Speaking as someone who has been both sexually active and celibate over the course of my life I would like to talk about sexual intercourse, orgasms and abstinence. For me, my spiritual practise lead me to understand that we have only so much energy within us, physical power, and spiritual power. They are linked. My monthly regime of fasting on the day of the Full Moon, also meant I would be abstinent when it came to, well er, cumming, too. I was lead to believe and found it very true that if you can manage not to orgasm for a week beforehand that you will have a far more rewarding and powerful experience when taking psychedelics or entering into a spiritual time. I would not orgasm for up to a week before the Full Moon, would fast for at least 6 hours before the moment of taking my sacrement, Magic Mushrooms, Liberty caps to be precise. Then in the light of the Full Moon my eyes were opened. I would say a prayer, in thanks to the mushroom, asking for guidance and protection, requesting that I be shown what it was necessary for me to see but only what I could handle. Then I would take my dosage and walk out into the night, following the setting sun into the west to watch it leave us, then hiking back east to where I could watch the Moon rise.
By then twenty minutes or so later I would start to feel the onset of the magical transformation. My eyes would start to see the true nature, or at least more of it, of the environment we live in. Reality would now consist of the energy fields of the plants, grass, trees and animals around. I've described it as being very similar to Avatar in that I could see the way in which the life forms merged into one another, their energy fields overlapping. We have an energy field, it is produced by our hearts, it is what some call the aura, it does not merely cover us as physical beings, it extends far beyond and when we enter an environment, when we walk into a room we can feel the tensions, feel the energy of the space. I can sense what is going on, the body language which came first long before we learned to make and understand each others mouth noises, speaks volumes. Often people hope that what they are saying loudly with their body will be enough. It is often necessary to actually say what you are thinking as these days many are incapable or unwilling to read what we are expressing with our physical form.
Sexual intercourse, or as I prefer to call it making love, is for me the ultimate expression of mental, physical and spiritual union between people. I have a female brain in many respects and have had to learn to access my masculine side. I would find it very difficult to just turn on or off how I feel about someone, and that goes too for arousal. For me, as much as men are simple creatures when it comes to their sex organs, that is just because we have a long history of needing to and finding it easy to become aroused and ready for sex when in the company of a sexually active and fertile woman, testosterone helps us in that way. Women too are lead by their hormones to a great extent. Our patterns of sexual desire go in waves that dont always match up. Women tend to have times of the day, week, month and year when they are more receptive and desire sex. Men tend to be able to do it whenever they feel like it and they feel like it a lot. However there are of course variations on this theme for both sexes.
The range, the scope, the spectrum of differences that abound between a man and a woman is wide. There are manly men, womanly women, manly women and womanly men and everything inbetween. Some men are effeminate but are straight, some women display male traits and yet are straight too. You only have to look at the way things have changed, and the way that they have always been. Some women wear the trousers, some men wear the skirt, it's a crude analogy but its true, some women are dominant some men are submissive. To generalise is lazy though because we all have different areas of our lives where we like to be in control and areas where we like to take a back seat, and even more areas where we would like to work in partnership together.
So as complicated as all this is, it's not surprising that within the rigid rules of society that were there was a lot of tension and it's not difficult to see that those old ways are leaving us and new ways are becoming more widely accepted. We can all be who we really are, if only we have the courage to express that, we'll find someone who is better suited to us. Anyway, I've heard it said that there is no such thing as a perfect person, just someone who is capable of putting up with our imperfections. ;)
For me I have to love someone or else I don't want to be that intimate with them.
I love lots of people though, so it isn't that much of an issue. Or wouldn't be.
What has been an issue is that I am not good at communicating what I do want and how that fits in with the ways other people behave. I have tended to repress my sexual side as it is a strong and powerful force within me that I know once let loose can become greedy. Orgasms are addictive, they're moreish.
When I have been celibate in the past and that extends to losing desire, the longer you go without, the easier it gets. As soon as you pop your cork, I'm struggling to put all this in a nice way, you want another bottle.
Making love, sex, fucking, it's for me something to be shared with someone you care about, the intimacy required, means sharing your naked self, with the lights on, looking into each others eyes, not some drunken fumble in pitch darkness. Why do you think porn stars don't look each other in the eyes? Because there is a robotic act in progress, there's no passion, just lust. No love, just sex as a functional requirement. No real connection, just a physical act.
That act is being played out, not a fulfilling performance, a role only, actors.
However when you are being yourself, with another.
That is living, that is loving, that is the truth.
Can't remember where this was going.
All I know is I want that intimacy.
I don't want sex for the sake of it.
When I make love, I lose myself.
And become everything.
We are love.
Love
Jon
x
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