feeler

We need more healers not dealers
So im just saying id rather be me
Than a fake version i used to be
So thankyou and let's get realer

notes from the edge

if movies and t.v. are your guide to the limits of reality then it's clear to me that actually you're missing out on the real life you were meant to lead, on the real you, you were meant to be, so please don't let others keep you from experiencing being free and if you would like to know a little more ask me :) +

written on this day last year about the referendum

written on thursday night before the voting was done and stuff:-
intend that we will stop pretending that we dont all depend upon each other, sista, brutha, because its ending if we dont decide to coincide and plan a future for one another, as impending is the realisation, we got emergency... cant you see that me and you, you and me, need to make those mouth noises, verbully explaining our points of view at and too, those who fail to comprehend, that we ought to lend a hand, fend for ourselves more, defend our rights, live together, as one in peace, or die alone, lets lose war, be sure everyone can live where they come from, where their hearts' song, is one of family and home and love...

night train to venus

ok so trip report because despite the fearful voices i went deep and true hallucinations? well terence would be proud i took a heroic dose of 4 dried grams of liberty caps chewed in one, two three four mouthfuls because i felt as though i needed to melt again for the new moon and plant a few seeds for the future after cacao for the full moon, so that medicine after a beautiful meditation where i sloughed off my skin in the river of life and then went to the meadow to shine bright, see my self blackened old wizened and dead turn new reborn as i was shorn into a white body with a golden cloak then last night once six hours of fasting were up and a nap was had i did my prayer to the mushrooms, please keep me safe, show me what i need to see, heal me, energy be true, be good, be real and this healing go deep into my core, take away the parts that aren't mine, let those that are settle back as friend not foe, let me see the good in the bad rather than fear it and turn it back into a ghost or black dog, allies not enemies, relax into the connection so that the blue light can fire up within my heart, radiate out, emanate and throb and pulse and grow, show me the sight and sound and touch and taste and smell and sense the way to a forward escape velocity, where i can see the path, the truth, the way and i did, a vision of buddafield in under two weeks time i was there is hypnagogic astral travelling body and spirit mind so i cried for what seemed like and was probably hours, always in silent darkness, blind, curtains drawn in cold metal box away from prying eyes, caravan of love and sanctuary divine, sublime, i faced myself, my past, my crimes, back in the day the thought was you've done bad things why don't you do some more? My reply? No thanks, I will never renounce love, golden shining glittering energy from above and white light coming up from below, earth and heaven force energy meeting in my heart, i am a tardis, time and relative dimensions in space, in my body, in a bubble, sending out a signal called love unconditional until it retrains every cell and pore and atom connected to every other in existence to be loved and free, well that was that and this is me, dying a little more and living eventually :) + <3

no time to waste

well i finally see and fuck me
when you take responsibility
for your own vulnerabilities
and the everyday 1, 2, 3
four i declare chore war
there's little time but
boundless energy
what is more
you feel
good
tired
sore
free

eating consciousness

when you become more conscious you notice habits earlier and sooner so that you can change them on the fly and that is why my posture seems more central to my centre of gravity sigh, then it's just a case of having the patience not to scream and shout and fly off the handle to walk out on your life because you know it's coming good, just take your time, don't say "I'm fine" be true, be authentic, say whatever you feel instead, get your own head read by your own self and let others have a pass, let it ride, inside it takes a lot of trying or maybe it's easy if that's the case tell me how, to deal with ear worms, because when I'm not listening out, i'm hearing that last song on repeat, i take it easy and give it hard time, favouring rhyme, sublime and again my friend let it slide, forgive if you want to forget, need to, beat no-one up especially yourself except to say that you give others the benefit of the doubt you refuse yourself just to be on the safe side, reside in love, in the heart space, like a meditation on the breath come back to counting ins and outs, pouts, louts, ignore them and go back to bliss, this kiss is for each and every one, no tongue, unless it's in the cheek and cheerful? not so much but at least there's a smile on my face at times, just not a fixed fake grin, chagrin, cha! we used to say as if that was a comment like like is now a way of explaining something vaguely as though it were a way to describe rather than compare but to be fair you lot use language like you waste things, styrofoam words that hang around for years or days, minutes, seconds, mere moments this ought to be brought to an end before it sends me into apoplexy, im not sexy, but im fit as fuck, and cool because i don't care if i am, or look at myself in mirrors, because i see the real one internally and it stinks to high heaven and sinks to holy hell, this shell is better that's something swell to tell anyone who'll listen, i hasten to add, there's no sad sack of shit on the end of this shtick just a liar and useless bag of gas but earning it, missing the days of fun and frolics and constant stoned enthusiasm for nothing, glad to have some form of sanity for the longrun and less abnormality, it's going on this one eh? Keep on keeping on i tell em, don't let the bastards get you down, i am one, no really, probably not, i don't keep em keen, or treat them not even mean, so basically i do the least i can get away with and then some. A Modicum of modesty at least there's a slight referendum i can get behind and vote to remain again even though i'm glad we'll be out and proud to leave the sinking ship called europe before we're dragged under with it too, but i think smaller and local is the way to go with everything from governing and community and race relations generally, relax more, shore up our own shores and everyones because we care more, even me, i am reaching out inexorably and this has gone on far too long, enough is enough, don't get me started on greed. i've got it, smoking gone, toking gone, now it's food and eating i'm addicted to at least im mostly vegan for the planets sake, not a fake i really don't eat meat, or consume the dairy products meant for baby animals, no other kind of being on this planet consumes the milk of another species after childhood or even before being weaned unless they're orphans of some kind so where are our parents in the sky, on land, aren't they to hand to reach us, teach us right from wrong, dag nabbit, this rabbit has gone on too long, quit it, shit the bed, i hope this empties my head, it gets less airtime lately except for those fucking ear worms, obsessive thought loops and disgusting word associations that i would never normally think, scraping the barrel of this slimmer swimmer with a glimmer of hope for this dimmer spark to shine brighter once more before i falter and finish, not to diminish this diatribe, for the tribe to fail to read. If you cut us do we not bleed? Ashes to ashes industry to industry, it's all got its infamy, and in for me and you? Sell things now that's the bottom line and the bottom line is profit, it's good despite the way it's destroying the planet at a rapid rate, too late for those that are already extinct but maybe they're better off not living in a degraded ecosystem, within a system of abuse i call consumerism, slaves on one side, paying, and on the other being paid to spend their lives creating things for us to buy or die :) + <3 if you got to the end i wonder why but honour you thankyou

