Shy and retiring

I was shy as a kid, given what I know now, that my empathic abilities meant that I was always putting myself in other people's shoes and finding that uncomfortable to say the least, perhaps it's not surprising that I was always avoiding contact with new people and even with knew people ;)

I have always had strong close friendships, more often than not with women rather than men (girls over boys).

This is usually down to the fact that although I have had close male friends, they haven't been able to open up to me as easily as my female accomplices, although not in all cases, or circumstances...

Afterall give a loke enough drink and he'll turn all sorts of things erm around in his head and weakness arises

We have een taught for far too long bbbbbbb (b key comes off occasionally, deleted them the first time and put them back again bbbbbugger, ok hitting it enough times puts it straight back in it's place...

Hmm that gives me an idea ;)

Those close friendships have often been very close and the relationships had to be maintained well otherwise when I would think of the person involved I would get very nervous anxious even decide to stay away rather than face how scared I felt about just getting into a room with them, what will I say?

The rejection that I have felt many many times in my own life also informs that situation, but as I have discovered, those things that I have suffered are now in my data store for virus removal from others.

So now I'm suggesting, and I'm also getting very confident or just not caring about those fears any more, that when I was thinking about you (whoever you were) that I was tapping into your (possibly / probably  unconcious) fears and then that was what was altering my brain state until I couldn't act let alone react.

That leads me to wonder if not realise that when I was thinking about meeting up with you, I got really anxious and nervous because I was putting myself in your shoes and your headspace in mine, wodnering what on earth we would talk about, would it be really uncomfortable, but as you know I always put you at ease because I know how it feels to be dis-eased...  de-pressed...  de-bullied... de-loved...

All virus definitions now in my data store ready for you to open up and let me wipe it from yours for good.

Guessing that's why I'm such a good listener but recently find myself getting bored if you don't quickly get to the point that I already know you're trying to reach, or if you insist on lying to yourself first and then me ;)

BE STRAIGHT WITH ME AS I AM WITH YOU 

OR YOU'LL BE BYE-STORY NOT HI-STORY

Now I am closer to associating myself with the forces of death that sent me here in order to heal
Ready to face my own issues and heal yours or more to the point take a third person perspective
Which allows you to lighten your load permanently after a magical reprogramming of your self and

I was just thinking about the fact that once you start believing that anything is possible...
Almost anything is and the sky is truly the limit.

Anyone reading this who may be involved with the Tribe of Frog Eleventh Birthday Party:-
I would like to bless and magically prepare Lakota for you on Saturday night
So I'm going to arrive nice and early and whether you let me in
Or I just wait until we all get let loose on the place
Gonna spend a few whiles spelling out
What we all want to see in
Language
Light &
Love
Jon
x

P.s. no sympathy please as by this point I've been a virgin again for almost 18 years (if I'd been in a relationship with someone normal I'd have made you miserable like I was so I don't regret a thing as with every other decision I've ever made.  Oh and sympathy is just a way to make someone feel even worse about themselves when I don't so keep it to yourself, unless you're feeling sorry for yourself, in which case I'll try not to think about you so that you invade my headspace with your issues before I'm ready ;)
 
But I haven't had a snog in a couple either so I'm gonna be on the lookout for any women with low morals or standards and avoiding them at all costs in the hope that there's one or two good ones that like me too ;)

I didn't want to make love with someone I didn't love and that's all you're getting out of me on this...

You don't miss what you've rarely had, especially if it's been a long time ahem er coming ;)