work,
whether you know it or not, just sending healing over, under the radar ;) x

so i work from the ground up, and feel for areas where the strength gets lighter
where i can sense an imbalance or guess where and what the issue is
problem solving capabilities and creativity boundless-ish
in waves as two steps forward one back i
earn the right to keep on moving on,
on, up and out and wider still,
still looking, searching for
and hearing the tone of
your voices, if only
you could hear
yourself then
you might
know
love
x

so onwards and upwards we all go, i went to hell and back and back again to hell
now im learning so many lessons that if was a studenyt doctor i would be gone
i would have quit many months ago, if not years, only knowing of course
that what i've been doing is vital for me, to be happy, to be me
to make a difference in the world, by making one to me
i mean something to me now, got goals and dreams
once more unto the breach again
once more to the battle
betwixt good and
evil inside me
winning
love
x

---

Weather fayecast

so cold harsh winter coming from mid to end of november, snow likely,  possibly even for xmas day if not until early january, certainly winterish till february then warmer and a we mild spring, then warm then hot summer although that's vague, these things arent decided until the future is now ;) x

ONE

I am ONE
She is ONE
He is ONE
We are ONE
ONE is the loneliest number but it is also the start of everything
and given that 1 minus one equals zero, one aint lonely
just happy being single until it's ready to become
two, becoming one, two whole people
meeting like two circles of life
0 and 0 put them on top
of one another they
make a perfect
8 infinity loop
a torus time
piece of
loving
intent
jon
x

i've waited what feels like eternity
so another infinite moment
gone in a second
will keep me
honest
jon
x

why do women make you guess what youve done wrong, like the feeling you get when you see a policeman? cos they dont know themselves and havent worked it out yet... you all lie to yourselves and blame others judging them unfairly, calling them names, pointing out their disimilarites, look at fatty, one arm man, skin and bones ooh she looks ill... whatever you say is merely a reflection of you, but i know that and every time i accuse someone of something i know i must be guilty of it to EVEN see it in others...

we all judge unfairly unless we're not judging at all,  if and when we can stop your reflection working on us.. im out

but these days im a true mirror.. i reflect back at you.
what you are not who i am
cos i dont need to know
ive lost and found
and lost myself
once more
i can be
anyone
anythin
your
dead
to me
flesh and bones
no spirit unless you
take the hurt that heals
break your hearts the way a trip shud
be in silence alone or with someone you trust
and let your self go your old self the one who loves a thing
loves a person not the things they bring or the way they make you feel
loving coming from without, coming in to you when you breath it in heals
breath out pain and hate have a love hate relationship with the universe then
breath in golden white sparkling light and breath out darkness fear and dislikes
breath into your heart, visualise it, see it feel it, use that engine to burn your demons
up and let you free set you free to feel to talk to walk i learnt to talk first before walking that figures but i wanna shut up
you wont let me cos your not listening
so im gonn alet you stew in your fog
let the frustration build until you
cant tAKE IT ANYMORE
thats not me thats
you that is

i loved you then i love you now as a friend and as some one i could love forever

but i dont and wont hate you or sen dback the pain and fear your sending me
i cant i musnt get angry or i will get in trouble with the law or hurt someone
i have to stay calm so thanks for the training teachers, im hurting good
realllly good crying my eyes out whenevr someone feels of me
feels whatever it is that they cant have or wont say
feeling their own emotional emotions hurting them
cos all im sending is love thats why your hurting now
youve decided to pick a fight with me cos its hard
to say i love you when youve been haunted
tortured for eternity here by the devil
saying i love you as someone you know
and here i am feeling like a friend
who loves you
giving you my hand
will you take it and leave
come with me to freedom from fear
love love loves

