Humming.
I keep going to write about things, and then off I go at a tangent.
I had an awful experience recently. I now see it as the most profoundly positive of my life.
I said I didn't remember anything and it's garbled but what I do remember is....
gone... again...
ok obviously that's not gonna work, yet, ever, who knows...
um so er yeah it was an awful thing from many perspectives.
From within I was having a pretty standard time
I received confirmation of something that I had always suspected.
This made me cry at first and then very very ecstatically happy.
I know I've made sacrifices. I know I've done the right thing.
I emphasise that I know my place and it isn't the lowest or the highest.
But it's up there. I deserve it. You can't reap what you sow blind.
I ache all over, the cramping not so much, but stress, strain, pain.
I quite like pain now, I appreciate it's communicative nature.
I enjoy expressing it, releasing it, relieving it.
So that's what it's like to lose it for a while.
Well now that I got it back I'm so much more certain that I won't let it go again.
I learn my lessons well.
There was a knotted rope and as I worked out the knots, loops and kinks it became loose before becoming free and then taught once more and stretched out across the infinity of space and time. A straight line along which we could travel from any point to any other. All the while everything slides inexorably down a cosmic plughole, anything ironed out slips through, anything causing friction catching on the way...
I'm extraordinarily calm. I'm less astonished which is good but it also means that you can start to take the unexpected for granted... Think about that. Starting to expect the unexpected...
l&l
j
x
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ReplyDeleteI forgot to mention that at one point I was god, overseeing the end of Time and my friends and helpers were in attendance and some just to see what all the fuss was about for themselves. You were there and lots of my brothers and sisters also, in fact you were many different women. Then I was an Asian deity, after dealing with some last minute annoyances I went back to reaquainting myself with my female counterpart... whose face I never saw
ReplyDeleteI was preaching by example to those there, showing them the rollercoaster that is true humility, love and tolerance...
I got scared when an insect buzzed my head as it was able to effect me even though I was trying to concentrate on overseeing the end of time and get the last few things worked out before everything went pop, by explaining how things had worked in the past and what they were leading us to is what I was trying to get across I think
I was humbled, enlightened, honoured, priveleged, loved, loving and respectful but still a cheeky little git...
I suppose growing up I always suspected things that I could never reconcile with everyone elses apparent version of events / reality... No I know that all of my suspicions were valid, there is more to life
SO MUCH MORE and we're all invited to the restaurant at the end of the universe for a slap up feast of entertainment
Now I don't have to worry about anything, I'm even more convinced that everything is happening precisely as it should (given decisions made in the past have lead us to a specific version of the present) but inexorably we are heading towards an end of one thing and the beginning or resumption of another.
xxx