thinking of you anew

i couldn't see, why you'd want to talk to me, so i reduced my availability and left myself free to do other things and basically it goes a little something like this with me that i stupidly let your need, desire, wish or frenzy to speak directly drive me and mine my spine was weak and frankly broken or underdeveloped in the first place to taking myself to task and asking why i find revulsion and hatred for rejection as the cause and pausing it reveals a deep wound from then not now but nonetheless i confess it dealt a blow to my whole life meaning i could never take the strife, could not consciously accept responsibility easily, defend myself other than viciously and with a death blow i know that's not right to fight was never my intention but like an animal cornered i would like to say i'm free of all that stuff like obsession and i was last night after chanting the name of the bhudda i well met suddenly i no longer has to count how many sips i took of the love that shook me to my core, waking i find a song repeating again so i treat that with a smile and thoughts of you send me into recrimination because you don't deserve it i am sure, pure love is not about contemplation of a foundation that was never built so i assume it's just me thinking of you not the other way around driving me down, but no i choose to look upwards, flow, grow and heal these attempts to bring me round, splash water on my face, cold showers to heal my disgrace, energetic wounds and pick the potent raspberries so many i can't eat em all but i can choose one for me, one for mousey and get ready to work, feeling less of a jerk just a lesson for me from old, go deeper, keep doing what you're doing and find that spark within, use it to create a better whole around, love freely, don't con myself or anyone that there's anything here but a friend in waiting, release the self hating loathsome beast feasting on my fake self and body pain, shame, guilt, built on lies i know who i am deep inside because i'm following the advice of allies, i love you and let you go again and again because that's what lends us our freedom from domination, from them and us and we, love from me :) + <3

solstice blessings

common sense and the advice of spirit prevailed and i went home and slept and woke and rose and went to see the violet flame erupt from the sun once again, warriors of the rainbow know that our mother and father are of such importance now and so it's up to us to honour them and fight the good fight and work our socks and shoes off, ground our feet, taste defeat if necessary to do the right thing and get ourselves free to live in harmony with her and him and each other and nature and that is it for today, i saw the sun rise, i prayed, i spoke out loud for freedom and healing and for all the brothers and sisters, animal, mineral, veggie, fungi and life generally to win, that's the benefit of giving a shit :) +

morning sun

it began with the rising sun and as it broke the horizon to appear and the light came near it was obvious that the spectrum of possibilities was creating the expectation of myself to be overcome with emotion and the first rays were red, rooting me to the spot, then orange, connecting my lifeforce to the earth and sky, then yellow as the day began to take shape and my lower heart was won, then as i gazed unfazed and unblinking the tunnel of love began to form, you can look at the sun at this early stage the light of the disk is bright when you squint or your eyes flash and from around the sun comes a dash of pink, circling the sun is a dragon, orobouros is the serpent that eats its tail, you see it chasing back and forth, you look left it goes right and vices versed, keep looking to see that heart coloured vortex come out to swallow me, envelop and send me postage stamped and kicked up the ass by the love that lasts, i gasp and shake and stand as i see the fiery ball rise up and i feel so small but stood tall and stretching yawn to start my day enlivened yay :) + <3

A Place for Everyone - And Everyone In Their Place

London, echoes of a bygone era, a hundred years ago in 1917 there was the Russian Revolution
I feel and smell and taste and see and touch revolution in the air once more as we face our truth

Anyway I was going to say without rhyming but well it seems to be here to stay so get on with it and let it flow and it was going to be about servitude, about being serfs and no better than slaves to a system and being poor not because you don't want to work, being immigrants from another nation, inflation, greed and selfishness, a lack of communication, listening, the ways that the under class are not served by the ones out there that do their best to live in a capitalist country and don't feel or see the lack of morality in the things they do from day to day, buying things we don't need, it's all connected, and i'm no saint, when i get onto the centre in yate, i want things i don't have to have, i am temoted to go into the pound shop and see what's cheap, get junk and eat it, stuff my fucking face, i don't have to swear but occasionally i do it to fit in, because it works, because the gravity of the situation seems to require a stronger turn of phrase, no praise for me, bowing low to my number plate bw 03 lwn, bow low now and indicate, as so many others don't because they are unconscious of others, focussed on their own lives, stressed through what they have to do at work, where they have to go, egotistical in unnatural behaviour towards others, no manners any more, no communication, just i have to be somewhere, so i will treat others with disdain, that instant sensation within, the temptation inside, the message is do others down, that's acceptable in this society, there's no more piety, no more reason not to tread upon them, getting ahead by seeing someone else lose theirs, lose everything, no rich without poor, more wealth, less health, more disasters on the way because the ones with shiny expensive cars don't want to see the ones who have nothing but their family, and friends, and they have?  Things, and back to consumerism and my truth, I'm suffering, one of the noble truths of bhuddism is that life is suffering, but it doesn't need to be, the less you have you give it away more easily, I'm going to post this for others to see, because I don't care what they think of me.