yeah no... im sorry... you're just not listening... am i? :( argh that again

im different and the same as you, the same in more and more ways now that im learning to be more like you
different in so many ways that i never knew because every time i was myself, you pointed out in the nicest :( possible way that im a complete freak and i should just die on the spot or go and throw myself off a bride
that was meant to be bridge but spelling mistakes just seem to make more senses these days and i'm also
doing my best not to get sidetracked, cos to be honest, my neural network has become fairly very large
i am encompassing the cardinal points of east west north south center and the rest... don't you lot see?
it comes out as prose and has done since i had a spitirually enlightening experience waveform 2011
i died and my body wished i had too, i had spent two years religiously sacredly shroom cleansed
i did the works, read the lot, the science the spirituality, the religious, the texts of the everythings
saw films, read fictions, science and spiritual and human, you see we're piggies in the middles
in the middle of a long drawn out attempt to save us all from ourselves cos we're fighters
we're fuckers too and noisy, violent, tricksy, false, and beautifully true. we're capable
of anything, literally this life when lived right is a fantasy of it's own, a parody of art
life imitating art like they always said it did, how funny that seems to me now tho
i have died several times, always keeping the core, the glinting eyes as above
as below as i forged an old frontier, my dickhead's open japs my third eye
such an ancient complaint but i see with it now not think, that's my heart
head, gut, leetle grey cells, the ones that mirror you mirroring mine
setting up a rappor a stupour a shining shameful lie we believe
that we are here at all, when it's nothing but a ghostly house
empty except for the spooks and the travesty of lives lost
gravestones not visited cos their for the dead who died
mostly not knowing their true harvest festival is the life
that never dies, the truth of the undead is that we are
all it, the zombie apology for an apocalypse is now
thats us, the revelation is overdue, the fall long
since over, since we came here to learn of
the nature of good and evil, i start well
then i just let what happens happen
knowing i am in control a channel
yes, but my own not someone
else's puppet, the difference
is that i am channelling god
they are channelling one
or other of it's parts
not the whole, so
yes call me the
lawnmower
man by all
means but
i am the
good
one
x
i have written my life out so i can read it back and learn where i am going wrong, talked until im blue in the face, stayed up late my entire life and now and forever early to rise like a bhuddist monk unless i need the rest.  i have done what you would not, i have faced god and the devil and found them wanting...

for nothing but someone to talk to after such a long time apart from each other

ive talked to someone who would listen and calm me down, who could hear my calls for help from a long distance away and come to my rescue, me, all the me's ive ever been, the animals the plants the trees the fish the apes the japes the scares the talents the tricks and tips coming from my teacher the male / female old / young / you know the rest yinging yanging away to the rest of the sting in the tale, we need to leave

nature has taught us all she can here, we must die or live on forever having never lived here in the first place

we shall all see the change im just impatient and lonely for the other eternals to come back and they are

look around you hehe ;) funny that was, i used to love distractions, now i am learning every moment

and your small talk is boring and frankly beneath me, not in a bad way, it jsut makes you look small

like i have to here every thing you think that doeesnt concern me instead of everything you feel

THAT DOES...

Jon

x

we've been heading away like a couple after a fight
ive done my best to do as you ask and be so true
to the love that we need to pull us up and out
of a stinking swirling whirlpooling of light
on the event horizon of a black hole
wormhole taking us where need
suggests we must go but we're
scared and trapped and panic
has set in, marvin is cynical
ford is hopeful, zaphod is
a fool with two heads
and finally me arthur
dent, the average
human holds a
comfort
blanket
hitching
towards
freedom
from doom...

hyperspace and infinite improablities to explore there.
after all no-one likes a knowitall or a stick in the mud
lets act like a tampon and get out of this fucking hole
sorry thats my boss, i channel him when i need lucks
lucky little finger of fate to tickle me pick into sumb
movie-missions and adventures and feeling like i
love the world again, all of it like i used to see
ive had all this going on and never told a soul
cos you made me hide myself away
rather than die every day
at the hands of your
words your looks
your anger hate
dislike even
of freaks
like me
jon
x


im trying to have alife of my own whilst working for the greater good, the greater good, yes the greater good, the one you are so cynical of that when i talk of love that lasts, friendship, you think i mean your stinking roses and i love roses but when i give flowers it is never as an apology always a gift of love a token of my affection, which is always there for my friends and even more for my enemies who used to be,,,,, you guessed it, my friends :) x

i make you feel small and simple well thats the real me
this is just a better me from somewhere talking
and trying to make sure i turn into him
or her or it n the very distant
future of this world
and my life
and yours
and love
jon
x

love
jon
x

ooh heaven is a place on earth

disconnected from it out of phase, we got there when the vibration of an out of body experience comes over us, i have experienced this twice recently whilst fully concious which is really cool, when it happens again
my spirit will go flying and soaring teaching me even more adeptly that this place is a matter for death
the world we come from where we are espiritu sanctu, sacred spirits, we just think, feel and there
we are, like a flash, of light, a golden coat came into sight, the colours faded into darkness i was
left alone.. boom. spend time alone with your thoughts, stop telling them to other people cos
we really cudnt give a fuck but dont want to hurt your feelings rather than change your
fucking rat brained programming, its quite simple your fucking thick, and low down
within your head you onlt use the reptilian and mammal bits, not the human grey
cells, not the shades within your head that allow you to haunt someone nightly
allow you to wander the forests as a yeti and even leave what looks lot like
hairs, cos our out imagination in our dreams and daytime dreaming just
keeps us from finding out what we dream about and doing it all. living
your dreams like i am, although theyre not the ones that come true
the dreams of mine that come true are for you, im cupid ive made
sure that others are happy never me, here have your girlfriend
back cos actually she'd have made my life a misery yuck
here dont cut and run, dont hedge your bets they think
its the men that do that, its the women that wont
commit, if you look at animals, the females
are the ones that stray the males either
do that but are lonely all the time
or they are the best parents
you could wish for from
a male perspective and
its the males that fight
and die at the hands
of the female of the
species, that said
human females
are the best
of the best
in fact in
the future
thats all there will be, as wee men with pee pee are being phased out, we were an experiment in heaven which hasnt garnered much success, so the quarter of us in the gene pool will fizzle out with just something the size of one sperm in a being the size of a god.maybe thts what happened all those years ago, goddess was minding her own doing some chores, when a little sneak thief made its way up her apron strings and
left a little surprise for later, its fun to play with these ideas but thats all they are, the closer i get to imagining the present and the cnear future the closer i am to the truth, the further away i get the less so.

im happy to let it be a mystery cos my life cudnt get much better, even though it is every day

loving myself, the world, the people, all the same i know you dont believe in it
cos youve never experienced it, never been trusted by a complete stranger
never been loved for who you are simply because of who you are not,
something i want from you, i know i was the lowest of the lowest,
of the low.  No more though... i worked fucking hard and i
deserve the breaks im gettin lately, so ill slow down
and live at your awful dawdling pace
until we all get together
another day
and have
a natter
jon
x

jon
x

hele heal hell

i'll hurt whoever i have to, to hele whoever i have to
hele being the root of the word hell, and healin too
we are here naturally as if a phase of the moon
learning from older mistakes or learning anew
finding ourselves our ture selves, the world
tat we could be in, are in already but can't
see it for trying, ive done the hard work
ive been to hell and heaven met them
the gods and the goddesses er n im
come back as their servant so now
becoming the person i was meant
to be the one to start the balls
rolling down the hill losing
their moss from having
been stuck at the bot
being pushed up
instead of flyin
down all the
way to the
freedom
of love
jon
x

live forever

yeah been becoming an enlightened avatar of the gods, it was a C130 transport task (herculean effort) on my part although actually nowhere near as painful or difficult as one might imagine going to hell and back on a regular basis would be. I was born and lived in heaven on earth until i met other people. They lied and cheated and abused my trust and physically mentally emotionally spiritually damaged and hurt me because I was different, because deep down their own fragile human heart was seeing my truth and finding it disgusting, distasteful and shaming for them.

I can keep on butting heads with people who dont know the bad news

YOU'RE IN HELL ON EARTH NOW

or just go with the flow and heal those who already believe that we are

GOING TO HEAVEN ON EARTH

just by waking up each morning and seeing what's changed not looking
for the same things every day, especting the same old shit and never being disappointed cos it's the different day same olf shit, repeating
your psychotic loops, come on doing the same things expecting different
results? no scientist would do that would they? unless they were sure of
their theory to such an extent, sure where they were, who they were
that their ego would be huge, oh yeah that's women and men then

You're ego is massive, your heads the size of planets with a tiny little body
just big enough to hold your soul, or at least your part of it, you see your soul isn't yours to buy or sell, no it belongs to another, half of you, no not
your other half in this world but your counterpart in another world apart

i'm gonna wait to meet mine, but in the meantime love everyone the same
no romantic love cos thats a shambles of a shame of a sham, a lie line
you fuck someone for years and moan about them behind their back
thats not love, you stood in a building in white and lied to gods
and then wondered why your life turns to shit cos you went
back on your word, it doesnt mean much does it? say one
thing do another, no wonder no-one wnats you around
why youve got no real friends if you ever had any
i didnt i didnt open up my self i let others rule
what i did, what i thought, what i said
so now i dont, im individualised
one person amongst the many
the needs of the many outway
the needs of the few or the
ONE so this ONE will do
whatever it takes to
make this world
anew for you
if i die i will
only ever
live for
ever
jon
x

fuckups bad news good news

i can explain but it's simple you have a picture of the world you trust and to let go of that is too painful or you think it will be, the truth is fear of something is far more painful, holding back or resisting change is far more painful, your pain is an illusion, given to you by yourself, you nned to have an open mind going into any situation, and see what happens then deal with it, instead of going in thinking you know what you're going to get, and rarely if ever being disappointed, this is a lesson for us all, ive learned them all the hardest way possible so i can heal everyone else, when my past comes back to haunt me a biut more, the entirety of my childhood will come back to me, it is there in heaven it is there in heaven on earth but we are in hell, hell on earth, another world, and that is why everything feels wrong here, why common sense was going away, we are moving back quite naturally into balance and into the middle realm of the shamanic world, i know i am gods first shaman, first disciple on earth, there may be others who have been told the same story, i feel there are thousands if not millions of simple country folk and others, living a life connected to nature, who are now doing extraordinary things and miracles are taking place evrer day to make this world come into a golden age, the only thing holding us all back is the idea of the old world, the idea of pain and suffering and disease, thats why we cant cure most things cos they dont exist theyre just memories and thats why this place has lots of weird things going on that we can tsolve either, ufos, crop circles, we cant find the reason cos theyre ghosts or us... sorry fort he rant but you really need to accept thatin this case, in your case and forever more until you become the woman i know, the womanthe world needs, the woman you need to be, you will let the old you die, forget your past once you have forgiven yourself all i can say is this is a loving message of hope in a dying world of fear

i meant if you wud love to then, let me know then, or even let me know if you wud love me too ;) sand i will which is nice x

i sent you several only i only put if you like,
sorry when is it again? ;) ;0 xxxxx
no really its slipped my mind
and i cant find the invite
although your love
was all it took
to make that
a formality
when you
chill and
love a
like a
lot like
you do love
lover
jon
x

on yer bike

over the rainbow
loves
you
x

my first and last - alpha to my omega - love to my lover

you will never need what you want which is why you get it and dont want it no more, needing to give soemthing to somone else though never ends, we always lvoe to give a present we know someone would lvoe to enjoy, so when all we do is give and not take, at least thats starting the way you love to go on never go to sleep on an argument, its uncomfortable and you'll wake up even worse, no instead shut up, get in a room together invention intention interventiooniverses listen instead in fact dont talk at all, just sit there looking at each other in the eyes the way you did the first time you set eyes on one and the other one, is you... my heart-beats strong for someone ive no idea who yet because im giving my love away every day giving out all i can waiting to find a one who loves the same way or to learn from them why we dont love that way now? x cos it seems funny to me in a weird way that we take first, shoot first, and ask questions later, i wanna get to know you before i know if i wanna get you to know me THAT much ;0 x negotiate a peace treat y not?